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2003-09-09 - 1.40pm��previous entry��next entry
Cycle Day 26.... waiting....
Suspenseful had a baby girl!!! She is so beautiful and cute, you have to go and see the photo!! Ahhh she's adorable. I got all teary when I saw her photo. Especially after the loooong wait Suspenseful has had. I spent hours yesterday evening re-reading her whole diary from the beginning, and it put a ton of stuff in perspective for me. Sometimes she despaired and couldn't bear seeing another negative pregnancy test. And now look!! She has the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen. Meredith Harper, born on September 5th at 6.54am, weighing 7lbs 3oz. I am so happy for her - how perfect is God's timing?
I found something she said in her diary that I had never considered before. She said that women with a regular 28 day cycle will get 12 chances a year to conceive, or something like that. She had four cycles that year. Just four chances. And it made me think, how I'm moaning that I am not getting pregnant cycle after cycle (well okay, only those two cycles so far! Plus this one??), and yet my cycles have been pretty short actually. I worked out this morning that they have varied this year between 25 and 32 days (a bit wacky for me) but so far my average cycle length this year is 28.1 days, starting from January 2nd, which actually gives me thirteen chances to conceive this year. And when I realised how few chances some people are getting, that really helped me to remember my blessings. I haven't used the first six chances, only the last three, and before the year is out that gives me four more chances to get pregnant. I should be about to start my tenth cycle of the year, and it's only the beginning of September. I used to get grumpy about having more than 12 periods in a year. In my teenage diaries I used to be all whiney about how that wasn't fair. But now I think it's a wonderful thing!! I get a bonus period! :)
Well talking of periods, I haven't got mine yet. So I am on Cycle Day 26 so far. But I was sort of expecting it anytime from today, most likely tomorrow.
Yesterday was another weird day. I woke at 7.30 when Neil got up, and I felt soooo sick that I couldn't stay lying down. Urgh. I took my temperature before I got up, and it was 36.8� so I knew I wouldn't be getting my period that day. I had the most awful menstrual cramps though, it's so weird how bad that has been for so many days in a row. Anyway, I took a pregnancy test, and while I waited for it to react, I actually got quite scared that it might be positive. Because I felt so gross and sick that I suddenly felt like I couldn't cope if this was the start of 8-10 weeks of morning sickness - and what if it only got worse from here onwards?! What if I was throwing up by next week?!! Ugh, the thought was so scary that for the first time I was actually relieved to see just the one line on my test!! *sigh* I'm such an odd person! So contradictary.
I felt less nauseous after an hour or so, and I went back to bed for a while. I felt queasy most of the day and it's kind of hard finding things that I want to eat, but all this could be due to IBS, since it bothers me so much all the time. It often makes me nauseous like that, but not usually the whole day. My sense of smell is fantastic at the moment, but that could be pre-menstrual or simply nausea-induced. I can smell a car coming before it's audible, from the petrol fumes that make me run and shut all the windows. I can smell cooking that makes my mouth water from other peoples houses too. I can also smell my own face after I've eaten (how pleasant!) and since I can't stand food smells at the moment (except for other people's cooking) that means I am washing my face and brushing my teeth a lot. Yesterday I was chatting to Neil about something completely unrelated, and all of a sudden it was like I could actually taste baby rusks. I haven't thought about or tasted baby rusks in yeeeears, so I don't know where that came from. It made me want a baby rusk big time, but I would not call that a craving or anything, just a weirdness that goes with the other weirdness that I've been exhibiting recently! Honestly, I am so weirdly hormonal.
Neil and I have decided that whatever happens this cycle, no matter whether I'm pregnant or I get my period, this cycle will definitely be noted as a weird one. I am not just imagining that things are different - they really are. Neil said he is sure I am different this time. Or more accurately, symptoms are much stronger than normal, like the cramps and sense of smell and stuff. I don't know about the nausea, that could be hormonal or not really.
Yesterday I really got my hopes up. But I still can't go with that because I could get my period tomorrow, or who knows, around bedtime today. This morning my temperature was 36.7� so it's still up (it usually drops to 36.4� or lower for my period), although I don't know what to make of the 0.1� drop. Ahhh I should really stop obsessing about the little details. I shouldn't temp at the end of a cycle. It just stresses me out. But I would like a little warning that my period is going to start that day, so I'm doing it anyway. Tomorrow I am expecting a temperature drop first thing in the morning. I don't think my period is likely to come today, given the temperature reading, but it could come late in the evening. If not then I expect it tomorrow for sure. I've been remembering the week I was fertile, and by my other signs (a bit vague but still better than nothing), I would say I probably ovulated on Cycle Day 13 or 14. Not earlier, which has been confirmed by the lack of period so far, and I would be surprised if it was Cycle Day 15 or later, since I had absolutely no fertile signs from day 15 onwards. So if it was one of those two days, given the length of my luteal phase, I should be due my period today (for CD13) or tomorrow (for CD14). I would lean towards CD14 as my ovulation day personally. We did the baby dance (!!) on both those days so I have been getting my hopes up, but at the same time I feel gutted that my period is on it's way. I am on one of those bungee jumping ropes where I plunge down to "urrrgh my period is coming and I am so gutted!", and then the rope pings me right back to "wayhey, I have the feeling I'm pregnant and I won't be getting that period!". Why do days have to last so long when this kind of stuff is happening?!!
And I wish IBS wasn't getting in the way. Low down in the pit of my abdomen I have this warm feeling of fullness. This will sound crazy (especially if I get my period later!) but things feel deep and mysterious in there. Like busy. Or something. It's probably my womb making heavy work of shedding it's lining, but hey ho, it's nice to feel something unusual all the same!
Arrrgh I really want to take a pregnancy test when I think about it all too much!!! I decided since I only took one yesterday and it was negative, at the very earliest I should wait till tomorrow, and only take one then if my temperature hasn't dropped. But I think it will. And I think I'm pregnant too so what do I know?! I think my period is coming, I'm all sure of it. But I also think I'm pregnant two seconds later and I'm all sure of that too. Tsk! I try to shut that feeling off as quick as possible because it's only going to hurt more if I go with it and then get my period. Oh how I wish tomorrow would roll around faster, but I can't bear taking my temperature in the morning incase it drops :( But at least then I'll know without a doubt that my period's a-coming.
I do go on, don't I?!!
My poor Mummy is going spare! Well, she's doing a very good job of covering it up, but I know she must be going crazy! I phone her every day to say I'm still crampy, still no period, breasts still hurt, feeling sick, don't know what to expect, etc. We talk and try not to diagnose, and then she says, "You'll phone me again soon?" and I say, "I'll phone you when my period arrives." Then I phone the next day with the same news! Poor Mummy. But I think I'd go crazy without our phone calls at the moment.
I made a cute nappy yesterday. But it's not finished so I can't post a photo yet. I don't know what colour snaps to put on it. Actually maybe I can post a photo and you guys can tell me what colour snaps I should use?! Yeah, that would be so helpful!! I'll just go and snap it....
Okay so I have pushed four different coloured snaps against the tabs so you can see my choices. I don't have pale yellow or black snaps, but I think those would go better, don't you? I think black snaps might be best, but what do you think of those ones in the photo? Neil couldn't decide either. He thinks maybe black snaps. Ahh these important life-changing decisions!! ;)
I made the black layer of this nappy out of an old pair of Neil's tracksuit trousers!! I don't normally, but they are a really good quality cotton fleece, which has a soft fluffy side on the inside of the trousers. I used that side facing up against the baby's skin. It's the same fabric as Kissaluvs are made from, but not quite as stretchy. Anyway, I like the black inner :) I will use a fleece liner with this nappy though.
Well that took me like an hour to do the photo and upload it and trim it and resize it and post it to MSN and copy it to here so now I've completely lost my train of thought for what I was talking about before (probably not a bad thing!) so I'm going now! I will update tomorrow though. Or before if I get my period I think.
Oooh I almost forgot - thanks Shannon for your guestbook entry! :) And Nicola for your lovely email (will reply soon!)!! I love that people are finding and reading my diary! I just wish I had some news for you all.
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