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2007-05-29 - 3.45pm��previous entry��next entry
Further ramblings at 8DPO...
Still here! I'm 8DPO today, and still being fairly obsessive about it all! ;)
I know the chance of me actually being pregnant is small, even a tiny bit smaller than when I DID get pregnant with Matthew, but I can't help myself! Even if I'm not. It's FUN to wonder if maybe I might be, while I wait! :) It isn't the same as desperately hoping and then getting so disappointed when my period shows (which is what will happen in July if we don't conceive!). I would be happy to get pregnant in the meantime, and even Neil said yesterday that it didn't seem to matter to much to him now, if I AM pregnant. As in, he didn't feel like it would be "aaaaaargh, too SOON!" any more, because we're almost at the time we had originally planned to TTC now (how exciting!). So that's great!
So, today I am CRAMPY. Period crampy, I think. It's bad enough to chart "bad cramps", because it's sort of like the ones I get the first day of my period. I don't need to take painkillers, but it's not too nice in the meantime. I had the same bad cramps yesterday evening. I'm nervously watching out for more watery CM or my cervix opening up a bit, which might indicate my period is right about to arrive. Today at times, my cramps have been bad enough for me to check my underwear for my period, but nothing so far. I REALLY hope it doesn't show today, as that would only give me a 7 day luteal phase. Even if it somehow holds off till tomorrow (which I am not sure about, given the way my cramps feel), that would still only be an 8 day LP, which isn't good enough! If my LP is 10 days or less, I'm going to start taking 50mg Vitamin B6 from the start of my next cycle. If it gets to more than 10 days then I won't take it, I think. If I'm NOT getting my period yet, then the only time I have had cramps this bad at this stage of my LP is when I've been pregnant. So, once again, it could be a period thing, or a pregnancy thing.
I have been noticing more irritability than usual this luteal phase. I charted it (the chart doesn't show all my data fields - I have too many, lol!) every day from 2-5DPO and then again yesterday at 7DPO and today too. Except that today and yesterday have been more intense, more like PMS really, because with it seems to be this negativity and flip-switch raging bull syndrome (yikes!) - my poor kiddies :(
Talking of my little ones, BOTH of them are behaving kind of out of character these last few days. It's Tuesday so I guess we've been noticing it.... three days now, since Saturday. Arthur is behaving so odd (not good odd) and it's SO unlike him that we can't figure it out. It COULD be that he's sleep deprived maybe? He's acting like a whiney irritable tired little boy all the time. He is acting surprisingly like I feel actually, come to think of it. Can pre-menstrual hormones effect a breastfeeding mother's nurslings? I don't know the answer to that one, but I'm curious now. I know it could be just that he's two, but he has had his own unique "I'm TWO!" difficult behaviour, and this is nothing like his norm. He's extremely irrational and hyper-sensitive about every little TINY thing right now. He is also super clingy to me. He asks for milky (to nurse) I-can't-even-count-how-many times a day. He HAS been going through a normal (for his age) thing whereby he wants Mummy to do everything for him and "NOT DADDY!", but lately he's so extreme about it, just these last few days with the clinginess and extra PMS-y-ness he seems to have going on. He cries a lot of the day and whines a lot, not like Arthur at ALL. He just wants me a lot. We can't pinpoint an issue that's bothering him specifically (he even says he's okay) or a trigger for it all. If I say no to breastfeeding him (because I need to have SOME milk left for Matthew, say! ;) Or he just nursed like 90 seconds ago, or something) then he instantly crumples into a tantrummy, heartbroken heap on the floor and can't be consoled. He has woken in the night two nights over the last 3, and started crying for me like his heart was breaking. He wouldn't let Neil comfort him, and when I went to him he said he didn't have a bad dream, he just wanted Mummy to come. Then he wants milky.
Today I asked him if my milk tastes funny, and he said no. I asked if it tastes different, and he said no. Then I asked if there was still plenty of milky, and he said yes. So hmmm, no changes in the milk then. I can't figure it out. He seems otherwise happy and normal, but just with a very short fuse and VERY clingy to me, especially for my milk.
The weird thing is that Matthew is acting kind of similar. He's clingy to me as it is though, so maybe that's all it is? Neil mentioned to me at the weekend how they both seem so much more clingy to me and tearful about things easily, and how odd it is that they're both doing this very-out-of-character thing at exactly the same time. I think it's a strong possibility that there's some sort of hormonal influence, because of the timing of it, but actually I am just stumped for another explanation. When you're breastfeeding and you become pregnant, often your nursing child shows you the first signs that you might be pregnant, because pregnancy hormones cause changes in the milk straight away which the little ones pick up on. Arthur never batted an eyelid about any of the changes to my milk last pregnancy though. I am pretty sure the hormones at the end of a cycle and those at the start of a period cause changes in the milk too, but I don't know so much about that, or how it commonly affects nurslings.
Anyway, it's weird.
I broke a plate a few days ago. I just seemed to have the dropsies for some reason. One minute I was holding a plate of yummy apple crumble and custard that I just served for myself, and the next it was smashed to smithereens (messy ones at that!) on the floor, and I had scalded my ankle and hand with custard. I DO get clumsy (or I used to anyway) just before a period, but it's funny to me that the last time I ever broke a plate was 7DPO when I was pregnant with Matthew! ;)
Oh, weird thing - I ate banana sponge and custard last night (yes, I eat a proper British pudding every day at the moment, yum yum!) and the custard - which is just one of my most favourite tastes these days! - tasted all bitter. I then (obsessively *sigh*) googled about bitter taste and PMS and didn't find a single thing, but there were a few things for pregnancy. And then I checked my own diary under the word "bitter" and found only one instance - an entry from when I was 6 weeks pregnant with Matthew, where all carbs suddenly tasted bitter as anything to me. Yuck!
Yes, yes, I probably need a good kick up the bum (!), but like I said, there really IS a possibility of pregnancy this cycle, and it's FUN to wonder if it might be! Even if it isn't in the end. It helps me pass the time, at least! ;) I may drive a lot of people crazy in the meantime, but never mind!
Ooh but how interesting what Jenn said in my notes about the "flash" of pain thing being exactly what she felt with Aislyn's pregnancy! I haven't had ANY twinges since those 3 days of them together, just cramping since then. It really could mean anything, or nothing. I think, as far as you CAN eke some sort of prediction out of random symptoms (!), my symptoms probably do lean more towards pregnancy than not, but it still could be either way. I don't get twinges like that normally, when I'm not pregnant, except last cycle which was WEIRD, but maybe that was a cyst on my ovary like I wondered? I don't know. Anyway, pregnant or not, the twinges this luteal phase have been very odd for me.
But I'm SO crampy. Really. And yucky, sickly, vice-like period crampy, too. My temp is still up (aren't my temps FLAT this cycle, since ovulation?!) but last cycle my period arrived the day BEFORE the temp drop, so hmmm, I don't feel safe saying "Oh my temp is still up, so I won't get my period today!" any more. But as a rule, I generally WOULDN'T get it today, with my temperature still high. I'm nervous to temp tomorrow morning and see a drop though. I just soooo want my luteal phase to be long enough! What a bummer it will be if it's short again, or shorter still than the previous two.
I have had to get up to pee in the night a couple of nights over the long weekend which is VERY weird for me, but I didn't have to last night. I am not actually drinking enough right now (must work on that!) so it's extra odd. I'm SO thirsty today, and my appetite is definitely increased so I've charted that. These could STILL (possibly) be pre-menstrual things though. I think? I've had some backache too, low down, which I don't usually notice. I'm really gassy and bloated and uncomfy in my tummy too. That is definitely a pregnancy symptom for me at this stage, though it's probably a PMS-y one too, I just can't remember well enough - I've had so few periods since starting having kids! Which is quite nice really! :)
Anyway. I'm sure there was more but I'm updating this on the laptop during the boys' nap time, and I have resettled each of them once already, and they've been asleep for a good long while now so I think they'll both wake very soon. I should turn the laptop off while I have the chance, so that they don't use it as a toy when I bring them down! I'll update as soon as I get my period, or if anything else interesting happens. I don't know whether I "feel" pregnant or not. Yesterday I didn't. The day before and the one before that I DID. Today I don't think I do. I just feel crampy and hormonal, but I don't know whether it's because I might be pregnant, or because I'm about to get a period. If I DO get a period, I hope it's not for another few days!
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