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2007-05-31 - 11:32 a.m.��previous entry��next entry
I wonder what's going on?!...
Does everyone think I have NO chance of pregnancy this cycle?! This is about the only cycle I've had almost no comments through my luteal phase! ;) And yet I'm TEN days past ovulation today!!! Wheee! My temp is still high, and flat - slight tiny rise today, but basically still flat. *I* think my chart looks kind of exciting these last few days, even if it does end up with my period showing.
Yesterday I was CONVINCED my period was coming, despite the high temp again. I had the worst PMS I have ever had, mood-wise. I actually became anxious that I might hurt the children. I felt like I desperately needed to time-out when I felt overwhelmed, to prevent that happening, but I just can't get the chance because they are demanding of me all the time at the time when I'm about to snap. Matthew cut a tooth yesterday and both of them were whining and crying (and tantrumming!) all day long. I lost my temper with them more times than I dare admit here. I got scared that I AM pregnant because if this is the way I'm going to be then it makes me very nervous. I feel totally out of control when my mood swings to mean-and-nasty, ugh. This is so new for me, I am not normally like this with hormones.
Anyway. Then yesterday afternoon everything was suddenly peachy, and in the evening too. Tantrums, whining and demands continued and I handled each and every one calmly and patiently, with gentle time-outs and no smacks. And I had no trouble with it at all, I felt fine and calm and in-control of myself. HOW weird!
Same has been true of my cramps. I have had THE WORST period cramps for 3 days now. They come and go, but when they're there, they feel as bad as though my period is starting. They haven't been bad enough to take painkillers, but still WAY outside of my norm during my luteal phase. In fact, the only cycles in my charting history that I've charted "bad cramps" on during the LP have been my pregnancy cycles. Hmmm! I did have a chart with "bad cramps" charted at the end of my cycle (last cycle) but then I realised those two days were the first two days of my period, so that will be why! If I DO get my period, this will actually be the first cycle in my charting history (4 years!) where I have had persistant bad cramps in my luteal phase and NOT been pregnant! I think that's kind of exciting :) But I will be okay with not being pregnant this cycle, if that's how it is in the end.
The bad cramps are on and off, like I said. They are worse in the afternoon and fairly non-existant in the morning. Yesterday morning I had bad cramps from the start and totally expected my period, despite the high temp. But then it all eased off and my period didn't come, and my CM and cervix were still non-periody, so.... Today my temp is still up, and I currently have some mild cramps, which I feel sure will turn into bad ones in an hour or so.
On the other hand, the mood swings are not something familiar from pregnancy for me, so I guess it's more likely to be PMS (a bad version of it though, even for me), and so it will probably go when my period arrives - which I'm beginning to hope is SOON, even though I so want a better LP, just so that I can escape these awful hormones and my poor kids can too :( But THAT worries me too, because if that's how I'm going to be every month, I am worried about the kids for when it keeps happening. Predicting that it will doesn't help - I feel out of control when it happens. I sort of want to hurry up and get pregnant to escape the PMS every month if THAT'S why it's happening!
Oh dear.
Sorry this is getting a bit disjointed! I need to go and wake Matthew up from his nap as he went down really late and I need him to get up again soon for lunch so that we can have time to go out. Arthur is making the "Fanly Neel" (family meal!) with the tea set that Meg bought for him! So I thought I'd update after I did my chart this morning. I'll copy and paste some stuff that I wrote in my chart notes yesterday to finish the entry - that will be quicker!
Feeling very heavy/full/uncomfy low down in my bowel area. Rather constipated these days (though that would be a normal thing for me) but I seem to need to go a lot lately.
Breasts feel WAY more heavy and tender today, and very very sore to nurse - like teeth breaking the skin on my nipples all the time! Ow! Matthew got a new top tooth today (first lateral! #5) and #6 looks close behind.
Suddenly rather off my food, in huge contrast to the past week. Don't fancy anything filling, carbohydratey, diary, or sweet. In fact, pretty much anything! I DO want fruit though, and drinks. I felt the same last night. I have a bitter taste in my mouth right now, and just feel yucky in my stomach. I'm getting heartburn too, but sort of in relation the rest of the yucky bloated feeling. I felt quite queasy/nauseous this am when I woke up and didn't want to go near breakfast till 9.30am - which was grapes and apple at first, and then Frosties instead of my VERY constant norm of Crunchy cereal. I do get hungry as normal, but really don't fancy a thing to eat.
Oh, I had a hair in my mouth this am as I was sorting washing, just a little one. As I tried to get it, and couldn't, the sensation of it on my tongue, or somewhere thereabouts actually made my throat start to gag. Which is really weird for me.
Tired out - eyes stinging and watering since about 9pm! Going to bed "early" (it's before midnight, gasp!), though I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep this many hours before my normal sleep time! But I'll rest anyway. Sort of expecting a drop in temp tomorrow, feel anxious about the possibility because I soooo don't want to see it! Either because I'm pregnant (which I'd quite like, though I'm very nervous about some aspects all of a sudden) or because I want my LP longer! I'm rather nervous that if I get my period, all these huge hormones in my LP are going to lead to the Mother of All Periods! And yikes, I don't want to experience that! Not sure how I'll manage parenting at the same time, either! ;)
There! That was my stuff copied and pasted from yesterday's chart notes. And here I am with another day of high temps! How unexpected! :)
If my temp rises tomorrow I will test, as I'll be 11DPO (my longest LP yet!). If it drops then obviously I'll wait for my period to arrive. If it stays the same AGAIN then I'm not sure what to do! It's SO strange how my entire LP has been flat as a pancake in terms of my temps, except for that distinct dip at 3DPO. I still feel unsure about whether it can REALLY be possible to implant at 3DPO, but things are looking kind of "odd" otherwise! A lady at FF asked (on the boards there) about the possibility of conception with intercourse 4 days before ovulation, so I read with interest! I answered, actually, because Matthew was conceived that way. But anyway, there were lots of answers, and surprisingly lots of ladies saying their daughter or son was the result of a FIVE day cut off, and two said SIX days! Not all of them had fertile CM on the day of intercourse either. So I know know KNOW that I have a definite chance of pregnancy this cycle. I just have to wait and see! :)
Is anyone stalking my chart this cycle? People are usually all excited for me over my chart as it progresses, but not this cycle. I wonder if it just looks a bit dull with all those flat temps?! ;) I'm excited, though!
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