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2004-01-28 - 11.06am��previous entry��next entry
Testing, testing, one?.... two?.... hmmm.
Ohhhhkay, be calllllm. I am like a headless chicken today, really. But feeling happy and positive so that's good! Thank you April and Judy for your lovely guestbook messages!
Well this morning my temp dipped slightly, but not much, and it's still well within the triphasic pattern.
Soooo I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I went all out - I held it up to flourescent light, normal light, and daylight!! Hehe! My eyes went all prickly from staring at that bright white strip for so long! Actually it was only a few minutes but still.
But I had made a deal with my Control Freaks TTC board - they said if I decided to give in and test, I could only do so IF I promised not to let it get me down if it was negative! So somehow I haven't.
Actually, the weird thing is, I am totally expecting a positive test. I'm scared to admit that incase I'm not actually pregnant, but for the first time I looked at a negative test and thought, "Okay so the test isn't sensitive enough. That's okay, it can wait another day or so." Which is weirdly calm and optimistic for me, as you know! But potentially harmful if I am not pregnant. Yeurrgh, this waiting thing is soooo hard.
I charted the test as negative HPT on my chart today.
I know you're not meant to go back and look at a negative test an hour after you took it. I think the reason is that you may see an evaporation line where a positive result would be or something. I have used 15 out of my 20 tests in this pack now, and never ever seen any sort of evaporation line.
Soooo why, when I went back after an hourish, did I see the faintest of faintly faint lines in the test area??? I know it's probably an evaporation line, but I do hear now and then of people who test too early and find a faint positive after a longer time, which gets confirmed a couple of days later with another test. Should I dare to hope that I'm one of them?
Also this line is like, next to invisible! You have to really look hard, but I'm sure it's not my eyes fooling me, I'm sure there's one there. If you just held it out like normal and glanced at it, you'd see a thumping big control line and a bright white space where a pregnancy line should be, so you'd obviously say it was negative. But I've never seen any sort of a line there before. I even remember sometimes I used to squint at these negative tests, wondering where the positive line might BE if it was there. I couldn't even figure it out with my eyes. Which is how I know this test is different - I can definitely see SOMETHING in a specific place. But it could be an evaporation line.
I phoned Neil at work and he didn't know what to think either. We have our last EVER session of therapy this evening (after a full year!), so I am picking him up from work, and I'll take the test with me so he can tell me if I'm being crazy or not. Meanwhile I've posted on some TTC boards and hopefully people who've experienced this will reply and put me in my place! If anyone reading this had experience of this, please will you sign my guestbook or email me and tell me about it - no matter which way it went for you? Thanks!
So I'm sure I'll post again later. I won't have any news of course. I plan to test again tomorrow morning, which might or might not strengthen the line if I *am* pregnant. If I am.
But I really believe I could be. Which is almost a weird symptom in itself for me!
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