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2003-09-06 - 11.45pm��previous entry��next entry
P.S. Just a few more thoughts...
Oooh two entries in one day!! Not for any thrilling reason though, so don't anybody get too excited. I just felt like updating with a couple of things of absolutely no interest. Mmmm!
I forgot to say I made a nappy wrap yesterday - first one in a month. I made it out of the new lavender windpro fleece I got recently. It's newborn size, and I tried something new so I hope it actually works - it's rounded on the front edge sort of like a notch cut out for the umbilical cord to heal. Anyway it's pretty. I like it. And Neil came home from his family last week laden down with towelling bathrobes for me to cut up and use for nappies! They've had a clear-out on my behalf!! :) I think they are getting excited, but they are not putting any pressure on which is nice. Except the odd bathrobe and baby outfit, but that's not pressure to us. Yet! The surprise that Neil bought (the one he couldn't resist) was a very very cute little denim baby dress. So we had better have a girl then! But I don't mind if it gets put away for subsequent children though :) I would love a little boy. I would love a baby.
I am eating sticky toffee cheesecake. I'm kind of full so I feel a bit yucky. But it's yummy. Tonight I still feel very weird. Insecure and weird enough to dig my childhood teddy bear (Emma) out and carry her with me around the house. It's been a long while since I did that. This is the weirdest PMS ever. But I'm still sure it's PMS. I'm so crampy, I keep on half expecting to get my period every time I go to the loo, even though it's way too early yet.
Did I mention about my maternity bras here? I don't think I did actually. I always said there's no WAY I'm getting second hand underwear, even though I've bought all my other maternity clothes second hand. I drew the line at underwear! But then I saw how much maternity bras cost new (like, �12 to �25 EACH!!!) and noticed that new mothers are selling their maternity bras on UKparents for a couple of quid so I thought oh well, they've only been used for 9 months, probably waaay less considering most people change bra sizes several times during pregnancy, and if they are in good clean condition, why not? So I had that in mind for when I get pregnant. But then a month or so ago I got to thinking - I know I won't know what size I'll need till I get there, but surely if my breasts are going to swell up within the first few weeks, I can't go far wrong getting the next cup size up just to start with, can I? Even if I outgrow that size quickly, it will still come in handy in the few weeks where I don't fit my non-maternity bras, between getting a positive test and really ballooning!!! Especially for that price. So I bought two bras from the same lady for a few pounds including postage, one cup size bigger than my normal size, and they arrived in absolutely fab condition the week before camp. That's probably why I never mentioned them with so much else on my mind before camp and getting my period and all.
Anyway, I washed them and put them away. Tonight my breasts are soooo sore and heavy, even just pre-period, and my other bras are not big enough or comfy enough. So I tried the maternity bras on and OH MY GOODNESS I love them soooo much!!! They have no underwire!!! Ahhhh what comfort!! And they're soft. And this evening they fit me perfectly, so I must be having some serious hormones, since I have gone up a bra size!! But yay for maternity bras. I am considering buying more this size just for before a period, because they are so comfy and my underwire bras always hurt when I am sore. But something tells me I won't get that much use from them before I need the next size when I get pregnant, if I am using them before just a period. So I think it is pretty safe to keep my eye out for the next size up if I see any really good bargains in great condition. For the price I can't go far wrong. Even if for some reason I don't fit them during pregnancy, I will get every penny back selling them on, so it's fine. Plus okay, it gives me something pregnancy-focused to do to sort of soothe how I feel about not being pregnant again. Wearing a maternity bra this evening has been just so much fun, I am so silly about it. After Neil went to bed I practised breastfeeding my teddy bear, and let me tell you I thought twice about writing that here, but hey ho there you have it - I am nuts! I want to write everything about this journey to motherhood, no matter how ridiculous it shows me to be!! Well Emma got a good "feed", about 20 minutes while I watched some TV, although she did not have a good latch, it has to be said. *sigh* What am I like?! Emma is a little shorter and wider than a newborn, but fairly close, and she is pale pink too! I made her flannel pyjamas some years back and they are still soft and cute. Okay so now I am embarrassed because you guys know all about my childhood teddy and how attached I still am, but anyway, I say all that because it makes a bit more sense how comforting and cosy it was to hold her close across my tummy like that, and stroke the soft pjs and see pink poking out of them whenever I glanced down. Ahhh I love my teddy.
Maybe I need help?!! But it made me feel better. I just can not wait till I have my real baby to hold and feed and love. Blargh.
Neil has given me lots of cuddles today and we have prayed together about baby stuff as well, which has all helped a bit. I really just want to get my period so that I don't get the chance to let my hopes rise again, which I know is gonna happen with each day that I don't get it. So hurry up and arrive already! I don't want to be all crushed for daaays, I'd rather get it over with. I hope we conceive next cycle though. That would give us a June baby :) After that cycle though, I do not know how I would bear being in the third trimester during the summer months. Plus it pulls Christmas and things into potential morning sickness season, which isn't ideal obviously. But basically I just want to have a baby, like, really badly now. Please?
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