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2003-11-28 - 3.42pm��previous entry��next entry
Time-out? And owch.
Thanks Jeri for the guestbook entry :)
Today is Cycle Day 22, on Cycle 6 of trying for a baby. It's supposed to be a "time-out" cycle. I don't know when I ovulated but I reckon we did happen to have sex just before I ovulated. I think. But since it's a time-out cycle this should be irrelevant, because the whole point of taking time off from all the palava of TTC is that there is no stressing.
But of course now it's CD22 and I can't help but wonder if we might have managed to conceive or not. I am guessing that I ovulated on CD14 (ish), but I am not sure. It should only be a day or two either side though, I think. Which will make my period due somewhere around Thursday of next week. Maybe Wednesday or Friday. Or possibly Tuesday. Aaaarghh I hate not knowing when I ovulated!!
My supplements are not working in the LEAST so far, but I know it may take a cycle or two to notice any effects so I'll persevere. At the moment I am taking a break from them for 3 days, in case they are causing my difficulty sleeping that I'm having at the moment. I don't think they are, but anyway, I haven't taken the supplements for 2 days now, but I'll start them again tomorrow.
I am taking folic acid again - I started that about a week ago. It's nice. I like it because it feels like we're gearing up for trying to make a baby again. Now that we've had a break, I am really really glad that we did, because the stress has largely cleared up. I know it will start up again pretty quick, especially if I carry on getting periods when I was hoping for pregnancy. But it's nice for now anyway. It means I am quite looking forward to trying and waiting and hoping again - it seems quite exciting. That's how it was when we first started, but it became totally not fun anymore after a few failed attempts. Anyway, here's hoping we do not have to wait much longer.
Right now, of course, I feel vaguely like I could be pregnant. But a) I don't know what it actually feels like to be pregnant, and b) I am good at feeling pregnant by CD22 of any cycle. So the fact that I feel this way is not reliable at all! But oh well.
My breasts are soooo sore. As in OW. More so this cycle than any of the others so far, but I don't know if I should make anything of that, because my hormonal symptoms before my period seem to be getting progressively worse cycle by cycle these days. But anyway, they have been very tender since a couple of days after the time I think I ovulated. I have also completely outgrown my normal bras to a rather ridiculous extent, so I am REALLY glad I was all obsessive a few months ago and bought maternity bras second-hand!! Because they're all I can wear now. There was one that fitted me well, but it's too tight for me at the moment, and I am comfortably fitting the one that has always been a bit too big even just before a period. So hmmm.
However I am glad of the size increase and am rather enjoying feeling fuller of figure when I go out and about! :) I would be totally loving everything about it if they weren't so sore. Today the skin on them is tight and prickly, and it has made me get kind of worried that when I DO get pregnant I'm gonna end up with stretch marks on my breasts. Noooo!! I didn't really think about that because when I think of stretch marks, I think tummy. But if this is pre-menstrual and it's already making the skin tight.... Yikes.
Which it really could be though. Pre-menstrual, that is. I know it looks promising, but my breasts are crazy things in the 2 weeks before a period, so I am refusing to get my hopes up. But yeah, you can imagine how well that's working at the moment! *sigh* So much for the time-out.
I am back to being somewhat terrified of actually being pregnant, which sounds totally contradictory of me, but there we go. I am soooo scared of morning sickness at the moment - well, as always, but lately I have been a lot more anxious in myself in general, and particularly scaredy about my tummy and getting sick, so perhaps that's why I seem more scared of pregnancy than normal lately. I keep thinking that if I took a test right now and it showed that I was pregnant, my main response would be one of total and utter fear. Except also I would be overjoyed, if it's possible to be both at the same time. I am good at thinking, "Ohhh I feel sick!" if I start believing even for a second that I might actually be pregnant. What chance do I stand if I KNOW I'm pregnant?!!! I need to get a serious grip. I am trying though.
Sometimes I worry that I am preventing myself from conceiving or ovulating or something, because of fear of pregnancy in some way. Is this possible? I don't know.
I am wondering about going for blood tests to check my hormone levels if Cycle 7 is not successful. Apparantly that's a perfectly reasonable thing to do if you've been trying without success for over 6 months.
I can't believe 2004 is about to arrive and we aren't pregnant yet. I thought even if it took a while, we'd surely be pregnant before the end of the year. I would be halfway through my pregnancy now, if we had conceived when we started trying. That's weird. But not as painful as for people who have been trying for years. I so so so hope we won't fall into that category
I don't think there's anything else to write about now. The stream of maternity clothes from eBay has stopped for now (!!), although I'm desperately seeking maternity bras - to the point where I'm pretty much ready to march into town and buy a pack of 2 for full retail price. Neeeeed maternity bras.
I have been getting fabric in the post lately though - just some odd finds from people selling stuff they don't need, etc. I have two or three cute prints that are just normal fabric, and I'm going to use those for the outer layer on a PUL waterproof nappy wrap. I will post photos when I have made them, but it may be a while, because I have to figure out what's the best way to bind the seams to minimise the chance of leakage, etc. I know all the available methods, but I have to pick one and then try it out, since I haven't tried any of them before.
Also I finally braved my new overlocker (sooo scary and complicated!!)!!!! I got my scrap box and pulled out allll the offcuts of towelling and stretch terry and flannel prints, etc, and I decided to make cloth wipes out of them, just to try the machine out. Well after I broke a needle (obligatory where I'm concerned!) and replaced it, I sat down for half an hour of sewing time, and sewed 21 cloth wipes!!!!!! It's sooo easy, I had no idea.
This is me sewing a cloth wipe:- slap two bits of fabric back to back, not cut to shape or anything (the machine cuts as it sews!). Put under the needles (there are two). Put foot down on pedal. Machine makes whrrrrrr sound for approx 4 seconds (that's one side of the wipe sewn). Turn fabric. Put foot down. Whrrrr for 4 seconds. Turn fabric. Put foot down. Whrrrr for 4 seconds. Turn fabric. Put foot down. Whrrrr for 4 seconds. Release fabric. Trim thread. Marvel excitely at instant cloth wipe!
It's soooo cool! :D
A couple of days ago I got Malden Mills microfleece in the post!!! Can you believe a lady sold it at UKparents because she didn't have time to make nappies anymore?! That is such a rare find! Especially Malden Mills. So now I have a yard of baby blue microfleece and a yard of very pale green microfleece :) And today my 3 yards of white sherpa arrived from the co-op I've been waiting on for a month or so. It's sooooo soft and gorgeous! I never saw sherpa before, but I'd heard it's fantastic for nappies. It's in the washing machine at the mo, being boiled for shrinking purposes :) And then I'm going to make a zillion pure white newborn nappies, with the soft fluffy side facing both the baby's skin AND the outside.
So that's exciting. And now I am going to go. My breasts are suddenly stabbing me with needles and I am not comfy typing anymore. I hope they are stabbing me for a reeeaaally good reason! :) But never mind if they're not.
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