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2007-06-02 - 12.01am��previous entry��next entry
Making lists and feeling tired
So. Tired. Today. I had a bit of a lie-in this morning as it's weekend, and a nap with the boys this afternoon, but I'm soooo tired still. I really need to make sure I go to bed on time each night if I'm going to have any chance of getting through the days!
Thanks so much for the messages and more congrats again! :) Meg, I'm going to make an appt to see my doctor on Monday (I sooo hope she'll be there that day!) so if I'm still pregnant then and my temps aren't rising and I'm concerned, I might mention it. Even just for reassurance, but I don't know if GPs know much about the intricate details of conception, like temps and stuff! Maybe I'm selling them short, but I don't know. Isn't that what specialists are for? I will ask though, if I'm worried at the time.
Michelle, pretty please can you re-post your chart link! I SO want to see it, as it might really reassure me! But your link took me to my own chart. You have to post your homepage link, the url that you go to to actually view your homepage (like my one over on the left). I really want to see it! Thanks for thinking of showing me! :) Thanks Andrea for your chart link too! It was helpful to see it! Thanks Jenn for letting me know about your temps with Aislyn (did you chart them? I can't remember). It's all encouraging stuff, thank you!!
I'm not feeling awfully pregnant today. I am just tired. I am having the odd sort of "muffled" crampy sensation now and again, but I can only call them mild cramps if that. No bad cramps. I'm SURE those were part of the implantation process, though I still maintain that the big temp dip at 3DPO must have been implantation. I know it's crazy early, and there are even plenty of experts out there who would say it's impossible, but I KNOW I have implanted twice at 4DPO, and aside from the dip at 3DPO, my "flashes" of pain/twinges started at 3DPO and continued through to 5DPO, and then the bad cramps took over from there! So I'm sure sure SURE that it all started at 3DPO. Jemma, I don't think I ovulated a day earlier, because my CM drying up on ovulation day is pretty textbook (though it doesn't always happen for me that way) and also I would never get the same low temp the day after ovulation. I always get a big temp rise the very next day, so the CM and temps together make me feel quite sure I ovulated when FF says. But 3DPO is early, I know!
In some ways I feel surprised that I don't have more symptoms yet. But I don't know what I expect - it's still soooo early! I'm only 12DPO! I'm still feeling a bit insecure about it and have told my mum again today (like yesterday) - "I'll talk to you again tomorrow, and let you know if my period arrives!" She always says, "Oh NO! Don't say that!" but I just can't get my head to believe that my period ISN'T coming! It is just so surreal.
I think the skin on my face might be different this evening. I think it feels pregnantly soft all of a sudden, which is a HUGE relief! Neil says maybe, but I think it's finally softer than usual (progesterone, yay!).
I have felt a bit yucky today. I'm ever so hungry when I'm hungry, if that makes sense. I mean, I'm not needing to eat every hour on the hour or anything (!), but when it comes to nearly meal time, I will go from "Oh I don't really feel like I could eat anything" to stomach-crampingly hungry, in what seems to be a matter of SECONDS (!), followed fairly quickly (while I dither about not fancying anything specific to eat) by lightheadedness and shakiness. I don't fancy eating food at all, but I can't say I feel sick or anything. I am hungry, and I am happy enough while I'm eating - it's not hard for force food down (yet!). But nothing looks good, and I just hate having to THINK of something to eat under pressure, because if I don't hurry up, I'll get shaky and weak and it will all go horribly wrong!
With that in mind, and bearing in mind my experience with morning sickness - I have made a list this evening, of meals and snack ideas for while I'm pregnant. If it's anything like my previous pregnancies, I will feel sick as a dog in a couple of weeks time, and it will last morning, noon and night for a couple of months at least. I found that the only way to "manage" it was to just EAT. I had to treat nausea as hunger - pretend that when I felt sick, it was not nausea but hunger. If I felt sicker still, then I had to pretend I was just MORE hungry! I could barely gag down any food, but I had to persevere because I always felt MUCH better for doing it. I seem to get nauseous as my body gets hungry, so the trick must be to never get hungry! I know I will also NEVER want to think what to eat. I will just have to blindly, queasily throw it on a plate as fast as I can, and get to eating it. Sooo I made a list, with all my favourite snack options on (the healthier ones, that is!), plus a couple of first-trimester winners from previous pregnancies, and some ideas for my own "ready meals". On previous pregnancies I got by some of the time on supermarket ready meals. But now that I'm doing all the cooking and we don't eat any ready-cooked food anymore, I figured it would be straightforward enough to make batches of ready meals in individual portions and freeze them, to make it as easy as possible for me to get a good meal when I needed it, with hardly any preparation or standing over food, etc! Some of the supermarket meals turned my stomach with the strong flavours, and I know I will like my own cooking better, so that's another reason to do it.
Here's my list:
� Hard boiled eggs in the fridge
� Salad portions (carrot, cherry tomatoes, lettuce, cucumber)
� Cottage cheese and baked potato (with salad, above)
� Cottage cheese sandwiches
� Scrambled eggs and toast
� Omelette and toast (mushrooms, if able)
� Ready (frozen?) portions of my pasta sauce (inc cooked pasta)
� Ready (frozen?) portions of macaroni cheese
� Ready (frozen?) portions of spaghetti bolognese
� Ready (frozen?) portions of lamb casserole
� Pre-prepared grated cheese sandwiches
� Dairylea sandwiches
� Salt and vinegar crisps and mini babybel cheese
� Toast and marmite
� Marmite sandwich
� Pesto on pasta with grated cheese
� Fish fingers, sweetcorn, and tinned spaghetti
� Cold chicken after a roast � to pick at, or sandwiches with mayo
� Tomato salad with parsley and vinegraitte (pre-made)
� Fresh fruit (strawberries, apples, bananas, grapes, peaches, etc)
� Fruit salad (pre-made)
� Cheese and crackers
� Extra portions of last night�s meals (fish pie, shepherds pie, etc)
I've printed the list off and plan to put it either in my Home Management Folder (which is kind of redundant at the moment *sigh*) for easy access, or even put it on the fridge door. I just want to find as many ways as I can to make things as easy as possible for myself for the coming weeks and months.
I also started a list of things that need doing either in the house or "stuff" to be implemented, say with the daily routine (not a great one going so far!) or with the boys in some way, in order to make life as straight-forward and easy as possible for me while I'm pregnant with two such little ones.
First thing on my list is FOR GOODNESS SAKE get a cleaner! Okay, the stuff in capital letters isn't actually on the list! But that's how I feel about it. I can't even describe to you the awful state of our house, seriously. It doesn't change month by month, and if anything it's worse than ever. We just can't get on top of it, or even make any sort of dent in the chaos that doesn't get undone within a few days. We've had big discussions about it many times, and I personally feel that we CAN'T do it without some help. Now, that was before even getting to the point where I was expecting another baby. The difficulty with the mess and clutter and SERIOUSLY unhygeinic state of the house has been a real issue for me since before Matthew was born. It has been a factor in how well I have coped or relaxed (or failed to) in the difficult early months after he was born. We have made numerous attempts to "fix" the house, even with Neil taking holiday time from work to "really sort it out once and for all!" but to no avail. We are just TOO busy now with the little ones. I don't know if it's a life-stage thing with them being so young, or what. I do know that we might have a good chance of sorting it out if the mess weren't so terribly deep. We're in way too deep now and I don't see a possible way out without some serious help! I think Neil would literally need 2-3 weeks off work and to still use the idea of asking his sister to come and stay for a week to help us, to actually stand a chance of getting the place clean, tidy and generally clutter free. It's that awful.
Anyway. If we don't get a cleaner to blitz the place, I really don't think we will EVER climb out of the mess. We'll end up having to sell to move wherever Neil gets a job (he has two interviews next week!) and THAT will be the time we get desperate and hire a cleaner to do it. But I'm fed up waiting for that desperate moment just before we sell. I listed the need for a cleaner because I KNOW that a tidy, hygienic house is important to me, and I need it to make life as easy as possible when I'm embarking on a new pregnancy with 2 little ones at home. It is actually hard to function in this house with the state it is in. I can't find anything I need, so we always get places LATE, or don't make it at all. Matthew isn't allowed in the kitchen EVER, because the floor is so thick with laundry (dirty and clean) and a FULL dustpan-ful of crumbs and old food at any given time, which he'd eat the second he was put on the floor. So he can't go in there. And I hate that. He hates it too. But nothing ever changes.
Anyway, it's a real bugbear for me. I know a cleaner costs money and we don't have a right lot/any to spare, but it seems like a priority to me right now, even just to do the initial "blitz". I DO feel that we'll need some sort of regular maintenance cleaner too, for the time being. But the MESS needs to go, that is the main thing. I feel pretty sure that it will descend back into horrible chaos if we don't have someone helping us maintain it, especially when I get morning sick, but hey ho.
I told Neil the first thing on my list this evening and he FLATLY refused to consider a cleaner, because we haven't got the money. Even though he will spend money on all sorts of other much less necessary (or even annoyingly USELESS, tsk!) things, month-round. He wouldn't even talk about it, because he said he wanted to unwind tonight. Which is fine, but I asked when we could talk about it. He said when we knew about him getting a new job. Which is like, how long is a piece of string?!! Of course it could be next week, but it could be dragged out much longer, and I am going to need to fix this for my own sanity SOON - preferably before morning sickness kicks in. I said I needed to talk about it sooner. He said well okay, but the answer is still no. Man, that really gets on my nerves!! I am pretty sure I'm a WAY more stubborn person than Neil (poor man, haha!) so when I put MY foot down, it should probably make a much louder noise than when he does ;) But I really hope he takes on how important it is to me. I don't care if we have to sell something (what, I'm not sure though!) - I NEED to get help with the house. I know it will be BAD news all round if I have to deal with it and everything else. It bugs me SO much when he won't listen over some aspect of the house that really MATTERS to me - I'm the one who has to live with it 24/7, and if it's something that causes HUGE inconveniences all the time, it's ME who has to deal with those. I think Neil has issues over being too proud with things like this. He was the same way with the garden. He feels like he (we) should be able to manage our own place without getting help in. Otherwise it says something about his ability to provide, or something daft like that. Ugh.
I hope he gives in. I so want a clean house, and I am being 100% honest in acknowledging that I CANNOT do a thing about it myself at the moment, or in the forseeable future. Neil is great with the housework, he does a lot of it, but like I say, we are digging a tiny hole out of a HUGE mountain that is simply too big for either of us to conquer with everything else that consumes our time these days.
Anyway. Sorry about the huge boring rant about our messy house! I am just really annoyed about it this evening and out it all came.
Well let's see, what else? I think I am peeing a bit more today again, but once AGAIN I have failed to drink more than a glass or two of water all day. I MUST improve on that!!! Tsk.
I'm sure I had other things to say, but I've just noticed how LATE it is, and I must go straight to bed! We have church tomorrow (I don't know HOW I will manage to not tell people, as I can barely contain myself over news like this! But I guess it's a bit early, really!), and then Bethany's first birthday party after that! She was due 2 days after Matthew, only she came early and Matthew came late! I can't believe they are turning one.... I so so so need to update my normal diary, darnit! I'll try to do that tomorrow, though I'm not sure I'll manage. Will try to update here too, though! I will pee on another stick tomorrow. I think I have about 4 or 5 left. Okay, back tomorrow!
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