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2007-06-03 - 10.54pm��previous entry��next entry
3 weeks, 6 days - progesterone, yay!
Thank you Michelle for the chart link!! It was very reassuring! :)
I'm so pleased today because I had a HUGE temp rise this morning, up to 37.0!! I only ever temp that high when I'm pregnant, but apart from that, it was such a lovely spike from my flat temps. I do think it might drop back a bit tomorrow, but so long as the general trend is up, or higher than the flat temps, I'm happy! :) Also I have had the weirdly soft skin from first thing this morning - yay for progesterone kicking in! :)
The other thing that has hit me like a truck today is the EXHAUSTION. I read the first line of yesterday's entry ("So. Tired. Today.") and nearly laughed! Today's exhaustion is on a whole new level, urgh. I have also had a headache a lot of today, but it has been WAY too warm and humid along with the tiredness. I do get headaches that won't go with painkillers and that last all day, the day before I get my period, so I guess part of me is vaguely paranoid that somehow my temp will drop tomorrow and my period will show up as normal.
Except it WON'T be normal, because I'll be 14DPO tomorrow! That's longer than my luteal phase ever got, even BEFORE I had babies and was breastfeeding! Yay! So if I'm still pregnant tomorrow, then I'm DEFINITELY pregnant. I'm so silly. Obviously I'm pregnant. *sigh* I just can't believe it yet, it still feels so surreal and like it's a dream.
I'm quite excited about tomorrow because if I AM still pregnant, I will be 4 weeks pregnant - my first "week change", yay!! Four weeks pregnant has always had a more "established" feel to me, because I never get to that stage without my period showing up on time. My period is still "due" before 4 weeks of pregnancy. Once I hit 4 weeks, I have officially missed my period! Also tomorrow I will be making my doctor's appointment, and hopefully getting one the same day if my GP is in that day. I plan to ask about Fybogel (oh my GOSH, the constipation!!!) and Panadol Ultra - are they safe in pregnancy? I doubt PU is because it has codeine in it. Normal paracetamol has always been no good for me as a pain reliever. Everyone's talking to me about prune juice but I seriously doubt I can tolerate the taste. Yuck!
I didn't pee on a stick this morning because I absent-mindedly peed at 5.30am without thinking I had to keep it for a test! I plan to test again in the morning though. Last night was AWFUL with the boys. Arthur wouldn't go to sleep till 10pm (definitely the worst he's been yet) and Matthew woke 5 times overnight and then was up for the day from 5.30am. Of course he woke Arthur, who has been as cranky as heck all day. He has actually done really well considering, though. We had church and then an all-afternoon birthday party, so he didn't even get a nap. He dozed off in front of Thomas the Tank Engine at 5pm while Neil was getting his tea ready and I was resting upstairs, and Oh The Tantrums when he had to be woken up. Ugh. Then tonight he refused to sleep for 1.5 hours again. Both of them did that actually.
I am anxious again about my mood swings. Maybe it's added to by the tiredness, but I'm scared it's largely hormonal, and if that's the case, what can I even DO about it?! With the bedtime palava, I had NO patience. I mean, not even a scrap. I went from a cheery and calm, "Okay, bedtime!" to angry mother who can't be trusted around her children, in about 2 seconds flat. The thing that scares me the most (and which I SO don't want to admit here, but I sort of want everything recorded for any reassurance/help I might need at a future date/pregnancy) is that when I flip to angry hormonal freak-woman, I actually WANT to hurt my children. I feel so angry and out of control that I want to wallop them with the intention of inflicting pain when they won't go to sleep and I can't physically hold Matthew, or lean over to pat his little bottom another moment, or tolerate ONE MORE SECOND of Arthur being absolutely defiant about what I ask him to do and then laughing in my face about it. I can't even tell you how hard it is to force myself to NOT smack the living daylights out of them. That's so awful, and I'm so ashamed. And I'm SO scared about it. Tomorrow Neil is back to work and I can't fathom how I will do the normal thing with the boys with this exhaustion on top, AND manage interesting and active distractions to increase the likelihood that the boys won't irritate me as much as normal. The sleep/nap issues will be exactly the same tomorrow, and I suddenly have NO energy to do the thing we have been doing all along to settle Matthew for naps. Thus, he won't settle for naps. Arthur's nap will be offset. Both of them will cry and whine a TON. I have no idea how to contain myself and treat them nicely. I sound just HORRIBLE but I wish you knew just how strong the pull of these hideous moods are. I never felt so out of control with hormonal moods before, except maybe after my chemical pregnancies. I don't know if anything can be done about it, or how long it will last. It makes me SO nervous.
I once read a quote at a large families forum that said something like, "It's a shame that families with the average number of children (1-2) tends to be of the opinion that there's more chaos the more children you have, and that their perception of parenting children is that it's so hard to figure out and why would people want to have more to make life more difficult, because in my experience (and in the experience of the other mothers-of-many that I know), it takes at least 3 children before you really know what you're doing!"
I loved that! I think it's TRUE, as well. I thought we'd learnt pretty much everything from having one child, but although we put things into practise with Matthew that we learned about from Arthur, we STILL haven't got things right. I'm hoping we'll have a better chance with baby #3. I will say it right now - for GOODNESS sake, teach your third baby to learn how to fall asleep by him/herself! We did the Baby Whisperer technique with Matthew (after nothing at all with Arthur and hideous sleep deprivation therefore!) and it worked wonderfully from early early on, but I could never bring myself to do it completely, as he was my tiny one and I wanted to hold him and rock him a bit. Now, I HAVE to hold him and rock him, and pat his bottom, and all sorts. We let the method slip months ago and how I WISH we didn't, because now we are going to have to somehow go back and try to do the whole method again from scratch with an almost 1-year-old. Which is not going to be fun. If it even works! Ugh.
Anyway.
Neil is relaxing his opinion on the cleaner, phew! He thinks we WILL get one, after we talked tonight. But he wants to research a bit and look for a sort of "house maid" more than a cleaner, someone who will tidy as well as just clean. We need someone who will tidy clutter, and cleaner often just clean round clutter. I don't know if we can afford it, but we'll have to try. He also wants to wait till after his interviews on the 5th and 8th of June, to see whether we might suddenly be moving in the next month or so as a result of those!
Okay this isn't awfully pregnancy related, and I did mean to update my normal diary this evening. I hate when I start writing for both diaries in this one! The other one gets so neglected when I'm pregnant, because of it. But I get too tired or pressed for time to update them both. I think I will go there now and at least make note of my pregnancy for that diary's records, and maybe post some photos of the boys. Then I MUST go to bed. Matthew has woken twice already this evening so it looks like another crappy night is ahead. *sigh* I have no idea what is up with him (the 6th tooth isn't here yet, so maybe it's that?) but it's driving me INSANE.
I'll write here again tomorrow, probably!
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