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2004-01-06 - 11.23am��previous entry��next entry
Doctor's appointment - hoorah!
Positive update at last!! :) Thank you SO much to Judy, Meg, April and Melissa for your firm but kind (!!) guestbook messages! I really needed those. Thank you all for telling me to pull myself together in the nicest way possible! ;)
Okay I have better news. Well, yesterday was bad, I just cried all day, but today is much better. I have been to the doctor today - my very own favourite one as well! I don't have to register at a new doctor's surgery till the end of the month so that's a weight off.
I told him I am getting miserable because I am still not pregnant, and he looked concerned and basically rather confused because he didn't see why we wouldn't be pregnant already. He asked me about my cycles. I told him their lengths, etc, and that this is the 8th one. I said I had been charting the whole time so we are well aware of our most fertile windows. He asked if I think I am ovulating. I said I feel sure that I am because my charts show a clear biphasic pattern and everything seems as regular as clockwork (pretty much). He asked if any tests had been done yet on myself or Neil. I said no. So he said that's what we'd do next. I told him we have moved out of the catchment area for their surgery, and he said we might as well get the ball rolling before I register with a new doctor, which is a relief.
So I have to go back on Jan 27th for luteal phase blood tests to check my hormone levels. I asked if it was for progesterone and he said yes. But for some reason he also wants to test for LH, FSH and prolactin on that day too. I thought those should be tested for on CD3??? Oh well. I hope he knows what he's doing! And at least I'll get the progesterone test to confirm I have ovulated. Which I hope I should have done!
So that's all set up, but not for a while yet. And then he gave me a pathology form and a urine pot (how is this an appropriate container for it's purpose?!! Urine pots are long and thin like a test tube!) for Neil to provide a sperm sample. He can do that as early as tomorrow morning. My doctor said the best time for a sperm sample is in the morning, and then it has to be delivered to the path lab immediately, like within half an hour preferably. But the path lab only accept sperm samples between 9 and 11am, so at the very earliest we're talking 8.30, and Neil will be at work by then. So what do I do? Swing by his work at coffee time with the little pot?!! I'm sure he won't like that idea! Hmmm. Maybe he'll have to go in late one morning?
Anyway, so I am REALLY relieved to have fertility testing underway. But quite unexpectedly it is making me nervous in a whole new way - the way that is waiting to find out if there is a problem or not. I am particularly nervous about the sperm sample. I think I will feel devastated if Neil's sperm count or motility is low - and I'm sure he will too. He seems a bit iffy about having this test, but I guess that's normal for men. It's quite a self-confidence thing really isn't it, your "manhood" and all that? He's completely willing, but he's just getting increasingly touchy about the subject. I think it will be wonderful for him to find out his sperm are normal. I hope they are. It will be wonderful for me too, but more so for Neil I think. That will just leave me then, and that prospect isn't worrying me so much as the sperm thing at the moment. I am not too bothered about the blood tests because I think they will be fine. I'm quite sure I am ovulating fine. But it will be good to check just to be sure.
I did ask the doctor if I could have endometriosis. Just like that, out of the blue, while he was filling out a form. He nearly fell off his chair, hehe! He was like, "Pardon?!" and I repeated my question. He said, "Why should you have it?!" and I said I had been reading websites and wondered if I had symptoms, and so couldn't I have it? He said sure it was possible, of course I COULD have it, but asked what made me think I did. So I said about cramps and things, and he said let's not get ahead of ourselves. He said first let's do the blood tests, because he is thinking more of PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) to rule out, more than endometriosis, for starters anyway. I don't think I have that. I read that it causes problems with ovulation and long cycles and excessive oestrogen production, and my CM would indicate that if anything I don't have ENOUGH oestrogen, and according to my FF charts, I haven't had an anovulatory cycle in the 14 cycles I've charted with them. Which is actually pretty good, even for the average normally fertile woman. Plus they've all been nice and short and pretty regular. So I'm sure I'm okay on the PCOS front. But it's best to rule it out officially.
So that's my update. I felt so relieved as I left the doctor's surgery that I wanted to cry right there in the street, but I didn't. I feel so much more upbeat, but still odd in my core like before. Still empty and like nothing will work, but at least something is being done and someone is taking this seriously. Now to get the sperm sample over and done with. I hope the results come quick because I will worry till I know probably.
On the way home I picked up some packages from the Post Office that have been waiting there for me since before Christmas! Three of them were baby clothes from eBay, really really cute ones. Yesterday I couldn't bring myself to go and fetch them because I knew they would be baby clothes and I couldn't bear handling them. But today was better for that. I still feel like I never want to make another cloth nappy. It just makes me sad, even to see my sewing machine and the fabrics. I feel like they'll never get used. But hopefully I'll get over that and things will start looking better.
The only other thing to report is that I am going back to France on 16th Jan for my mum's birthday, and staying there till the 19th. I am going to surprise her by turning up unexpectedly at the airport! My dad knows of course. This would have had no impact on my cycle if my period had turned up when it was supposed to last time, but it didn't. So now the day I fly out will be CD14, and it's entirely possible that I will not have ovulated by then :( I usually ovulate between CD12 and CD17, although my average is CD14, so maybe. Either way, we have decided to try and BD on the morning of CD14, so that sperm may hopefully survive till a day or so later when I should have ovulated. If my CM is anything to go by though, they won't survive that long, so I am hoping and praying that I will ovulate before I go. Of course, just having that deadline works against me, since stressing about it can delay ovulation! Grrr. But I can't switch off the stress so I'll just have to pray. We are still going to use egg white this time as planned though, just incase that helps things.
And that is all I think. I will update again soon, for sure to let you know any results! Thanks for all the support and encouragement. You couldn't know how much it has been needed lately. *hugs*
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