Journal
Sign guestbook
Arthur's Mummy's Diary
Matthew's Belly Gallery
Nathan's Belly Gallery
Benjamin's Belly Gallery
My Fertility Friend Chart
2003-07-19 - 11.50pm��previous entry��next entry
Day 28 of the TTC cycle...
Thanks Mandy and Robbi for your lovely supportive guestbook messages!! *hugs*
Day 28 today. My period is due the day after tomorrow. I am not feeling optimistic today :( I don't know why, I just feel all down and negative about it. Okay, so I completely folded and took a pregnancy test at 6.30 this morning! Negative. I pretty much knew it would be, but it was making me crazy waiting, and I just wanted to do a test and see a result one way or another. So there we go. On Day 11 past ovulation, negative would be a pretty normal result so I don't know why I bothered testing. I just wanted to. I'm glad I've got such a lot of pregnancy tests in that drawer! Heh.
Today's symptoms are fairly plentiful, despite having been quite busy today and out of the house a lot. Very tender breasts today, quite a lot of shooting pains, and they are bigger. Neil and I are so silly - last night we spent a good half hour just standing in front of the big mirror looking at them from all angles and going, "Hmmm, what d'you think?"!!! Hehe! They have veins on that we don't think were there before, and that is supposed to be a really good sign, but we're both anxious to get our hopes up. I get breast changes before periods anyway so it might just be that, and we never really focused on the specifics that much before so it's hard to tell if this is different to normal. Pleh.
Today and yesterday I've wondered if I have an odd taste in my mouth, but it's toooo faint to really pick up on, so I should probably just put that one out of my head. See? I'm going crazy.
I have cramps again today too. Today someone at Fertility Friend checked my chart and voted "don't get your hopes up" in my poll there. For some reason that made me feel soooo down and like someone trod on me. I am worried that I am way over-obsessing again, and I have been talking with Neil about it a lot this evening, about how things feel at the moment and about all this waiting for periods/test dates. He is really sweet with me, he understands everything I talk about and always reassures me that it's normal and that we'll just have to wait and see, and not to worry, etc. He makes me feel so supported, totally like we're in this together with all these feelings. That helps so much. I am not trying to over-obsess, and really, whenever God decides it's time for us to have a baby is good for me, but just now it's all right in my face and it doesn't seem to matter that we've only just started trying, it just feels like the worst thing ever to get a period when you want to be pregnant, and I want to be pregnant soooo much. If I feel like this I notice that I find it harder to read the pregnancy journals that I so love to read normally. I don't like that this is making my attitudes to friends and things change like this. And I'm nervous that I'll start getting really jealous and horrible or something. Yuck. I don't want to be a jealous person because that's just not nice. But I so want to be pregnant!
Anyway, it's okay, we will be pregnant when the time is right, and I know it's normal to find things hard when I think I am getting my period and will have to start over next cycle and wonder if it will even happen then. But when we try again it will be fun and there will be joy in it, and I'm sure it will pass much quicker than I am thinking it will right now. From here it looks like forever away, but I know it will go fast enough. After all, this cycle has!! I mean, it feels like it's lasted a while, but I just have to see my diary entries where I thought I'd never get my last period or to the stage of TTC for the first time, and I did, and now here I am waiting to test!!! So it will happen. I just have to learn patience! Maybe I'll test again Monday. After testing this morning, I know there's equally little point in testing tomorrow, but you know, if I find myself awake at 6am with 18 tests in my bedside drawer then I will probably test. The urge is too strong, even if I know it's too early for a positive. Oh well! I will probably write again tomorrow, but definitely Monday because that's when my time is up and I get my period (or not!).
Recent entries.....
Babies 7 and 8! :) - 2016-01-10
Babies 6 and 7! - 2013-02-17
Baby #5 !! - 2010-04-03
Nearly 3 months postpartum! - 2009-10-05
6 weeks old already! - 2009-08-25