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2004-01-04 - 1.15pm��previous entry��next entry
Another period.
My temperature dropped yesterday morning, but I had to wait till the evening before my period showed up. I just spent yesterday playing computer games and then I watched some nice things on TV, because time passes much faster when you're blotting it out! So I didn't update yesterday, sorry. But here I am now.
So today I am on CD2 of my eighth cycle trying to conceive. What is wrong with me, I would like to know? Or what is wrong with Neil. I am beginning to feel restless for a sperm analysis test, I mean, really really antsy. I feel if I could just see a nice normal result there, this huuuuuge weight would lift off my shoulders, because surely if the problem is just with me, it can be fixed. Right? But I don't know how to fix low sperm count.
Oh Neil is just home from church so maybe I will have to go and chat about what to have for lunch, etc.
Okay, chat done. We're having either roast dinner or stir fry after I finish writing this, so I'm back :) I didn't want to go to church today. Actually I didn't wake up till after NOON today (!!) because I feel soooo wiped out with this period. Even when I did wake up, I was all disoriented and thought I was just at the beginning of a night's sleep, which was a lovely thought until I realised I had already slept way too long into today. I woke twice in the night to refill my hot water bottle and take painkillers, and I'm really crampy right now, but it's not so bad. Any symptoms will be gone by tomorrow I should think, and that's not bad at all. I didn't want to go to church anyway because, I don't know, it just seems way easier/nicer not to. I know that's bad and I need to sort it out though. I would just rather completely avoid anyone pregnant right now, and I know my housegroup leader will be there with her nice 13 weeks of pregnancy that she wasn't interested in having not so long ago. I feel like I would rather stay away from church (and her) for however long it takes us to get pregnant, even if that's a year. Silly, I know, but it's just how I feel right now. I don't feel tooooo far from God right now in myself. Closer than before. Just things have been hard last year, so.
I should really update my regular diary. I haven't for a while, and I feel like alllll my everything is to be poured out here lately, so I keep writing it here instead. I haven't got much else to write about other than TTC stuff anyway.
Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm going to see if I can get an appointment with my doctor to talk about what to do next re. TTC. It will be CD3 so I'm sort of hoping he will do CD3 blood tests. But he probably won't, because we are officially not eligible to get appointments at that doctor's surgery anymore, because we are still registered under my parents' address and they sold that last month! And the new family have registered with our doctor, so we've been found out (!!) and we need to register with a doctor more local to us asap. I have stayed with that surgery all this time because they are good and my doctor really understands me, and I've been there since I was a baby. So I really don't want to move. And I think even if I can get an appointment (if I tell them I need to see a doctor straight away and can't get registered with another in time), he may just listen and sympathise but advise me to register with a local doctor. Pfthth. Which I SHOULD do, so that will be good advice! So tomorrow I will also try to find the doctor's surgery that my friend from church (with small children!) recommended. I asked around, but I wanted to hear a recommendation from a family with little kids, because that's what we're hoping to become in the next few years.
So I will try to register tomorrow with a new surgery too. Mostly around here they say they aren't taking any new patients for 6 weeks and you have to go on a waiting list. If that happens I am hoping my old doctor will see me till then, but he might say no. I just want to start finding out what's going on with us, and I don't want to wait 6 weeks. It will drive me crazy. Even though six weeks is hardly any time really.
Okay I'm starting to talk in circles, so I'm going now. I really thought this was going to be it, this cycle just gone. I was late (still can't explain my longer than usual luteal phase), I felt nauseous a lot, I had these weird cramps and pains, and back ache which I never get. I was highly moody, more than usual. I don't know. It would have been so perfect. My mum is so sad for me. She keeps telling me she'd much rather have me happy than to have grandchildren. I keep telling her I AM happy, but I guess she sees through it where TTC is concerned.
Well, I'm sure I'll be more upbeat another day. Happy New Year everyone! Or did I say that last entry? I am hopeful for 2004, now that it has stopped hurting quite so much that 2003 was a failure for us. Besides, there are possibly 13 cycles in this year. Surely ONE of them will be fruitful???
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