Journal
Sign guestbook
Arthur's Mummy's Diary
Matthew's Belly Gallery
Nathan's Belly Gallery
Benjamin's Belly Gallery
My Fertility Friend Chart
2004-01-30 - 12.57am (31st)��previous entry��next entry
The eleventh hour... (dun dun duuuuuh!)...
I can't go to bed!!!! Aaaaaaaaargh!!! It's 12.45am and I am bone tired but every time I think of packing up the computer and going to bed, I get butterflies in my stomach and yiiiiiikes I just cannot go to bed, because then I will fall asleep, and then if I do that it will be morning before I know it, and then I have to take my temperature and find out if I am getting my period tomorrow. Which I can't bear to do, even if it will be a good result. I feel like it's all too unbearable, I can't bear the suspense!! I know I might still have a high temperature and then get a positive pregnancy test, but that's the best case scenario and there's tooooo much to lose. I just read some posts at FF about triphasic charts - this lady said her chart was triphasic and was all excited, and she asked if anyone else had had a triphasic chart but NOT been pregnant. Two people signed to say yes, so I checked their charts. One of them had a chart sooooo similar to mine, really. Up the same kind of amount on the 8th day past ovulation, etc. But a big plop at 14 DPO (tomorrow for me) and then a period. So now I feel like I could be hoping for absolutely nothing.
But the lady who asked the question did end up pregnant :)
I am crampy again tonight. Not as bad as yesterday though, and it's not hanging around much either. I think Neil really isn't well - he has had diarrhoea (yup, we spell it with the 'o') all day (TMI?!). I haven't, but we've both had such a lot of abdominal cramping and gas and that. I am picking at my food. Urgh, this WAITING!!!!! I can't stand it any longer. It will be a relief to get back to Cycle Day 1 if I do get my period. I know I will be so upset, but there really will be a sense of relief as well. I never knew anything so stressful!
And now I have to go to bed. I'm sorry if I've got everybody's hopes up without cause. I feel bad about it now (including my own hopes!) because suddenly I see how possible (likely?) it could be that I'll just get my period tomorrow like normal. I am back to feeling like I will never be pregnant - just because I can't imagine ever seeing my temps carry on upwards or staying high beyond when my period's due. When I look at my chart I just envisage the big plop tomorrow. But I can't bear to have to see that happen. Still, it's better than not temping and wondering whether I'm pregnant, and then getting my period.
Ohhhhh ONE day I will get pregnant and it'll be tough, I'll just have to disbelieve it and walk around wide-eyed all the time!!! It will happen whether I believe it or not, surely? So hmmm, goodnight. Pray that I can sleep well, please! Especially as morning approaches, when I'm really really good at waking like every 15 minutes checking the clock and making my temp totally inaccurate. *sigh*
I will write tomorrow, when I feel able, but as soon as I can! xxx
Recent entries.....
Babies 7 and 8! :) - 2016-01-10
Babies 6 and 7! - 2013-02-17
Baby #5 !! - 2010-04-03
Nearly 3 months postpartum! - 2009-10-05
6 weeks old already! - 2009-08-25