Journal
Sign guestbook
Arthur's Mummy's Diary
Matthew's Belly Gallery
Nathan's Belly Gallery
Benjamin's Belly Gallery
My Fertility Friend Chart
2004-01-30 - 6.49pm��previous entry��next entry
The 205-hour-day!!
Hello again, and thanks for the lovely guestbook entries and especially all the prayers! :) I really appreciate it so much.
Well here I am on CD28, 13 days past ovulation, the last day of my cycle if I am to get my period, which is due tomorrow.
My temp is still up, well, it dropped a fraction, but not a period-on-the-way drop at all. Still triphasic. Still confused and going craaazy!!! My temp actually isn't that accurate for this morning because I had a bad night. I woke at 4.45 from a weird dream (am having loooads of weird vivid dreams this week - at least one per night) and within 5 minutes I felt sick like nothing else. I had to go downstairs and pace about near the bucket!! I was scared, I felt that sick. I had tummy cramps and that, but the nausea eased off around 5am so I went back to bed. Couldn't seem to fall asleep and I normally temp between 7 and 7.30am, so if I don't have sleep before then, it won't be a basal body temperature, which it needs to be to reflect hormones, etc. But I temped at 7am anyway, just cause I didn't know if I would get any more sleep and I couldn't BEAR the idea of having no clue about my temp that day! It was 36.7, which is still up for me. Then I dropped off to sleep and woke just before 9am, so I temped again - 36.9. Neither of these are very accurate but oh well. I used the temperature corrector to get some idea of what the 36.9 might have been if I took it (accurately) at 7am, and it said 36.73, so that's what I entered on my chart. It was pretty much the same as my 7am temp anyway.
Ahhhhh the excruciating details of charting!!! Hehe!
Anyway all that is irrelevant, because the long and short of it is, my temp is still up. I expect a sharp drop tomorrow if I am to get my period. I am sooooo dreading taking it in the morning. I am soooo dreading morning itself!
I have had bad tummy cramps today and felt really queasy on and off. I am eating but mostly just dry cereal and toast with marmite. And raspberry and banana smoothie :) Not forgetting my prenatal vitamins. Neil is home today working on his latest assignment, so he's been on the computer ALL day so I can't get online to vent if I need to on this 205-hour-day!!! But oh well, it's important that he gets this work done quickly. He has cramps and uhm.... several visits to the toilet today! So maybe we "have" something? He doesn't have any nausea though, and we both get horrendous IBS now - last night's shenanigans were quite normal for me, it happens from time to time unfortunately, nausea and all. But Neil isn't usually this bad, so hmmm.
Anyway he feels fine other than cramps.
I have taken 2 naps today. I did silly things like reading the Sears' "The Pregnancy Book" and adrenaline-producing activities like that! ;) Silly girl. They have a list of early pregnancy symptoms. I have all but one of them. But of course periods like to play that game where they pretend they are pregnancies until the last minute, so I'm trying not to be too excited about that. I am not peeing frequently, that's the only thing. Shouldn't I be by now, if I were pregnant? Mind you, I am not drinking enough water lately.
Yesterday I discovered something else "different" for me - my cervix was reeeally high and soft. What?!! This is the most fertile cervix position, and I don't think I've ever had it at the end of a cycle. Today it's higher, but slightly less soft. Hmmm. Anyway, you know me, this prompted a huge search on the FF discussion boards to see if anyone had mentioned their cervix being high and soft at the end of their cycle. Sure enough, there were about 10 different threads over the last few months about that very topic, and everyone was saying, "Oh that's just what my cervix did right before I found out I was pregnant!" Two ladies (in different threads) even said, "That is a PREGNANT cervix!!" So yeah, you guessed, I got excited, like through the ROOF excited! Oh dear.
Yesterday I had a lot of pain in my nipples. Yup, you'll hear it all in DETAIL here! :) Just wait until I'm actually pregnant! Hehe! But anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, pain in my nipples. Just the underside mainly. Shooting pains. But I often get shooting pains here and there in my breasts in general leading up to a period. But this is soooo persistant and so focused. It's like hot painful flashes of electric prickles, that's just what it's like. And it just doesn't stop for HOURS. Yesterday it was bothersome, but this morning it kept me awake in bed. It eases off for a couple of hours here and there, but when it came back this afternoon I just wanted to cry. It's so sore and not even achy like I can soothe it. But if it's because of pregnancy I welcome it with open arms!!! At least it will go away tomorrow if it's not pregnancy.
See I have so many potentially pregnant symptoms. Yet I can't believe that tomorrow my temperature will stay high. I can't believe I'll really get a positive test or anything. Even with all these unusual pointers. I feel sure it will just drop tomorrow and then I'll get my period as it's due. I don't know what I'll do if that happens. I think maybe I'll try cosying down on the sofa with a favourite movie (trying to avoid ones with babies or pregnancies in them!) and try to keep telling myself that it's just a matter of time. That's becoming like my mantra or something, lately! It's helping me though.
I am nervous about being pregnant though. Last night when I was up feeling sick, I thought if this is due to pregnancy then I am beginning to feel like I don't know how I'll manage another 8 to 10 more weeks of this. I started to feel panicky and NOT want to be pregnant. That was weird, when I actually want it so much. I felt like, if you're pregnant then you're trapped on a rollercoaster. You made the decision to get on the ride and you got strapped in, and just as it started to move away from the platform, you start to feel the physical effects of the ride and you want to get off, but of course you can't. And the panic sets in that this ride is gonna last weeks and months, and you can't get off, no matter how ill the ride makes you. Scary.
But I would just have to try and remember to keep my eyes on the prize. I am scared about tomorrow morning because it will tell all. Either I will know I'm pregnant (probably), or I will know I'm definitely not. And if I am, I'm scared. And if I'm not, I'm scared, because how could I not be after all this? And how much more scary could the "real thing" be?
I will write tomorrow as soon as I can, but Neil will be working from home on the computer all day again, so I don't know how I'll do. My mum is waiting to hear what my temperature does! I sent her my chart in an email and every day I have to call her so we can talk about today's temp!! Hehe! I like sharing this with my mummy. I hope we're not all going to be crushingly disappointed. If I temp high or the same tomorrow, I will take another pregnancy test. Let's hope I don't have to get another negative if I'm really pregnant. I want my BFP!!! :)
Recent entries.....
Babies 7 and 8! :) - 2016-01-10
Babies 6 and 7! - 2013-02-17
Baby #5 !! - 2010-04-03
Nearly 3 months postpartum! - 2009-10-05
6 weeks old already! - 2009-08-25