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2004-02-25 - 10.03pm��previous entry��next entry
Can't really believe it now....!!
WOW, you guys are soooo nice leaving allll those lovely messages in my guestbook!!!! Thank you!! Reading them gave me the biggest grin, you would be amazed how wide I grinned reading your messages! Hehe!
Well it's now 9.40pm and I am tired right out, but I need to stay up till 10.30ish because I have several auctions ending at eBay that I simply MUST win!!! They are baby clothes of course. I have been waiting for them to close for 8 days since I first bid on them, and now I have added incentive, so I must win win win!!! :)
I stayed adrenaliney for quite a few hours after writing my diary entry this morning! But once it started to wear off, I started to get the disbelievy thing going on. You know the type of thing. I just can't believe I really got a positive test. I can't believe I am REALLY pregnant. Not, "Oh my gosh I just SO cannot believe this!!! Yay!!", but more like, "No actually, I am not sure I believe this is going to work." Which is kind of sombre on an exciting day but there you go! I feel like I am on edge all the time, like I am still waiting and wondering whether this amazing thing is really going to happen to me, or if this is just a taster and tomorrow my temperature will drop or I'll test negative, and it will all be snatched away again. Is that really bad of me to be so negative when I am so blessed today?
I just can't believe I will really carry a baby to term right now. It seems like it's not something I can do! I am getting anxious to go to bed and fall asleep, partly because I am feeling sooooo tired, but also because then the next thing I'll know, it'll be time to temp and test again, and that will confirm or end all this anticipation. I can't think why I'm still in the "anticipation" stage when I KNOW I got a positive pregnancy test this morning!! But I just can't believe it's true. I wonder if the test is false, or if I am seeing things, or imagining all my symptoms, or even (super crazy) if this is a dream and tomorrow it will be back to reality. I can't imagine not getting a period when it's due. That never happened to me before really. Surely it will turn up like normal, positive test or not? Silly, but that's how I keep feeling.
Well we went to a medieval castle today in the local area. My mum and dad went there on holiday when Mummy was about 8 weeks pregnant with me!!! She said she sat on the window seat in one of the castle bedrooms while a tour guide babbled on, and felt sick and grim! I didn't know about this until we were leaving to visit the castle today, it's soooo uncanny!! So Neil and I made sure to sit on every window seat in every bedroom in that castle to make sure we sat on the one Mummy did when I was in her tummy, just to be corny and repeat history :)
Today I have peed and peed like never before. I don't think I can make that one up, and I think I have had a normal amount to drink. I have peed like 9 times so far, and I am normally a "pee on rising and before bed - sometimes once in between" girlie. Also I am desperately hungry, every couple of hours. I can't bear the idea of sweet stuff, even biscuits or anything, and even savoury stuff has to be something thick and full of substance - not crisps or anything. So I have eaten all the bread. Daddy had to go out and buy more before we could eat a meal today!! I didn't realise I was eating so much, but it just fills the carb gap I seem to have. I absolutely can't get enough carbohydrate. We ate lunch about half an hour before going to the castle (about 45 mins drive away) and I had to take 3 slices of dry bread and a bottle of orange juice diluted with water, because I knew I would just be falling apart at the seams if I didn't have it when I got that particular variety of hunger! Sure enough, my stomach was cramping with hunger fit to make me fall over before we came home, and I ate and ate my way through the bread in the car on the way home. Bliss. Breaaad. I love bread. It's not a craving, I just need the carbs. I am hungry about an hour after eating my weight in bread. Crazy. But this evening we had salmon and I ate a few bites and couldn't eat any more. I felt kind of yucky because the texture seemed a bit soft and slippery which made me feel gross. Then I couldn't even eat bread after that.
I soooooooo don't want morning sickness. But I just want my bean so I will put up with it if I have to!
I am crampy. Ohhhh here's something new!!! Today I have been having occasional stabbing pains just above my pubic bone on my right side. Really owie stabby pains, they only last a second or two, or maybe four or five at the most. It really sears and hurts, but it goes away quickly and I am guessing this is the ligaments around my womb stretching as my womb swells a bit - I have read about this. I hope it's that, otherwise I am worried!! But it's always in the exact same spot.
My parents were kind of reserved about my news this morning, like they didn't want to get excited incase it wasn't true or went all wrong tomorrow or something. But now, by the evening, they are getting excited, and toasted Neil and I at dinner and congratulated us. We have all been talking about baby names this evening - being silly mostly, you know how it goes! But I have some favourite names. I have a girl vibe already, but yeah I'm probably just guessing. It's a 50-50 chance anyway, right?!
What else can I tell you tonight? I am crampy like my period is coming. Yes I said that. Well I am, and I know it's normal for this stage of pregnancy in a LOT of women, but it still makes me a little concerned. My period isn't even due yet, so I don't have the relief of being late for my period, which would reeally confirm it for me. I feel sure it will just turn up anyway. Yeah I said that already too.
I whacked my head yesterday!!! On a huge stone cellar ceiling that's been there for hundreds of years. Ow. But reeeeeeally hard. I heard my neck crack, and I have a lump on my head still. But we went for a walk around the vineyards after I did it, and I didn't go giddy or talk nonsense or feel super tired, so I think I am okay. Silly girl! I stood up hard under a low stone doorway. Owch. Yeah.
Today (you know me!) I am all, "Aaaahh, can that affect my pregnancy?!!!" when, hello?! Baby in STOMACH, whack on HEAD!! But urgh, I am so desperate for everything to be okay.
Sally, thanks so much for your message in my guestbook. I am so sorry you lost your little bean :( *hugs* I am praying that you will be blessed again with a bean and that everything will go perfectly this time.
That's all for tonight folks. I will test again in the morning. I am presuming (for the 3rd morning running!!) that my temp is sure to take a dip, because SURELY it can't keep going up any more?!! I have never had a higher temp than today's, so I expect to see it dip a bit really. If it dips a lot I will worry a bit, but if not that's fine. Hopefully I will still test positive tomorrow - the most perfect scenario for me would be a darker test line than today, to show me that my bean is growing and putting out even MORE hormone for my pee-stick!! :)
I will update again in the morning :) Thanks SO much again for the absolute outpouring of love and support, I am quite overwhelmed. You are all such lovely friends. xxx
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