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2005-09-25 - 9.30pm��previous entry��next entry
3 weeks, 4 days - how surreal is this?!
Wow, thank you all SO much for the lovely notes and messages and emails!!! I am really overwhelmed! It was so nice of you all to leave them for me, and I really enjoyed reading them all! :)
I am still pregnant! :) Three weeks and four days pregnant, to be precise! ;) I peed on a cheapy internet test and a Clearblue with my first morning urine (believe me, peeing on two sticks at once is not easy, hehe!), and they both came up positive, although I'm a bit annoyed that I didn't save the last Clearblue because they look exactly the same as yesterday's tests - no darker or anything yet. I guess I should have saved the Clearblue for another day. Oh well. They are faint but positive. I think the Clearblue was a touch darker, but I didn't take a photo soon enough. A couple of hours later when I thought to do so, the line had faded into a barely-visible half and a big bold dark half. It looked weird. I wish I had photographed it right after I did it. I only have two pregnancy tests left in the house now, and they are the cheapy ones. I definitely want to test tomorrow morning but maybe after that I'll wait a day before using my last test.
I was so excited to see my temperature up again this morning!! Yay! My chart looks so pwetty and pregnant! :) I can't wait to temp again tomorrow morning. I have no idea when my period might have turned up if I wasn't pregnant. Maybe I would have it by now? I think I probably would, given my previous LP lengths. The average LP length is 14 days (which mine has never managed to get to - before Arthur it was either 12 or 13 days, mostly 12), so that is 3 more days from now. I definitely want to temp and chart till then, maybe even a few more days than that. Then I will stop, I promise! ;) I just love charting!
One of my main symptoms today is that I am very crampy, on and off, but a lot of the time. It slightly freaks me out, but I know it's normal and I remember having quite a lot of cramping from 8DPO with Arthur, so I am trying my best to just ignore it and do something to distract me when it's bothersome. Sometimes I feel it in my back but it's mostly pressurey and crampy low down in front. I have been checking my pants a lot again today, for any signs of spotting or bleeding. I'm not obsessive about it, I just need to look now and then for reassurance. I guess I am trying to condition myself for seeing blood. I am kind of worried that I will bleed again like I did with Arthur. I know some women do bleed early on in each of their pregnancies, or more than one of them if they have had several. So I wonder if last time was a one-off or if I can expect to bleed again. It was so scary, and I'm dreading seeing blood. Right now, spotting would be normal, as implantation is still finishing up. But I'm scared of seeing bleeding. The good thing is that if it's like last time, I will know about it before I look at my underwear. I remember last time I felt it leaking (there was a lot of it) and that will be my warning sign if it happens again. I just hope hope hope I don't bleed. I feel chokey in my throat when I think of seeing blood like last time. Urgh.
Another major symptom today is that I am just SOOOO tired out! I took a nap with Arthur today but only got a restless 20 minutes before he needed resettling, and then my arms and legs got too restless to sleep. I went in the spare room to nap after a while and got another restless 20 mins or so. My mind was just racing about telling people about the pregnancy, dates for the future, what it will be like for Arthur to be a big brother, etc. Last night we started to wean him off the middle-of-the-night feeds properly. I need to write about that in my other diary. I really need my sleep these days, so it has to happen. It worked pretty well last night and I only nursed him at midnight and 6am (he normally wakes 3 or 4 times from my bedtime to his getting up time at 6am, yeurgh!)!! My right breast was like a rock at 6am! I'm glad though, because at least I still know my milk is there for now. I like confirmation of that on a daily basis, as it's something I'm a bit worried about. I hope it hangs in there for a good while yet. I hope tonight will go just as well, or better.
Anyway I am just exhausted.
The other thing that stood out today was hunger, like yesterday really. I am just hungry a lot. I seem to be mostly snacking instead of having set meals. Neil went to the supermarket today while Arthur and I napped (wonderful Neil!) and bought lots of nutritious snacks for me :) I am eating a lot of cottage cheese and water crackers. It tastes so good! I remember cottage cheese was a MAJOR thing for me last pregnancy. I sometimes ate four cottage cheese and tomato sandwiches a day!
My stomach feels sort of empty even when it's not. I snack and then feel like I didn't eat much and feel kind of yucky with it. I feel constantly like I need to eat a big satisfying meal, but the roast chicken dinner that I had this evening felt too much. By the time it was ready, I was just too tired to eat it, so I ended up leaving most of it :( Although I have been trying to nibble at some of it here by the computer for the last hour or so! I put the chicken in the fridge. I'll snack on that cold tomorrow.
I am also really bloated today. My tummy is all swollen and gassy, yuck! I know it's a normal pregnancy symptom though, plus I get evil IBS, so it could be that too.
My cervix is still high and closed and soft and all that. Just like it was when I was around this stage with Arthur! :) Bodega, I don't mind you asking me how you check your own cervix. I hope you don't mind that I'm not going to give you a blow-by-blow account here! ;) Here's a link from Fertility Friend which will tell you all about it :)
I feel hot today. Like it's too warm in the house, but I think it's just me. Oh oh oh, but I almost forgot - I have pregnancy nose again!!! Yay! I love things like that! My sense of smell and taste has suddenly changed gear to super-sensor!! I remember this from early on last time - about the same stage I think. I can taste garlic and onion CLEARLY in tomato ketchup. I know ours has those in because I checked the ingredients, but how amazing that I could taste them so specifically, individually! I'm not so sure I like the garlic in the ketchup now I can taste it so well. Which is a shame because I LOVE ketchup! I need my plate practically awash with it when we eat fish and chips or something!
Today I smelled when Arthur had weed in his nappy. Just having him play near me or giving him a cuddle. I have never been able to smell his wee before, even after a night in his nappy! He doesn't have strong smelling wee. He is so well hydrated though, so maybe that's why?! Also poo. Boy can I smell poo. Yack. I have a feeling that if I get morning sickness, changing a pooey nappy is going to be a very gaggy business! I hope not though.
Today I could smell cigarettes upstairs. I kept telling Neil I could smell them. I don't know how though, because we don't smoke, I don't think any of our neighbours smoke, and we aren't near a public area where people's smoke could get into our home. So weird. I smelt coffee in the kitchen near the sink, and we don't drink the stuff. But then I remembered we have a packet at the back of a cupboard for guests. The cupboard nearest the sink. I love my pregnant nose! It never ceased to amaze me last time, and it's still amazing to me now!
I got my pregnancy books out today and started reading through them for the first few weeks of pregnancy! How exciting! I remember so clearly doing that last time, and it feels like only yesterday somehow. I discovered some notes I wrote in one of them, and that was fun :) I also wrote out a calendar today, just a simple one (we don't seem to have one in the house!) for all the months between now and June. Then I marked the weeks of my pregnancy on it right to the due date, so I can see at a glance how many weeks pregnant I'll be at any given date.
My "new week" day is a Wednesday this time. Last pregnancy it was a Friday. Every Wednesday I will turn another week pregnant :) On Arthur's first birthday I will be exactly 10 weeks pregnant. I hope I won't feel too rough on such a special day. I will be 13 weeks on the last day of November, so I would expect our first scan to be the last week of November sometime. At Christmas I will be 16 and half weeks. On Neil's birthday I'll be exactly 21 weeks, and on mine I'll be almost 25 weeks. So I guess the scan where we might find out the baby's sex (which we hope to!) will be somewhere in the second half of January. I can't wait! :)
My mum asked me today if we have thought of any names yet. I don't know why but I had a really "YIKES!!" reaction to that question! It feels like it makes it waaaay too real to start thinking about names yet. I mean, of COURSE it's real, but it's still sinking in. I know I just made a calendar and plotted out my scans (!) but somehow thinking of names feels kind of scary. I think it adds a sense of attachment and I'm a bit scared about that right now, in case things go wrong.
One major thing that Neil and I still need to do is pray together about the pregnancy. We talked today when we were playing with Arthur, and we both really want to pray about things. We should offer God our praise and thanks first and foremost too, for what he has blessed us with! But I think if we pray, then we can relax a bit more, having given it all to God. What will be will be. He knows what is best for our family, and how things will go. I feel uneasy till I give things to God. I know I have his blessing already, but I want to bless him back from my lips and then I will feel like everything is right again. Maybe that will allow me to bond with my tiny one more without being so afraid. I know it doesn't make me immune to miscarriage, but I will somehow know that it's going to be okay if that happens, I guess. Like, there has to be a REALLY good reason why God would allow that to happen. Something that would bring about major blessings in the future, or perhaps allow ME to bless others through my experience and give him glory that way. But I hope SO much that he will bless me with a healthy pregnancy to term and a healthy baby at the end of it all!
Well I am bone tired now. The skin on my cheeks and under my eyes feels like it's hanging so heavily that it almost hurts. I really want to get in bed and sleeeeep! Neil is watching a movie. I want to pray before hitting the hay. I think I will go and brush my teeth and then see if a) Arthur has woken yet to nurse, and b) Neil's movie has finished. If neither, then I think I'll fall into bed. I'll try to update again tomorrow, but there seems to have been less time to update than usual today because the times I normally sneak online to catch up are during Arthur's naps, and I seem to need to sleep with him during those now. I'm sorry I can't get back to emails right away too. I hope I won't leave those too long!! Thank you all for your lovely words! xxx
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