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2008-07-19 - 10.51pm��previous entry��next entry
8DPO!!!!!
Yes, that's right folks!! I'm EIGHT days past ovulation, and it's 10.50pm, so nearly NINE! My temp is still up, though it was 36.6 instead of my highest temp of 36.7 that I had yesterday. I have no period yet, and noooo signs of it coming. I'm 3 days past when I expected my period to show, going by my history at this stage postpartum.
I'm soooo tired again today (hmmm!), so I can't spend a million years writing an entry like I usually do. I've got plenty that I want to write though, so I'll try to be brief and to-the-point (you can stop laughing).
A whole 24 hours has passed since I wrote last, and here is how I feel about things tonight:
I feel absolutely definitely 100% (well, okay, better say 99.9999%!) sure that I am pregnant. I really can't believe I am though! It seems craaaazy.
My cheapy internet pregnancy tests arrived in the post this morning! When my temp was still up when I woke, I knew I was only 8DPO but still, I felt like I couldn't bear waiting if those tests were going to arrive! So I held on and waited - boy did I need to go for a wee! The postman didn't come till 10.30am!!! I was about to give in and go but then he arrived :)
So I tested, and it was negative. The weird (or maybe not?) thing is, I was SO completely surprised that it was negative. I just FEEL pregnant, and like I "know it in my knower" or something. However, I know it's probably way too early to test at only 8DPO! Even if I would have a good clear positive in 2 days or something, it could still quite realistically be negative at this stage. My earliest test with my other babies was 10DPO (Matthew). And Nathan's 11DPO positive was much stronger than both Matthew's first one AND Arthur's at 12DPO, so I felt sure I could have tested positive with Nathan earlier.
Now, being Obsesso-Woman (!), you know that I did not throw that test stick away, but instead squinted at it for five minutes straight until my eyes were square and I was seeing stars! ;) Because, the white blankness that is supposed to be pink when you're pregnant and it's a second line, had a definite tinge of hint-of-off-white to it, hehe! I know I'm crazy :) Humour me! I know all about evaporation lines, although I have never never had one with this brand of internet tests - they have all been really reliable and clear for me, and the second line just stays stark white on a negative. So stark white, that when the test stick is left till it dries out a bit and gets kind of old (nice!) the whole stick yellows slightly (for obvious reasons, hehe - how delightful!) - EXCEPT for the stark white line. The pink control line darkens to purple. I have done a LOT of these tests in my time! ;)
So I let it dry out, as I was getting nowhere just weakening my eyesight staring at the stick. Later I came back to it, knowing that anything with any colour would darken slightly (like the pink control line). I just wanted to be sure that the stark white line would stay stark white. But it didn't. It's a barely-there whisper of a shade of pink - not a pinkish stripe up the middle of the stark white line (like I've had before once) - the whole white line was a big fat barely-there whisper of a shade of pink. Neil sees it too. I can't possibly consider it because it was seen WELL outside of the time frame for the test, and lots of people would simply declare it an evaporation line, even when I know that these tests have never given me one before. It still *could* be.
But I personally feel that I AM pregnant, and at 8DPO, that test couldn't really pick up the tiny amount of HCG in my urine, but there was just about enough to leave a shade of something slight that's barely visible. Tomorrow (presuming my temp is still up) I will test again, and I am really really expecting a positive test, however faint. If not tomorrow then the next day. If it's anything stronger than today's not-really-there touch of colour, it will be more visible still, right? And I will have today's to compare it to. I will be 9DPO tomorrow so it's getting more and more likely that I'll see that second line if I'm pregnant. I can't believe I am about to be NINE days past ovulation. I absolutely have to be pregnant!!! There is really no doubt at all in my mind any more.
Let's see, things to report from today....
I have had a few incidences of fairly strong periody cramps today, but they're more off than on, and they're all the same feeling - a strangely "squeezing" pressurey feeling within the cramp itself (somewhat familiar to me from early pregnancy the last few times). Not really like period cramps as such any more. I am still having no more of the bad cramps that I had for 3 days straight from 4DPO to 6DPO. The temp dip was at 5DPO so it looks pretty promising to me for implantation.
This evening and late afternoon I have had increasing episodes of stabbing, flashing and poking pains on my left side from pubic bone (just behind/below it) up to almost hip height. Also have had a sort of hurty bruisey feeling around my pubic bone on the left. It's absolutely exactly as I remember it from my previous pregnancies at this stage. It's one of the main reasons that am absolutely convinced I really am pregnant.
Have checked my underwear quite a bit too, as I've felt like my period was starting, but it never was.
I feel a bit weepy and easily overwhelmed today, and also not as tolerant of the boys' noise or bad behaviour (of which there has been a fair amount lately) too. But then that seems to come in fits and starts too, because at other times they've both been really difficult and Nathan has been crying (all 3 have now got the horrible chesty cough and cold that Arthur started a few days ago), and I've felt calmer than I ever normally feel and handled it great - distracting with fun imaginary games, and disciplining as necessary, etc. Neil has pointed out that I'm irritable, which I see as well and have been charting it for a few days running. But it's SOOOO much milder than when I was pregnant at this stage with Nathan. About the same as with the older boys maybe? Less than I would expect before a period.
It's sore to breastfeed today - I have had to cut the older boys short and Matthew (being poorly and still nursing to sleep for his nap) was less than impressed and threw some spectacular snot-tastic tantrums. Poor lovey! Nathan is also nursing a bit more than usual with his poor cough bothering him and waking him up during the evening. It could be a wakeful night so I must hurry this up! If I'm pregnant - I mean, if the tests finally confirm what I feel sure to be the case! ;) - then I am thinking I must be in a pretty unique situation! Breastfeeding THREE and pregnant again! I would never have imagined it in my LIFE! But, although I want my little ones to self-wean, that plan will change. I feel somewhat sad about it, but needs must, I think. I am going to look into Dr. Sears' gentle weaning method for the older nursling, and follow it through with Arthur by his 4th birthday (in November) I think. I expect Matthew to self-wean somewhere around the time that Arthur does, as they nurse together 2 out of the 3 times he breastfeeds. The only time he nurses on his own is at his naptime, and who knows how much longer he'll be napping for anyway. I will want to seriously reserve any and all milk I produce for Nathan. It breaks my heart to think that I am very unlikely to produce the milk he needs up until his first birthday, so will have to end up supplementing him with formula. I usually dry up completely by 18 weeks (20 last time) and the supply starts going down from 9 weeks. I will be praying for God to please please miraculously let my breasts produce plentiful milk for Nathan despite pregnancy, until he's old enough not to need it for his main nutrition any more.
Okay, what else before I go to bed?
Couldn't eat dinner tonight - it was pasta and homemade sauce that I have been making and enjoying for yeeeears. I make it with tomatoes and pesto and various other things. Neil bought the classic type of pesto (has cheese in) instead of green pesto, and it just seemed yucky to me and I didn't want to eat it. The taste wasn't nice enough for my taste buds or something, though it was pretty similar to what I'm used to still. I ate boiled egg for lunch, which I just reeeally wanted to eat straight with added SALT!!! I think I have only really done that during a couple of my first trimesters before.... It was wonderful!
I was ravenous this morning, and scrunchingly hungry 2 hours after breakfast (before noon!), so I charted increased appetite. Also definitely peeing more this evening (from late afternoon) for no particular reason (ie no extra fluids), so I charted frequent urination as well.
I feel a bit yucky and queasy this evening, but I'm so bloated and gassy (have been for 3 days), which is VERY pregnant of me, for me personally anyway! I'm also absolutely exhausted again today. Which could definitely be pregnant of me.
I spoke to my mum on the phone this evening, because I want to give her a heads-up so that she can do all her, "Oh NO!" and "Ohhhh God..." and so on in advance, and NOT right after I've said something like, "Great news! I'm pregnant!" She's just like that about babies on the way, if it's anything outside of what she would personally be happy with (max of 2 kids and at least 2.5 years apart). She IS happy for us, but it takes her a few moments to get past the, "Whatever are you going to doooo?!?!" aspect of it, apparently. It bugs me, but oh well. I know this about her now, so I can plan ahead and if I think I'm going to get a positive pregnancy test the next morning, I can phone her the night before and warn her, hehe! She knows I will call tomorrow around 10am if my test is positive. I know she'll clutch herself in horror (sort of, not horror, but you know) if the phone starts ringing around 10am tomorrow! I'll just ring her as usual in the evening if it's not positive or I get my period. So I guess she can breathe easy if there's NO phone call in the morning!
I love my mummy though, and we are so close. We just have whooooolly different views on this matter. She said that if I'm not pregnant after all, Neil must make sure he doesn't go near me for a few more months (MONTHS?!?!). *sigh* I said that, um, we weren't exactly planning to do things that way.... And she said, "What?" So I said that, um, we were thinking we might, um, not use contraception any more. Why do I feel soooooo silly and like a small (foolish!) child admitting this thing I feel so happy and convicted about to my mum?! I know she would not approve. But anyway, so there was a not-too-happy pause, and then with a slightly panicked tone, "But you'll have a baby every year!!!!" I said, "Maybe...."
If I am pregnant then it has rather thrown me for a loop! I am absolutely not fertile at this stage postpartum, nor for a few months afterwards - ovulating, yes, but not able to support a pregnancy yet. So it was completely unexpected really! But that just points me even more to the fact that it simply HAS to be God's timing, God's perfect plan. If he'd left it to us, there's no way we'd have planned it now. God is good! I will be needing to lean on him harder than ever if tomorrow goes like I think it will go.
There's still the potential that my temp will drop in the morning, just like it could do at any point. I am really not expecting it to because of all my symptoms and just how the pit of my abdomen FEELS like all sorts of miraculous things are taking place in there - it tingles and twinges and cramps weirdly and then stops suddenly, and then feels bruised for a moment, and so on. I still feel otherwise very neutral, and very un-like my period is on the way. Plus, my chart just looks pretty and pregnant :)
I think even if my temp DOES drop tomorrow morning, so long as it's not below the coverline, I will test anyway. I really see something ever-so-slight on today's test, albeit too late to count it. So I'm hopeful about tomorrow's.
I will keep you all posted! We are not going to church tomorrow because of the boys' coughs (which they caught from church in the first place - why do people bring their obviously germy kids to church?!?! Tsk!). We don't think it's fair to spread it around, never mind if others seem to think it's fine. Neil starts his new job THE NEXT DAY!!!! so we'll be getting last minute things done. Can you believe the craziness of this week?!?! Sick kids (Neil has a mild version too though - mind you, a MAN'S mild version, lol! He's complaining aplenty!), new job for the first time in 9 months, and oh, "I'm pregnant again! Have a nice day at your new job, dear, while I look after our 3-year-old, 2-year-old and SIX-MONTH-OLD!" ;)
Yikes!
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