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2004-01-24 - 7.47pm��previous entry��next entry
More ramblings....
Hello again! If you visit my normal diary you can see the tumbleweeds rolling about. My poor diary is being neglected while I am so obsessed with this one! Heh. Thanks Katie for your guestbook message! :)
Well today is 7 days past ovulation. My period should be due next weekend, so another week to go.
I am eating a hotdog as I type this. Well not literally, I have put it down just while I type a few paragraphs, you know! I carried on wanting a hotdog yesterday, although today I haven't really felt that way. But I went to the supermarket for some other supplies and decided to buy a pack of hotdogs and buns just incase I felt the need again! So now we are eating hotdogs for dinner. They're yucky really. Neil thinks maybe I am needing extra fat for some reason, that's why I seem to be craving fast foods. Hmmm. I still am probably not pregnant though, I'm just weird.
Today I went shopping in town and I bought a baby soft padded coaty thing, only like a sleeping bag because it's got no feet. It has a hood. It's cream coloured velour and has a brown teddy on the front and really pretty teddies printed on the lining. It's all padded and squidgy, and it's newborn size. It was in the sale and I couldn't resist. Tsk. I'm terrible. But it's staring at me from the sofa and I LOVE it! :)
Looked at a lot of other baby clothes in town as well, but was much more restrained!
I started making that gorgeous fabric into wraps today. I can't sew them together yet because I am waiting on an order from the fabulous One Stop Diaper Shop. They just got new stocks of Malden Mills fleece (woohoo!!) so I bought some. I know, but I have Christmas money to spend so there! I bought a yard of amber/gold lightweight windpro fleece, and a yard of the same type of fleece in sage green. They are colours I don't have at all, and this type of fleece is the ultimate, most superior fleece you can ever possibly think of buying (!!) for making a fleece wrap. It is super water-tight because it's windpro, but super slim-fitting because it's lightweight. I don't have any like this yet so I can't wait to receive it. Also I bought a yard of lime green microfleece, and a yard of beige microfleece. I am hoping the beige will match my gorgeous fabric better than the butternut I have already. I also bought a few yards each of 5 different colours of touchtape (velcro-like stuff) for making fasteners for the nappies. I like colours! :)
Hmmmnnn what else? Oh I got yet ANOTHER package in the post this morning from eBay - no, two! I got a little red fleece embroidered dress with a cream top for 6-12 months (straight in the bag to pack away!), and a tiiiiny little lavendar-coloured dress with a gorgeous little trim and velvet ribbon. It has no sleeves so I need a little top to go under it. Okay, yes, also I need a baby to go in it. Obviously. But blah, let me have my fun!!! Anyway it is soooo cute because it's size tiny baby. It will probably get used like once (if we even have a girl), but who cares. It is gorgeous. I love it. And it was less than �1. So yay! :)
Today in town I bought 2 bras (AT LAST!!!) that actually fit me!!! Woohoo!! They are not maternity bras but they have no underwire so I can wear them when pregnant as long as I fit them for (ie. not for long!). For some reason I have outgrown all my normal bras since we've been TTC, and now I never shrink back to that size after my period anymore, so I rotate my two maternity bras all the time. Which is getting tiresome! All that laundry! So yay, I have 2 more that fit.
On Tuesday I have my blood tests. Yuck. I hate blood tests. But I don't find them too scary or anything, just horrid. So I'll be glad when that's done. But I know it will say I ovulated. I always do, which I'm thankful for.
There were so many babies in town today, all looking cute beyond cute. Some new babies are really not that cute. It probably sounds really horrible of me, but I don't agree that all babies (newborn, that is) are beautiful. Some are really ugly (yikes, how harsh of me!). Well it's true! But some are soooooo cute. And the uglier ones always turn into cute babies after about 6 months or so, always. But alllll the babies in town today were cute. There seemed to be hundreds everywhere, in slings, in pushchairs, in prams, in arms, in carseats, EVERYWHERE. Asleep, awake, feeding, crying, smiling. My insides crumpled every single time I laid eyes on one of them. And there were quite a few ladies with large pregnant bumps too. I get so envious. Not seething or anything, just empty envious.
I have a lovely friend who is due her first baby next month, around my birthday, and she got pregnant right as I was about to start TTC. You'll probably know if you were reading my diary then, that I had a huuuuge problem with this. I have had hardly any contact with her for her whoooole pregnancy and I feel so bad. I can't believe she is nearly due and I have just avoided her. Once or twice I made a huge effort and got in touch, but basically I've been a crap friend. Anyway, she is on my mind alllllllllll the time at the moment, and believe me, all those 'l's were really necessary. It's driving me crazy. It's so much easier and less painful not to think about her at all, but I can't seem to do that. I just know it's going to be hard for me no matter what, when she has her baby, and I don't know how to handle that. I keep thinking about it. It doesn't matter if her baby is a boy or a girl. If it's a girl, I'll be like, "Ahhh I'm so envious that they got the little girl she said she wanted! Why is it all peachy and easy for them and not for us?!!" Or if it's a boy, I will be thinking, "Ahhh I'm so envious that they got the little boy I told her *I* wanted (at the time - now I honestly have no preference). Why do they get what I was longing for even though it wasn't even their exact dream, and we don't?!!!"
You see? It makes me feel horrid. But I can't shift it no matter how I try. It sounds awful to say I'm dreading it, but I sort of am.
I want to get pregggggnnnnaaaannnnttt!! Did I say that enough lately? I am whiney. I will stop this entry now! Maybe I am getting pre-periody grumpy already. But whatever happens I am still having fun with baby clothes and nappies :) Ohhhh my stomach hates that hotdog. Hates it. My intestines are shouting at me, "What did you have to go and do a stupid thing like that for?!?!" *sigh* Oh well.
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