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2004-01-23 - 1.12pm��previous entry��next entry
6 DPO and lonnng rambly entry!
Thanks Meg and Judy for your guestbook messages! Hehe, I LIKE being such a bad influence Judy! ;) It's so much fun! Heh.
Well I'm updating here a lot at the moment, aren't I? And not really doing much with my normal diary. I just want to keep updating here, that's all. Yesterday I wanted to write an entry soooo bad, but I didn't really have anything to write and I felt like I only just wrote an entry the day before, so I didn't. Maybe I should have done another one anyway? Oh well.
So here I am with not a lot to say (again!). I am on CD.... oh I lose count. Twenty-something. Anyway I'm 6 days past ovulation today. Not too much to report really. Yesterday morning I wanted another McDonalds burger but the pull wasn't so strong and I was NOT about to eat another one anyway the day after just having one! So I stayed where I was and the urge passed pretty quick. So maybe I'm just being extraordinarily piggy lately? Who knows.
Yesterday evening I was queasy, but I get that a lot with my IBS so that's probably why. We watched Doc Hollywood on TV, and my mood was really weird yesterday evening, like I was all irritable. I love that movie, but for some reason I was squirming about hardly able to keep watching because I felt like it was too cheesy to watch. Which is not like me at all. But it really bugged me. It made me want to scratch my ears off (!!). I was lying on the bed a bit earlier on that evening with my knees up, and Neil sat next to me and put his chin on my knee. Poor Neil. I was like, "GET OFF!!" - well, not quite that rude, but I tried to calmly inform him that I was feeling irritable to the point of all my skin prickling at the slightest touch, so would he mind removing his chin from my knee please? But inside I was trying to stifle a reflex-like jerk away from his chin and a huge outpouring of snappy-wifeness. Of course he saw right through the calm request, did this little grin and said, "I think you're pregnant!"
I love to hear that, but it prickles at my irritability as well, maybe because I am scared to get my hopes up or pin pregnancy on any little sign from my body, because it feels to me like I am much more likely NOT to be pregnant, since I haven't been for the last 7 tries. Plus I could just be a grumpy wife at the moment. Or beginning to be hormonal as I head towards another period.
Today I went to Suspenseful's diary and read back all her entries from the start to finding out she was pregnant. I have done that a few times over the time I've been trying to get pregnant. I find it calming and reassuring, because she has THE most beautiful baby girl now, Meredith, and she started her diary when she started TTC, which took 14 months. Plus she has PCOS and only ovulated a few times in that time. So on the whole it is a reassuring read, and I read through it all over again whenever I feel the need. She had all the same feelings that I do now, and look, now she has this gorgeous little girl. So one day it will be me. I feel like it's more possible when I read Suspenseful's diary.
Tra la laaa, what else can I write?
I have stabbing pains in my nipples today, which I would normally be ecstatic about, but hmmm, it has happened too many other cycles as well, so I'm trying hard to NOT be excited about that.
On Sunday it's Neil's birthday. Ohhhh this is sooo sweet - he phoned me up about an hour ago from work, just to remind me to take the car in for a service, and then right out of nowhere he said, "I think you're going to be a good mummy." I was like, "Where did that come from?!" And he said he was thinking about it this morning while he was working, and he just wanted to tell me. My husband is so cute. I love him to bits. I told him he will be a GREAT daddy, because it's true, I know he really will be. I can't wait till it's time.
Yesterday I finished making a nappy that's been sitting around unfinished for AGES. It's got a blue flannel outer with cars and trucks all over it, and white sherpa against the baby's skin. It's cute. Not one of my favourites, but definitely cute. My camera batteries have run out and I don't have any replacements, so I can't take any photos right now. But I'll get new batteries soon!
I did lots of clearing and sorting of baby clothes and nappy-making stuff yesterday. It took me 3 or 4 hours!!!! I have SO many snaps (poppers) now that they needed sorting. So I put all the male stud sockets in one little ziplock bag (I think there are over 200!!), all the female sockets in another, all the open spikey things (!!) in another, and then I seperated all the coloured caps into groups and bagged them. I have HUNDREDS. I don't think I will need to buy any more in the near (or distant!) future. I have bags of black, white and silver; red and orange; 3 different yellows; 2 different purples; 4 different pinks; 4 different blues; and 3 different greens. Phew! That took me a LONG time to sort.
Then I cleared the baby wardrobe out completely. I dumped everything on the floor, rigged up a makeshift shelf inside the wardrobe, and started sorting the clothes. I even made a pile of things I will resell or give to charity (already!!), because there are some things I got in a bulk lot that I don't like, even though I loved some other items in the lot. I put everything into age categories - tiny baby, newborn, 0-3 months, 3-6 months, and 6-12 months. Plus maternity clothes, baby bedding, and baby slings and carriers!!
There is WAY too much stuff to cram into that wardrobe now, so I will have to bag up the 3-6 month and 6-12 months clothes and
Oh my gosh. I want a hotdog. I mean REALLY want one. right then and there as I was typing away merrily about bagging clothes up, suddenly it's like I can taste a hotdog and it's making me want one like NOTHING else!!! I know I don't REALLY want a hotdog, because like McDonalds, I loathe hotdogs. I haven't eaten one since I was 15. No wait, I'm lying, I had one in Central Park in Sept 2002, because we were going to fall over if we didn't eat something and there was only this hotdog stall. Neil got food poisoning from his. Yuck yuck yuck. Infact the very thought is making me feel kind of sick, but I still want one. This is why it is weird, all these foods that are basically fast foods that I NEVER eat and haven't desired in any way, shape or form since my teens. Weird. But trying not to get too excited.
Fortunately for my stomach/general system, I don't think there's anywhere I can buy a hotdog around here. I would have to buy a batch in the supermarket, and buns, and cook them myself. But I want a hotdog that's all cooked and ready to eat, and loads of ketchup all on it. Mmmm. YUCK, what am I thinking?! Urgh. I need a hotdog. My mouth is watering. If I'm not pregnant, I am being pretty weird lately.
Anyway I will ignore it. Where was I? Oh yes, I need to bag up all the bigger clothes. I stacked slings, maternity bras and bedding (and the wedge cushion!) on my temporary shelf, and then I put neatly folded maternity clothes on the left side under the shelf, and folded baby clothes on the right - 0-3 month stuff at the back, and newborn/tiny baby stuff at the front. Plus I hung up about a dozen more outfits. It was lots of fun to match little pinafore dresses or dungarees with cute little tops from my ever-expanding collectinn! Anyway, my wardrobe is neatly stuffed (!!) now and although I am due some more baby things in the post (and I found a stack of maternity clothes in our bedroom), nothing else is going to fit in there whatsoever. So hmmm, I will cross that bridge when I come to it!
Today in the post I got a red corduroy padded all-in-one coaty thing with a hood and a tartan lining. It's gorgeous, and looks unused. It was 80p. And a little slightly padded all-in-one outfit for a newborn, in pale blue with Peter Rabbit printed all over. I like Peter Rabbit. I showed my mum the picture of that one when I was in France and she lovvvvves it. I think it's her favourite item of baby clothing that I've bought so far. I also got a denim dress with cute embroidery for 6-9 months.
I have found some gorgeous fabric for making the outer part to a nappy wrap, at eBay. It's sort of an animal print again, but it has a texture like velour and it's sooooo soft. It's like a dark golden colour with black spots all different sizes. I love it. I put it in the wash on hot and tumble dried it on hot, because if it was going to get ruined by that at least I would know I couldn't use it for nappies. But it has come out PERFECT, woohoo! So I have already cut two wrap shapes out of it, and I have put a bid on the other piece from the same seller at eBay, because it is fantastic quality. I know I can sell these on, so I am not worried about making too many. I reckon I will get one small, one medium, and one large wrap out of all the fabric together (if I win this other piece). So far I have managed to get a small and a medium out of the first piece. Ahhhh I love making nappies!
Well that is probably all. Yesterday all I wanted to say was "Waaaaaaaahh, I want to be pregnant!!!!", so obviously there wasn't much point in me making a whole entry just to say that! I still feel that way, but am also starting to be a bit nervous that this might be it, and I might be getting pukey fairly soon if it is.... Yikes. And there's nothing I can do to stop it if it does happen. Except I have all my remedies ready and waiting to try out, just incase! I have travel sickness wrist bands and the Morningwell tape (I think I made a link about that in my links page if you're interested). I hope one or both of those work if I do end up needing them. Plus I will buy in stack loads of crackers! Anything to help if I get nauseous. I have a feeling I will need to change my toothpaste. It already makes me feel yacky when I brush my teeth. I need a fresher minty taste. I can't think what's wrong with the one I have, but all I know is it makes me feel gaggy at the moment.
Oh once yesterday I gagged on my own saliva when I swallowed, for no reason at all. Isn't that nice? Don't I write pleasant things?! Hehe. But I want to write all this stuff incase it's relevant in hindsight, you know.
I soooooooooooooo don't want to be pukey/gaggy when I'm pregnant. But mostly I just soooooooooooo want to actually BE pregnant. I will try to remember how much I wanted it when I am hurling my guts up. I think a sense of perspective is important in these matters! ;)
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