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2005-08-06 - 11.31pm��previous entry��next entry
Fifth postpartum cycle - luteal phase issues
Long overdue update, but never mind! I updated my blinkies - you likey? This diary is starting to be a "thinking about trying to conceive" diary again, like it was at the very beginning, and Arthur is almost 9 months old and suddenly crawling, standing, cruising, climbing, and seeming like much more of a big boy than ever before! And here I am sort of thinking ahead to a new tiny bean. So I changed the "I heart my BABY boy" blinkie to a "little boy" one! It feels soooo surreal to think like this!
Also I added a few about the kind of mama I am, and about God cause he's just fab. And I'm soooo excited about my two new ones at the bottom there! I couldn't use them before but they are relevant now - wheeee! Wanting but waiting is how I am at the moment. And today I requested a blinkie to be made all for me (!!) by some clever person at Fertility Friend, and they made it for me so fast!! So there it is. Getting ready to TTC number 2. So exciting! Of course we're not there yet, and it's not the right time yet, so nothing is really happening at this stage, but I'm excited to think ahead!
Last cycle had a 6 day luteal phase and weird low temps again after ovulation. Pfthth. Of course that's okay really because I am still almost exclusively breastfeeding and I am lucky to even have my periods back at all. I stopped hating my period when we were TTC Arthur. It was always such a drag and something I moaned about a lot, but even when it broke me up to see it arrive when I had hoped to be pregnant, I never got so that I really hated it. To me, my period meant the chance to try again. I was seeing soooo many women out there at the time who were on like CD 200 waiting to ovulate or waiting for their period to show in yet another anovulatory cycle. I realised how blessed I was to have regular fertile cycles, whether I was getting pregnant when I wanted to or not. I am so glad to see my period every month it shows up at the moment, even though my cycles aren't fertile enough and it's not time to make use of them yet, and even though I feel like carp when I have my period, because it reminds me that I am blessed to be able to have children. I know I want another baby soon and my period pops up now and again to say, "Hello! Not long now, and I'll be useful again!" It's nice and comforting.
But. Although we don't need to TTC again just yet, I am getting slightly antsy about my shorter than short luteal phase. Six days was one less than the previous one, although still better than the first two. So this cycle I have started a daily supplement of 50mg Vitamin B6. I did a LOT of reading online about it, and it seems to have a high success rate for two things: 1) bringing back ovulation to a little (or a lot) earlier in the cycle, and 2) lengthening the luteal phase. Some women find it doesn't help. Most with the above issues DO find it helps, either a little or a lot. Some don't see a difference on 50mg, and then see a big improvement when they up the dose to 100mg daily. I read books and online articles to find out the safe dose of Vit B6, and it seems that 50mg or 100mg is fine, for me and for Arthur (through breastfeeding). The main thing seems to be not to take more than 200mg daily. Soooo I'm trying it out.
I started 50mg daily from CD2 and I haven't missed a day so far. I also started my prenatal vitamins from CD2! Now isn't that exciting?!!! I remember starting those a couple of months before TTC Arthur and, since I truly believed I would fall pregnant on the first month trying (!), I would pop one each day and say out loud, "There you go, baby!" Heh. I was just soooo excited to be doing something that would physically affect my very own baby (who I couldn't imagine would really exist at that point!). So cool that I'm doing it again, but it's too surreal for me to be thinking of another baby as I do it. I just do it because. You're meant to. Just in case it's sooner than we planned it. You never know.
Well my temps have been a bit more stable this cycle so far. I have been much more focused on temping this cycle and I just love it! I love charting my cycle each day and seeing it toddle along across my chart as the month progresses! I am daft ;)
Today is CD16 and this morning when I entered my temp on my chart, FF gave me a coverline to say I had ovulated 3 days ago!!! Wha??! Of course I had done no such thing, and I got the opinions of a few other FFers who thought the same as me. My temp had a big dip on CD13, and then rose back up to normal (where it stayed since), so the software decided I had ovulated that day. Silly software. Happily, this evening I discovered I have EWCM and a fertile cervix, so FF changed its mind when I entered that data on my chart, and decided I hadn't ovulated after all! ;)
I'm pleased to see fertile signs at CD16 though, because it's the earliest so far since I had Arthur. I seem to have about 4 days of fertile signs before I ovulate at the moment, and last cycle I didn't get fertile signs till CD18. And later the previous cycles. So I hope that will mean I will ovulate a tad earlier than before. Maybe the B6? Or maybe just working its way back naturally anyway. I am eager to see what my LP will be like on the first month of B6. I will up it to 100mg if nothing changes.
We have tentatively re-discussed TTC in September for a June baby. We keep thinking that we would like to, and then completely changing our minds! I swing to complete opposites on this subject. Like I will be desperate for September to roll around so we can TTC, and so eager to have another baby. And then the next day (or 5 minutes later!) I want to back away from such an idea with my eyes squeezed shut and hide away from even thinking about the December idea! Arthur seems so little and needy and he's still so dependent on my milk. My back is still soooo buggered. I asked my osteopath last session about TTC again. I said we had plans to TTC again from the end of the year, and had even considered before then. She said, "Hmmm, that gives us a few months to play with" (not inspiring confidence!) and said she would like to see my back stronger for my next pregnancy. She says it is pretty weak at the moment. And I also asked her about the awful pubic bone pain I had throughout my last pregnancy. I asked if there was anything that could be done to prevent it happening again. She said it's basically very likely that I will suffer with the same thing again. I should try to strengthen my back and pelvis as much as possible BEFORE getting pregnant, to have the best chance of avoiding bad discomfort during pregnancy, but I should probably expect to have SPD next pregnancy too. Bleugh. If I have that, how will I carry Arthur? Not to mention how will I SLEEP?!
Soooo should I stop with this nonsense about itching to TTC again soon, and pay attention to my body for as long as it takes (maybe a while?), or just go for it? In the end, my osteopath said if you want to have another baby, just go for it. Your body will manage somehow! Ideally my back should be stronger, but it would manage. Not without discomfort probably, but there we go. So that keeps coming into our thoughts about TTC and confusing my feelings about it all!
Why is making babies such a complicated issue?!
Anyway. If we do happen to tentatively TTC in September, that means NEXT MONTH!!!!! Yikes!! That is crazy. Arthur would only be 10 months old, and the age gap would be 19 months, if we did conceive. I don't think we would. I almost just want to give it a whirl anyway, because I feel like it's not that likely. We didn't conceive easily last time (I KNOW it changes!), and my cycle is so far unable to support a pregnancy. If we didn't conceive then oh well. I guess I might be disappointed but that other side of me that is backing away would probably breathe a sigh of relief! Or else it wouldn't and then I'd KNOW I was ready to try again. And if we DID conceive then aside from the total panic about Arthur's babyhood being obliterated and fears about his precious mama milk disappearing, we would be thrilled. So maybe....
We are thinking of lots of change at the moment though. We need to move. We can't afford to stay in London if we want a bigger house to raise a family in, and time is a-tickin'. Plus Neil wants to change his career. He wants a geography/land-based job, rather than an office career. That is what he got his degree and diploma in, and what he is studying for his Masters, and he really isn't happy or fulfilled in his office job, so a change needs to happen. But this will result in a pay-drop. Could be quite a significant one. And the geography-based jobs are not here where we live. They are a couple of hours drive outside of London, at the nearest. Or way down the other end of the country. I don't want to move too far (heck, I don't want to move at all! I am a homebird, and this is where I have lived all my life) so we have been looking at jobs and house prices and schools and churches in a couple of specific towns. I think we have found where we want to go, but it will depend on Neil getting a job there. Thanks to this house being worth a lot more than houses out there, we can afford a nice family home if we move out there. But it will be a big change and a huge wrench away from all I have ever known for me. We have been talking about whether we need to plan another baby around this big change, but we can't predict the timing, and we would go anyway, whether we were TTC, expecting a baby, or new parents. NOT ideally with a newborn! But you just have to go with it. We spent some time praying together about it, and that has made things feel way better. I know God has it all in his hands and I know he has plans to bless us and not to harm us. I trust him completely, so praying about it helps me lots.
So maybe we will TTC next cycle, fertile LP or not? Or maybe not. Probably not though. But maybe. Hmmm. We would actively AVOID it the following 2 months because we would want to avoid a July or August baby. That sounds weird probably, especially to people with lovely jubbly July or August babies (of which there are many especially cute ones here at Diaryland!), but I keep hearing too much about how it is so much more "difficult" with starting school to have a late summer baby. September is a good time to have a baby. June is late in the school year but we would consider it. Even though we wanted a baby so much last time, we did avoid October and November when TTC for this reason. Although, Cameron died late in September so the fact that I was struggling and grieving was another major reason that we decided to take a 2 month break. Soooo we would then fall back on our original plan of TTC from December, for a September baby. I hope it would not take us too long this time, as I would like a smallish gap between our first two kiddos. No BFP by the time the gap would be two years would start to make me antsy. But I am a bit like that anyway! ;)
Okay, I think that is all I wanted to update about. It's late and I meant to update my normal diary but I am fuzzy in my head and tired out now, and we have a busy day tomorrow - going to Jaya's birthday party - woohoo!! :) So I will stop for now. But I will update again soon!
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