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2007-03-30 - 10.10pm��previous entry��next entry
5DPO - crazy-lady long-winded waffling...
Wow, thanks for all the lovely messages!!!
Jemma, thanks for the assurance of your support - I think you're right, a lot of things we choose seems to be hugely influenced by our experience from our childhoods. It's interesting to watch that played out as children grow up and make choices of their own! I did find it terribly hard in the early months. It's very easy to forget it now that it's in the past, so I'm trying to keep my mind on it to think realistically of what's ahead. It's sort of like the pain of labour! If THAT was fresh in my mind, I don't think I would be eager to go through it all again, hehe! It's for that reason that we're going to try and set up a few things to help ease the strain on me emotionally, for those first 6 months. I think if we'd done that this time (and after Arthur, for that matter), it might have made a big difference to how well I coped. I feel kind of relieved that my period came back so early because it was definitely the thing that I needed for the fog to lift. I can't imagine staying in that hormonal fog for many months more!
Mia and Robbi - how LOVELY to hear from you both!! I've been reading you since I was a wistful broody person in my mid-20s, watching you guys have babies and soothing my own urge to procreate, haha! Thank you so much for the very WISE advice and supportive words. I am LOVING this advice from Mia...
"Listen to the people who DO have four/five/six kids, not the ones who don't! Ask how they manage!"
... and will definitely be following it! Thanks! I have now had a lot of replies to posts at various forums about lots of kids/small age gaps too, and those have some helpful advice. Someone said they knew an older lady who'd had 10 children over 14 years (yikes!!) with the first five having been born on the same month EVERY YEAR for five years running! She asked the lady how on earth she'd managed, and she told her she just did! I got the same response when Matthew was a couple of months old and I was chatting to the lady at church who I mentioned last entry (with the 4 kids close together). I asked her how she had managed it, and she was surprised that she couldn't actually answer my question! She said she had no idea, but she supposed she "just did" at the time. She said she can't imagine how people cope now when she looks at mothers with several small children, even though she has been there and done it herself. I guess it's another one of those things like forgetting the pain of childbirth, hehe! Anyway it was all encouraging :)
Thanks as well to Megan, Jenn, Nicola and Poppy for your lovely support and excitement! :)
Well, yes, I need to update :)
I am now 5DPO. Last cycle I got my period in the wee small hours of 7DPO, which gave me a 6 day luteal phase. I don't know what to think. I am driving myself CRAZY! Somebody stop me!!! I can't BELIEVE how obsessive I have become in the last day or two, even when we weren't even thinking of TTC just yet, and when there is sooooo little chance of pregnancy with my cycle this wacky! Tsk!
Yesterday I stumbled across some article about how luteal phase defects (including short LP) can cause miscarriage, or greatly increase the risk. Aaaargh! So then I was all paranoid and had to google myself senseless to try and find something reassuring before I went to bed. I was freaking out thinking that maaaybe I might get pregnant but will have set myself up for miscarriage. Urgh. THEN I noticed the date on the article was 2001, so I looked for things with a more recent date, and tried to find out as much as I could about implantation and when it is complete, etc. Once it's complete, there really shouldn't be any greater chance of miscarriage just because you normally have a short LP. So that was a relief to find.
Last time we TTC (between Arthur and Matthew), it was at exactly the same time, oddly enough! Arthur was exactly Matthew's age (9� months) and it was my first cycle on the Vitamin B6 supplements to improve my luteal phase length (which had previously been 6 or 7 days). I DID conceive that cycle but had a chemical pregnancy. So now I wonder if that was purely due to the short luteal phase? It seems quite likely. Anyway, it doesn't matter really, but it interested me when I read this stuff. Matthew was conceived the very next cycle. Although, I did have a chemical pregnancy the same, the cycle before Arthur was conceived. Maybe they geared my body up to actually DO pregnancy? I have read that such things are possible.
But anyway. So then yesterday my temp dropped almost back to the coverline, but at only 4DPO I didn't know whether that could possibly be an implantation dip. I pretty much assumed not, since it's awfully early, and dips happen randomly sometimes. Buuut, not being able to leave well-enough alone (and the fact that my temp leapt up from its dip this morning), I then spent about 500 years rifling through charts in the chart gallery at FF, searching under "implantation dip" and "pregnancy". Sigh. And "implantation dip", "pregnancy" and "breastfeeding". I did find plenty of stuff but not really what I was looking for. So then I googled implantation dips and got a real huuuge mix of opinions on the subject. The whole thing about whether implantation dips are a myth or not isn't something I'll go into now (it's not - FF's study shows 11% of NON-pregnancy charts with that pattern, and 23% of pregnancy charts with it, thus indicating a definite increase in the probability that implantation dips might point to actual pregnancy underway - oh dear, I went into it, didn't I? Never mind!), but I was curious about WHEN they can occur - how soon can implantation really take place? I already knew from FF that it generally takes place between 7 and 10 days past ovulation, with the most common time being 7-8DPO, thus rendering my chances this cycle absolutely NIL. I mean, the lil bean has to do more than just get started with the burrowing before a period happens. They have to get pretty snuggled down in there, otherwise they don't complete the task in time. I wanted to know how long it takes to complete, and how early it can start.
Wooooow there are so many different (and conflicting!) opinions out there! Today I found sites being certain that implantation can occur starting at 3DPO! That seems so early. But they had plenty of examples, so... Most places said somewhere between 5 and 12 days. So then, back to the chart gallery I went, and searched under "implantation dip" and "early HPT+ (less than 12DPO)". I know, I am a crazy woman. I stop and see myself, and think, "What are you DOING, Alice?!! Relax and wait for your period to arrive, for goodness' sakes! How scary would it be if you really ARE pregnant, anyway?!" *sigh*
I did find some interesting stuff under that search. Some definite dips (some with spotting), most around 5 or 6DPO. There were a few + HPTs at just SIX to eight days past ovulation!! I scrutinised those charts looking to see if they might have got their ovulation date wrong, but it looked pretty solid. So implantation in those cases MUST have taken place at 5 days or earlier even. There were a few with implantation dips (followed by a +HPT) at 4DPO.
I have also been going nuts checking allll my previous notes on my other pregnancy cycles at FF. Thankfully, I tend to keep fairly extensive notes on my cycles, day by day (when anything interesting is happening with them!) so I have those to look back on and compare things. Again, I can't BELIEVE I am going crazy comparing things and even symptom spotting! It feels so.... like I shouldn't be doing it, because that's like I am actively TTC right NOW in my heart and mind, and we really weren't! And still aren't planning to be for another few months! So it feels odd, like I'm being silly. Plus the totally non-fertile cycles. But I can't seem to help myself. I think I WILL be a little disappointed if I'm not pregnant, but at the same time if I'm not, I will know it's because it wasn't the right time yet. I still feel a strong "thing" about that April 2008 baby, so.... This cycle would bring a baby due December 17th THIS YEAR!
Anyway. In the end I stopped looking at charts to see if it was even possible that people were getting implantation as early as 4DPO, because I totally forgot that I should just look at my own charts! D'oh! I have had four charts where I conceived. My careful charting plus the extensive symptom notes I kept were actually enough for me to easily pinpoint when each of those little beans implanted - how amazing is that?! I'm so pleased to be able to see that. And I got some interesting results from looking at my own charts (which, let's face it, give a better indication of what to expect for my future charts).
Arthur was the LATEST bean to implant. He implanted at 7-8DPO. I had no symptoms whatsoever up till that point and then a whoooole host of weird, absolutely undeniable pregnancy symptoms which suddenly started at 8DPO. Like my tastes changing (finding certain foods HIGHLY offensive!), and feeling crampy, and hunger like I had never known it before. So I know that's when it happened with him. There was a small dip at 7DPO with Arthur, and a HUGE dip at 3DPO, which obviously was nothing, since I definitely had things change in my body at 7-8DPO, and not before.
The chemical pregnancy that I had the cycle before Arthur was conceived, implanted at FOUR days post ovulation! I know it for absolutely sure. My chart went triphasic suddenly at 7DPO, but I could time my STRONG pregnancy symptoms almost to the hour from when they started in the afternoon at 4DPO. I had the most unbelievable craving for fast food, so much so that I had to go out and buy some! I HATE fast food. It was a very weird thing that I made note of! I also had nausea from the next day onwards, and it was pretty bad, like my morning sickness was with the boys from about 6 weeks of pregnancy. I had weird food aversions too. I feel absolutely sure that there was a sudden change at 4DPO, which I can only assume to be implantation. I also had an implantation dip in my temps that day.
Matthew's chart shows no dips whatsoever! He was a very smoothly progressing bean, hehe! I have never had a chart quite like Matthew's, before or since. So I thought I couldn't tell, but then I went back and looked at the notes I wrote, and I am pretty sure I can pinpoint implantation at 5DPO. I had some bad cramps that day, just for that one day, and various other symptoms started that day too, like increased appetite (the type which I recognised from when I was pregnant with Arthur), etc. I had a temp "jump" at 6DPO, well, in as much as my temps "jumped" on that very smooth cycle!
The cycle before Matthew, which was a chemical pregnancy, had a good implantation dip at 6PO, with the bad nausea (like full blown morning sickness from Arthur's pregnancy) starting the same day. I had bad cramps on 5DPO and 6DPO, and for the first time I actually noticed a sharp one-sided pinching cramp at 6DPO that lasted quite a few hours that day. I had that same cramp at 8DPO, but by then I already had undeniable symptoms (for me) like the super soft "pregnancy skin" and painful nursing, and tender breasts, etc. So I am sure I can pinpoint implantation at 6DPO that cycle.
Soooo, 4DPO, 7-8DPO, 6DPO, and 5DPO. Looking at my own experience, I would say it's possible that yesterday could have been an implantation dip. My beans do seem to implant much earlier than the average 7-10 days, so that might just be how my body is. Maybe my fallopian tubes are on the short side or something, and they plop out into the uterus earlier than average?! ;) But I might never know if it WAS an implantation dip, if I get my period tomorrow, say. It could have been, or not. If we did conceive, and the bean is meant to be, it would HAVE to implant super early in order to have any chance. I realised earlier that this is probably the very reason why Matthew is even here. My luteal phase was short then, too (nowhere near as short as it is now, but still!). He needed to implant at 5DPO to avoid getting flushed out! If he'd done the average 7-10 day thing, he would not be here. God meant him to be here :) Thank you God!!
Symptom-wise, the only things of note are that I am VERY hormonally weepy, which is really odd for me. Last cycle after I got my period I was weepy, and I made note of it in my diary because it was that odd. It felt like my hormones had gone wiiiild before my period and were crashing back down again. The only other times I've felt like that were in the few days after both my chemical pregnancies (but I definitely did not have one of those last cycle!). Other than that, I have only had weepiness as an early pregnancy symptom (oooh!). I have been welling up at children's TV like nothing else, and adverts on the telly. Weirdly, I had a 4-day patch of weepiness, crying over the exact same things, from 4-7DPO in my pregnancy with Matthew. I made note of it then because it was WEIRD for me. So I'm making note of it again, even if I get my period. Because it's still weird for me.
It's sore as heck when I breastfeed today and yesterday, but Matthew's new top tooth is now growing in enough to leave an indent, and his latch is awful! I should have corrected it earlier, tsk. So it presses almost right on my nipple, and I think that's why it hurts so much. But I charted "sore when nursing" anyway.
Things taste of liquorice a lot, like halfway through a bowl of cereal, my mouthful SUDDENLY tastes strongly of liquorice. Now that IS weird and worth noting. It has happened maybe 2 or 3 days running, so probably starting too early for it to be related to my cycle, and it's not just with my cereal. BUT, a few days ago (the day before I first noticed it, I think), Neil was eating something out of a bowl and suddenly said he thought he could taste liquorice. So probably nothing to do with me, then. But it's a weird thing that we can't fathom all the same! Where's the liquorice coming from?! Everything goes through the dishwasher and there's nothing liquoricey in there! Wierd.
I have felt unusually chilled the last two days, just on and off. It is cold again, but it's more than that. It's warm in our house and everyone else is comfy, but I need a thick, warm sweater on, and still I feel shivery chilly at times, and it doesn't feel nice. I'm not sickening for something, so it's not that. I have found charts at FF this evening (NOT by looking for them!) where "chills" were listed after implantation during the 2WW. But then I could probably find SOMEBODY with ANY symptom under the sun, either pregnant or not pregnant, if I looked hard enough! ;)
Having said ALLLL that...
Today I am reeeally crampy. I was only mildly crampy this morning but I feel pretty crampy this evening. The cramps are hot, fuzzy and fairly continual, so I'm thinking my period is on its way. I definitely didn't expect it today because of that temp rise this morning, but I feel pretty sure to see it plop down tomorrow, followed by my period. I'm soooo tired today, and that happens whether I'm newly pregnant or about to get a period. I accidentally took a nap when I nursed Arthur to sleep, after settling Matthew for his nap too, but we were out over lunch time and the boys had SUCH late naps therefore. So we napped from 3.30pm, and the next thing I knew, it was 4.30 and they both woke up soon after. I have always been rubbish at mid-to-late afternoon naps. They always always leave me feeling groggy and crappy and even unwell and it takes me hours to wake up from them. Urgh. I never feel better for napping when it's that late in the day.
So then I had a hot chocolate to feel warm and wake me up a bit. Which left me feeling queasy. And then at about 4.45pm I started a really yucky bad headache, which immediately made me think that it might well be the "pre-period" headache that I often get in the 24 hours before a period shows up. Those last about 8-12 hours and are the worst headaches I ever get, and nothing makes them better. Painkillers don't touch them. And then they go, and I get my period. Weird. But anyway, it was the same kind of severity and it made me feel queasier still - hence the "nausea" on my chart, Megan!
That plus the cramping has made me feel pretty confident that my period is coming soon, probably tomorrow or tomorrow night at the latest (like last cycle *sigh*).
Buuut, now it's about 3 hours after I started this entry (Matthew woke twice to nurse and I chatted to Neil, etc, etc) and my headache is gone now. It HAS been 8 hours since it started (it's nearly 1am, ugh - thank goodness it's weekend! Yay!), but it was only bad in the hour before Neil got home (while I cooked dinner queasily, yeurgh!) and then during dinner. Right after we ate, it improved loads, and has just been a mild bumbling headache for the rest of the evening. So that's not so much like my pre-period ones, but it still COULD be. Look at me obsessing, lol!
Also lots of things are very familier from the first 10DPO the cycle I got pregnant with Matthew and the chemical pregnancy right before that. The weepiness, for one. With Matthew I had what I described as "is it/isn't it a sore/scratchy throat" which seems to come up a LOT as something people experience before they find out they're pregnant at FF. And it rang true for me last time. I have that again, today and yesterday, but maybe less bothersome than last time. On the chemical pregnancy, my notes say that I was experiencing the exact same pain while nursing as I am now, and blaming it on Arthur's new top front teeth as well! But in the end I figured it had to be more than just a toothie indent, as it got soooo sore. Also I noticed that I had a lot of bad period-like cramps, much worse in the evenings.
Neil went out for some milk this evening after the boys were in bed (I miscalculated how much to buy last weekend and we're about 2pts short till I manage to go shopping this weekend), and brought back some triple choc chunk cookies (Tesco's finest - EVERYBODY must try these! They are soooooooooo good!). Now, I LOVE those cookies! I never tasted anything so heavenly. But I didn't fancy them at all. I did eat one anyway ;) But it was odd, for me, that it didn't appeal to my palate.
Also. Yesterday and the day before even, I reeeally wanted Coke. Especially in the evening (when NOT to drink it unless I want to be up all night!). Tonight too.
And. Last night at midnight found me at the fridge eating any fruit I could find. I just soooo wanted to eat fruit. I felt almost panicky that we really didn't have much to choose from! I drank some freshly squeezed OJ and ate an orange, strawberries and as many blackberries as I dared scrounge from the tiiiny boxful that I had bought to make a stewed fruit type dessert tomorrow evening! And then just mourned the fact that there was really no more fruit for me to eat. Maybe it's a vitamin C thing, and maybe the "is it/isn't it a sore/scratchy throat?" thing is a pre-viral doo-dah? But it wasn't last time, and I don't feel pre-viral, and haven't actually been anywhere to catch anything.
Today I caught a whiff of bus fumes before I managed to close the car window, and kind of did a mental double-take as I realised how YUM the smell was to my senses! That hasn't happened before as an early pregnancy symptom (and definitely not as a pre-menstrual one), but chemical fumes were my MAJOR craving during my pregnancy with Matthew, later on. Weirdness. Smells in general are just a tiny bit amplified to me today, but NOT like when I have actually been pregnant and finding smells overwhelmingly strong.
I am now ready to get in bed and have been so crampy for the last few hours that I keep on checking for my period. Also I am SO tired, but I was saying to Neil that it's not a "tired" type of tired. It's clearly recognisable to me as "hormonal" tired. I get this tired the day before my period shows. I also get this tired when I am newly pregnant.
So. Who knows!! I am guessing that my temp will drop tomorrow and I'll get my period. But soooo many little things have me going "Hmmm..." and even if I do get my period I will still find them hard to explain without the possibility that I might have been pregnant were it not for my too-short luteal phase.
Okay, I am going to bed now. Right after I go and eat something (1.30am!). I'm hungry. Oh I did eat my healthy granola-y muesli type cereal three times yesterday. For breakfast, for lunch (as it's all I wanted!) and then again late in the evening. I don't think I will eat any now because, well, the fibre and all.... ;) But something. And then bed. And I will update tomorrow, whatever happens :)
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