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2005-08-23 - 11.46pm��previous entry��next entry
4 DPO (maybe!)
Now, I know I am just SURE to not be pregnant, but why do I have so many questionable symptoms?!!! I know the body and mind can play tricks on you, but how can the body make you pee every 2 hours, day and night, unless there is a physical reason for it?
Today, according to my latest coverline at FF, I am 4DPO. Which is nothing at all. My temp is nice and up above the coverline at least, which is better than previous cycles so far. Before now it has spiked and then flopped back down again within a couple of days, as though there wasn't really enough progesterone or something to keep those temps up high throughout the luteal phase. So I am happy to see them up there still, even though I'm only 4DPO. I'm still not sure if I am REALLY 4DPO or not. I guess there is no way to know now. I don't know what to think.
This morning I feel yucky in my stomach, like when you are over hungry. It's 11.30 and the feeling is so strong that I figured I just haven't had breakfast yet. Of course then I switched my brain on (!) and remembered that I had toast a couple of hours ago. Every little thing is freaking me out!
My fertility thermometer, OPKs and pregnancy tests arrived in the post this morning. I spent an exciting 5 minutes opening them, and now they are sitting in a little stack on the desk where I just look at them and feel weirdly afraid to touch them. At least if I get my period, I will be excited to use OPKs again next cycle! Yay! I will actually be able to SEE when I am about to ovulate.
Neil and I talked a long time over dinner last night. I wanted to be sure of how he feels about TTC again. At first he said he felt nervous at work because of how he hasn't heard back about the job he applied for, and he suddenly got worried that he wouldn't get it and we'd be stuck here for a while longer, and what if he NEVER gets another job, and then how will he adequately provide for a growing family, etc, etc. Neil gets worried about these things a lot. I try to reassure him over it but he still has issues there. I know they are because he is so concerned to do everything RIGHT as a husband and father, and as the head of this household. I admire him so much for that. He is a wonderful husband and father. But I wish I could find a way to make him less of a worrier about it. When we pray together it helps, till the next day and then he's lost the mindset we got in whilst praying. Maybe I could encourage him to pray with me about things more. That would be good for both of us.
Sooo then after he said that he had felt nervous at work, he said he remembered that we were going to just give it to God, and that made him feel better :) I feel the same way. I feel like, if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it, that sort of thing. Anyway we both want this. I asked him if I get my period and start another cycle, how serious does he expect us to be about trying for another baby. I feel like if we are officially trying again, I will want to go to it like we did when TTC Arthur, with every effort. I wanted to be sure we were on the same wavelength about this so that mis-communication wouldn't lead to issues at my fertile times next cycle! Anyway it's all good because we both agreed we will give it everything we've got next cycle, tired or not!
I reviewed my charts from TTC Arthur and saw that the cycle he was conceived was the ONLY one in which we had parsnips every single day leading up to ovulation. All the others had a gap or two in the five days leading up to ovulation. So I said to Neil that we may need to get that active again (we really aren't that way by nature!). He says that is fine :) So I'm excited!! We really really are officially trying to conceive. I need to change my blinkies! I am just so excited. I had lots of TTC blinkies waiting, just like I have a LOT of pregnant-with-number-two blinkies ready :) I have had some fun yesterday changing my ticker and blinkies and stuff at FF. It's so exciting that people can read me and see all sorts of things declaring that we are trying for number two!
Well. Yesterday evening I had some horrible cramps. Horrible. They were as bad as the first day of my period, and I honestly wondered if it might arrive just because the cramps were that bad. They had the hot nauseous feeling that is usually there on the first day of my period. It's not seperate nausea, it's specifically part of my Day 1 cramps. It's like the cramps are so sickly and vice-like that they make me feel sick. Yeurgh. This morning I am back to run-of-the-mill crampiness, which I have had for most of this cycle. No period yet. I sort of expect to see it. But I soooo hope I won't.
I wish I knew what was to come in the next few days. And should I mention to my osteopath (who I'm seeing tomorrow) that there's a chance I could be pregnant, when there's like almost no chance at all, given my cycles? I sort of want to keep it secret from the world at large at the moment. Plus she thinks we are waiting till December like we originally planned! I think she would prefer to fix my back a bit better before I am pregnant.
Arthur wakes. I'll update again soon.
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