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2008-11-14 - 9:20 p.m.��previous entry��next entry
6 weeks, 3 days - back from my scan!
Everything is okay! Yaaaaaay! Babydot is THERE, and fine and dandy! The scan went really well. I didn't know how I would go because for the few hours leading up to going, I felt so indescribably like I was about to throw up (at all times, ugh), that I didn't know how I would get to the car and drive it, or get to the right part of the hospital and sit in the waiting room, without being sick! I HAVEN'T been sick yet, for which I am eternally grateful (I do not exaggerate there, either!), but I have just felt so nauseous since I opened my eyes this morning. There was less than a 1-second time delay between opening my eyes and the nausea switch flicking on full power, and it hasn't subsided at all. I didn't know how I'd get up this morning without being sick, and Neil brought me toast in bed and a bowl, haha! I know that's not haha funny, but it strikes me as such anyhoo ;) I would probably be laughing about it WAY LESS if I actually had used that bowl! ;)
Anyway. It has been a really really hard day today. The intensity of the nausea has caught me off guard and there's no easing of it. It feels physically unnatural to eat, and everything that starts to help settle my tummy after forcing the first half of it down, just turns into a hideously bitter aftertaste which makes my mouth water like crazy and the nausea picks up to full intensity again. Uggghhh.
I haven't been able to do much with the boys today, and I don't like that. The worst point was thankfully when Neil was already home fixing the boys' tea after I had been to the scan, and I didn't want to move a single facial muscle, I felt so sick. Which for a while meant just nodding or shaking my head when the boys talked to me, and finding it hard to even smile at my sweet baby boy when he smiled at me. I felt so tearful over it :( I don't want to hurt them with how things are for me right now, and I don't want to MISS things - I don't want to even miss a day of their development and experiences, because even a day can't be got back again. *sigh* I feel sad about it. I just WISH I could "fix" the nausea, or at least find some way to make it more manageable like the other times.
I have to say, so far this pregnancy, my morning sickness is worse than with all three of my boys, though I'm not vomiting (yet?). I have a high "tolerance level" for nausea though. I have spent my whole life fighting throwing up even when terribly nauseous so I don't really get sick easily. I am nauseous a lot in general, with my IBS and such, so I'm generally conditioned to nausea.
Just stopped because Nathan woke and I nursed him, and while I was lying there I noticed that I'm actually not having a bad evening for it, strangely! I feel sick sick sick, but it's not as intense as it was during the day - usually my evenings are the worst time. When I came down from settling the boys to bed, I got a bottle of This Water (the lemon one) from the fridge and took it to the sofa with a straw. I know it sounds crazy, but the straw has made such a difference! I have been able to drink far greater quantities with the straw than without, and it's sitting okay in my tummy too. I'm not getting nearly enough fluids in me, so I'm really pleased to have put away half the bottle (250mls so far!) already this evening!
Baked potatoes with grated cheese (but not lots of cheese) and butter are good, as far as "good" goes this time around! As is hot buttered toast, but it HAS to be white. I can take Marmite on it too, but not too much of it. I also discovered that I can eat cream of tomato soup and actually enjoy it! Cheese and onion crisps are gross but I really want them, and they are the only thing I can munch through at normal speed and feel better for eating them too. Sadly, I think I'll have to stop having those all the same, because they make my tummy feel soooo gross and junky and full of air and just hurty and queasy, a couple of hours later, even when I'm NOT pregnant! Part of my trouble today has been down to a morning bag of cheese and onion crisps, I'm pretty sure of it! ;)
I feel better since breastfeeding Nathan just now, because while I nurse little ones I have time to relax my body and think in the quiet, and reflect. It's not so bad. Which is easier to say now that I'm feeling half human again with the lemon water! But I can think of some things to try that I haven't yet, and I'm also hopeful that early nights and lie-ins at the weekend might make the days that follow more manageable (less nauseating even??). I also just want to spend as much time asleep in bed as I possibly can, partly because I'm tired, but mainly just to ESCAPE the horrible nausea! Any time I wake up, it's still there just as bad (definitely the worst pregnancy for this so far), but at least when I'm asleep I don't know about it! Also more hours disappear and thus the time passes faster, and I'm another day closer to being at the END of morning sickness.
I just need to find ways to manage it, if that's possible. That's all. I am going to try peppermint tea and ginger tea. And buy a lot of soups to try, and more potatoes and white bread. And cottage cheese and Dairylea (they helped so much the other times!). And more wonnnnderful lemony water! :)
So, enough about feeling pukey!
The Early Pregnancy Unit has moved again, at my local hospital! It was in one place when I went early in my pregnancy with Arthur, when I was bleeding. And then with Matthew (and Nathan) it had moved to a new location. I expected to find it there again, but a new wing has been built over the time I've been having babies, and it's finally open! The EPU has moved there, and it's much nicer. The staff were great as usual, and the atmosphere was relaxed and not too cramped. There was no waiting time really, and I was next to be seen every time I was waiting for someone to call me.
I had an internal scan, obviously, it being this early, and I had to have an empty bladder for that, so I went as soon as I got there and filled out the forms, etc. I couldn't remember the date of my positive pregnancy test, no matter how hard I squeezed my poor brain cells! It's just not in my brain any more. I couldn't even make my head figure out a rough date, it was so weird! Anyway, the scan was done by a trainee sonographer, who was LOVELY. She was watched by the main sonographer, but she didn't interfere until asked by the trainee. The trainee seemed very nervous about making me uncomfortable, and I have had plenty of these scans before so I could tell she wasn't being, um, assertive enough! ;) She looked and looked on the screen, and I looked and looked too, waiting hopefully to see my tiny bean winking at me on the screen in its nice black space. But it was just a big wash of grainy grey, with no signs of sacs or babies or anything. I began to get nervous when the main sonographer didn't step in but started asking how many weeks pregnant I was (she already knew from my form!). I began to silently plead with God to let my tiny bean pop up on the screen any second now, and bring me relief. I sooooo wanted to see Babydot, more than anything at that moment.
Eventually, after about 5 minutes (ages!!!!), the sweet trainee said she was sorry and that she wasn't doing a very good job, and that it wasn't me or my baby, it was HER! She said she should let the main sonographer take over, and the experienced lady sat down and cranked that "wand" like a lever (owch!), and instantly there on the screen was my Babydot, a tiny little blobby grey lump with a little yolk sac and a stalky bit, and a nice big black space to swim in around him/her! I breathed a huuuuge sigh of relief and they were very sweet and let me see Babydot for a long time, showing me different angles (still just a lil blobble from all angles though, bless!) and asking if I could see this and that, and calling Babydot "the baby" (which they don't always do, you know). Babydot's heart was beating, and it was a close up scan so it wasn't a little flashing light on a little bean like Arthur, it was a real S-shaped (ish) pulsating heart. It was so amazing to see! I'm always in exactly as much AWE with each new baby growing inside me, as I was with the very first one. It never ever gets old. Ever. It's such a miracle!
I will tell you, more than I remember with the other early scans, I instantly fell head over heels in love with that little flumpadumple! Just a little grainy grey blobble, but how I love you so, Babydot! My sweet little precious, growing away in there, heart beating enthusiastically! *sigh* I'm completely in love. I watched the rest of the scan just plastered with one of those ear-to-ear grins that you can't wipe off even when someone's talking to you and it's a bit embarrassing that you can't stop! :)
Here's my tiny precious:
I got a few different pictures, but they all looked pretty much the same, and I chose that one to post here because although it's not nicely centred or anything, it shows the stalk connecting Babydot and his/her yolk sac. The yolk sac is the grey blob at the top, and the grey blobble (has to be a cutesy version of "blob" even, haha!) at the bottom against the side of the gestational sac (that's the black space) is my Babydot! You can barely make out a little part in the middle of Babydot that's a bit more white than the rest of him/her - that's part of the heart, in mid-pulsate :) He/she was much more cute in action, hehe! The pulsating heart was so precious.... *sigh* Anyway, you can juuust about make out the little grey grainy line of a stalk between the yolk sac and Babydot.
Babydot measured 4mm in crown-to-rump length (aww, so tiny!!) - I measured the length in the picture above and it's about 6 or 7mm, so the picture is only a couple of mm out from being a lifesize picture, just to give you an idea of who's in my tummy! :) Babydot's measurement was consistent with my dates. They put down 6 weeks and 2 days (I'm 6 weeks and 3 days today, not 4 like I said I would be last entry, tsk!) but I think that's possibly because they simply noted that the baby's measurements are "consistent with dates" (what they wrote) and thus 6 weeks, 2 days, as my dates going by my (lied-about, haha!) last menstrual period are. I was obviously off with my calculations for the fibbing about my LMP date, because I was a day out! But oh well! ;)
They saw NO evidence of bleeding or a source! I'm spotting very lightly today, brown. So I guess whatever it originally was has finished bleeding out and now can't be seen on the scan. I'm so relieved about that! I asked what I should do if I start bleeding again - a question I now want to ask given that I seem prone to bleeding RIGHT THROUGH my first trimester and then some, going by last pregnancy! They said if I continue spotting for 2 weeks then they'll gladly scan me again at that point, and if I bleed afresh I should also go back to them for a scan, which is a weight off! I'm glad they're so open to me just going back if I need more reassurance with a new or continued bleed. They said that if I get bleeding with clots or pain then I should go to A&E though :( I hope I don't have to go through that again this time...
I'm so glad Babydot is okay!!! Soooo very glad!! It was so WONDERFUL to see his/her little self! My embryology sites say that Babydot is developing the first layer of skin all over his/her body! And has just developed upper limb buds!!! I didn't see them on the scan though. But how cute! Limby buds! Babydot is now between Carnegie Stage 12 (of embryonic development) and Carnegie Stage 13, if you want to have a better look and see the pictures, which are much better than my grainy scan, let's face it, haha! My sweet little curvy beany loo pie! I can't get over how besotted I am when the baby is still so tiny and early in development! :)
Given the happy scan and such, I have announced my pregnancy to the world today, yay! That's always a wonderfully fun part! :D I announced it mainly at Facebook, which covers church, extended family (though we've told our close family on the phone or in person now - except my grandparents, who I'm dreading telling AGAIN!), school friends, and other friends from all walks of life. It's the easiest way to tell everyone, hehe! The grapevine will do the rest, especially at church ;) If I lose Babydot now, having bonded so closely and seen him/her with the little heart beating away, it will be DEVASTATING. So, I would want everyone I know to know about it, so that they knew of his/her existance. This baby exists now! I've seen it with my own eyes! So, the world should know about it too :) If I lose my precious Babydot, I will need everyone's awareness and support and prayers. I always thought I wouldn't like to have to tell anyone that I'd recently had a miscarriage, with that being the news that I was once pregnant, for them. I know most people aren't like that, but I am. I was glad I'd told everyone when I had the heavy bleed at 11 weeks with Nathan - everyone got right to praying and there was nobody to keep it quiet from, because EVERYONE knew about my pregnancy and had done for weeks.
Anyway, I really hope that's the last I have to worry about losing Babydot!
It's now much later than when I started, and my early night is out of the window. *sigh* But I'm still hoping for a good night's sleep and a lie-in to see if it helps. Neil is great at letting me lie-in at the weekend, he's wonderful like that! :) I'm really encouraged to be feeling not too bad at all this evening!!! I've downed the whole 500ml of lemony water, and a small glass of milk with two small baked potatoes and cheese! Yay me! Now I'm going to bed before I feel sick and empty again (it only takes about an hour after I eat, if not less!), and then I'll be in a good place to last the night and eat breakfast in the morning. I will take a glass of water and a STRAW to bed with me though! ;)
Will update soon - happily, the computer has NOT made me feel any worse at all tonight! Here's hoping it's not a thing that will bother me this pregnancy! I like to do my online stuff! If I feel too grim then I just can't concentrate, but I hope the computer will at least not be a source of nausea for me. Back soon! :)
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