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2008-10-31 - 11.45pm��previous entry��next entry
4 weeks, 3 days pregnant
My laptop is broken! Waaah! Well, the cable that powers it is broken. I ordered another one but it probably won't get here till Monday or Tuesday, so I can't access any of my photos, upload any new ones (my photo software isn't on this very clunky and old-feeling computer!), or retrieve the partly written entry that I did yesterday, intending to finish it today! Tsk!
It's also late, as usual, and I'm tired out, so I will just try to summarize. But likely fail, and waffle endlessly like normal! ;)
I am 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant today. I always like to call 3 days my "half week" point, because waiting till 4 days into the week is MORE than half a week, right?! ;) So, I'm 4 and a half weeks pregnant! I am also 17 days past ovulation. I always chart till 18DPO and so my last day of charting will be tomorrow. I took my last pregnancy test at 15DPO and it was much darker than the others, so that was reassuring!
Since then, though, I've started to have some concerns, and I can't really explain them or put my finger on them. Maybe it's just normal? I always worry about whether my bean will stick, early on, I guess. But I just have so few pregnancy symptoms this time, and I have a strong feeling that this baby isn't going to stay with me. I feel scared just writing that, but it's something I wanted to write down, because it's been preoccupying me lately.
I am busier with each pregnancy because I have one more child than last time, so maybe it's just that I've been too busy to focus as much on the little tiny one, so I am not feeling very pregnant at all. There is so much to do at the moment, because we're going to France on Tuesday (4 days away, aaaargh!!) to stay with my parents for a week, and it covers Arthur's birthday, so I have crazy amounts of things to get ready. Also, Nathan is poorly. He has the same high temperature that Arthur had a week or so ago, and diarrhoea today, poor baby :( He wants to be held or breastfeeding all the time, when he's not sleeping, and I feel like Arthur and Matthew aren't getting enough of my attention, so I've been trying to compensate when Nathan's asleep. And thus, no time for anything me-related (like, you know, eating or peeing, even if there IS an increase in need for either of those things, I'm not really noticing it with all that is going on!) or Babydot related. I had a weird dream last night that I was too busy to notice Babydot, and I could visually see this teeny tiny dot of a baby, with all sorts of paperwork getting piled on top, photos of the boys, etc, and me pushing everything down on top of Babydot to make more room, and eventually Babydot was pushed so far away that he/she disappeared and I could never find him/her after that :( I felt like I MADE Babydot disappear. A sort of daft, completely irrational feeling that if I don't give Babydot some attention too, then he/she won't stick around.
I'm just surprised at how UN-pregnant I feel this time. I think I was feeling more pregnant than this at this stage the other times - maybe slightly less so with Nathan, but still. I am not crampy really, any more. I have had the odd moment of discomfort low down in my pelvis today, and a bit of pressure. I am feeling really exhausted, which is a pregnancy sign, but could also be a ton of other things. My sense of smell MIGHT be a tiny bit more sensitive, but I can't really say if it's definitely changed due to pregnancy or not. Food is normal-tasting, I have no aversions or particular likes, and I don't have the hungry-but-not-hungry yucky thing going on that I have always reported at this stage in my other pregnancies.
Yesterday morning I woke up and temped, and only got 36.5. I do not like that! It's much lower than my normal level of temps since Babydot implanted. Today's was up a little, but still only 36.7. It makes me nervous, and I'm anxious to temp again tomorrow. The temps, coupled with the whole, "I just don't feel like this pregnancy is a keeper..." feeling, has driven me to purchase some more cheapy pregnancy tests online this morning. I HOPE they arrive tomorrow. Usually the delivery is pretty fast, and they were dispatched today, but it's Saturday tomorrow, so who knows. I really want to test again so I can see if my test line is darker than the 15DPO one. If it's significantly darker at 18DPO, I'll be soooo relieved and maybe feel better about things for a bit?
I had a teensy touch more tan spotting yesterday, but barely anything to note as such. I'm charting it anyway though. Nothing today, though I'm nervous every time I go to the toilet.
I had two occasions this evening when I experienced ligament pain down the left side of my lower abdomen. I was picking sleepy Nathan up from the bed both times, after nursing him. Those really lifted my spirits, because they are pregnancy symptoms for me, and I really hope it means that everything is progressing normally.
If they are... Babydot is now 1mm in size! That's up from 0.2mm at my last entry here :) A real, visible, BabyDOT at last! Babydot is now pear-shaped and the head end is bigger than the body end. Little dot is working on his/her neural tube right now. I am taking my prenatal vitamins with folic acid religiously! Actually I have taken that every evening out of habit for as long as I can remember now! Probably since before I was pregnant with Nathan... I can't remember, but I know there has been no break since that pregnancy.
I got 3 family meal portions of chicken casserole done today, and we ate another portion for dinner tonight. It FILLED (to the brim!) my 6L crockpot!! So that's 3 lasagnes and 3x chicken casserole. This weekend we have too much to do - I'm taking Arthur out on his own for lunch tomorrow for some quality 1-on-1 time, and we have to clean the house, pack, fit new car seats (for Nathan and Arthur), and a ton more stuff. I also need to buy food for more bulk cooking - by the time we get back from France, if all is well with this pregnancy, I'll be morning sick and the window for bulk cooking will be over! So I will try to get some more done this weekend.
Well, my skin is still weirdly soft, and I am having trouble keeping my emotions under control when reading the Bible to Arthur, or watching children's TV with the boys. Arthur wants me to read about Jesus dying on the cross ALL THE TIME at the moment, from his children's Bible. I fill in a LOT more detail than his Bible does. He is really serious and intrigued about it. I can not get through it without choking up! I mean, it's a story that is emotional and very moving for me, obviously, but I can usually read it without my voice warbling up and down, and my eyes filling up! Ditto for the resurrection story. *sigh*
I really need to go to bed. I'll update my chart first - I haven't wanted to with the lower temps, but I'll do so tonight, and then update with tomorrow's temp at some point, but probably not till the evening as this computer is harder to access during the day with the boys around, than the laptop. If I get my tests tomorrow (and I SO hope I do!) I'll test and update about that too, but I can't post a photo, unfortunately. Hurry up, replacement laptop cable!!
Thanks for the lovely comments again, and the prayers and support! xxx
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