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2009-01-14 - 10:44 p.m.��previous entry��next entry
15 weeks pregnant!
Fifteen weeks! I can't believe I'm 15 weeks pregnant already. I missed 14 weeks here, I don't know why. I just haven't been so motivated to write here, and I can't figure it out. I WANT to, because it's so worth the effort for a good solid journal of the whole pregnancy to look back on and compare! When I look back, I always feel sad that there are gaps, so it's a shame that there are so many already! Also, I have been soooo slack on the belly pics this pregnancy. I missed the "before" one at 5 weeks, got the 10 week one in, and have now missed the 14 weeks one! :S The next one is supposed to be 16 weeks (only next week!) but maybe I'll get Neil to take a 15 week one instead? I don't know. I don't want lots of gaps!
Thanks for all the comments regarding the name dilemma - I reeeally appreciate it because I needed to hear a lot of other people's perspectives and opinions, to balance out what was in my own head and help me see it clearly. Neil was worried that I'd open up the chance to feel hurt or sad if I had certain "types" of comments, and he says I'm always extra sensitive when I'm pregnant, so... But it wasn't like that at all, I really WANTED to hear opinions from both sides to get a better perspective, and it helped a ton! Thank you! :)
I just quite simply could not call Babydot Noah any longer, after a few days. I can't explain it. Today I was saying to Neil that it's like, quite simply, his name is Benjamin. It isn't something we're choosing really. It feels like Benjamin has been his name since the dawn of time, that's literally how it feels. The exact same feeling that I had about "always having had" a son called Arthur, before we found out that Arthur was a boy and named him for sure. It really was a sort of goose-bumply "from the dawwwn of tiiime..." (that's a movie voice-over type voice, in case it wasn't too obvious, haha!) experience. And Benjamin is too. So that's that. Never mind what complications (if any) it might cause - it just IS his name, because it's written in stone like a million million years ago or something! I can't change that! ;)
But, I am also totally at peace about his middle name too. I no longer feel like I long to use Robert, so I'm grateful and glad that God has enabled me to be happy about that! :) Neil and I both agree (woohoo!) that our baby boy will be called Benjamin Isaac. If you are a friend at Facebook, plleeease don't mention his name there (or, while I'm on the subject, the fact that I have online blogs AT ALL! Please!!) because I have a bunch of people from church, old school friends, and so on reading me there, and they won't know until he is born, because we like to keep the name a surprise for the birth announcement, for the real world! ;) Also, I really don't want real-life people knowing I blog, or finding my blogs online!! If they happen to, then that's okay, but I definitely do not want to advertise it! ;)
So I'm REALLY happy with his name! Benjamin Isaac. I can't WAIT to meet him! Of course there is still a definite possibility that he is a girl, haha! But it's a slim one, given what we saw at the nuchal scan. I'm so VERY excited to have four boys, I can't explain it. I'm so settled to the idea and I'm happy, and longing to meet my Benjamin. I'm also happy about nicknames, so very at peace about it all, which is a wonderful answer to prayer. Basically I realised that once he is born, I will have total tunnel vision - only my baby will hold my attention (and my other sweet babies, of course!) and I will likely not give a monkeys if I suddenly start calling him my Benjy-boy out of a mushy moment. What any family member might think will pale into insignificance really, I think, and I shouldn't think it will be as big a deal to them as they're thinking it might anyway. I haven't told my family yet that we're going with Benjamin but not Benjamin Robert. It just hasn't come up, but I'll probably tell my mum soon :)
I had better hurry up and write what I wanted to write about my pregnancy, because I'm tired and it's late and I really want to go to bed. And pee. I really need to pee! Yesterday and today I have been peeing much more frequently, and I was nervous yesterday that I had a urine infection or something. It seemed a bit odd to go so much more frequently, but I'm peeing plenty, not just lots of little piddles (!) like with a UTI. I have a sort of sense of discomfort when I need to go, like an uncomfy sense of pressure and fulness, and last night I had a LITTLE pain when I actually peed, but nothing else. Today I have no pain when peeing but have had the same frequency and "full" discomfort. My bladder IS full though, when I go. I'm not really drinking that much more... or maybe I am a bit?? I don't know. I suppose it could be just baby-pressure related, maybe? It seemed a bit early for that though.
My morning sickness is all gone I think. I have had the odd shadow of queasiness when I'm feeling extra tired on the occasional evening, but that's all that remains now, so phew! I'm always SO glad when the morning sickness part of pregnancy is behind me! :)
I have been having some bad headaches since 11 weeks, here and there. They last a couple of days (and nights) at a time, and no painkillers touch them at ALL, ugh. They're there when I wake at night, first thing in the morning, and alllll throughout the day. My head generally feels all hot-congested inside, but like vascularly congested, not snotularly (!) congested. It feels horrid, and it gets really sore all over my head and top of my neck. In the day when Neil is at work, I have had to sometimes flake out on the sofa with my eyes closed for as long as I can get away with (anywhere between 30 seconds and 30 minutes, usually!). I hate it because it does NOT work with the boys - they are not well-behaved while I try to deal with the pain, and won't give me a few minutes no matter how I ask/beg them or try to explain what I need. They're too little really, even Arthur, but it would be so nice if they DID understand and could let me rest my poor head for a QUIET block of time, however short, sometimes! They're so noisy at ALL times. All. Times.
Arthur lately takes BAZILLIONS of photos every day on my camera. He's so into it! He takes about a hundred photos some days, but that includes ones where he's spinning around in the middle of the room (ie, a ton of blurs to delete later!), a bunch of photos of his tonsils, several attempts at capturing Daddy's backside as he bends over to do something or other, and a lot of photos of his favourite TV programmes in action. *sigh* But he DOES get some good photos each day, which is lovely! I was so surprised one time a couple of weeks ago when I uploaded some photos, to discover that he'd been taking photos of me while I was struggling with my headaches. I had no idea! There are even some of me lying on the floor with the two littlest ones climbing all over me, just trying to "relax" and ease my headache, haha! ;) Here are two that I had NO idea he took, the first from 11.5 weeks, and the 2nd from 12.5 weeks or thereabouts:
I nearly deleted them, but I figured they were good documentations of this pregnancy so I might as well put them in my pregnancy folder with my belly pics and such! ;) So I thought I would post them here for prosperity! They are not flattering by any means! But they tell how this recent patch has been on and off, with the pregnancy headaches. I read that they're common from the start of the 2nd trimester up to about 20 weeks. Something to do with the increased blood volume, and/or a surge of oestrogen at that time. Anyway. I can't wait till those go! I don't have a headache right now, but I had a stinker over Nathan's birthday (which was 2 days ago, by the way! My BABY is one!!! Aaaahhhh!). Thankfully it ebbed and flowed a bit throughout the day and so I enjoyed the day pretty well. It would have been nicer without the headache though!
My skin is still breaking out a little more than I remember it doing with my other pregnancies, though I haven't really checked - I think it was a little worse with Nathan that the first two boys, so maybe this time it's actually not any worse than last time? Anyway, that's of note at the moment.
I am FINALLY starting to feel some consistent baby movement - at 15 weeks!!! I can't believe how much later it has been this time. I started to question those first little taps at 9.5 weeks, but I am SURE I felt genuine baby movements then. It's just strange that they disappeared and have only just come back. At 13 weeks (nearly 14) I felt a single tap one night, DEFINITELY a tiny baby kick, but so featherlight. And then nothing for a few days, then another single pop in there when I was lying on my back in bed just after I woke one morning. A couple of nights ago I was lying nice and still on my back, and I could feel definite BUSY bumpling going on in there, but extremely muffled and "soft", not clear and strong like I'm used to. The pokes felt like the lightest feather touches from a finger tip, which is way more gentle than previous pregnancies at this stage. I remember I was only 17 weeks when Matthew kicked me in the hip and my butt shifted sideways on the chair, haha! ;) I was used to HEFTY kicks, albeit tiny, by 15 weeks, all the other times.
Soooo, I have been wondering this past week or two, if I might have an anterior placenta this time (on the front of my womb instead of the back). That would be an explanation for feeling movements later, and also for the way they feel so light and soft, like I can baaarely make them out even. If there's a big ole placenta cushioning the kicks to my tummy, then that would explain it all really. I had a high posterior placenta all the other times - except a low placenta with Nathan in my 1st trimester), which God marvellously turned into a HIGH placenta 2 weeks later! :) So I have never experienced an anterior placenta. But I think I must have one this time. I'll be so interested to find out at my scan. I'm kind of bummed if I do though, because I LOVE feeling the clear "sharp" kicks and taps, and being able to tell clearly whether a hand or a foot (or even FINGERS, specifically, a bit later on) poked or brushed me. And I love when a little baby foot pushes right out and sweeps across the front of my tummy. *sigh* I guess if my placenta is on the front then I'll miss most of that this time, which I feel a bit sad about, but oh well.
I have my 16 week midwife appointment next Monday - I can't believe I'm back to see the midwife again already! It feels like I only just had my appt at 11 weeks! One of the midwives on my team phoned me this week to confirm the appt, and she said my bloodwork showed that I'm rhesus negative, as I probably already know (yes), and that of course I will be having the Anti-D injections at something-or-other weeks and 28 weeks. I said, well, no, because my husband is rhesus negative and I did not have ANY Anti-D last pregnancy as a result. Silence on the phone. I said that we even had him tested at the request of a doctor at the Early Pregnancy Unit last pregnancy, when I was bleeding, and so they were satisfied that he is definitely rhesus negative! She still ummed and erred! I can't believe I'm having pressure over Anti-D STILL! I thought it was done and dusted at LAST, the last time I was pregnant! Tsk.
She asked if he was the same partner that I had for my other children, and I DO see why she needs to ask that, but it still does offend me hugely all the same. I just said yes, and she said, "So you'd prefer not to have the Anti-D this time, ideally?" I just said yes, but basically I wish I had the guts to just lay it more obviously on the line and say there is no way I will consent to Anti-D, and I'm well within my rights to refuse and have no more questions asked! Tssssk. Oh well, hopefully now that we've had that conversation that will be the end of it.
Anyway, so my appt is Monday. We still haven't told the boys and are starting to get nervous about WHEN we should, and what we should say! Neil will be taking a half-day of his holiday time on Monday morning to be with the boys while I go out to my appt, so that they don't need to know. That's the last time he'll have to, though. The next antenatal "appt" will be the scan at 20 weeks, and then I have to see my GP at 24 weeks instead of the midwife (that's how it's done at my GP surgery). So my next midwife appt will be 28 weeks! Ages away! The boys will DEFINITELY know by then, so I can cart them all with me to my antenatal appointments from then on. Joy! ;)
But WHEN do we tell them - and by "them", I really mean Arthur. I am already whispering about it to Nathan, hehe! ;) He is completely oblivious, of course, but I tell him in our quiet moments sometimes, when we're snuggling at night, or nursing, or the other boys are out with Neil or something. Today I got a teeny tiny short-sleeved and short-legged sleepsuit in the post (eBay) with crocodiles all over it, in size newborn (7.5lbs, hmmm, it might be a tad small when it comes to it, but it's soooo cute, at 85p I couldn't resist it for my summer baby!), and showed it to Nathan, whispering that it was for his baby brother :)
I'm thinking that it's possible Arthur already knows (he is not daft and picks up everything, even when we think he can't have) and just doesn't want to acknowledge or talk about it, so hasn't admitted knowing it to us yet. But if not, he may well start to ask questions sooner than I think, given that I'm really starting to show lately! Eek! We are really not prepared with what to say if he actually asks me if there's a baby in my tummy! Must sort that out. Or just bite the bullet and tell them. I just want the timing to be best as possible for him, and the later the better I think, because Nathan will be more of a toddler and less of a baby himself, and that's helpful for Arthur with the concept of another baby coming.
Anyway. What else? I'm getting heartburn quite a lot, but only annoying heartburn, not awful stuff that I have to medicate (thankfully!). I'm starting to get breathless a lot over very small exertions, so that fun fun stage is approaching I think! I did not enjoy the extreme breathlessness last pregnancy. I found it really hard work and also a bit embarrassing, not being able to hold a conversation without having to pause to catch my breath all the time! I think it was way worse than usual last pregnancy though, and I wonder if it just WILL be for my subsequent pregnancies now, which is a bit of a nuisance, but oh well. My pulse races when I get breathless and I get lightheaded easily and have to sit down to recoup. Last time they got all concerned and had me monitored a few times at the hospital in case of a pulmonary embolism, but it turned out to be just me being pregnant ;) We'll see how it goes this time with the pulse rates at my appointments!
Food is just food at the moment. I'm still a little nauseated by a couple of foods that REALLY turned my stomach during my morning sickness (macaroni cheese is one, because the frozen sauce I made in advance turned out to STINK when thawed, though it tasted just normal and yummy. So that has put me off it a lot, sadly!). I really want tomato-based foods at the moment, but I'm not enjoying tomato soup or actual tomatoes in salad or anything, weirdly. I like spag bol sauce, and things like that. And my own tomato and pesto sauce is my favourite right now. I often get a pang for it at weird times of the day or night, especially right before bed at midnight or something weird! I usually want chicken with it though, which I never used to serve.
I had a MAJOR protein kick for a week or so over 13/14 weeks. I needed eggs to snack on, fried breakfast for lunch (bacon, beans, eggs, etc), MEAT in any meal I could cram it into, fish, etc. Now I'm not so into proteins at all, especially cheese (bleurgh!). So I guess little Babydot had some special organ building to do or something proteiny like that! And now he's finished doing that, so my interests in foods have changed, probably!
I am amazed and awed (though I should NOT be!) that God has answered my prayers about my milk EXACTLY. Before this baby was even conceived, as I wrote here, I was concerned about a new pregnancy causing my milk to dry up before my baby was a year old. Especially if I became pregnant any earlier than the previous times. I really didn't want to supplement with formula and I wanted Nathan to have all the breastmilk he needed up till the time he could safely have cows milk. When I found out I was pregnant this time, I prayed that God would enable my breasts to produce enough milk for Nathan till his first birthday. I was nervous because it WAS a little earlier than the other times, and so Nathan was a month further away from his first birthday than Arthur had been (Matthew was a month NEARER to his first birthday than Arthur). I knew from my previous pregnancies, that my milk would start to noticably decrease from 9 weeks, and be very sparse and salty by 14 weeks. Then it was all but gone, and finally completely dry at 18 weeks with Matthew's pregnancy, and 20 weeks with Nathan's. I knew that Nathan would not turn one till I was almost 15 weeks, so I didn't think it was likely that he'd have a good milk supply from 10.5 months onwards :( So I prayed!
My milk has lasted way better this time! :) I was surprised that it was going fine beyond 9 weeks, and last week I was thinking how wonderful it was that I still had plenty of milk for Nathan to GULP at night time. I did notice it was less in the day, but he had enough to guzzle at night so that was fine. Literally the day of his birthday (or possibly the day before) I noticed that he was not really getting anything either during the day or at night. He did swallow, but I could tell he was not gulping milk like he had been a few days before. Yesterday I thought my milk was all but gone, but today I nursed Nathan briefly on the sofa and when he pulled away there was white milk on my nipple, so there is still some there.
But I just think it's so AMAZING that God literally blessed me with gulpy milk till the very day of my baby boy's 1st birthday, the date I had asked God to enable me to provide milk until! And then it was all but gone, suddenly. What a wonderful, faithful God! I'm so grateful and touched that he would answer my prayer so tenderly and graciously. It meant a lot to me, and I'm so thrilled that Nathan has been breastfed to a year without a lack of milk, despite me getting pregnant when he was 9 months old. I'm so GLAD!! :D Nathan has started cows milk, but so far I don't think he is that impressed, haha! ;) He drinks it in a sort of reluctant manner though. And I'll still breastfeed him anyway.
I woke up with an UNBELIEVABLY sore nipple on my left side this morning. Nathan had been nursing on and off for the past hour and I thought he must have bitten me, it was SO painful. But, there's no sign of a bite, or even a bruise. It feels like the deepest bruise, and I can't even touch it, it's so tender. The other side is fine. I haven't wanted to nurse anyone from that side today, but I have occasionally and it has been sore but okay.
Okay, it's getting too late and I need my sleep! I'll try to update again soon!
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