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2004-02-26 - 10.02pm��previous entry��next entry
Evening update.....
Hello again! Evening update time :)
Thanks so much for yet more happy messages in my guestbook :) You guys make me smile soooo much!
I know it's crazy to worry, and also not good for my bean, but I am back to being soooo nervous about my period being due tomorrow. I feel so sure it's going to arrive just the same as usual. I know my tests say otherwise, but..... Tonight I have watery CM - first time since ovulation. I am not charting it though, because blah, I just don't want to. Anyway, I know that watery CM often happens the day before a period arriving because apparantly water is the first thing to be shed from the womb lining as a period starts. So I am nervous about why I have watery CM at this particular time.
I am not too crampy today. My breasts are super tender and they have grown. I took my bra off last night, looked down, and went, "Woaaah!!" Hehehe!! Neil is much pleased :) No darkening of the nipple area yet, which I am anxiously looking out for! I want more signs that pregnancy is progressing. Except please no bad morning sickness. Please!
I have felt really queasy most of today, but I am hoping it's just because I have been tired and out-of-whack after my bad night's sleep. We went to the supermarket and didn't buy any baby clothes because there weren't actually any that were really nice in the end. I can smell coffee at 20 paces. We walked down the centre aisle, the wide one with stocked aisles coming off it all the way down, and suddenly as we were walking I said, "Ugh, coffee! Quick let's move!" Neil said he couldn't smell any coffee and maybe it was something else, but my nose is pregnant and it knows coffee when it smells it! Sure enough, we had just walked vaguely near a small display with a promotional offer for sealed tubs of instant coffee. No spillages or anything, and all the tubs were packaged and sealed. See? I told Neil, "A pregnant woman's nose never lies!" It is SO much fun being pregnant, already! I don't care what happens that is not so nice, I love being pregnant.
It didn't take me long to feel too exhausted to stay in the supermarket, and I started to feel kind of queasy too. We had stopped off at the bread shop on the way to buy me some bread!! I was so hungry. It happens really suddenly. I am either not hungry at all, or else literally within a couple of seconds, I go to stomach crampingly hungry. My stomach was hurting and cramping and growling so much in the car. I ate 1/3 of a loaf on the way to the supermarket :) Anyway I started flagging after a while and felt kind of grey, so Daddy told me to sit in the car (phew!). I dozed most of the car journey home, and when we got back I went straight to bed and slept 3 hours.
Since I got up I have felt really queasy and yucky and grim. I am hoping it's to do with my body feeling messed up from odd sleep times. I usually feel groggy and yucky for a few hours after an afternoon nap so hopefully that's all it is. Of course I should be LONGING for morning sickness! It would be a great sign of a good sticky pregnancy. But I can't bring myself to long for feeling sick. It scares me!
I slept through lunch so this afternoon I have felt really shaky and weak and light-headed. I ate lunch around 6pm (!!) a few bites here and there, since I kept feeling queasy, and then we just had dinner. I felt sick after eating it, and my throat keeps feeling gaggy. I wonder if this is pregnancy or just me being a bit hyped up about it (and tired)?
I had a few of those pully-stabby pains above my pubic bone again, only this time on the left side.
This evening we asked my parents what they would like to be called when they are grandparents. Mummy wants to be Nana, with ONE 'n' in the middle. Daddy had a favourite grandfather who he called Grandy, so he would like to be Grandy in memory of his lovely grandfather. This is all so weird! But nice :)
Last night Mummy gave me a hug before going to bed, and she whispered in my ear, "I'm hugging both of you!" So sweet. They are getting really excited. I have been worrying a lot today to everyone, about whether this bean is going to stick or not. My parents and Neil have been really confident and encouraging and reassuring, but I keep thinking well it could still happen anyway. I know I shouldn't be so negative, but I feel so scared that this will be another chemical pregnancy. I know some people get several of those in a row. Even Julie signed my guestbook saying this happened to her! I desperately don't want it to happen to me. I have only known I'm pregnant for 2 days but I feel like it would be devastating to not be pregnant anymore. I am so.... settled with the idea of my baby growing inside me, even as I type this, and the loss of even the idea seems terrible. I pray my period won't turn up. I am so scared to see a drop in my temperature tomorrow morning. I hope I can sleep okay though, despite that anticipation hanging over me.
Today I still managed to take my glyconutrients (twice), my baby aspirin, and my prenatal vitamin, even though I felt sick and didn't eat too well :) I am pleased with myself for that! I will keep taking them as long as I can physically tolerate them, which I hope will be right through pregnancy (except the aspirin - don't know when to stop that).
Yesterday I just happened to glance at myself in the mirror, and I wondered if I was glowing yet. I felt like I could see a chance in my face, in the skin. D'you know what surprised me? I looked at myself in the mirror and thought how beautiful I am. I don't mean the superficial kind though. I never see myself that way, but this time, looking at my pregnant self, I feel so beautiful. I am so proud of my body for doing this amazing thing, for growing the child I am longing for. I can't fathom how it's happened! Even though I know the process. But the actual real process happening is mind-boggling. And I feel like I am just this wonderful beautiful pregnant person who I suddenly really admire for being pregnant! Which is a nice way to feel about myself :)
Well I'm going to bed now. I am tired. I have been online today looking at websites to see what my baby's development is at the moment. I can't wait to get home tomorrow to my "A Child is Born" book, which has amazing photos and information of embryo development. But from what I can find, it seems my bean has already seperated it's cells into 3 layers, to form into different parts of the body. It should be deeply embedded in my womb by now. It may even be starting to develop two clefts, one at each end of it's body mass. The line joining the two together will form the spine and spinal cord, and one of the clefts is the beginning of the brain. I want to post a photo of embryo development as my bean goes through it's changes, so when I get home I will find a website that I have bookmarked on my computer, and see if I can use a photo from there.
Anyway, please pray that I won't get my period! And that I will stay pregnant. Please please God, let me keep my baby now it's here. Please let my temperature stay high tomorrow and I also pray for a stronger test result.
I'll update again in the morning before we leave for the airport. Oooh could you please pray for a good journey too? No turbulence!! I don't want any other reasons to feel sick!!
I love you all. xxx
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