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2008-10-17 - 11:05 p.m.��previous entry��next entry
3DPO - flat temps again, yay! :)
Yay, I was right! I DID ovulate the day of my last entry! :) That was Cycle Day 21, so a bit later than I was expecting. The very next day my temp really shot up, so that was exciting to see, hehe!
Now I'm 3 days past ovulation, and I have had the same temperature (36.6) every day since ovulating! VERY flat temps! I think I've said this in previous symptom-spotting-ish cycles, but persistant flat temps are most often found in my pregnancy cycles. Actually I don't think I have had a non-pregnant cycle with more than 2 days in a row of the same temp... I'll have to double check but I think that's the case. So it's an interesting start! Also my temp itself is good and high, which is encouraging.
I know this will sound ridiculously naive, and confessing this here will bring me the risk of looking daft in a week or so from now (!) but... I KNOW this isn't possible, but I have this weird calm confidence about this cycle. Now, I am thinking it's possible (likely?) that I'm just too spoiled by the fact that whenever we have parsnips in the 4 days before I ovulate, we always conceive! This is pretty outside of average, I think? As far as the stats for getting pregnant go? I'm not sure, but I think it's probably good-going to conceive every cycle that we time the parsnips right for ovulation. Anyway, so that has probably hugely influenced me into expecting to conceive, simply because we've had the parsnips within the window. Two times this cycle, for once, which I guess improves the odds further! ;)
I feel a bit guilty like I am being complacent (which is something I really dislike, complacency) about our ease of conceiving when so many struggle. So I'm trying not to take it for granted. I'm taking time to praise God for how easily he's enabled us to conceive, as and when it occurs to me (lots, lately!), never mind that the pregnancies don't stick because my cycles aren't ready. I know that God could completely remove that ability in an instant, when his timing is right, too. So I'm trying to remember that. Maybe NOW is the time when, although it all seems to be going swimmingly, exactly as it was the last couple of times, we'll inexplicably find it impossible to get pregnant? I'm always aware of that possibility. But I have to admit, my mindset seems unshakable at the moment, that if we have had parsnips within my fertile window and my LP is getting on for 10 days or longer, then I am basically pregnant until proven otherwise! It's a fun, positive way to look at it, but I guess it does have its chances for more disappointment when my period shows up. A BIG difference will be that we are now trusting God over his timing. I know the chemical pregnancies so far are right because God is in control and his timing for our family is perfect.
So, that's the basis for my feelings about this. I am coming from the mindset of "pregnant until proven otherwise"! That should help you guys understand me a little better as you read my obsessive, excited ramblings from like 2 hours past ovulation, haha! ;) As soon as I know I have ovulated, I feel excited at what might be taking place inside me, and feel sure that something must be happening!
This cycle I feel very much this way, more so than my previous cycles. I think it's mainly that we do conceive pretty much straight off (at the moment), and we have a great chance of pregnancy just going by the timing of the parsnips this cycle. Also I have been distracted a few times in the 24-48 hours after I felt ovulation pain (especially after my temp jump the next day!), feeling excited that something amazing was taking place inside me. I feel like I've been "aware" (sounds nuts) of the fact (thought?) that there could likely be a little tiny bunch of cells rolling down my fallopian tube, dividing, dividing, dividing... just a bunch of cells, but still absolutely complete in its blueprint - every detail of a complete baby/child/adult human being packed into those cells, starting the journey of developing into that fully grown person. I try not to dwell on it, because that seems the most "sensible" thing to do, but I just keep being distracted by the thought. It is exciting, because it really could be true! :) If it's not, then okay I guess I will feel daft in hindsight, but at least I'm on a positive roll at the moment, haha! ;)
If I am pregnant, then I really hope this one sticks. If it doesn't, then I really really hope I will be spared the pain of a miscarriage proper, later on than obvious confirmation of a pregnancy and then some. I hope it will be an early early loss if it's not meant to be.
I'm so encouraged by those 3 flat temps so far! I often have an implantation dip on my pregnancy cycles (but not necessarily - I had none with Matthew), and if I do, it shows between 4DPO and 7DPO (which is my implantation window - earlier than average, which is 7DPO - 10DPO, but I reckon I have short fallopian tubes, due to also being extremely stumpy in all departments below the waist, haha!). So tomorrow is 4DPO. I'm so excited to temp these next few days, in case I see a dip!!! :) But I will try to remain calm and sensible! I'm actually thrilled to be allowing myself to freely obsess and symptom-spot like a crazy woman, never mind if it's a little far-fetched, hehe! I'm just enjoying myself, not so much building up desperate hopes. I love this stage of waiting and wondering (although it did get old after 6 months or so when trying for Arthur!).
I am weirdly cramp-free so far since ovulation. Many cycles it's the norm for me to have mild cramps here and there from ovulation to my period, but I have been actually straining to feel if I am even sliiightly crampy, and really there is nothing at ALL. Last night at around 9pm I suddenly had mild cramps that took about 5/10 minutes to get worse and be all hot and radiating, and then they died away over the next 30 mins. They were clear enough for me to be SURE they were uterus-related (they felt so periody I am sure they were not bowel-related or anything), so I have no idea what that was about. It can't possibly have been pregnancy-related because I was only 2DPO, lol! Anyway, as you can see I am eagerly poised to symptom-spot, haha! ;)
I'm sure there was more, but my mind has gone completely blank right now. It's getting late and it's Friday night after a LONG week. The boys have been ill all week with some throaty/coldy/cough bug, and I have had it since last weekend too. It has been a hard week with them, feeling so grim and exhausted. Arthur has a fever tonight and white tonsils, out of the blue. He hasn't been anywhere all week and he was the first to get the virus and was on his way to recovering from it really, when this showed up. I'm wondering if it's another adenovirus like we had earlier in the year? So it could be viral tonsillitus as part of an adenovirus. They last 10-14 days so it's about right. Which bugs me so much because the rest of us are behind Arthur and I can't bear the thought of my two littlest ones getting such a horribly sore throat that we can't medicate because it's viral, and a fever! And I'm dreading when it catches up with me - I'm already so drained and when I get tonsillitus I can. not. sleep. a wink all night for the type of pain. I'm just like that. Urgh. This should all be in my other diary. I must update that soon! Right now I'm going to bed. I will update my chart with tomorrow's temp as soon as I get chance in the morning, it being weekend - yay! :) But, Neil is letting me lie-in, so we'll see when I get chance. ;)
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