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2004-06-30 - 10.43pm��previous entry��next entry
21 weeks, 5 days - SCAN TOMORROW!!!!!
My scan's TOMORROW!!!! Wow!! I have been excited all day and trying to keep busy, but now it's almost bedtime I am getting more nervous than excited. I have been so focused on the fact that we hopefully get to find out if Bean is a girl or a boy, that I haven't so much been thinking of what the scan is REALLY for - to check that everything is okay with the baby and with my placenta and cervix and stuff. How much fluid Bean has around him/her, and whether all his/her little organs are functioning like they should, and all the bones the right size, etc. I am so eager to find out the baby's sex, but more than that I am desperate for everything to be perfect and no negative sides to the scan tomorrow. Please. I just want a healthy baby and a good long cervix and a placenta in the upper segment! I will be chuffed to bits if all those things are good, even if we DON'T find out Bean's sex. Except you know I'm itching to know anyway! ;)
Need to pee (should have gone before I started this entry!) but I'll be back in a sec...
Okay better now :) The boy/girl guesses so far stand at 8 for girl, 6 for boy, and Meg, who can't seem to decide! (xxx) ;) I know I've been saying lately that I absolutely can't guess whether Bean is a girl or a boy (which is true really), but I do find myself accidentally referring to the baby as "he" now and then. It just slips out. If I look at cute baby clothes I notice that I tend to gravitate towards the cute little boy clothes rather than the girlie stuff. So hmmm. I don't think that's anything to rely on though, because I really have no idea! I suppose I am leaning more towards a boy, mainly because I can't get that 13 week ultrasound out of my head, where we felt SURE we saw tiny boy bits when the sonographer zoomed in on the genital area. I have "met" at least 4 people online now who saw that their baby was a boy at a 13-week ultrasound (one was 12 weeks), and then it was confirmed at a later one. Nobody has had that happen for a girl but then it's more obvious if it's a boy. But anyway, yeah so I can't get that out of my head. I think if they say, "It's a girl!" tomorrow then I will be thrilled but I will still wonder about what we saw, just because it definitely was SOMETHING. Anyway we'll see TOMORROW!!!! Eeeeeee!!
The great thing is that if they say, "It's a girl!" then I will be ecstatic. If they say, "It's a boy!" then I will be ecstatic. It's a win win situation! :) I have no preference. Although I still say that if someone told me I could ONLY have a baby if I picked boy or girl first, then I would pick boy, and although it wouldn't be an instant decision, it wouldn't be reeeally hard. I want a little boy :) But I don't mind if I have a girl (or several!) first! I love little girls just as much :)
Okay, things to say about today.... nosebleeds are back, but oh well. I don't even bother pinching my nose and being all dramatic anymore (!!), they are really quite mild usually and just ease off on their own after 5 or 10 minutes, so I just make sure I have a tissue in my hand and keep my head forward, and just get on with things. If I eat ice-cream it goes away faster :)
I got on the scales this evening and it has happened - I weigh 9 stone exactly!!! I am hungry a lot so I just have to eat. It did briefly occur to me that maybe I am doing something wrong with my intake (stoopid me for even permitting that thought to enter my mind! Pesky Western world with it's obsessive weight ideas!). But nah, I eat pretty healthily. I do like my sweet things and desserts, but who cares. I eat pretty well. I still get nasty "turns" where I am very shaky and sweaty and feel faint and weak if I don't eat when I'm hungry, so I am guessing it must be low blood sugar when that happens. Beats me why it doesn't clear up very quickly after eating though. Even if I eat something sweet. It takes me about an hour to lose the shakiness. But I always do feel better eventually after eating.
Bean has just woken up in the last couple of minutes (it's bedtime, right on cue!) and is kicking my bladder at a funny angle. It is really painful, like a sharp stab to the bladder every kick. At the moment I am getting a kick there every couple of seconds or so. Too irregular for hiccups though. But ow. But aww :)
I got my second full body length maternity pillow in the post today!!! Hooray! And a reeeally cute little baby T-shirt in size 0-3 months which has embroidered lettering on the front saying, "I love my Daddy xxxxx". Sounds cheesy but I saw in at eBay and it's soooo cute. Okay kicks every second and they are so sharp and painful that I'm just gonna go on all fours on the floor for a sec, see if Bean moves. I love feeling Bean kick but ow this does hurt, and my bladder is sore lately.
Oh well. Ten minutes of doing weird squats and back-arches didn't do anything, Bean just kept kicking me in the bladder! I went for another pee and that didn't help either. Well I LOVE feeling Bean squiggling about and bumping me so that's okay. I would much rather it was sore than not there at all! :) I am also getting bumps up near my tummy button so I guess I have hands punching my bladder, they feel smaller than the bumps up the top. I can't wait till I can tell Bean's parts more clearly when he/she kicks.
I can't believe from tomorrow there will be no more of this "he/she" stuff!! And I can use a real person's name. That will be weird. But nice :)
Where was I? Oh yes the T-shirt! Well it was so cute, so I bid on it and won, and it arrived today. I have hidden it from Neil, because I want to show him it when we have had the scan. That will be nice!
I have good energy AGAIN today!! Yay! I am definitely in the good old 2nd trimester bloom! Hooray! I'm so happy to be here!! I put 3 laundry loads on today and hung some out on the line, but then brought it in again when it rained this afternoon. And cleared up a bit in the kitchen. And took a shower. And watched a lot of tennis. This evening I needed meat again (v. excited about this now after what Mia said about meat being a boy craving!). It's not a craving as such though, I just feel the need for some meat. I want the taste of it, and everything else seems so bland and nutrition-less (?!) in comparison. But cravings are sooooo much stronger. They have no rationality and I just have to eat them or I'll spontaneously combust. Anyway but I needed meat. So good old Neil went out to the supermarket after work (he's the sweetest man!) and then he cooked me sausages (that's what I felt like) and mashed potatoes and baby leeks and carrots, and ohhhhh boy was that goooood!!! He bought me chocolate cake, the really moist sticky kind, as a treat! So I had some of that afterwards. If my digestive tract could smile it would be grinning from.... cardiac sphincter to er... okay that other sphincter that doesn't need naming because this is more detailed than it needed to get! ;)
Ow. This baby is going to love trampolines when he/she gets old enough to go on one.
I got anxious about varicose veins "down there" (!) today, because I keep reading about how not to worry if you get them because it's not uncommon, etc, and I have been sore and achy there for most of my pregnancy, but it's definitely getting worse in the last few weeks. We have been avoiding sex pretty much this whole pregnancy, first because of the bleeding, and then cause I felt too gross and yucky for ages, and then I was nervous about the crampiness and the cervix thing. So we were waiting till the scan to find out if my cervix is just fine or what (which it likely is). But actually I am not sure that sex is going to be a feasible thing while I'm pregnant. I think I may be too sore. I guess it's normal in some pregnancies/pregnant women? It's a shame, because well, I'm not exactly off the idea! But ow.
Today I used a mirror to check (why am I telling the whole wide web this?!) just incase I had any varicosities, but I don't (phew!), not yet anyway. I am kind of swollen and sore though. Is this a weird thing to be writing here? Oh well. Partly this diary is for me to read back when I am pregnant again in the future, so I want to detail as much as I can for future comparison/reassurance! But yeah, so I told Neil this evening that maybe sex is not going to be a great plan because of how things seem "down there" (always bugs me when people say that, and here I am saying it!), but he said that's fine. Anyway it is not the end of the world if we have no intercourse. There are ways and ways. Okay that's all I need to say on this subject!
Neil likes my changing shape :) I am relieved because even though he always said he wouldn't find it odd when I was pregnant, I know that some men find it odd and don't feel so attracted to women when they are pregnant. Beats me why not, but oh well. Anyway so I didn't know how Neil would be about it, but he loves it so that's great! He likes my bump. It's really round and cute now! My tummy button is completely flat all the time now. Still no stretch marks which I'm glad about! It's early for that yet though (is it?).
I can't think what else to waffle on about. I almost want to waste some more time before going to bed because if I go to bed then it's like Christmas Eve and there is no WAY I will sleep if Father Christmas will have been by the morning. If you know what I mean! But I have to chill out because the scan is not till the afternoon anyway, and I have Cameron to think about first and a visit to the cemetery for his birthday, and also I don't want to get toooo hyped about the scan (too late, I know!) because of the inevitable anti-climax on the other side after the excitement and novelty of knowing what Bean is has worn off a bit. That happened in the week after my last scan and I don't want to be all deflated the week after my lovely scan.
Fortunately I have people to tell for about a week - you guys, family, people at church - and then there's the family gathering for Grandoug's birthday on Sunday (minus my parents of course) where I can see G&G and my brother and his Sarah for the first time this WHOLE pregnancy, and show them my bump and the scan pictures, and they can feel Bean kick and everything! So far nobody but me and Neil have felt Bean kick. So there's excitement to come! And Friday is 22 weeks, so it's another photo day for the belly gallery! :) And I can sort the baby clothes once we know the baby's sex too. I love sorting!!!
Definitely bedtime now, so I'll go. Tomorrow Neil has the whole day off work for the scan! And I am going out in the morning to buy flowers and a card for Cam's grave (although somehow I'd much rather be buying a chemistry set (he loved stuff like that) or some Harry Potter thing), and then I'll spend a while at the cemetery before the scan. The scan itself is at 2pm, just so you all know not to expect an update before like 4pmish, because we'll inevitably have to wait a bit longer than 2pm and then the scan apparantly takes about 40 minutes, and then we drive home and look at scan pictures, and then we phone family (will take a while!), and THEN I scan the photos into the computer and THEN I update my diary! Okay? So now you know the whole schedule, just incase you are excited like I am and checking to see if I've updated or something! :) Of course that's 4pm UK time.
So I will update tomorrow afternoon! Please pray that everything will be okay with the baby and with me, and that we just have a great experience at the scan, nothing going wrong or anything. And that I deal with Cameron's birthday. It's so weird that it will be a day of mixed emotions.
And now I am going to bed. And Bean says, "thump". And how weird that I will probably never refer to Bean as "Bean" here anymore. So sad :( But yay, a real human baby with a real name!! I can't believe we are really having a real human baby. I know that sounds crazy but I really can't believe it! I can't wait to see our little one in action tomorrow!
Night night. xxx
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