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2003-01-09 - 1.00am (10th)��previous entry��next entry
Feelings and fleecy diapers (photos)!
Thanks so much Vikki and Aisling for your very exciting guestbook entries! :) Yay, yay!! (the novelty hasn't worn off yet)
Yeah, sometimes I can't wait to be in the next "category", like the trying to conceive one, or the pregnant one. I mean, REALLY, I can't wait. But also I think the timing is right, even though I am gagging to be there sometimes. It will all roll around soon enough and this feels right as it is. So yeah, right now we are in the "thinking of ttc" category, hehe! There is a whole message board for this category at Babycentre and I was thrilled to see somebody posting with a question, and saying they are thinking of ttc in July - which is just the same as me!! Don't know why, but I found this really exciting. It was like, ooh look there's someone where I am! And "where I am" feels pretty exciting these days. Even though I know there are people further on who are at a great stage, but I will get there and this stage has it's own excitement. Yay!
Okay I have yet more photos of nappies/diapers, but first I want to write - what, actually WRITE in my pregnancy diary?!! Yeah, I have pregnancy related stuff to talk about, despite not being remotely pregnant. Yesterday I had my first "maybe this isn't such a hot idea" moment! Ah-ha! I knew the novelty would start to wear off. But I hope there is a lot more to how I feel about having a baby than just the novelty. I am pretty sure there is. But anyway, the diaper patterns I ordered came in the post yesterday. I know English people say "nappies" not "diapers", but these patterns are for DIAPERS. So there. They are American patterns and from what I am beginning to find out, English people don't seem to have the first clue about such things as fleece all-in-one nappies. I mean, not just people who don't realise nappies have moved on since terry towel jobbies, but people who HAVE moved on and are making prefolds like the ones I made this week - but the fleecy all-in-ones are still foreign to them. Pah. They don't know what they're missing out on! The fleecy things are marvellous. Okay, so I am not an expert or anything, especially since I never actually diapered a child yet (!!), but never mind..... So these diapers cannot to my mind be called "nappies", since there is nowt British about them and they are completely different to any nappies we seem to know over here. Right. That was a long and pointless paragraph wasn't it? Oh well, deleting is seems even more pointless, so there we go. Oh yes, my point was that I am calling these nappies, "diapers" from here on. They are diapers and that's that.
Well so the diaper patterns came, and I spent all morning yesterday reading them through. This gave me a horrible sinking feeling because they looked so hard to make and I am a complete and utter novice on the sewing machine, and I became convinced that I could not make these diapers. So I got a bit sort of demoralised about that. Anyway, then I wanted more fabric for safe-and-easy prefolds (!!) so I went into town in the car. Neil and I had this weird-feeling conversation yesterday. We decided that if there are little things I can go and buy for a baby or for pregnancy that will store away without taking up much space, and which are not expensive, I should start buying them. Just bits at a time though and not going overboard. It would just spread the costs a bit. This feels amazingly weird, because it's more of that changing-gear stuff in my brain. It's more sort of..... realistic, that it's gonna happen, sort of thing. Am I making sense?! It's like scary but wonderful confirmation that we are really seriously planning to have a baby, and we never really have before. I mean, we never planned it like this, like for NOW. Before it was always some distant future thing or something.
I went and bought some more fabric, not loads or anything, and also some sewing stuff to make diapers. I went to every fabric shop in town, but only one had stuff I could make diapers out of. Pfthth. But oh well, it will do. I can order some of the stuff online, especially the fleece. Then I went to Mothercare. I don't know what for actually..... oh yeah, it was to check if they had nappy pins and stuff, because I only have that ancient blue pair that's in all the photos so far, and I wanted more. While I was there I browsed through everything, which was weird. I've been to Mothercare a LOT in my life, mostly being extremely broody and looking at the baby clothes. But never at the other stuff, the "real" stuff. I had a list that I made a year or so ago, of absolutely everything we will ever need for my pregnancy and a new baby. I compiled it from the internet and books, trying not to miss anything out so that we could get some idea of the total cost, etc. It's absolutely everything, from furniture to clothes, toys, travelling, maternity clothing, feeding whatsits, EVERYTHING. I went through Argos catalogues and an online shop (this was a year or so ago, in a broody moment!) and vaguely priced things up. Some I had to guess at. But the total was just under �3000. Yikes. I am sure we can budget waaaay better than that if we got second hand stuff or didn't get some of the less essential things, and it doesn't allow for gifts either. But anyway that has allowed us to be aware of how much we need to save. We're still waaaay off it but at least we've made a start in our baby account. And if I get a job soon I will use my entire wage to put in that account so that would be reassuring. But until then, buying the odd little thing would knock stuff off the list without breaking the bank so that's what we're starting to do.
So with my list in mind I started to browse. I felt weird and awkward looking at cot blankets and sheets, because they are right near the shop window and for some strange reason I was paranoid about somebody I know seeing me through the window and thinking I am pregnant! This seems a weird way for me to feel, but I just don't want anybody jumping to conclusions. I also don't want the general "people who know me" public to know about it until we tell them we're expecting a baby. So I looked at cot bedding whilst constantly throwing glances towards the window! Heh. I like some of the stuff there, and it goes with the colours in our small bedroom, so I'll keep them in mind. When I told Neil about them he said to go back and buy them anytime, but I might not because there is over a year to go before we need them and I could well see something utterly gorgeous in that time and want it instead of the Mothercare one!
Anyway, they had nappy pins, so I bought some. I looked at everything. I asked the shop assistant questions. I wanted a catalogue. She said the new one comes out at the end of January, so I'll go back in Feb I think. This is so weird! Why? I have only been longing for it forever (!) so why is it suddenly weird now it's happening? Hmmm. I bought a maternity top. There is such a pathetically small selection so if you see something nice then it seems the thing to do is grab it, quick! So I did. I saw a really nice shirt and bought it. In John Lewis I bought more nappy pins (nicer than the first pack) and looked at cots and everything travelly, and stuff like that. John Lewis sell terry towel nappies. Gosh. I will keep my fleecy ones and prefolds thanks! I asked for catalogues there too, and they gave me a Mamas and Papas one and a Britax one. The annoying thing is they don't have any prices in them! I bought a pack of 3 newborn stretch sleepsuits. It's on the list (5-6 of them) and they were cute. But for the first time in my whooole life, they were something necessary to buy, like loo roll, something to check off a list, rather than, "Ohhhhh look it's soooo cute - I HAVE to buy it!!!" And that made me feel weird again.
So, feeling slightly weirder than when I came out, I drove home. At home I got all the stuff out to show Neil and he was interested and stuff. Then more weirdness hit me. I stopped wanting to look at the baby clothes I bought and stuff. I wanted to just put them away and stop thinking about nappies. I felt a bit nappied-out and babied-out all of a sudden, which is something I have never had a problem with before! And it was odd. I felt uneasy and wondered if I am doing the right thing planning a baby so soon. See when I'm excited about it, it feels aaaages away. But when it's all a bit much, it feels ever so soon (which it really is anyway). I felt a bit down that shopping for baby stuff at LAST when I was actually not being a bit indulgent by doing so (!) was not the massive joy that I'd always expected it to be. I know, I know, my expectations must be pretty sky high after all these years of longing. But I think I keep my feet on the ground, or at least one of them anyway! So I do see it realistically too. It's just that to FEEL so "odd" and not-marvellous whilst doing baby stuff shopping was a bit of a downer. Hmmm.
Today I feel better about it. I am getting extremely bored of my pre-conception diet though! Old habits die hard I guess. My diet was soooo poor before, for years. It feels like a very long time that I've been eating healthily and drinking lots and taking supplements. But I checked my pre-conception charty thing and it's only been 2 and a half weeks. That's all!!! Not even long enough to notice real changes to my health as a result of the diet changes. Pah. I am not quite meeting my fluid targets lately, but the diet is still going well. My IBS hates me for it of course. But I am hoping it's just annoyed with the change and it will settle down soon.
So today I got out the diaper patterns again and decided to brave it. I decided to try and make a Honeyboy diaper, the fleecy all-in-one type. I figured I would botch it up enormously so I told myself it would be okay if I had to quit after a bit, and I decided to use fabric I already had, rather than the super-gorgeous looking kit I got in the post with the patterns. I took each stage reeeeally slowly and I had to go up in the loft first to find paper big enough to trace my pattern template onto. And each new section I started (there were about 12 stages in the pattern), I would read it out and say, "I can't do THAT!!" But then read it again and figure where all my pieces were and just have a go at it on the machine. And then when it worked I did the next stage, and so on. It took me all afternoon, about five hours because I worked soooo slowly and carefully. And by stage 10 I was squealing with excitement because it was looking nearly-finished and I COULD do it, I hadn't botched anything up yet!!! And yes, I did finish it, and no, I didn't botch a single part up. Oh, except I am not thrilled with the stitching on the tabs, but oh well. When I finished my very first fleecy diaper I gallavanted around the house like a mad thing with it and I was so thrilled, I can't tell you!! Then of course I got snapping with the camera (hehe!) and here are three (yes, three!) photos of it so you can see my latest pride and joy. There are two of it done up (they do up with velcro tabs), from different angles, and one of it laid open so you can see how gorgeous it is on the inside! Heh.
Isn't the fabric beautiful?!!! I just love it to bits. It's newborn size. I put stretch terry towelling in the soaker pad. It's basically the same as a disposable except it's washable (and far more comfy and cute!). I sewed little tab things on so that you can fold back the velcro tabs when the diaper is open, like a disposable before you use it. I like it so much. I spent most of the evening grinning at it like a mad thing. Well actually, only part of the evening, because when I'd shown Neil after he got home, I was suddenly seized with the urge to make another, or at least start one. So I did. I just "started" it, and then before I knew it an hour or so had passed and I'd made another one!! Much quicker this time, and only a bit more of a botch, but I unpicked what I messed up mostly. This time I used the fleece I got in the post, and a flannel I bought yesterday. It's grey fleece (much darker and warmer-looking than the photo shows, its a bit over-exposed I'm afraid), and just a plain grey/tan check, but that's a bit washed out too in the photo. It isn't nearly as cute but I actually want to make some plain things as well as bright and cutesy things, so I am pleased with this one too. It is soooo soft. Here are the photos (just 2 this time!):
Okay I am so pleased with my new diapers and with how well I am managing to learn to use my sewing machine! But I am tired now and it's waaay too late to be up anymore so I'll have to stop. I am not particularly liking how things feel a bit scary as well as exciting, but I think that is probably normal. I just wish it only felt exciting.
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