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2004-05-06 - 7.35pm��previous entry��next entry
13 weeks, 6 days - uneventful
14 weeks tomorrow! Wow it's going fast! It doesn't always feel like it, but those numbers keep changing before I got used to the previous one, so it must be going fast!
Neil should be home from work anytime now so I don't plan to write a huge entry, just jot down some bits and pieces (haha, yeah right!).
My cold is nearly gone. Still really congested but it's better than it was, and my cough is improving too :) Phew! I am getting nervous about going out again once I'm better because every time I go out anywhere there are lots of people, I come back with something that puts me in bed for 2 weeks feeling dreadful, so I'm nervous. I just want to stay feeling well for a while! Preferably the next 26 weeks!
I am super tired lately. Not sleeping too badly. I would be sleeping fantastically if it weren't for the remnants of this cold, but otherwise I am sleeping well so that's good. But I only need to sit on the sofa and watch something on TV, and then maybe read my book for an hour and I'm completely exhausted - I get sort of breathless and giddy with it and I get dark bags under my eyes that have veins in them and everything! I just feel so wiped out, especially huffing up the stairs. I am hoping it's just pregnancy and not anything post-viral. I've had my fill of post-viral fatigue for one lifetime thank you!
Today and yesterday I haven't really felt any movements from Bean, though I'm not worried because I've been up and about instead of lying on my back a lot (much easier to feel Bean move if I'm lying flat), and anyway, early on it's normal to have big gaps with no movements felt. Depending on my mood (which has become very swings-and-roundaboutsy!) I can sometimes feel anxious about it, so I have been reassuring myself with the doppler. Just long enough to find the heartbeat, which is usually fairly instant, and then I switch it off again, so I know Bean's okay in there.
I have been really irritable lately, very snappy with Neil, and then remorsefully apologising immediately but then instantly biting his head off again (like 10 seconds later!)! Yesterday my IBS was playing up like nothing else, and that limits what I can eat because when it's bad there is a lot of food that will make it worse. Add to that the fact that there is a whole list of foods that make me turn green, and you end up with a houseful of food and only chips (as in, fries) and salad that I can happily eat. Of course I should have just eaten the chips and salad option, but noooo, I had to spend 40 minutes worrying about having a protein source and feeling sooo awful at myself for not providing my body or my baby with the protein it needs, and snapping at Neil's helpful suggestions, all the while getting queasier and queasier, and finally dissolving into a state of "It's All Hopeless" which is obviously WAY over the top but it felt realistic at the time.
*sigh*
I know it's hormones, but I always feel so stupid for acting on them, even if I can't help it. I did eat the chips and salad with ketchup in the end, and it was yummy, and I didn't have protein but oh well. Today I had fish fingers for lunch and unless my system turns upside down before dinner time (which is entirely possible), I want sausages and mash for dinner. Mmmm.... fooood!! I am so into food at the moment, although still nauseated most of the time. The more I eat, the less I feel sick though, and now I am starting to actually enjoy eating, whether I can taste it or not. I just love the feeling of filling my stomach, and my mouth waters at the very inkling of an appealing food/meal. I often think, "What shall I have for lunch?" and think of 3 things I want, and it's not like I can do the normal thing and pick one to have today, it's like a driving urge to eat ALL THREE at the one sitting!! Even though there's no way I could manage it all. Food just sounds soooo wonderful that I can't pick one thing out to eat, I just want it all! Or else the complete opposite, depending on the level of nausea. Crazy pregnant woman.
Today I have eaten huge amounts of toast and marmite (an extremely yummy English savoury yeast spread, for those who haven't heard of it!) for breakfast, and then fish fingers and a whole huge can of spaghetti in tomato sauce and a big pile of sweetcorn for lunch. And then um.... big bowl of coco pops a couple of hours later. And Dairylea cheese spread on wholemeal bread an hour after that. And vanilla ice-cream and sprinkles 40 minutes later (just now). And Neil's not home and so it's not dinner time and I'm so hunnnngry!!!! So I need another snack. Then my bowel swells up in the evening and I feel gross and don't eat properly. So maybe I should eat a meal now? Neil said I should if I get hungry, but I like to eat with him in the evenings. I hate the idea that we never share a meal together outside of weekends, so I cherish the weekday evening meals!
What else can I talk about? I am perplexed and frustrated about my bump, or lack of it! The crazy thing is, I am getting flatter and flatter of stomach! Really. I am looking less pregnant all the time - I fit into my normal jeans just fine now, except I use a hairband or safety pin to fasten them for an extra inch or two at the button area, because it's uncomfy to have the button fastened. It pinches on my tummy. But I think that's more to do with bloating than Bean.
I just don't understand it! I am 14 weeks tomorrow and I have an absolutely flat tummy. Flat flat flat. I will take a belly pic of course, because it's been 4 weeks since the last one and anyway, it's still part of the record of my pregnant shape. I'll want it to compare with next pregnancy. So I'll do a belly pic. But trust me, you would never know I am pregnant. And I'm sooooooo impatient to show!!! I want to look pregnant, I am so disappointed with my lack of bump! I know it's only a matter of time (and a short time at that) before I DO show, and it may even happen overnight. But right now I feel so unpregnant in so many ways.
I have nothing to physically show. I am not feeling any movements yet (no kicks yet, and no rolls for the last couple of days). Nothing feels much different except the nausea, but that's been around so long that it's starting to feel like "the norm" and I don't necessarily associate it with pregnancy anymore in my mind. The days plod by uneventfully, and my pregnancy day/week count goes up and up, but nothing is changing to make me feel pregnant. I keep expecting it but nothing happens. I know TONS is happening on the inside, but I just don't feel too connected with that at the moment. It's like, the scan seems ages ago, and the novelty has worn off, and I feel like I'm in a huge anti-climax of having seen the baby and all that. Nothing's changing and I don't feel pregnant and I feel kind of blue these days. But I know that's probably normal.
Okay Neil just got home so I am going now.
Oh except I almost forgot! I got the stuff from the NCT shop this morning in the post!! I am really excited about learning all the signs in the Sign With Your Baby stuff!! And the changing mat is lovely and I have a pregnancy car seatbelt! So that's exciting. But everything else is kind of uneventful right now. I just want to be bloomingly pregnant! C'mon Bean, give that womb a shove so it pops out or something!
Need to eat.
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