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2005-08-27 - 4.39pm��previous entry��next entry
10 DPO and more mixed things
Aaaaaaaargh, somebody stop me testing!!!!
Ten days past ovulation today. My temp is still up where it was. Even FF says my chart is triphasic now. This morning when I got up at 6am to nurse Arthur, I felt so so so so so so sick that I even wondered if I might BE sick. I felt nauseated like never before most of the morning, then it seemed to ease off a bit and I ate some breakfast. I have been queasy all day long though. I don't know why I would feel so sick otherwise. I DO have rotten IBS at the moment though, so maybe that's all it is?
I tested this morning and it was negative, but I SWEAR I saw something, like just the faintest shadow of a line. But actually I think my eyes are being crazy because really it is white as white where the pink line is supposed to be. Sort of like it was yesterday really, when I thought I could see something almost non-existant and then it wasn't actually anything there. Can I BE this nuts about it, that I am seeing things?! I never used to see things on tests before Arthur, no matter how desperately I wanted it. But there really isn't anything there enough to call it positive. At all.
So Neil said I should wait till tomorrow for another test, even though I desperately wanted to use my Clearblue this afternoon! I haven't had much to drink today, so maybe that accounts for the first day of not-that-much-peeing in a while. So I had lots of hours of pee saved up. He just took Arthur out for a walk, and crazy woman that I am, I snuck upstairs and peed on another stick!!!! Aaargh! Not the Clearblue though. This stick is exactly the same as this morning - negative beyond all negatives, with a "something" that only the eyes of a crazy woman can see! ;) Really, don't get excited. When I say "something", what I really mean is "nothing". Tsk.
The thing is, this morning I was so completely and utterly sure that I am pregnant that I was amazed when the second line didn't show. I didn't even hover around the test anxiously. I peed, dunked, and just slapped it on the side of the bath to "simmer", thinking something along the lines off, "Yeah yeah, show me the line already!" I just went off to another room to try to deal with the nausea and waited a few minutes before going back to see what I fully expected to be a BFP. As I left it on the bath, I could have sworn I saw a faint line. I even said to Neil, "Yeah, there's a line there. I'll be back in a minute!" Hehe!
So it's weird that they are still negative. Although not that weird I suppose, since I'm only 10DPO and that's still very early for testing. I guess I just keep reading about others who get early BFPs.
I have never felt so sure that I am pregnant EVER in my life before. Even when I WAS pregnant with Arthur!
BUT I have a bad headache this afternoon that has now hung around for several hours, and painkillers have not shifted it. I napped for maybe an hour but that didn't shift it either :( So I am having to admit that this could well be my pre-period headache that I usually get the day before it shows. I am so bummed about that. If I really am getting my period, WHY do I feel so pregnant? I'm sure it isn't just because I am hoping so much. I know that because I have never hoped so much for pregnancy or looked so hard for symptoms as when we were TTC Arthur. And I never saw symptoms like this then. Sooo. I'm confused.
I guess I have to presume my period is coming, with a headache like this. It's too "usual" for me. But I hope it doesn't come till tomorrow because then - WOW! - I will have had a TEN DAY luteal phase!!!! Yay! My worry now is that I really DID conceive but the bean didn't stick, and that is the only reason for the lengthened luteal phase. But then at least that would also mean that I managed to conceive. So I guess either way it's good.
If my temp is magically still up tomorrow (though I am now not expecting it to be), I will test with my one and only Clearblue. It's my daddy's birthday tomorrow and if I AM pregnant I would like to be able to tell him he will be a grandfather again on his birthday. But I think my temp will drop.
Although, who am I kidding?! I am just saying this so I don't look stoopid being like an excited child when I have an obvious pre-period symptom! And to save my own feelings I suppose. I think I am trying to protect myself by saying to myself firmly, "Now then Alice, you will probably see a temp drop tomorrow. Brace yourself!" But actually I still FEEL pregnant. And still think I will have a high temp and a positive test at any time. I just can't explain why this feeling is so strong. I just feel like I'm pregnant.
But looking at the signs this afternoon I'd say I should cover my bases and say it's possibly/likely that I'll get a temp drop and my period tomorrow. Or possibly even late tonight. I hope not, I really do. But it's a possibility.
And now I am officially rambling so I'm going. My head aches. Thank you so much for all the messages and excitement! :) I'll update tomorrow when I can. xxx
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