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2004-03-09 - 9.13pm��previous entry��next entry
5 weeks, 4 days - sooo happy :)
Thanks for the lovely guestbook entries and the "get better" wishes! :) I am feeling better than yesterday which is great!!! Still not 100% but I will be. I am SO thrilled because 2 fantastically lovely things have happened - Lynn is pregnant after losing her little boy, and I am so happy for her! Congratulations Lynn!! And I can't believe it, but out of the two people I know who were expecting their babies in February.... both had a girl, and BOTH named their daughters Katherine!!! Wow. Big welcome to Katherine Clare, and congratulations to Judy!!!
Well now, it's the evening, and I never update in the evening normally, since that used to be my freaking-out-negatively time of day (!!). But I don't do that anymore. What will be will be, and I trust God :)
I am 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant today. Just 3 days to go till I hit six weeks!! Six sounds soooo much better than five now! I am getting so impatient for a bump and baby kicks and wiggles, and to wear my huge collection of second-hand maternity clothing! I want some visible evidence!! But I have more than half of the first trimester left so I will have to wait.
Today I am not so great with food. Less of an appetite. I am at the gunky gooey gaggy stage of a cold finishing (nice), so swallowing lots of goo is not making me feel nice in my stomach. Last night I got desperate and steamed my head with a bowl of boiling water with menthol and eucalyptus in it. It didn't do a lot for me at 1am, but I did it again this morning and it helped a lot. This evening's session wasn't too helpful though. It's hard because there is a bottle of Sudafed in the kitchen cupboard, and I KNOW it works wonders for me when I get like this after a cold. It's sitting there taunting me!! But I won't take it. It's not good for Bean. I told Mummy this on the phone this evening, and she said something that blew me away - "You're being a very good mother." How cool is that?!!! ME, a mother?!! I can't see myself as that yet, it's too weird, but wonderful all the same. I just can't get my head to think it though, not yet. But it made me well up to think I am being a good mother already to my little Bean. I never though of it from that perspective before.
Well anyway, I do not have much of a good appetite today, and I have had heartburn most of the day. I ate 3 extra strong mints this morning in a desperate attempt to remedy the catarrh (sp?!), but not only did it NOT help, it also made my stomach feel like a ball of acid fire for the rest of the day! Probably. Unless that was something else I ate. Or just pregnancy-induced. But I don't caaaare, it's burny because I'm PREGNANT, and that is toooo wonderful to complain about (yet, hehe!). I don't INTEND to ever complain about pregnancy in any way, although it's early days and I am not that naive. It may not all be smooth sailing and some bits might be hard and yucky, so who knows, I might end up complaining about those. But I will never never never ever complain about having the privilege of carrying a baby, no matter that it's not always a pleasure trip. It's just so amazing to be pregnant, I really wondered if I ever would/could be, and here I am! I don't feel like I could ever stop being thrilled.
So right now, I LOVE heartburn, even though it's eating through my breastbone! :) Good old pregnancy-induced heartburn! xxx
I ate lunch late today, I had jacket potato and some salad and stuff, because it was a good healthy thing to eat. But I found some ants on the kitchen floor (HATE ants!!) while it was baking, and for some reason they grossed me out like ants never have before, and by the time lunch was ready I was quite queasy and didn't want to eat. But I ate anyway. I wonder if I am beginning to get the first inklings of morning sickness? I just feel naff in my stomach, and tend to feel a bit queasy at times, and off my food, whereas I was seriously into food up until yesterday (except when I was ill).
This evening I don't know what to have. The only thing I feel like is hard boiled eggs with mayo (the mayo part is extremely important!!), and bread and butter. We have bread and butter, and Neil bought the mayo a couple of days ago when I realised I was feeling particularly affectionate towards the idea of eating it (!), but we don't have eggs, so bless him - Neil is out as I type, shopping for eggs for his pregnant wife :) He's such a sweetie. And I just want to throw my head back and scream and run about like a crazy thing waving my arms in the air when I think that I am PREGNANT, and my husband is stereotypically out late in the evening buying me a food I simply MUST have!!!! I am so happy. I can't believe it's really happening to us at last. I feel like I waited forever, I was impatient for this even in my teens, even BEFORE my teens actually. But frequently restless about it from my early teens till now, increasingly so once I was in my 20's. I just can't believe it's really true, I am really pregnant.
Today I looked in the mirror and felt unable to get my head round the idea. Me, pregnant. Me! I look the same, and I pretty much feel the same too. I no longer feel like we "just" found out I am pregnant, in fact it feels like ages since then, even though it was only 2 weeks ago tomorrow. It feels like a long time has passed since then. So it feels weird to look at myself looking the same as ever, feeling mostly the same, and stupidly think, "Where is my period at?!" I just can't believe I'm pregnant, and I keep thinking how weird it is that my period hasn't come, and somehow life is still going on without it there, and something different is happening.
So weird. I wish I could explain how out-of-this-world this all feels.
Neil thinks I am looking pregnant now. Today he said he thinks I look slightly more "filled out" in my face. Not like I've put weight on, but just "different" apparantly. I see it too, but it's something so subtle that I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's progesterone? That causes skin changes and that "glow" everyone talks about. I'm not sure if I'm glowing or anything, but I sort of look softer in the face, or something like that.
I felt well enough to go out today, so I did my pee in the little tube at 6.30am and wrote all my details on the label and put it in the path lab bag, and then I went back to bed for a bit. I drove it to the hospital around 10am. I hope it's not a problem to leave it sitting there for a few hours, but I think it would be okay. I HAD to pee at 6.30, I couldn't have waited, even though I'd only peed at 1.30am. And I wanted to use my first morning pee, just because. I want the result to be as good as possible, even though it probably tests for an HCG level of 50, and my count should be above 1000 by now!!! But all the same.... I think it's to do with not being able to believe I'm pregnant. I know that theoretically those numbers should be high, but until I get confirmation I just can't believe it's happening! So I wanted to do a good sample!
The guy I gave it to said that my doctor should have the results in 2-3 days, so I think I'll phone on Friday. Or maybe Thursday afternoon... but I'm sure it won't be in by then. Friday then.
Neil just got home, and now I have 2 eggs boiling in a saucepan!! Mmmm.... on the box it says that 2 eggs is a great source of protein, and vitamins A, D, B12 and folic acid!!! Neil said, "No wonder you wanted eggs!" :) I said, "I can't believe I'm pregnant" and he gave me a bear hug and said he couldn't believe it either. I think we are having one of those days! But it's fun. It's exciting!! :) We're going to have a baby!!
I got some GORGEOUS baby clothes in the post this morning. Lots of soft velour outfits in creams and whites and some blue ones too, mostly with Disney characters embroidered on them, or Peter Rabbit. Oh my, they are gorgeous! I also got a lovely white maternity top which looks like it will be really flattering over my bump. I am soooo impatient to wear it with a bump underneath!!!
Well that's it for tonight, I need to see to my dinner, and then I am soooo going to bed. I am really tired tonight. I think it's all the bad sleep catching up on me, as I slept very little AGAIN last night due to the goo in my throat. I can't wait to sleeeep!
Oh I almost forgot, I told my friend David (from church) that I am pregnant today! I wanted to phone him and tell him because if you remember, he is the one who phoned me a few weeks ago and said lovely things to me and prayed with me about my jealousy issues with Gordon and Katie (friends at church) being pregnant, etc. Right after I spoke to him I sorted things out with Gordon and Katie, and the next day I contacted Deborah to sort things out with her too (she just had her baby). Two days later I ovulated and we conceived. Yay God!! So anyway, I really wanted David to know, but I didn't know if it was right to phone him so early on and tell him. I kept thinking about him today, and then he phoned me at lunchtime!! So I told him. He is SO super thrilled. He said we are going to be the best parents, which was so nice to hear him say :) Ah, God is good.
Tomorrow I can update on Bean's progress since there is a thingy on the websites for a 26 day old embryo (which Bean will be tomorrow). I am amazed at how fast and cleverly Bean is growing. I have to go now. Bean needs his/her eggs :)
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