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2007-03-25 - 11.45pm��previous entry��next entry
Some new thoughts, and updatey stuff...
I know I'm going to say it every entry, but man I LOVE it here!!! :)
Okay, it has been 3 months since my last entry here, so I thought I would update again with some not-all-that-exciting stuff. I'll waffle, though. Be warned. ;)
I can NOT believe Matthew is 9 months old. Actually, in 3 days he'll be 9� months old. He has now been out of my womb the same length of time (a week or so longer now) that he was IN it. That's so crazy. And he is exactly one month younger than Arthur was when I got pregnant again.
I write about the boys at arthursmummy but, like the last entry I wrote here, I do like to briefly update about them when I occasionally catch up at this diary. It's nice for the continuity (and my love of waffling!).
Let's see. Arthur is 28 months old - that's 2 years and 4 months. I really should stop counting in months for him now, but I can't help myself :) He's still such a littley. He is doing fine. He is ever so TWO these days and we are having a few normal but exasperating issues, but all is well with my little man in general. Arthur still breastfeeds and his general pattern of doing so hasn't changed a bit since the update I gave on my last entry, so I won't go over it all again here! I'm still totally happy to breastfeed him till he self-weans, and I have a feeling he will be a LATE self-weaner. I am not even sure what I mean by "late". He might be 3 or 4, I don't know. When he weans might be influenced by when Matthew weans, and I am expecting Matthew to self-wean earlier than Arthur will, because he's just a different baby in that department. But we'll see. I am happy to still nurse a 3 or 4 year old, as I presume it won't be very frequent nursing by then.
I am still loving tandem nursing! Matthew eats solids wonderfully. We pursued baby-led weaning with Matthew (in contrast to Arthur's start with solids), and he eats everything we eat - EVERYTHING. The only things he has not been allowed to try yet are peanuts in any form, and really sugary stuff, and I guess he hasn't been offered any seafood yet either. And cows milk in its plain form, and honey, obviously. Probably a couple of other things but nothing that I'm purposely withholding from him. He doesn't need any special preparation for his meals, he eats absolutely every single meal that I cook for the family (which I've been doing DAILY for about 5 or 6 weeks now, GO ME!!), and he eats WAY better than Arthur (who we're having real food issues with at the moment). He eats 3 meals a day and no snacks in between. For breakfast and lunch, he gets little portions of what Arthur is having, like toast or sandwich or crackers and cheese. His portion sizes are probably more like snacks really. He gets as much as he can eat at the family meal in the evening though, and homemade dessert with it, but I have no idea HOW much he actually eats because he pulverises it all with his hands and loads of it ends up on his bib or down his sides or over his head, etc. But he is doing Big Boy Poo-Poos these days, so I know he's eating a good quantity of solid foods. It was AGES before Arthur's poos went like Matthew's are now, and I had more control over what Arthur was eating when he was a baby because he was spoon-fed set amounts of mush. So, based on that, I'm thinking that Matthew is taking in a LOT of what I give him. He self-feeds completely, with the baby-led weaning approach, and has done since the first day he was given solid food.
Anyway. I give him smaller portions at other times and no snacks, because I am big on the idea that a baby should be as near to 95% breastfed (or formula-fed) for the first TWELVE months of life as possible - something that probably 95% of mothers don't follow, or even don't know about, I think. People think I'm crazy not increasing his food intake, and look at me with wide eyes when I say no to the question, "Is he dropping many of his feeds yet?" He doesn't drop feeds because he depends on them for his main source of nourishment. Either that or it's habit, haha! But that is fine for now, if that's the case anyway.
He still breastfeeds at least 3 times overnight, and I'm happy about that. I know he's more likely than Arthur to wean when he isn't needing breastmilk to satisfy his hunger any more, and that makes my nursing time with Matthew EVEN more precious. Also he is a little peanut! So very different to Arthur! He is currently at the 7th percentile for weight (17lbs 1oz at 8� months), and the 20th for height (69cm), and his head circumference is only at the 1st percentile!! He is healthy and happy, and meeting milestones at a flying speed so I know he's okay. He is just a littley, and so I'm extra happy to nurse him around the clock if he wants to. When he turns one, I'll serve him normal portions (including cows milk on breakfast cereal, etc) for all meals, and include healthy snacks like Arthur gets. If he doesn't start to drop a night feed or two, I might then start to encourage him back to sleep without nursing, every other time he wakes at night. That's my plan, anyway.
Matthew crawls everywhere. He started crawling just after my last entry, at 6 months and 3 weeks old. He is pulling up and cruising, and he is just about to cut his fourth tooth. He is just completely delightful! He and Arthur play together spontaneously ALREADY, and he is emerging as a really playful and mischievous little personality! He has recently learned to clap, and understands "No" (and responds if he is in the mood to!), and knows his name well. He can throw and roll a ball, and claps himself when he has done so. He likes Arthur's toy cars and will amuse himself pushing them round the furniture and the floor just like Arthur does! He's the sweetest pie :)
Well. That is the update on my current little ones! This diary is wonderfully "reusable", which is what I always intended, because I can just pick it up again and use it the next time I have a baby, and the next, etc. If I am between babies and I feel like talking about the future (baby-wise) then I know I can come here and waffle, because this is the place where I gather EVERYTHING about bringing my babies into the world from the day we decided on a time to start TTC our first baby! I LOVE having such a special place to come to!
So, three months have passed since my last entry. I wrote that one to say that I just got my first postpartum period. I guess I will update about how my body is recovering itself after having had Matthew! I am continuing to lose some weight, and I'm now wearing my pre-Arthur jeans and trousers, which I never got back into before getting pregnant with Matthew. I was 8 stone, 4lbs last time I weighed myself, down 7lbs from my last entry, but it has been a month or so since I weighed myself as our scales need new batteries. I was 8st 8lbs when I got pregnant with Matthew, so I'm down past that now. My pre-Arthur weight was 7st 10lbs, which I do not intend to get back to! I'd like to stay above 8 stone if I can, but I'm not sure how easy that will be while I'm still tandem nursing. I now have a SERIOUS supply of clothes to cover ALL walks of child-bearing, haha! I have maternity clothes in sizes 8-18!! And non-maternity clothes in sizes 10-18. I really did need them ALL between getting pregnant with Matthew and now! I do put on such a lot of weight when I am pregnant, but I know that it comes off me fast when I'm breastfeeding (after about 5 or 6 months, anyway) so it's okay. There are a lot of clothes to store, but I'm hanging onto them all. I know I'll need them again, and just think how much I'll rake in on eBay when I'm finally done having babies and want to sell them all on?! That is, if I ever have time to sell things on eBay with my houseful of children, haha!
Speaking of which... I know I was about to update about my cycles, etc, but I'll just talk a bit about my/our thoughts about the future for our family, like I did last time. I can't remember what I said last time, so I want to write about it again just in case it's changed in the 3 months. Maybe I should go back and read that entry first?
Ohhhkay, I read my (very long!) entry back. Things HAVE changed since then! Neil was generally 90% committed to having more than 2 children, but he wasn't that keen on the idea of having four. Four feels like my personal minimum, but I knew we might have to compromise! We have done a LOT of talking (on and off) over the past three months about having more kids. Just short conversations about it, sometimes while the boys are in bed, and sometimes mid-nappy change or while we're setting the boys up in their chairs for dinner, or something casual like that. It's not a heavy thing to discuss, for either of us, and it's not a difficult conversation. We're just thinking lightheartedly about the future really, both of us knowing that what we say now is not a commitment to anything for later. Which is a nice way for it to be :)
Last month, we had a nice chat about having more babies, and I'm so annoyed that I didn't journal about it RIGHT THEN because now I've forgotten the context and what happened to spark things off. But out of the blue, Neil just said, "Oh, of course we'll have four children!" like it was the most obvious thing in the world! I nearly fell over with delight! :) When I asked him about it, he said he had been thinking about it, and he figured that we would DEFINITELY be having a third baby, and he personally felt that it would be good to have even numbers. He thought that if it was for definite that we'd have 3, then we might as well be having a fourth to even up the numbers :) Oh yay!!!! He feels strongly about our circumstances being appropriate for having two more children, or even one more - in that we need to have moved house (to a bigger house!) before then, and he wants to be earning more money. He has a big thing about financial stuff, when it comes to family, but I totally understand that as his thing to have to focus on. It seems to me like a very "male" thing. My part is to bring up the children, and his is very much to provide for us, so it's a big stress to him if he feels like he is on shaky ground in that endeavour. Right now, he is applying for jobs (waiting to hear on EIGHT different jobs at the moment) and they are based all over the place. Two are in London though, so if he got one of those, we wouldn't need to move MILES away, but we can't afford to stay in this area so we'd have to move somewhere cheaper (not near here, for sure!) in any case. The others would mean a complete relocation to a different part of the country. Which is scary for me. But I know it will probably be necessary. There are lots of reasons to get away from this area, for the benefit of our little ones, anyway.
In the 3 months since my last entry, I have been reading a lot of online blogs written by mothers who have LOTS of children. I mean, anywhere between 5 and 14 children. Lots. I had no idea these blogging mamas-of-many were out there! I love reading their blogs because they encourage and inspire me. Neil knows I read them, and he listens to the things I tell him about the families, but I reckon he sometimes feels a bit anxious that I'm reading them and being encouraged in that area, hehe! I KNOW I can't just steamroll my husband into having children, don't worry! He knows that too.
Last week, I watched a TV programme on Channel 5 about families in the UK with 10 or more children. I watched it in total fascination. I don't think I am THAT extreme in my longing to have lots of children, but I did NOT watch the interviews with the mothers and think they were completely wacko. I actually felt a LOT of empathy with their sentiments about things. I could really relate to them a lot. Seeing them actually HAVING a house full of 10+ children and being normal people still with vaguely normal lives really uplifted me for some reason. I mean, it's WAY too late for me to be fitting in TEN children before I menopause (!!) and noooo way is Neil agreeing to that kind of number anyway, hehe! But it did send me off on that dreamy path-of-thought of "what if...", counting on my fingers and wondering just how many babies my body might manage to produce before I DO menopause. I have no idea when I will menopause, but it's highly likely to be earlier than average (my mum was 42 with symptoms starting at 40, as was her own mother and her mother's mother, etc). I'm 31 now. I reckon six would be my limit. And that's with no long gaps - average 2 years each time. And it doesn't account for miscarriages, the prospect of which scares me silly. Statistically, one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and since I have had two healthy pregnancies I am starting to feel anxious about whether I'm going to have a miscarriage. I know that's silly, but the worry is still there. BUT, is that statistic for all pregnancy losses from the moment of conception, or miscarriages that take place after a definite positive pregnancy test and a missed period? Because I have had two conceptions that did not take, one each on the two cycles before my healthy pregnancies. I so dread the possibility of losing a very-much-there baby that I have already built my hopes and dreams upon.
BOY would I love to have six children though. I can't tell you how much. But it's just a nice dream, and that's okay with me. If I have my four babies then I will be happier than happy :)
I love how these large families whose blogs I'm reading are mostly Christians putting their faith in God over their family size. I REALLY like that, because I know, for me, that if I put my trust in God over something that seems like a huuuuge mountain to climb, even when I'm struggling I know God is going to help me get there, no matter what. Because I prayed first, and then God answered that prayer by putting me IN that situation in the first place. So I know he will provide and help me survive! Neil and I have been talking about this a lot since I watched that programme. I know he thinks it's NUTS to have ten children! But we both think alike on putting our faith in God over things. It takes the anxiety out of things. God knows BEST for our family, and for us personally - as a married couple, as parents, and as individuals. With BOTH of our children so far, God knew best, and we did not. We have the fruit of that now, and are praising God for it, knowing that he knew best all along! With Arthur we wanted a baby. We prayed before we started TTC, and we totally did NOT understand when I kept getting my period. I got so angry with God at times and just felt he was hurting me on purpose, at my most self-piteous moments. Neil got angry with God about it too. Of course, God knew best and Arthur would not be Arthur if we'd had our way! Thank you God!! So there we had the example of wanting a baby RIGHT NOW and God knowing that it wasn't quite time yet. Nothing we did could thwart God's plan and he would not let us conceive before it was time.
With Matthew, we were not TTC the cycle that he was conceived. We had given it a whirl the cycle before, had a chemical pregnancy, and decided that it was a scary prospect, and that we must be nuts trying for another baby when our first was only 9-10 months old! My cycles were not quite back to normal after having Arthur, but I was taking Vitamin B6 supplements to lengthen my luteal phase (which was very short due to breastfeeding hormones), so that we would have a good chance on conceiving when we tried to. We wondered if it would take us a little while again, like the last time. That cycle we did have unprotected parsnips, just the once. Before we did it, we figured that pregnancy was unlikely since I wasn't ABOUT to ovulate (though it might not have been far off as I had EWCM), but if God let us conceive (after NOT letting us for 9 months when we had so wanted to!) then it was surely part of his plan, and he would provide what we needed to rise above any difficulties along the way. So we threw caution to the wind, haha! And here we have sweet lil Matthew :) Once again, I have to say - THANK YOU GOD!!! Matthew is so precious. Imagine if we'd followed our earthly instincts and tried to avoid conceiving. I can't imagine it, to be without my sweet Boo. So that was the example of us slightly freaking out and anxiously thinking that it wasn't quite time for us to have another baby, and God knew that it WAS the right time, so he enabled us to conceive despite the low chance - Fertility Friend gave me a very low chance of conception based on the fact that we had parsnips 4 days before I ovulated. God is good :)
So we did a lot of talking just over this last week. I still have my wistful "April 2008 baby" dream, but it's not a PLAN. Neil knows about it. He is more focused on fitting babies around jobs and house-moves, which is infinitely more sensible than my outlook! But... Matthew is 9 months old. Even if we conceived this instant, the age gap would already be 18 months - a gap that we're familiar with already, with our boys being 19 months apart. It's a good gap. A HARD gap, but ultimately a lovely one. Having THREE children with those gaps is a whoooole different ball game though, I'm sure. So we don't plan to TRY for that.
My cycles are still wacky. I have had three in total - one each month since my first postpartum period. My first luteal phase (I ovulated before my first PP period) was 8 days, but my second was only 4 days. Last cycle my luteal phase was 6 days. I have no idea what to expect this cycle. I ovulated last cycle on CD30!!! That's the latest I've ever ovulated. I also had no increased interest in parsnips last cycle, but the other cycles I have had. After I had Arthur, my LP lengthened very gradually each cycle. I got impatient by the time it got to 6 or 7 days though, and started taking the Vitamin B6 to help it lengthen. We wanted to be able to TTC if we decided to, and my LP needed to be able to support a pregnancy therefore - at least 10 days. Ten days is still short for managing to get pregnant, but it can be done. My next cycle had a 10 day luteal phase, and it was one of those cycles where I did actually conceive but after a weird positive test and a TON of pregnancy symptoms, I got my period at 11DPO. The following cycle, Matthew was conceived.
So, Neil and I have been talking, and we've decided we DO want to aim at an age gap that isn't tooooo big again. We are kind of anxious about one QUITE as short as before, but our experience of a toddler as he turns 2 and beyond has led us to decide that we'd probably like to aim at an age gap of just under 2 years (so, starting to TTC in the summer, unless circumstances get in the way at the time). I honestly do not know HOW I'd manage a new baby with a 2-year-old at the same time! By the time Arthur was in the difficult stage of "Age Two" (which he still is), Matthew was quite a bit older and was able to crawl and entertain himself a bit better, etc. They also have a wonderful relationship and I'm sure Arthur never remembers a time before Matthew was here. We want that kind of thing again, even though MY GOSH it will be hard. Who knows if that is what God is planning for us though.
So, with that in mind, we struck a deal, hehe! I promised NOT to fiddle with my cycle - that is, not to take the Vitamin B6 and to just watch my luteal phase to see if it lengthens naturally - that would be way more natural in terms of Natural Child Spacing anyway, as I rather gave it a helping hand last time! And since my cycles are not capable of supporting a pregnancy yet, on the rare occasions where we do actually get to have parsnips (!!), we will not prevent a pregnancy, even if I am having fertile signs. If my LP isn't long enough for pregnancy after 5 or 6 months, we'll reassess and perhaps then I'll start taking the Vitamin B6 to lengthen it. But in the mean time I just watch and we get on with "things" without worrying about anything. If God really wants us to conceive again soon, I know he can just zip my cycles back into shape and have me conceive before I know what has happened! If he DOESN'T, then all the unprotected parsnips in the world will not alter the fact that he'll keep my cycles from getting back to normal till the time is RIGHT. So we feel confident about that.
I am SO excited!!!! Not because I feel like we're about to have another baby (actually that's kind of a SCARY thought so I'm sort of hoping my cycles are going to take a few more months to work themselves out! Only sort of, though!), but because I love living dangerously, haha! I love the ever-so-slight "risk factor" of having unprotected parsnips and ovulating!
I am charting religiously, and have been for months. I thought I might find it hard to temp regularly, but I am having no trouble, and even with the frequent night wakings and the fact that I NEVER even get two consecutive hours of sleep before I temp (sometimes only one, even), I always temp at the same time (8am, when Neil wakes me to take over with the boys so he can get ready and go to work) and I am not really having trouble with rocky temps or anything. My temp patterns are easy to read, for me. I can take my temperature on any morning in isolation and know whether that temperature is pre-ovulatory or post-ovulatory. Those temp ranges are always the same for me, so I'm lucky that I can read my charts so easily. My post-ovulatory temps have been rocky, but I remember from last time that my hormone levels are so rubbish that I can't maintain my high temperatures after ovulation very well. Last cycle, although it was only a 6-day luteal phase, it was my first cycle where my temps stayed WELL UP after ovulation, right up to my period. So that was encouraging.
I get a lot more EWCM than I used to, and for longer patches of time. That is very normal and common while breastfeeding. But it was basically the thing that facilitated Matthew's conception last time, all that EWCM so far in advance of ovulation! It is fairly hard to predict when I might ovulate though, since I get such a lot of fertile signs for AGES before actually ovulating, and sometimes I get them and then they go away again without me having ovulated, only to start up again a week or so later and THEN I ovulate. So yeah. It'll even out eventually.
Today I am on CD17. I am on day 5 of EWCM with increased interest in parsnips co-inciding, so it looks faaairly likely that I might ovulate at the end of it, rather than my body giving up and having another go later. But it's very early in my cycle for me to ovulate, as far as my post-partum cycles go, so we'll have to see what happens.
The only other thing to note is that we had unprotected parsnips today :)
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