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2003-06-07 - 3.24pm��previous entry��next entry
June excitement, and a few photos
Hello peoples!! Thank you so much to those who signed my guestbook and sent me emails when I was having a slight flip-out earlier this week! I really appreciate your encouragement and support.
Well it's back to full-swing mass excitement with the ole baby plans!! It's June 7th and my little calender by the computer has rings all OVER it for June, hehe! I am no longer taking my temperature, but I am not too worried about that so it's okay. I am pretty sure when I ovulated this time around because it was one of those occasional cycles where I got mild cramping when I ovulated, and that was just before bed on the 2nd and some of the day on the 3rd. Not that it's too important to keep track because my cycles are regular, but yeah, that would give me maybe a 27 day cycle again. So my next (and hopefully last) period is due on the 17th. Babycentre says I'll be fertile from the 27th to July 1st. We see our therapist next Wednesday (11th), and I have my allergy hospital appointment on the 12th. So I'm pretty sure neither of those will give me any reasons not to conceive, but just to be absolutely sure, I am not letting myself buy pregnancy tests till they're done. So five days till I can buy pregnancy tests, ten days till my period, and 20 days till my fertile window!!!! As you can see, I'm not in the LEAST bit obsessed.
I am beginning to worry slightly about the wait for my period (after TTC). We never tried to conceive before, so it's never been an issue before, but HOW does anyone cope with waiting?!! It's just occurring to me that this must be a kind of tense time. I feel like I am too impatient just for five days to be up so I can have the appointments out of the way and buy pregnancy tests! I don't know how I'll manage thinking is there or isn't there a life inside me, and having to wait all those days. This morning Neil and I studied my midwifery text books, and I discovered how much I'd forgotten from my studies, about the development that occurs between fertilisation of the egg and the first missed period. Amazing stuff takes place. Now it's in my head again. How will I not think about it while I wait for my period? I can't, I don't know how I'll switch it off, but doing that will surely make it SO much harder if I get my period. And then I feel silly thinking all that because it will be the first time we've ever waited and wondered, and zillions of people all over the world have waited so much longer, and some have had the terrible struggle of waiting years. I feel silly to be flapping about the first attempt. But still, how do you DO that? Not think of a baby growing inside you, I mean? Before I can even get a positive pregnancy test, before my period would even be due, if I was pregnant, the little cluster of cells would already be clearly defined as to which would become the head and which would become the arm and so on. It would be divided into groups and would be developing a yolk sac to feed from while the placenta was being developed. The stem that would become the umbilical cord would already be formed. It would already be embedded in the wall of my womb and receiving small amounts of nourishment from me in some way. It would already have a complete genetic determination of how it would be after birth. Hair colour, eye colour, sex, everything. And I would be waiting for a period and trying not to think about it. But if that was all happening, I would WANT to think about it, you know? I'd hate to miss feeling involved in that stage because I was worried to wish too much or something, incase I wasn't really pregnant. Maybe it would help a bit if I didn't know that stuff about development? But I do, so that's that.
I would want to write here about what possible development my baby was making during the time I was waiting for the period/pregnancy result. But that's risky too, because I could easily not be pregnant and just get my period and feel wretched for having written about possible development all that time. So I guess I don't do that, I stay quiet instead and just be hopeful. But how do I contain myself when I write this diary in the first half of July?!! I don't know. We'll have to see how I find things. I don't want to be foolish. But I don't want to be over-cautious too much either. Hmmm.
I have now had three nights of really bad sleep in a row, because I am just too excited about baby plans. It's getting slightly silly I suppose, but I just can't switch off my brain and relax to get some sleep! I can't imagine what will happen to my sleep when I get a positive pregnancy test!! And then I'll really NEED my sleep!
I am still glad the crib is now in the loft, because the small bedroom feels a lot more normal, and I don't feel so hyper and excitable when I'm in there (!!), but I have to admit I do open the wardobe doors several times a day to glimpse the baby clothes and cloth nappies that I've put away. There's a huge pile of maternity clothes on the great mass of onesie vests, hooded towels and sleepsuits, but those will be in my own wardrobe when I use them. It smells GORGEOUSLY of baby laundry in there. Do you know the smell I mean? I think it's because many of the clothes are second hand, and have thus been laundered with stuff that smells of "baby" - why can't I get that smell with my laundry, no matter what detergent I use?!! There's something more than just detergent though - I used to notice it years ago when I worked with the babies and toddlers at workplace nurseries. It's like baby powder or fragrant wipes or something. That plus sweet-smelling laundry. It's just a smell I want to drink in forever right now. So I open the wardrobe a lot! :) Actually here's a pic of my beloved "baby" wardrobe:
My mum is increasing her protective caution when I speak to her on the phone, as the time gets nearer for us to start trying to conceive. She frequently tells me not to worry if nothing happens this time, and how she doesn't want to see me unhappy if things don't go to plan, etc. I can tell she really wants this pregnancy as much as I do, but she won't say any such thing until it's there and I can announce it. She is just so protective of my feelings, and I love her for that. I so so so hope we conceive. I don't want to stress or wait any longer, even though we haven't even started trying yet. I feel like seven months has been ages to count down, even though we weren't trying during that time, it was still a wait. I know I could be waiting a whole lot longer still, but I hope I don't have to. I really hope.
I have bought a few baby bits and pieces this week. I bought a pack of unused washable breast pads, second hand, so that can be ticked off my list. And even though it's waaaay off, the same lady sold me a pack of cabinet safety latches for just pennies, so that's good too. I bought a PUL Tots Wrap from the buy and sell forum at UKparents. It's on my list of nappy essentials that I made back in February. The lady was selling three size 1's, but I only bought one because I think I might end up using Bummis Super Whisper Wraps more (they're Canadian). I have one in the piggy print already (size small) and it's so cute!! Plus then I saw a photo of Liam wearing one and that did it. There is a new froggy print but you can only buy it in the States :( It's so cute. I have to get one somehow! Here's a pic (courtesy of tinytush.com):
It's too cute. And I have a thing about froggies. So I NEED this wrap!!! ;) But I have a piggies print which is cute too, and I will probably buy more nearer the time. Tots Bots have brought out pastel coloured nappies in the last few weeks which are adorable - what are they trying to DO to me?!!!! I am using all my determination to NOT spend any more money on nappies right now! They have an introductory pack offer that I just discovered this week - you can get a nappy and a wrap in any one size for a really good price (one pack per household though), and then a second nappy for 25% off. I am making my own Tots replicas now that I have a few of their nappies, so I don't really need to buy any more, but they have unbleached nappies that are just soooo soft and lovely. I can't find unbleached towelling anywhere so I think I will get an intro pack from them. I'm gonna get an unbleached aplix (velcro) fastening nappy, and a Redrap (fleece wrap). Woo-hoo! Then I get to nab their Redrap pattern and make my own out of my mountain of great quality fleece (at last!!). Their pattern is apparantly very good. I can't sell replicas but it's still so much cheaper than buying. Plus I LIKE to sew my own nappy things. And I have too much fleece waiting to be made into something. For my 25% off nappy I'm going to get another unbleached Tots, but this time not an aplix fastening one - one that will need a nappi nippa (snappi) to fasten. I am soooo nappy obsessed. I swear it is for the pleasure and fun of the MOTHER, not the baby, that people cloth-diaper!! Anyway, because I'm so obsessed, here are photos (from the Tots Bots site) of what I'm gonna get in my Tots pack (Redrap, aplix unbleached Tots Bot, and the inside of a non-aplix unbleached Tots Bot, and the last one is white but it's how the non-aplix will look when it's fastened with a nippa):
Ahhh, lovely jubbly nappies :)
Please note that Mia's cloth diapering site is too good not to visit, so if you have any questions about cloth nappies, or any curiosity whatsoever, that's the place to go. There's even a photo demo of how to put on prefolds in various different folds (exactly what I needed to read when I was clueless about such things last month!) - starring Mister Liam himself :) So yeah, it's so good that it's now in my links over there on the left. Just so you know. Question about cloth? Go there.
Some of my pregnancy links and diaries need some serious updating (!!) but I'll get round to that another time. I'm sure I'll be back soon. I have to pass the time somehow! :)
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