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2003-02-03 - 1.00pm��previous entry��next entry
Change of birth plans :(
Back once again for an "aaaargh" type rant!! Thank you Libbyo for your advice in my guestbook :) It was so nice of you to warn me of potential problems for incase I didn't know about it - thanks :) Actually microfleece is the number one recommended fabric for diaper inners so there are no worries about leaks/puddles, etc. It is such a great fabric!! The One Stop Diaper Shop (and lots of cloth diaper boards) actually recommend cutting loose microfleece liners to put inside all types of cloth diapers, because it is said to be the ultimate solution to diaper rash. Microfleece works completely differently from normal fleece (like the outer fleece on diapers) - it allows moisture to pass through, wicking away any wetness from the baby's skin, but it doesn't allow it back through. This is what helps diaper rash. The outer fleece keeps the moisture within the diaper. It's so clever! The other great thing about microfleece is that it is very good at absorbing water, but poo just rolls right off it and doesn't stick to it well at all. Other mothers have said that the only problem you might encounter with fleece inners, is that they are so good at keeping the inside surface of the diaper dry that you may not be able to tell just by feeling, how wet the soaker pad is!!! I think this is so great, so I am going to make a lot of my diapers with microfleece inners.
Okay but this is not a diaper entry!
I know I've said it before, but not here because it would have been in my normal diary - when I was 18 I read "Sensitive Midwifery" by Caroline Flint (a fab midwife in the UK), because I was interested in midwifery. The book was AMAZING. It encompassed everything I'd ever wanted to give, about helping women through pregnancy and childbirth. Her attitudes to women were just exactly what I hoped to be able to share as well. I read it again. And then again. And then I started applying for midwifery degrees. "Sensitive Midwifery" was on the essential pre-course reading list for all of them! I got on two out of the three I applied for, and one was where I wanted to study in London (commutable from home), so I started there in 1995 (when I was 19). It was so great. A lady in my class had four children and now that the youngest was in nursery school she wanted to train to be a midwife. She had been inspired to become a midwife through her own midwife, because she was so brilliant apparantly. She had had all her babies at home, three of them were breech, and she had obviously had excellent care. Her midwife turned out to have been Caroline Flint, so this was really exciting for me, and I spent a lot of my time talking to this lady about her homebirths.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I had a great first year (it was a 3 year course), and I even delivered a baby myself before the end of it!! A baby boy, born at 36 weeks in hospital. He weighed just 4lb 10oz. He was perfect. I won't forget him or his mother, ever. I saw loads of births, mostly with heavy intervention, not too surprising as I was placed at St. Thomas's Hospital in London - one in three births there were caesereans!!! And some scary forceps deliveries, and stuff like that. No homebirths :( But also some very lovely normal births and I also did several months out in the community with community midwives (which was by FAR my favourite part!) and lots of time on the postnatal wards. But I had been suffering badly with depression for years by then, and it kind of got a bit out of hand that year, and I had to leave on "illness" grounds and go on medication for a while. I never went back. But I started studying nursing closer to home with a view to becoming a midwife after it. I did 2 out of the 3 years of my nursing degree before becoming housebound with M.E. Pfthth. But never mind. I will be a midwife yet!! Just not before having my own children now.
This is NOT cutting a long story short!!!! Tsk!
Anyway! The point of all this is that I firmly decided that if it was possible, I wanted Caroline Flint to be MY midwife too. I knew it was highly unlikely since she worked out of a north London hospital at the time, miiiiles from where I live. But a year or so ago I learned that she is now running a birth centre near St. George's Hospital in Tooting!!!!! And they take women from anywhere within the M25 (London orbital motorway) - which means I would be eligible. Yayness!! So that was it, I have been planning for it to be that way ever since. That is, until just the other day when I decided it was time I checked specific details about the centre online. So I went to look and - aaaaaaargh (see, I'm getting to my point now!), I had NO idea it was a private birth centre :( That's it. Completely out of the question. We absolutely cannot afford to have a baby there, or have our pregnancy care under Caroline. It sounds extreme but I was absolutely gutted and in a bit of a state about it when I found out.
I knew the alternative was the local hospital, and our local hospital, although big and modern, is one of the ten worst on the national whatsit for maternity care. There are too many births for midwives, and too many of them have interventions or end up being caesareans. That's why I always always said I would never EVER give birth in hospital, unless it was essential for mine or my baby's health. But I also have never really felt settled or comfortable about the idea of giving birth here at home. I just look around and can't picture myself giving birth here, like it just would feel odd. Also I feel inhibited by the fact that the neighbours are right through the walls and could hear noise quite well. So the birth centre idea fitted perfectly for me.
Urgh, I don't know. I am so grateful that we don't have to pay for healthcare in this country. I know the service leaves MUCH to be desired in many ways, but hey, it's free! Imagine if it was bad AND expensive! I am appauled at the idea that you have to PAY to give birth in other countries. Maybe the service isn't always good here, but at least it's free. So I should not moan about this too much. It just really took the wind out of my sails that's all, and I didn't know what I'd do about my pregnancy care and the birth.
Well I think I feel a bit better about it now. I did some research on the local hospital and the pregnancy care could be quite good actually. At least one good thing that I wouldn't have had before, is that I get to fully participate in local antenatal classes. I am looking forward to those so much! Making new friends who are expecting babies when I am is really important to me, especially people who live so locally.
The other thing is, after my research I was still sure I did NOT want to give birth at the hospital if I can help it, so I have re-thought the homebirth idea. I am warming to it. I am gonna have to, because that's the only option left!! I don't mind really. In November at the housegroup fireworks party, I met a lady who had just recently had a homebirth with her pregnancy care at the same hospital I'll be at, and her experience seemed to be very good. I will have to see if I can get in touch with her and find out more.
So yeah. Unless there are any problems it looks like I will be having a homebirth!!! I'm actually getting quite excited about the idea now. My neighbours will have to be tolerant or something! I hope I do not make too much noise..... I hope I get a good midwife..... That's the one thing I'm still worried about actually, and I can't do anything about it till I am pregnant and I find out at my first appointment. Sometimes you get doctors who object to first time mothers having a homebirth, but pfthth, they can object away, I will find someone who won't object and do it anyway. I already KNOW it is perfectly fine, unless you have a high risk pregnancy, and so far I don't have high risk factors. I hope I hope I hope my pregnancy will be okay and there won't be any problems. I worry about that quite a lot but I guess there's no point. Anyway, Jesus said not to worry so I'd better take that to heart and stop! :)
Well that's about it really. Rant over. And it wasn't all that "ranty" for me actually! My pre-conception appointment is in two days!!!!!! I feel so silly, I am soooo excited about it!! But all it's gonna be is me asking a few questions and it won't sound all that interesting. But I'm so excited all the same. I will write about it here when I've been. I am on day 8 of my 14-day wheat-free diet and I still have bad IBS, so it looks like I might just be okay with wheat after all!!! Yaaaaay! Pre-conception diet is going swimmingly, and my energy levels are as good as they've been for years right now so I am going to try increasing my exercise a bit (as in, from nowt to some!). I really need to be fit for pregnancy (not to mention birth!). I've requested a dietitian's appointment to discuss pregnancy/IBS related stuff, but that won't come up for a couple of months probably. Haven't made any more diapers since the last entry, but I am expecting more fleece and knit fabrics in the post tomorrow, so there will be more photos soon no doubt!
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