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2008-01-15 - 11:05 p.m.��previous entry��next entry
We're HOME!! And photos! :)
Yay, yay, yay! Nathan and I are home! We came home yesterday afternoon - Nathan passed his tests with flying colours and the paediatrician said there was no reason that he should stay any longer :) I had some calf pains in the evening the day before I left hospital, so I mentioned it to the midwife as I know I am at increased risk of DVT after giving birth. She had the doctor come and check them, and they seem fine. There is no swelling or heat or redness, and they hurt here and there in lots of different places after a while. Some of them were not in a place that they'd expect a DVT, and I have had calf pains before, during my pregnancy and when not pregnant too, so... We figured it was likely to be some muscles complaining after all the contorting and stuff during labour and birth (!!), but they gave me some attractive TED (anti-embolism) stockings to wear overnight, just to be safe. I had annoying pains anyway and they've continued today but they come and go, and I've had the same pains in my ankles and knees too, so that bit definitely isn't DVT! Anyway, that was the only hold-up for me.
Nathan has got a tiny bit of jaundice now, which I'm so pleased about (that didn't come out quite right!) because I had expected him to get quite jaundiced with his prematurity, and the fact that he wasn't really feeding very well. But he only juuuuust started to have a slight yellow hint to some of his facial skin yesterday (day 2) and they had to keep taking him to the window to be sure if it WAS jaundice or not, it was so slight. Today the midwife came for a home visit and said he is slightly jaundiced (I think it looks a touch more than yesterday) so to feed him plenty and often.
The only thing about coming home yesterday was that they would not discharge us unless I committed to bottle feed Nathan his formula top-ups at home. He was taking 30mls of formula after every breastfeed at the hospital, but not by bottle. They cup-feed the babies their top-up formula there, to encourage breastfeeding and avoid nipple confusion, which is GREAT! But their safety protocol means that a nurse or midwife has to do the cup-feeding (parents are not allowed to in the hospital) and they won't let you go home if you're saying you'll cup feed or even syringe feed (which we did quite happily with Arthur when we brought him home before he would take the breast!). You HAVE to agree to bottle feed, urgh.
So I liiiied, through my teeth. I smiled and nodded, and agreed that it was a marvellous idea, and I would verily stock up on bottles and teats and formula when we got home and proceed accordingly! ;) I had no intention of bottle feeding him though. I didn't feel confident about cup feeding either, so I figured we'd syringe feed like we did with Arthur, because I knew it would be a VERY temporary arrangement. The difference with Nathan was that he WAS latching onto the breast and spending up to 40 minutes nursing, but he did not have a good latch as his mouth is soooo tiny and my nipples always seem SO big for a newborn's mouth anyway when I start to breastfeed one! It's hard to get a good amount of the breast in their mouth if they can barely get past the nipple! Anyway. I knew (from the same issue with Matthew) that once my milk came in, it generally tends to FALL out of my breast, even if the babies are just holding the nipple loosely in their mouths! So they get the milk, and then before you know it, they've grown enough to open wider and I can correct the latch easier. Thankfully I do not tend to have issues with sore nipples from a shallow latch, or at least I didn't with Matthew, and it all worked out fine in the end.
So, I just needed my milk to come in, and then I knew there would be no need for any more top-ups with formula - cup, syringe or bottle, it would all become irrelevant. We came home on "Day 3" which was when he was 2 days old (but into his 3rd day). With Arthur I think my milk came in on Day 5, but he didn't latch on or suck at ALL. With Matthew, I had Arthur nursing too from Matthew's birth, so their combined efforts brought my milk in on Day 2, a little under 48 hours after he was born!! So this time, I have only one nursling (since I was in the hospital without the boys) but he IS suckling - maybe not as strongly or as much as a not-so-sleepy term newborn might, but still. So I was guessing at Day 3 or 4 for my milk to come in, maybe Day 3?
They did basically insist that I do one of his last top-ups feeds there with a bottle instead of them cup-feeding him, I guess to reassure them I was happy to continue doing that at home or something. I have never held a bottle to the lips of any of my babies before, so it felt strange to do at first! It was just 15mls of formula and he guzzled it down within about 10 seconds!
When we were discharged, they gave us 2 bottles and 2 disposable teats to take home, to start us off. Somehow they got left at the hospital, though it REALLY wasn't intentional. Neil put them in his coat pocket as we were leaving, and then decided they didn't fit well enough in there, so removed them to pack them in with the last of the bags, and they must have got left out, because we couldn't find them anywhere that evening when Nathan was crying and rooting AFTER a breastfeed of colostrum :( I did NOT want to give him formula, because I felt like my milk was on its way in anyway, and I didn't want Neil to go out to the shop to buy some late at night and leave me newly arrived home, exhausted and sore, with 3 very small children including a hungry new baby who might wake the other two at any second! He was annoyed that I wouldn't let him go, and we had a small argument about formula, ugh. I don't care how anyone else feeds their baby - it's not that I'm ANTI-formula, it's just a personal standard, I just don't WANT to use formula. I have a big thing about my babies being exclusively breastfed wherever possible. It means a lot to me. So anyway, he said at one point, "That's it! I'm getting formula!" and put his coat on, RIGHT after I'd said I did not want to give Nathan more formula as my milk was nearly in. I did a rare transformation into "mama bear" and told him it was NOT his choice how Nathan was fed. I know that sounds strong (and maybe unfair) but I think it's true. It's between a mother and her baby, how the baby is fed, it's HER decision exclusively, I believe, and other family members (including the father!) do not have the right to make that decision for her or insist this way or that. A mother is equipped to feed a baby, and if she chooses not to that is her choice, and then she can involve the daddy just as much as they want him to be involved. But basically, feeding a newborn baby is something that goes right back to raw nature, and the daddy has no part in that bit of nature! It's so complex - emotions are hugely linked with it, and it's a vital bonding tool, etc, all just programmed by nature (well, by God!). If someone messes with that by asking for the FIFTH time during the night less than 48 hours after you gave birth and you've pressed the bell for the nurse for the millionth time to ask them to cup-feed your baby - "Isn't your milk IN yet?!", or grumpily decides to be all parenty and make the decision to take your choice away by going out and buying formula and being pushy about feeding it to the baby, well then, that is messing with nature if you ask me, and thankfully I'm prone to be assertively defensive in those situations! I'm glad because it helps me not give in and then feel so miserable because of it.
To the midwife who asked such an inappropriate question, I finally snapped, "No, my milk ISN'T in yet. It hasn't even been 48 hours since I gave birth! With my first baby it did not come in till Day five. It won't be in yet." And to Neil, I'm afraid I told him in no uncertain tones that it was not his choice as to how Nathan got fed, it was MY choice as his mother and I was choosing NOT to formula feed him because I felt confident that my milk was already starting to come in, and Nathan would not starve or come to harm waiting for it, especially since he was also getting colostrum in the meantime. Ugh. He did not like my tone (which I admit, I could have omitted, but I was really incensed about it at the time!), but agreed to let me make the decision.
My milk had started to change at that point. At 5pm that evening, my daddy asked me, "Has your milk come in yet?" and I said no. Literally 15 minutes later, I was still sitting with him on the sofa when I became a bit distracted by my breasts - they were aching a bit around the sides. When I put my hand to the achy parts, they felt kind of heavier and more "solid" than they had before, so I thought, "Hmmm..." I knew it would come in soon. By 11pm (an hour or so after the argument with Neil!) if I tried to hand express a bit of colostrum, I got a ton of beads of it on the nipple instantly and noticed that apart from there being more of it, it was a lot more watery than before. Still vaguely colostrum-coloured though, not white milk.
The next time I nursed Nathan, I felt a teeny tiny sting of the first letdown I've felt in many months (such a lovely familiar zing to me now!) and watched with HUGE joy as my tiny boy had to gulp after every suck for a short while. It didn't seem to last all that long though - he went back to swallowless sucking pretty quickly.
During the night it definitely kicked in. By the morning I was MUCH bigger, and rather uncomfortable, hoping a little boy would help relieve the pressure! I nursed Matthew several times today and it's so nice to do that again! He doesn't seem to notice the difference, and gulped aplenty. Now it's the evening and I no longer fit any of my nursing bras! I am just HUGE. Huuuuuge. And achy and sore! I didn't deal with engorgement last time because Arthur and Matthew nursed so much. Nathan has such a tiny tummy that he's full much quicker than Matthew was as a newborn, and Matthew isn't nursing NEARLY as often as Arthur was when he was Matthew's age. Just before a nap and before bed - but he has nursed several times other than that today, especially when he sees Nathan breastfeeding. I have tandem nursed Nathan and Matthew together several times, and that's so lovely with my memories of doing the same for Arthur and Matthew at the same ages!
I also tandem nursed Arthur and Nathan together once, but only for a short time. I nursed Arthur on his own a few times when he asked for it. But something quite amazing and unexpected (to me, anyway) has happened! I have been breastfeeding Arthur continually for 3 years and 2 months! That's quite a HUGE achievement, and I'm so thrilled and proud. Today, Arthur took several swallows of my new milk, and pulled away with a strange expression. He went back on and tasted a bit more, then pulled away again. He didn't seem too happy, and didn't seem to know what to say to explain his feelings. I asked him if he wasn't sure about the taste of Mummy's milk, and he said yes. In the end I got him talking about it and he said he was not so sure about it, in fact it was "yucky milky" and tasted disgusting! I wasn't offended or hormonally tearful, thankfully, hehe! I have two little boys who are loving my milk right now :)
Arthur seems unsettled about my milk. He has asked for it, but reacted to the taste like he can't take it even though he WANTS to comfort nurse. He had a bad bang on his cheek today and cried really hard. I asked if he wanted milky to make him feel better (like I usually do) and he nodded, crying. I offered him the breast and he took a little milk but then pulled away looking a bit disgusted! I asked if he felt unsure about the taste again, and he said yes. He cried and said he wanted the empty breast, bless him! I told him there was the same milky in both of them, and he cried more. I gave him cuddles instead, and he was fine in the end, but he has seemed a little unhappy and insecure in himself at times for the rest of the day. He has a new comfort toy as of a couple of weeks ago, which he instantly named "Snuggly" - it's one of my nursing bras which he's loved since he was tiny, and it has finally bitten the dust with one of the clips breaking off! I gave it to Arthur as his own, because he loves to fiddle with the lace and the clips. He chews it loads during the day and likes to take it to bed with him, telling me how much he LOVES Snuggly! So at least he has Snuggly. But I feel sad for him. I am not sure how I feel about my first baby weaning at last! It's so strange NOT to nurse him! I have told him that he can have milky any time he wants if he changes his mind, and that I am not upset with him because he doesn't like my milk any more, that it's okay.
Oh this isn't about Nathan much is it?! I should write that stuff in my other diary! And update there to say Nathan's here too. And change my ticker from 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant, hehe!
So, we are home. My milk is IN. Nathan is taking as much as he can groaningly bear and then pulling off the breast like a little sozzled old man! ;) I'm so happy that we don't need to top up with formula any more.
I have a TON of photos that I'm starting to upload. I didn't manage to get them all up tonight, so I thought I would just post the ones from the hospital here tonight. The coming home ones with ALL my lovely boys in will be posted asap, as I haven't resized them yet.
There are LOADS! About 20 probably. I will just post them in chronological order, starting with one of me in labour (the quiet part, haha!) and then another of me RIGHT after Nathan was born and I'd turned around and laid down for him to be put on my tummy:
Two photos of my sweet precious in my bed after a skin-to-skin session on Day 1:
First cup-feed - I had been crying, but suddenly realised how CUTE Nathan looked all swaddled up ready for a little meal, bless him, that I felt way more cheerful, reached for the camera and enjoyed one of his "firsts":
A couple of Neil with his teeny tiny new boy:
A photo I took in the middle of the night on our first night after the birth. I just wanted to hold him and gaze at him all night long (I did sleep from about 3.30 till 7am though) and suddenly had the urge to photograph the moment to try to help me preserve the memory:
Day two at the hospital. I just can't get over how besotted I am with my new boy, and how completely beautiful he seems to me.
'Nother cup feed, day two - I like the second one of him drinking from the little cup, watching me with one beady eye, haha!
Middle of the night on night 2! Not a good photo but I don't care! ;) I just love him soooo....
And lastly, two of my very favourite photos! Neil came to the hospital on the last day to pack up our things and bring us home. I had spent the previous 2 hours with Matthew sleeping on my front while I lay in bed watching daytime TV (oh, the luxury! Hehe!), and when he arrived and I pulled back the covers which had been over Nathan's little back, my tummy and legs, to keep him warm, we found that he was curled up (completely unconscious, still) like a fetus, almost over the place where he still ought to be (note that it even looks recently vacated as newly postpartum tummies tend to!)! We about DIED from the cuteness of it, and Neil took a couple of photos from 2 different angles:
[disclaimer for the following paragraph: I am pumped full of maternal hormones, and also horribly biased ;) ]
HOW cute is my tiny new Nathan beanlet?! He is just so completely adorable, and soooo so tiny. I am just in a permenantly mushy state over him! *sigh* He's so precious. I'm so delighted with him! I'm so incredibly blessed. Which, take that and double it for part two - coming home to see (and photograph, yay!) ALL my boys together! I will write again with more pics when I can.
Thank you so much for more lovely messages since I last wrote! xxx
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