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2008-04-23 - 11.45pm��previous entry��next entry
Nathan Milestones! And closure...
Shannon (and Andrea, and anybody else who is on this nutty rollercoaster with me, hehe!), I tested JUST FOR YOU today! :) And only saw one pink line, and a good stark white patch on the rest of the stick, so that is definitely an I'm-not-pregnant test result! I have a little spotting today, and am still crampy on and off - definitely feeling hormones lately, but apparently NOT pregnant. Just Weirdo Hormonal Woman then! ;)
So there is some closure on that one! I'm relieved to give Nathan more time and breastmilk! And it is an overwhelming prospect to have another baby so soon, but I would have gladly taken another any time! :) I am looking forward to Round 4 (!!!) when it's time!
This is a double "closure" entry, boo hoo! Because Nathan had his delayed 6-8 week check this week, and now I must journal all about his latest things and his baby check, and then close this diary down again till next time. I always feel so sad doing that! *sniff* But it makes it all the more exciting to come back, each time. It's worth it! :) And I totally plan to be back!
So Nathan's check went really well! He weighed in at 13lbs 2oz (so my scales were not the best for accuracy then, a couple of weeks ago!), which puts him just above the 75th percentile. He measured 59cm long (23 inches, I think??) which seems pretty little compared with the other babies on my Feb 08 buddy group, but the chart says he�s above the 50th percentile for length. His head circumference was 40cm, around the 50th percentile. He�s growing really well, and the doctor was pleased with his progress! His stats are all adjusted by 5 weeks because of his slight prematurity.
He passed all his tests � his testes are descended, he can track objects easily, his hearing is good, etc. He is socialising and babbling, and the doctor described Nathan as a really smiley baby (�No wonder your brothers like you! You just smile ALL the time, don�t you?!�). A proud moment for mama! :)
She put Nathan on his tummy on the examination table, to check his hips from the back, and he was lying there propped up on his elbows (did I say he�s doing that now? I can�t remember) and then he swung himself and almost rolled off the table! We both lunged for him and I stopped him rolling with my hands! He hadn�t rolled before so I was surprised by it! The doctor told me he was definitely ready to roll. So when we got home, I put him straight down on the soft mat on the floor and made sure his arms were up in front of him so he could prop himself on his elbows easily. I put him there, stood back, and he instantly rolled over from tummy to back!! Yay Nathan! :) I clapped and cheered, and then put him back on his tummy three more times, and each time, he rolled straight over onto his back. Always in the same direction though � to his left. When the boys got home from their walk with Daddy at the park, they were THRILLED to find that Nathan had learned something new and active!
Here�s Nathan rolling that same morning! I took a few photos :)
My clever boy bean!!! :) He�s so pleased with himself too. He looked a bit stunned the first couple of times, but he�s quite pleased to be moving himself about in some way I think. Thankfully he hasn�t figured out that he can do that in his cot YET. He sleeps on his tummy so it�s surely just a matter of time (days? hours?!) before he starts doing that and causing problems with getting to sleep (he WON�T sleep on his back, and pretty much wakes up once he�s lying that way). Hmmm! I�m cherishing the little time left where he stays where I put him when I lay him down to sleep! I remember it gets fiddly for a while until they get used to being mobile at sleepy time.
He saw the chiropractor the same day as his baby check � he has had such a busy week this week! This was his 5th session with the chiropractor, and to be honest I don�t think it�s making any difference for him. It IS costing money though, so I want to stop taking him. He seemed to be making progress last time because he took an actual nap (albeit just 30 mins) on his back. But since then he�s been more fussy than ever, and not sleeping well on his back OR his front. He has also started teething in earnest (guaranteed to be no teeth for a good 5 months yet though, poor boy!) and saving his poo sometimes for a couple of days, and then spending the last 24 hours of that all fussy and writhey and uncomfy. THEN he does like 3 landslide nappies in a row. And I am talking wall-to-wall poo in those nappies, folks. After that he�s happier than anything and takes a good nap! So I think the poo thing is bothering his sleep too. Anyway, it�s impossible to tell if he�s making progress re. his chiropractic treatment, and my gut feeling is that it�s not really doing much for him anyway, so I want to stop. I�m a wuss and chickened out of saying that at his last appt though (sigh), so I will probably do so on the phone before the next appt is due, or maybe take him to that appt and say we can�t afford to do any more when I�m there. They know we don�t have the money and that my parents are paying for it. I think I�ll cancel this week actually. I�m glad to have done it because I wanted to be sure it wasn�t pain or discomfort in his back that was causing him to resist sleeping on his back from the very start.
Today Nathan has his first round of immunisations. He had the Hib 5-in-1 vaccine (diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis (whooping cough), polio, and Hib) and Pneumococcal � one jab in each poor baby thigh :( I breastfed him while the nurse did the jabs, like I did for my other babies, though I had to turn him to the other breast after the first leg, so the next thigh was turned up to face the nurse. Out of all three of my little ones, Nathan reacted the most to the actual injections. I felt so so so terribly bad for him, sweetly surveying the new environment and the friendly-faced nurse as we arrived. He did so well in the waiting room and was alert and cheerful, even though he was coming up due for a nap. He eagerly took the breast, sucking away and letting his eyes roll shut a little, all content and comfy in my arms, innocent to the fact that the nurse was preparing these two big needles for his poor leggies! I almost couldn�t bear his precious innocence to it and what was about to happen to him! He scrunched his whole body up in pain at the first touch of the needles, which then still had to go right into his leg and the plunger pressed yet. He was screaming around my nipple before the needle was even fully in :( He went BRIGHT red straight away and didn�t breathe for ages before exhaling with the most heart-rending cry I have heard in a long while :( My poor baby boy! I felt for him sooooo much! He was too distraught to take the breast again for a bit, but I coaxed him back to it after the second jab, and eventually he nursed for 5 minutes while I asked the nurse questions about which immunisations my other boys have missed. They are both due an MMR (Matthew�s first), Matthew missed a Hib booster and a Meningitis C booster, AND a pneumococcal booster! Arthur missed his 2nd MMR and is due a pre-school Hib booster. I need to get those sorted at some point! And Nathan will be back for another round of Hib (but this time Meningitis C will be the 2nd jab) next month.
Anyway, poor baby. He did so well! I walked him and swayed about with him still breastfeeding, in the nurse�s room while she filled in the paperwork afterwards. He calmed down really well, but it seemed like he would sometimes remember what happened and suddenly whimper and cry again. His legs probably hurt him too, so that reminded him. We had to stay 10 more minutes in the waiting room afterwards, as it was his first immunisation, to be sure he didn�t react to the vaccines. Then we went home. He conked right out for a long nap when we got home. I gave him Calpol before his nap as he was crying really hard and I wished I�d dosed him up before the appt. It was his first dose of medicine! Only 2.5mls, but it was hard to administer it to him � I�d forgotten how fiddly these things are when they�re tiny and wobbly-headed, and don�t normally ingest anything other than breastmilk, and are screaming their heads off! He choked a bit on the Calpol and got this scared look on his face, but he was okay. He has been fine the rest of today, and doesn�t have a temperature at all so far. He has slept quite well too.
Here he is this afternoon, taking a nap � he�s wearing the traditional �first immunisations� outfit, hehe! I put Arthur in these little Gap pyjamas for his first jabs, as it was the easiest outfit to give good access for the needles on both legs, and still keep his top half warm while I breastfed him. I put it on Matthew for his first jabs too, and now that it has become a tradition, I nearly had to have a major obsessive freak-out when I thought the outfit wasn�t washed ready for Nathan�s immunisation appointment today � �But he CAN�T have his jabs today unless I find that outfit!!!�, hehehe! The photo of his feet is just because they looked sweet to me so I photographed them :)
AND, despite the ordeals of today, guess what else Nathan did?! He gave me his first laugh today!!!!! I am BEYOND thrilled, I will tell you! I was getting him changed into fresh clothes and changing his nappy, and I lifted his top and vest over his head, and instinctively blew a raspberry on his bare tummy. He went very smiley and started to look like he might laugh, so I tried it again with a little squeally sound afterwards. He LIKED that and gave me his �pre-laugh� sound with his little chin lifted up :) So I grabbed the camera and set it to video. Neil was out and I didn�t want him to miss Nathan�s first laugh. I sort of held it up in the air, hoping that it was aimed vaguely at Nathan�s face (!!) and set to blowing raspberries and squealing until I finally heard his cute little baby laugh tinkle out :) Ohhh I know I was laughing with him but my eyes were welling up. It was such an emotional moment for me, somehow. I think it was the last two times my babies laughed for the first time, too. I feel like I�ve been waiting for it extra long with Nathan, because he�s 14.5 weeks old now and thus it has been 4 weeks longer to wait than with my other boys. Adjusting his age to account for his early arrival though, he�s pretty much doing it at the same age they were, maybe a week earlier. So that�s good!
I uploaded the video of Nathan laughing for the first time! I thought you might like to see it. Please excuse the fact that I haven�t even finished lifting the clothes off the top of Nathan�s head yet (such was my eagerness, haha!), and the irritating noises I�m making! ;)
Isn�t it just a precious sound?! I know I�m biased, but I just love the sound of a baby laughing, especially knowing that it�s the very first time their little bodies have made that sound!
I�m so sad to be finishing writing here for a while. Even though I know I will be back again (sooner than last time perhaps, since I will likely be wondering if I might be pregnant a few times before I actually am!), I will never be here to write about Nathan again, as my new baby, and that makes me feel so sad and nostalgic and wistful! I can�t believe how fast the time has gone, and I don�t have a new baby any more! He is still pretty new :) But not a newborn any longer. The next time I am here, it will be to write about a potential new baby who ISN�T Nathan, and thus Nathan will be a potential BIG BROTHER (yikes, what a thought!!) along with his two big brothers. I love that they are all brothers. I would be thrilled to have another boy for the little band of brothers, hehe! I am pretty confident that Benjamin is coming next :) At least, that�s what I feel like God has shown me. I remember when I was spotting (before the huge-o bleeding) this last pregnancy with Nathan, and I had a scan scheduled at 8 weeks to check that all was well. I remember praying with Neil before going to that scan (he stayed home to watch the boys � heck, what am I telling you these details for?! You guys were there with me! (thank you!)), and felt like I almost literally heard God�s voice, it was that clear, saying, �That baby boy is just fine.� I KNEW then that the baby was fine, and I felt like I had an absolute answer to the question, �Is it a boy or a girl?� It was weird to �know� that so early on! And of course, I doubted it on and off, and still wondered if I might be having a girl, but sure enough, he was a boy! :) That same voice is telling me that not only is the next baby another boy, but his name is Benjamin. So, I�m excited!! And so eager for another precious baby boy, if it�s really true! I am even wondering about NOT finding out the gender next time I�m pregnant, and to just take the word that I felt was God�s, and rest secure in that. If I gave birth to a girl at the end, that would be the most exciting surprise! But it would be so much fun to have the boy that I knew God told me I�d have, when Nathan was only a few weeks old, without having found out until the birth. Well, you guys know how POOR my willpower is over these things, so we�ll see! ;)
I have probably missed answering so many questions that have been asked of me in my guestbook or notes, over the past few months. I�m sorry! There is a question that Sarah asked after my last entry, which I wanted to at least make an effort to respond to!
�Alice, I'm intellectally curious to know, since you believe that God will give you the right number of children despite your lack of money, why He gives children to women in third-world countries who die or starve themselves (or their babies do) as a result? Where does taking personal responsibility and exercising free will fit with your belief? I'm not criticising your views; I'm just really curious to understand how they align with the bigger picture and the idea (that even Christian people accept, I think) that everyone has free will.�
Sarah, I know it�s a maaaajor cop-out, but I honestly don�t know how to answer your question! I don�t know the answer to why there are people starving in the world and, more agonising still, babies and children who are hurting and dying out there. I can�t fathom the reasons, and I think it�s one of the many things we just aren�t meant to understand here on earth. I am waiting to understand it when I finally finish my time here and meet God and understand all the things he does, which is what the Bible tells me will happen. I can only try to live my own life as much in faith as possible, and try to discern God�s will for me, and to live it out faithfully. He has totally given us free will, like you say. I am choosing to use my free will to give the control to God over how many children we have. I could also freely choose to decide on a set number of kiddos that we would like, and once we reach that number, to take the necessary steps to prevent any further babies from being conceived. Not that this would stop God if he knew he was not finished blessing us with children, of course! ;) But I have decided I don�t want to do that. I do see the arguments against it, but I don�t feel a need to be responsible for when my womb is opened and closed, when God is the one who opens and closes wombs, and brings forth new life. Believe me, if he has planned that we�ll only have three children, all the TTC in the world is not going to get us another baby (and there WOULD be all the TTC in the world, you know me! I may be a Christian who likes to believe she would follow God�s plan for her life, but I would find it hard to comply with God�s will over this one! I�d be stubborn, and rebellious, and try to work to have that fourth baby no matter what, and ignore God�s voice on the subject, and God would be patient, and patient, and loving, and patient, and patient some more, and eventually I�d get it, and stop trying to walk against his plan for my family! *sigh*). I know a sweet lady who reads this diary who used birth control and still had three children, each spaced two years apart, hehe! God is in control. And I�m excited to hand him the reins and see what he�ll do to bless us! (unless of course he says, �You�re done!� and then there will be rein-snatching and it will get ugly, but yeah, I WILL give him my whole heart over it because I love him and desire nothing more than to do God�s will, because I KNOW that he plans to prosper me and not to harm me, and to give me a hope and a future (and by that I know he means my eternal future, not just here on earth). His plan for me, and for each of my children, and my husband, is outstandingly better than any that we could make or hope for. I know that the Bible tells me that if I love the Lord my God and seek to follow him wholeheartedly, and live my life for him, then he will satisfy the desires of my heart and I (and my children) will not be in want. We don�t have any money, but I DO believe God will provide for our needs if we are walking in faith and trusting him.
There are a bazillion Bible verses and mental asides springing to mind, but I am suspecting that you don�t want a BOOK in response to your question, haha! So I�ll stop there. I don�t know if it�s an answer as you hoped, but it�s the answer as I know it.
So, here I am closing my beloved pregnancy diary for another time! I can�t believe I have been through so much here! I LOVE this diary! I mean, if it were real and physical and tangible, I would be pressing it lovingly to my bosom on a regular basis and sleeping with it under my pillow, and gazing at it fondly from time to time, stroking it�s weathered covers :) I heart my pregnancy diary. I started it waaaay back when I was only just thinking of the fact that we were finally going to start TTC within the next 6 months to a year! All my hopes and dreams were poured out here. And frustrations, when conception didn�t magically happen for the first month, or two, or three, or six, seven or eight! I journalled, in LONG-WINDED detail (!!) my first pregnancy, the birth, and the first 6 months of Arthur�s babyhood. I came back to waffle about wanting another baby, and then journalled the conception, pregnancy, birth, and newbornness of Matthew. And then the same for Nathan! THREE baby boys have happened here! I have had three babies. I keep stopping to think of these facts and just boggling in amazement that it�s MY life! I�m so blessed. I wonder how many more babies I will have, and how many more exciting journeys I will write about here. I wonder if I will write about pain here, if I ever suffer a miscarriage? I have been blessed not to go through that so far.
Thank you AGAIN to everyone who has left me notes and comments and sent emails, through this last pregnancy, and my early weeks with my sweet baby boy number 3! Thank you for being excited with me when I got pregnant, and when I found out I was having another boy, and when he came early, and alllll his treasured milestones since he was born. Thank you for putting up with me when I�m having a dim moment or being insensitive or naive about things. Thank you for encouraging me and making this diary even more of a joy and a pleasure to write than if it was just on paper for my own eyes. I LOVE sharing my journey with you guys! :) I can�t wait to do it again! I will absolutely be back! I will continue writing about Nathan with my usual ramblings at arthursmummy!
Thank you so much, Lord, for my THREE precious baby boys! Thank you for opening my womb and letting me conceive without pain and heartache. Thank you for healthy pregnancies and healthy babies, and for the love and support of so many friends. Thank you for this diary, Lord! Please bless people through it, not just myself. I trust you for YOUR plan for my life, and gladly place the future of my family into your loving hands! I can�t wait to see if you will bless us again with another sweet baby. Thank you so much for my little ones. Please bless me with many more, Lord! And help me to parent them well. Amen.
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