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2003-10-07 - 11.55am��previous entry��next entry
Cycle Day 25 - time is nearly up
Thanks Judy and Andrea for your guestbook entries :)
And thanks to anyone who prayed for Cameron�s mum. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy on Saturday night 36 hours before Cam�s funeral. His name is Nathan Daniel, and he weighed in at 5lbs 8oz. There were no complications and they were both home on Sunday. She managed to be at the funeral on Monday without any problems, so that was a real answer to prayer. I held Nathan for a long while after the funeral was finished. He is so tiny and beautiful. I was utterly transfixed by him. And they�ve used my current favourite boy�s name, so that�s another one out of the window for us! Darn. But oh well. This does keep happening � people keep on using our favourite names for their babies before we get to have one and name it first! We don�t want to give a baby a name that has just been used for another child we know, I don�t know why, but we just don�t. So anyway I have another favourite, which is also popular so I hope it doesn�t get used as well! Anyway we might have a girl. If we have a baby.
I am on Cycle Day 25 today, which means my period is due the day after tomorrow. I have no urge to test this cycle. I feel pretty negative about the chance of being pregnant. I have quite bad cramps today, and yesterday too. They started the evening before that, but they were quite mild then. My breasts are still as sore as anything, and I have the old hormonal spots going on. So I am expecting my period, which I don�t really understand but there we go. My annoying chart at Fertility Friend as taken my coverline away, and is now telling me it hasn�t detected ovulation. Which is stupid because it detected it fine until a week had gone by without any updated temperatures, and besides, this cycle�s chart is pretty textbook when it comes to ovulation. I mean, come on, I definitely ovulated! I even had pain with it this month, and I KNOW I ovulated. Stupid thing. Grrr. Please don�t tell me I am sounding PMSy because I don�t want to know! But I probably am.
Anyway after I get my period I will enter all my temps for the rest of the cycle and it should hopefully correct itself. If it doesn�t I will be cross. Haha, take that, stupid chart! *sigh*
I got my Malden Mills microfleece in the post from the States. It�s soooo gorgeous! I have some other colours already but it�s always like Christmas here when new fabrics turn up! I have four new colours � bright yellow, soft grey, cocoa (which is by far the prettiest, a really gorgeous caramelly chocolate colour!), and baby pink. Ahhh I love microfleece! I also got my Stacinator wool wrap which is pwetty too. I got a pair of maternity jeans (did I say this last entry?) which I have washed (they stank of cigarettes � how VILE is that?!!!!! Grrrr!!) and put away.
I told Cam�s parents that we have been trying for a baby while I was holding theirs and chatting to them, and they said they had tried for Nathan for over a year. They were about to quit trying for good and not have any more children, and that�s when it happened. People do say it often happens just when you decide you aren�t going to bother trying anymore. Or when you�re distracted. They thought it wasn�t happening for them because of the stress of Cameron being unwell a lot, but actually in the end it happened right around Christmas when Cam was really ill and away from home in hospital, and that was the most stressful things had been for a long time! So Cam�s dad said to me that it just happens when it happens, and no-one knows why or when. That was reassuring. Of course it got me thinking that maybe I am pregnant this time because of how much I�ve been distracted by Cameron�s death, but on the other hand that could have prevented it because of the stress and emotion. I am not dealing too well with his death today. Yesterday was his funeral which was almost unbearable, and I feel like the wound is fresh all over again. Life feels empty and full of hurt and sadness without him. But I guess he is helping me to stop being so overly obsessed about having a baby, which I am grateful for. Maybe that�s why I don�t feel like testing this cycle, even with my drawer full of tests! I just want to get my period, and if it�s not here when it�s due then I�ll test.
That�s all really. I will update when I have any news of anything.
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