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2009-07-15 - 1.15pm��previous entry��next entry
Six days old (nearly)!
[ETA: Once again it has taken me a while to get this copied and pasted from the Blogger version of this diary. I always update there first and then copy and paste to here, but uploading the photos is easy at Blogger and then if I want to post them here I have to upload the same photos seperately to Photobucket and post them here after that. I've been too tired to do all that lately, so there has been a delay on getting the entries up here. This one is from a couple of days ago - sorry! I'll back-date the actual entry date and time.]
Well, this is definitely the way to do it! If God blesses us with any more babies, I will definitely be spending the first two weeks pretty much in bed with my new tiny person again. Soooo different to the other times when I haven't done that! It helps that I've had a homebirth though - I find it exhausting and a bit traumatic having to "come home" when I have had a hospital birth.
Heather came round yesterday and brought the notes she wrote during my labour, which she has typed up for me. They were a really interesting read and I'm so glad she wrote them because they'll really pad out my own birth story when I get around to writing it. There's helpful detail in there that I wouldn't have remembered, and also TIMINGS! She wrote exact timings next to everything she wrote - how helpful! I am eager to write my birth story and tell everyone about my birth experience with Benjamin! But as much as I want to, it's not top of my priority list right now, so I will get to that in a while.
Benjamin is doing really well. He's six days old, so he is now at the end of the period for early onset GBS disease. 80% of GBS disease cases occur as early onset GBS so that's reassuring! Late onset is high risk, and can occur anywhere from a week old up to 3 months of age, but is rare after 1 month of age. Benjamin is healthy and all his observations have been normal. I am mainly just "keeping an eye" on him, although I did take his temperature on the first night. He's so alert and hungry, and healthy, so I am not worried. Every day I pray Psalm 91 and Isaiah 43:1-3 over him, and I trust God so I am not anxious about anything GBS-related. I prayed before he was born that he would not even pick up GBS on his way out, and I have no way of knowing whether he did or not, but I am trusting God that he doesn't even have any trace of GBS about his body to give him any potential of GBS disease in the first place. My waters didn't break till his head was coming down in the second stage (2 minutes before he was born, according to Heather's notes!), so that gives him excellent protection against the GBS in any case (exactly as I prayed for! Thank you Lord!).
Benjamin's cord stump came off in the night, the night before last, so he was 4 days old. The midwife came that next day and was surprised that his cord was off already, but it seems to be what my babies do, I am not sure why! Arthur's came off the latest, at 6 days old I think. I can't remember which was which now, but Matthew and Nathan were 4 days old and 5 days old. I love that my babies lose their cord stumps nice and early! The clips get in the way and Benjamin's cord was just beginning to get a little bit stinky the day before it came off. It's healing nicely and I can see he is getting a nice little inny tummy button already :)
He hasn't had any trace of jaundice, but then I'm not surprised with the amount he's feeding! He has started to settle more at night, which I'm so thankful for! I really was not getting ANY sleep at night because he was on the breast or fussing and crying the whole night, and I couldn't get comfy even side-lying with him to breastfeed in bed. We have his Amby baby hammock set up but he isn't as crazy about it as I expected him to be from alllll the reviews that rave about all babies being instantly calmed by being in it! He basically doesn't like being in it if he's awake, lol! He screams and screams till I pick him up, and he prefers to snuggle with me in my bed. If I'm holding him and he has fallen asleep and is completely unconscious, then I can put him in the Amby and he'll sleep an hour or two in there, and not be irate when he wakes up, so long as I get him fairly quickly because he's always ravenous when he wakes up! At the moment I am really happy to co-sleep with him, but I will persevere with the Amby as well, because that will be his bed for the first year and I'm sure he'll get used to it and love it in the end. We won't be buying a cot for him, so that's his bed! It's a sweet little bed too! Here are some photos of Benjamin in his Amby hammock at 5 days old:
I am starting to put a few things in place to make things go more smoothly. Things feel so much more instinctive this time. I feel like I totally know what I'm doing (note: this does not mean I actually DO know what I'm doing, haha!) which is different to the other times. With each baby I am getting more experienced and confident, and feel like I have more knowledge than with the previous baby, and that's a good way to feel. Everything is second nature, and I do much of it on auto-pilot, which seems strange to me when I stop and think how hard it was to do those things or even think of doing them, when it was my first baby! I like that I'm in this place this time, it feels good! :)
I have the lights off at night now, even though I kind of need them on here and there to change nappies or mop up milk, etc. I keep totally quiet at night with Benjamin. He now sleeps between feeds next to me, having breastfed to sleep and burped in between sides. I don't change his nappy unless he's wet through or has pooed. He doesn't go a whole night without wetting through everything, so the night has a nappy change or two, but that's soooo different to how it was with the others! For some reason I was changing them with every feed! I am not sure why now, although I remember needing to change them more at night with the cloth nappies at this stage, until I found a combination that worked better for the heavy wetting they did! Benjamin wore the traditional cute little size 0 Kissaluv cloth nappy after he was born, and has worn a few more since, but otherwise is in disposables. I'm wiping him with cloth wipes though - I much prefer those! He's in size newborn disposables (size 1 Tesco's own!) but the absorbency seems to be a little thin for him today, so I've put him in a size 2 just now, which seems to fit him really well. That has a weight range of 6-12lbs so it's probably just right for him really.
Around 8am (whenever I am awake feeding him nearest that time) I get up and open the curtains to let the daylight in, even if Benjamin continues to sleep. The first time he's awake from around that time, I breastfeed him one side and then after I burp him, I hold him nearer to the window and just engage him, chatting to him and letting him see my face clearly. He goes very calm and still and alert. This usually sparks him to be quite wakeful after that, and I have started to take him downstairs (now that I'm venturing down there!) to see different things and let the boys see him for a while. He is so calm and takes things in. When he starts to root again, I take him back upstairs and let him have the other breast, and then he is tired from being awake for a while (sometimes more than an hour) and zonks right out for a couple of hours again. I encourage him to have a couple of alert times like that during the day time, and otherwise let him nurse to sleep. So, I'm hoping this will help "set his clock", so to speak - to give his days and nights a sense of rhythm which will hopefully help us settle into a good healthy routine quicker.
Oh, I nearly forgot to say! When Benjamin was born, they weighed him on the scales and he weighed 3940g. It always annoys me that they don't weigh in pounds and ounces! I never have a clue what the grams mean! So I asked them what that meant in lbs and oz, and they didn't have their conversion chart with them. They said they'd let me know when they visited the next day - aaaargh!!! A new mama can't rest not knowing the birth weight of her new baby to tell all the relatives! Tsk! So I phoned my parents and told them his weight in grams, and Daddy tried to convert it online for me, and got 8lbs 9oz. So, then I announced to the whole world that my baby boy was born at home weighing 8lbs 9oz, and how surprised I was that he was so big!
It turns out that Daddy's conversion was wrong! I have since looked at Benjamin's notes and they say 8lbs 11oz! So I checked online at various baby weight conversion charts, and he DEFINITELY weighed in at 8lbs 11oz at birth! Wowsers. I mean, I know there are much heavier newborns out there, but I am still boggled to have birthed such a big baby, for me! I never would have imagined he would weigh this much when he was born! I was guessing at 8lbs exactly, and hoping he wouldn't be more. I'm just so glad I didn't know BEFORE giving birth, haha! It would have made me nervous, but I'm feeling even more proud of myself for the birth now that I know how big he was, hehe! I know women give birth to heavier babies every day, but I'm so LITTLE! Really. My frame is definitely petite, and also Arthur was already the heaviest baby on both sides of the family (Neil's too!) for as many generations back as we know baby weights for! So it just all round SURPRISED me to have an 8lb 11oz baby! He's so much bigger than my other babies, and a whole lb heavier than Matthew was. I think Nathan would have been about 8lbs 8oz if he had been born around his due date though. Phew! What a big boy! I still can't believe it. The weird thing is though, he seems such a TEENY TINY little peanut to me! I hold him all scrunched up in a sleeping ball in my arms and my heart turns to mush (it is permanent putty these days) and I just marvel at how TINY he is. So, his weight means nothing to me really.
When the midwife weighed him again yesterday (he had his heel prick test then too), he had lost 100g (down to 8lbs 7.5oz) so that's not bad really. Arthur had lost waaaay more than that at this stage, but he wouldn't feed very well at that age so that's probably why. I have to take him to the baby clinic at the hospital this afternoon (ugh, NOT what I wanted to do!) for his newborn check. In the past my babies have either had that done in the hospital when I've had hospital births, or with Matthew the GP came out for a home visit to do his newborn check. Apparently GPs are doing that less and less now, and there's a new baby clinic set up at the hospital maternity unit for this to be done. It's supposed to be done within the first 72 hours after birth - is that not CRAZY to make a new mother drag herself and her tiny baby to the hospital within 72 hours of giving birth?!?!!? Tsk, it annoys me so much! But anyway, it's only on weekdays, and THANKFULLY he was born close to the weekend, so Monday was the first chance I had. I forgot about it, and subsequently got told off by the midwife, who then booked me an appointment for today right here in my bedroom on her mobile phone! ;) So I have to take him to that. I didn't think I would feel up to going out so soon, but the total rest thing that I've been doing (and total NON-involvement in childcare, except to cuddle and sing to and chat with my little boys) has made a huge difference in how quickly I'm regaining my strength and such. So I feel okay to drive to the hospital and take him for his appointment. I have been noticing a real change in how much stronger I feel each day, since the day after he was born. It's encouraging because before he was born I was expecting to feel pretty wiped out for most of the 2 weeks Neil was off work, and then maybe as the 2 weeks came to an end, I might start to feel stronger (hopefully!). But it has been much better. I think it has a lot to do with having given birth at home, but also the rest thing. I had no intention of doing anything around the house in that time, and Neil was happy with that too. But the other day I put Benjamin into his Amby during the afternoon because he was already asleep, and instead of feeling pooped from just having stood upright holding him for a while, I didn't! And so I could have lay down and rested, but for the first time I looked around the room and saw a ton of mess that I didn't like. So I spent just 5 minutes maybe, pottering slowly around and picking things up. I sorted the dirty laundry on the floor into loads, just sitting down on the floor. And then I tidied the surface of the double chest of drawers, which was looking untidy. That's all I did, but it made such a difference to how the room looked.
My grandparents visited on Day 3 with flowers from their garden in a sweet little vase, and I put that on the chest of drawers and it gave the room such a nice TIDY sophisticated look! ;) I rarely see such pleasures in my very cluttered and untidy house! I need to see it as inspiration and work on getting the whole house in that state (NOT during the postpartum period, don't worry!). Neil says he's decided to try to tidy the whole house while he's on paternity leave. I hope he doesn't set his expectations too high - it's a LOT of work and he has the boys all day too (which is also a lot of work!). He has been feeling down about the state of the house and the boys' behaviour so I think he's feeling motivated now to work on that. I have set myself a little mini goal to gradually pick at the bedroom I'm in over the 2 weeks, picking up a little bit each day or every other day, until it's (hopefully) totally tidy by the time Neil goes back to work. That would be lovely! Although, just now I did clean the bathroom sink. It didn't tax me, the sink was DISGUSTING and I could see Neil was not getting chance to clean it, and it took very little time to do. And now it's shiny and hygenic again! Yay! :) I didn't tell Neil though - he might tell me off! ;)
What else to say? Benjamin has my fingers, exactly! They are little mini versions of my own. Arthur has my fingers as well, but I don't think Matthew does. Nathan seems to have some of mine and some of Neil's! Benjamin's eyes are a dark murky grey, and Heather thinks that means they'll turn brown. I am wondering the same, but I guess it's too early to tell yet. Arthur has been telling me since Benjamin was born that he hopes his new brother has brown eyes like him, because he's feeling left out being the only one in the house with brown eyes! I told him he gets his brown eyes from Nana, so he shares that with her, and he was pleased that he wasn't so alone after all, hehe! But he really hopes Benjamin has brown eyes. We have the full range here - Arthur has brown eyes, Matthew's are now a greyish green, and Nathan's are blue as blue can be - so any babies we have could really have any eye colour. I think that's so exciting, because I love waiting to see what eye colour the new baby will have this time, each time we have a baby! :) I hope Benjamin has brown eyes too. I didn't have a preference at all before, but with Arthur's longings, and looking at Benjamin and thinking how scrummy he'd look with dark eyes, it makes me hope a little that he really might have brown eyes! I love all eye colours so it doesn't matter really. I think Matthew and Nathan DID have dark/slate blue eyes as newborns, and theirs both lightened to blue. Matthew's didn't turn grey till 17 months, and only turned to green a few months ago. But Arthur's eyes were always dark and murky, and never any sort of shade of "newborn blue". They were a dark grey when they lightened up a bit, but turned brown quite quickly I think. Benjamin's seem similar, so I'm thinking they might go brown.
Well, my tiny man will be waking up soon - he's asleep next to me on the bed as I type this, and has been for maybe 1.5 hours or so. I think he has filled his nappy actually so I should go! I have more photos so I need to come back and post those soon. Here are a few to be getting on with:
These two are both grainy and "noisy" as they were taken in next to no light at night time. I knew they wouldn't come out too well, but the cuteness was SO that I couldn't resist anyway! ;) In the first one, Benjamin is clasping his hands in his sleep, and I thought it was so sweet!
I love this photo. I wish cameras would take photographs like my eyes see the scene, because the light was GORGEOUS and made the picture, but the camera wouldn't translate :( Oh well. He just looked sooooo beautiful to me, sleeping there with his little face upturned. I am soooooo completely and utterly besotted. I had a day (Day 3 I think) of feeling weirdly weepy about absolutely nothing - seriously, I am so blessed, I have absolutely nothing to be sad or anxious or emotional about at ALL this time. But I felt like crying all day all the same. I knew it was just the hormones plummetting (!!) or whatever it is they do at that stage, as my milk had just come in full force the day before. So I tried to fix my eyes on God and keep positive and not dwell on the way I was feeling. Buuuut it got the better of me all the same by the evening and I was crying about having to say goodbye to my doula (literally the ONLY negative thing there was to latch onto, lol!)! Turns out my doula loves me and wants to stay in touch and visit and so on, and I'm soooo happy about that! :) But the very next day after the weepy thing, the hormones had swung the other way and I've been in Baby LaLa Land ever since, ridiculously elated, incredibly besotted with my baby, and unable to stop gazing at him or kissing his cheeks. I hope I don't chap them. I seriously kiss him that much! ;) He's just gorgeous and I'm so in love. Here he is looking perfect:
And lastly, here are three photos from my first attempt to capture all 4 (FOUR!!!) of my boys together! They're not great, but they deserve posting anyway because it's a First. Arthur is really in love with his new brother. He wants to see him and stroke him and hold him all the time. He talks in a soppy voice to him, and talks constantly about how he loves his new baby Benjamin. It's so sweet! He's behaving very difficultly (word?!) and seems angry about some stuff, but is adoring of his new brother and very gentle with him. He's at his calmest and happiest when he's with Benjamin, and even obeys me completely (unheard of previously!) when he's around him. Matthew is less interested in general, but he does want to see Benjamin a lot, and always looks at him for a while before saying to me, "He's so cute!" - he says this every time :) He also seems happy WITH Benjamin but is definitely having some issues otherwise, so is adjusting with a little difficulty. The look he gives in one of these photos says it all really. I think out of the three, he's having the least joy over having a new baby brother. But Arthur was the exact same way when HE was three and it was Nathan who was the new baby brother, so I know he'll settle down and be okay eventually. Nathan seems completely unaffected by becoming a big brother (I can't believe my tiny Nathey is a big brother!!), but that's just as it has been for all my one-and-a-half year olds when they become big brothers. It's a GREAT age gap, seriously. Nathan loves to see Benjamin, and is intensely interested in him. He would rather see Benjamin than anything else he was previously doing, even his favourite toys or activities. He stops whatever he's doing and comes over with a huge smile to point (poke!) at all Benjamin's facial features, and to give him kisses. He gives Benjamin sooo many kisses! It's so precious. He even likes to watch him breastfeed, and I'm glad he's so relaxed and happy about it because he self-weaned a couple of months ago and I have never had a new baby where the next sibling up wasn't still breastfeeding, so I didn't know how that would go. But it's fine. Nathan does not want to breastfeed, seeing Benjamin doing it, so I guess he's truly 100% weaned :( I still wish he'd nursed till age 2, but oh well!
So, here are the few photos of the boys (and Neil's arm!):
I have lots more of Benjamin, taken in the last couple of days (mostly yesterday), but I will have to upload those another time. It's evening now and I didn't get chance to finish this post before it was time to take Benjamin to the baby clinic, so I must get it posted now! The baby clinic went great - I wore him in the Baby Bjorn rather than hoist the car seat or pushchair out of the car, and he slept in it until it came time for his examination. He's doing great, everything checked out fine. He peed on the doctor, haha! ;) He has an extensive "stork mark" birth mark on his forehead (which you'll probably have noticed from some of the photos), which extends over his right eyelid, and through his nostrils from inside. That will fade, but it may take a couple of years to do so completely. I also had a stork mark as my birthmark, and it still shows up very occasionally if I get overheated or have an angry outburst or something! Benjamin also has a strawberry mark (another birthmark) on the back of his neck, but it's within his hair so it shouldn't be noticeable. I have another midwife visit on Friday, but I'm not sure if that will be the last one or not.
I'm recovering well, physically. I had a second degree tear and stitches, and those are (as usual for me) healing very quickly without much pain or bother at all. The midwife told me I had a lot of bruising and swelling and that pretty much went away on Day 3. I really haven't had a lot of bother from anything except for the afterpains, which were horrible for 3 days, and then all of a sudden faded right off. I still notice the tiniest shadow of a crampy feeling occasionally when I'm breastfeeding, but it's all but gone. My uterus is well contracted and I can feel it about half way between my tummy button and my pubic bone. I'm always sad when it disappears back where it belongs! :( I do so love being pregnant.
Okay, definitely going! I will try to post again soon, to say how things are going and to post more pics!
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