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2009-07-03 - 11.30pm��previous entry��next entry
39 weeks and 1 day!
Well, I'm 39 weeks pregnant! I wrote a post yesterday evening at my main blog with reference to where I am at the moment in this pregnancy, so I am linking it here. It just ended up as a big old vent there, because it was largely to do with stress and difficult children, etc!
Today has been better. I will probably update there again soon, but just to say - today has been better. Neil has been home though, so maybe that helped?! Also bedtime went without a hitch since Matthew nursed to sleep as he usually does. Nice early bedtime for those tired hot boys tonight! They have also been out today with Neil, giving me some space in the house for a little while, which helps too.
[Edited to add: Polly, I just found your message in my Diaryland pregnancy diary as I went to copy and paste this entry there from Blogger, and haven't time to reply tonight, but I love you! Thank you! Will re-read tomorrow when less exhausted!]
So Neil did have Friday and Monday booked off work as holiday, to desperately try to get things ready for Benjamin, and for the birth. But, he now has to go in tomorrow after all, and I feel so frustrated! Work seems to be taking higher priority than family, and to me that is not right. It's not entirely his decision of course, and it's not easy for him either, under pressure from work. He worked on his laptop at home till FOUR IN THE MORNING last night, bless his heart, but still didn't get enough done to feel comfortable taking tomorrow off. He was off today to cover the midwife appointments (I had two scheduled, which I mentioned in my main blog last night but hadn't got around to updating about here since last entry) with the boys, let me rest a little by lying in, and catch up on the sleep he missed working and tidying the house half the night. So we didn't get ANY baby/birth prep done today, even though he was home. Meanwhile I feel like I could go into labour at any time really, and I hate that while his company/boss gets everything perfectly aligned and in order for me to go into labour and Neil to therefore be off work immediately on paternity leave, the house, the children, and me and the baby are distinctly NOT in order at all (annoyingly as a direct result of WORK getting themselves all calm and ready for the birth!! The irritating irony!), and in fact the stress of the total lack of preparation for us could well have longer term consequences than just the couple of weeks that Neil's workplace carry on without him there. Ugh. I'm so fed up about it. Neil wants me to not go into labour till next Wednesday or thereafter, since that will be the most "perfect" situation for work, but I'm so annoyed to even HEAR that kind of thing - as if Benjamin and I should work around his dang workplace and never mind that WE'VE not been given the time and attention to have US practically and emotionally well prepared for the birth and the immediate postnatal period!!! Urrrggghhh. I don't want work to have it all perfect. *I* want to have the same level of importance to make things ready for ME. As it is, it's been left too late to enable anything to be "perfect" for me or for the boys, or for the house, and yet efforts are still all diverted to continue perfecting things at work, to make everything ready for when I go into labour, at the expense of the desperately necessary stuff at home. It just feels so unbalanced and like the priorities are way out of whack. And I feel unhappy and like I don't matter as much as work to Neil, and even if that's not true, it is making me feel a not-so-nice combination of upset, resentful, and angry. Ugh. None of which is helping the whole 39-weeks-pregnant-and-not-ready! thing at all.
Anyway. It's all about the rants these days, isn't it?! ;) Must be the hormones...
So, it's late and I should just hurry and update about today's stuff.
The two appointments ended up being combined into one, which was fine with me! A really lovely midwife came round with the Supervisor of Midwives from the hospital, to discuss my decision to have a homebirth whilst being GBS positive, thus declining intravenous antibiotics. I was nervous about it! Heather, my doula, came too, and Neil put the boys in the car as they were arriving and took them into town to get their feet measured and shoes and sandals purchased (long overdue, especially for the two little ones!). It was too hot today (by far) for the boys to be outside, and the shoes were needing doing, so it seemed the best thing to occupy them for my appointment time by taking them to an air-conditioned shopping centre and sort out the shoes for an hour. They had a blast and came back hugging shoe boxes as they ran into the house, and talking all at once in great excitement to tell me about all their new shoes!
The Supervisor of Midwives is called Jenny, and she was just the NICEST person. I instantly relaxed when she came in, and knew I didn't have to be anxious about that appointment, even though she was basically here to outline the risks and negative points, and make sure I was fully informed. Right away she told me that they would be supporting me in my decision to have a homebirth, and they were not concerned about the birth part at ALL. She is all for homebirths! The only concern they have is for the baby after he's born, even though the risk is minimal. They have to cover everything just in case he is the one in however many thousands who develops GBS disease and gets very poorly. They taught me about GBS disease and the signs and symptoms to watch out for. They showed me how I should be assessing Benjamin and for how long, after he arrives. I have to wake him every 3 hours or so to breastfeed, even from birth if he's sleeping the first 12 hours like many newborns do. At those times I need to check his respiratory rate, temperature, general tone, and so on. I can't check his blood sugar and they're not worried about that. They said I couldn't really check his heartrate either, but I told them I have a stethoscope, so they said that's great and I can use that to check him, but not to worry about doing a regular check with it unless I'm concerned about another symptom he's exhibiting. I can check his heartrate if that happens.
They told me what I need to do if Benjamin does develop any symptoms, even slight ones, except that I shouldn't worry about his temperature being slightly raised, unless it goes over 37.5 - I have no idea what that really is, since I don't speak celsius at all! Oh well, I'm sure the thermometer will, so that's all that matters! If he develops symptoms, or my instinct tells me he's not right, I need to take him straight to A&E, day or night, and not bother with the GP or phoning places for advice, etc. Just take him in, they will assess him, and if he does have an infection then they can immediately start him on IV antibiotics. They kept reminding me that the risk is so minimal, and apologising for focusing on the "scary stuff", but I know they did a great job informing me and preparing me. They're happy to hear that I'm easy when it comes to going into hospital if my waters break before labour starts, or if I get a fever or don't feel well, or even if I just get concerned and change my mind about my birthplace. I'm not gung-ho HAVING a homebirth no matter what or anything like that! I would prefer to be at home, and it will make things waaaay less stressy when it comes to childcare, which I told them. Jenny immediately said she could totally see why I wanted a homebirth and agreed with me. If I go in, I will go to the midwife-led unit, unless all the rooms are full.
They said this would be the last discussion about it, and they'd write in my notes and tell the midwife team that it's a finished discussion, which is a relief!
The midwife then did my normal antenatal check for 39 weeks and it was so nice and relaxed. Jenny sat on the sofa and chatted with me and Heather, and it was just lovely. Benjamin is doing well in there - strong healthy heartrate, lots of shoving around (albeit restricted movements! He has truly run right out of space in there now) and still head down. For the first time they recorded his head as 3/5 palpable! The last few appointments he has been 4/5 palpable, and before that "free". So he's definitely going down at last. He's not considered engaged until he's 1-2 fifths palpable, so getting there, but not engaged yet. I have been noticing that I can no longer "wiggle" his head first thing on waking in the morning, and usually he's higher in the morning than any other time and I have been feeling his head very much FREE in the mornings so far! But things are changing, in the right direction.
This morning Neil woke me around 8am and seconds later, still lying in bed on my left side, I had a definite contraction. Not a Braxton Hicks. But not very strong or long-lasting. A bit sore though. And then I got up and didn't have any more - but nothing like that has happened yet this pregnancy, so it's something a little different. A short while later I noticed some period-like pain low down in front and in the small of my back at the same time, and have had some achy crampiness on and off this morning. By mid-morning I was noticing strong Braxton Hicks, but definitely "just" BHs, not labour contractions or anything like that. I don't usually notice them much during the day, they usually save themselves for the evenings, or else I have a patch of them at some point during the day and then don't notice them much else. Well my Braxton Hicks were very noticeable during my midwife appointment at noon, and were coming every 2 or 3 minutes through most of that, which is unusual for me in the day time. They were strong enough to be quite distracting when I was talking, but not painful at all, just very tight and pressurey and uncomfortable.
Right after the midwife and the SOM left, Heather prayed with me about everything, and just for peace for me right now. I felt sooooooooooooo incredibly at peace, physically, emotionally, spiritually - in every way really, after she prayed for me. It was lovely! We got my Bible and she prayed Psalm 91 over me and Benjamin, and then she sat and wrote out the psalm in big writing on some paper for me while I ate some lunch. She also wanted me to write at least a basic birth plan so that the midwives will see what my desires are re. things like Vitamin K, delivery of the placenta, internal examinations, etc, on a written plan rather than relying on Heather saying stuff on my behalf without any visible evidence that I told her to say it! ;) Knowing about my frequent BHs and earlier crampiness, she asked me to please do it THAT AFTERNOON and not wait, because she thought it was possible that I could go into labour tonight (more so than if I had not had any of those signs today). So I have written the brief birth plan and emailed it to Heather to print out, and I have stuck all the verses she wrote up on my bedroom walls, with Benjamin's scan pictures next to them! That sweet little tiny boy in the pictures reeeeeally motivates me to pray and pray those wonderful verses over him! He looks so precious with his little chin and prominent top lip, and button nose, and I can't wait to meet him, seeing his scan pictures again now! I also have a prayer list up on my wall, of things I'm asking God for in terms of the labour and birth, and the other boys. I have a photo of Matthew as a little baby under that list, to help me remember a normal homebirth without a midwife present, and probably Group B Strep present as well. That helps me! And I have two long prayers of declaration about my upcoming labour, anxiety issues, and Benjamin's wellbeing, taped to the side of my chest of drawers which is right next to my pillow. I pray through all those things every night before I go to sleep, and it's really helpful.
So, since Heather left, the Braxton Hicks contractions have continued. They continue whether I'm resting, reclining, standing, walking, going to the toilet, or dealing with little ones. They seem so frequent, and it's gone on all day, BUT they really are "just" Braxton Hicks still. They are very uncomfortable but not painful. Some have given me an achy feel, and most are difficult to relax through because they are just so TIGHT feeling and uncomfy.
I also feel like I need to go for a BM all day long. It's been quite a nuisance really! I have been 5 times today, but I wouldn't say I'm doing any sort of pre-labour clear-out or anything. I seem to be constipated, and not able to, um, do much at any one time, so the feeling remains and I have to then go back not long after. I have a constant feeling of pressure and discomfort there, and sometimes a BH contraction makes that feeling quite unbearable. I lay on my right side this evening for a bit and that gave me sort of "butt" pressure that radiated down one thigh a bit every time I had a BH. Around 7.30pm the bigger boys were in bed asleep (Nathan had a late nap so stayed up to play with Mummy and Daddy for a bit which was lovely! He's SUCH a delight!!) and I had a moment to lie reclining on the sofa, and happened to have a clock in view, so I was able to see that I was having BHs every 2-3 minutes for the 40 minutes I was lying there. That's about how it has been, though they aren't all that close together. I have had some low back ache this evening too, just on and off, and very low under my bump is feeling sort of "pully" and hurty a lot of the time, especially when I'm standing or walking. When I'm walking tonight, it feels like I can't stand the bearing-down-ish pressure inside my bump. It feels hard to the touch and just hurts, and so I wonder if I'm having a BH contraction whilst walking about when it feels that way? I'm not sure.
Anyway, that is where I'm at. I have no idea if it will lead to anything, or if I'll still be here in 2 weeks! ;) It's definitely a sort of "gearing up" though, if nothing else, because it's different to anything before now. I did have this kind of thing happen for those 3 hours one evening at 33 weeks, but that was only for those 3 hours and then it went away. This has been persistant all day. And I'm 39 weeks now, which makes a difference I guess! ;) Today I also had my first episode of electric shock cervical pain, that made me suddenly raise my behind off the sofa with an "ooohooooh!" sound, due to the sharpness of the pain! So, I'm thinking that could possibly be to do with the baby's head finally being low enough to put pressure on my cervix? D'you think? Maybe that accounts for the pressure during BHs and the BM trouble also?
So I had better get to bed! I will update tomorrow probably, however briefly, and try to keep posting here frequently from now on. I love this part with the daily updates! :) I will also try to update less candidly (haha!) at Facebook, but if you comment there, PLEASE do not mention Benjamin's name. We announce names after our babies are born to "real life" friends, and lots of them follow me at Facebook, so I don't want them to find out his name yet! :) Ditto for the fact that I keep blogs, now I think about it. I don't know if I want everyone I know searching out my blog!!
Here's hoping tomorrow is going to be manageable with the boys while Neil is at work :S I am just thankful that the heat wave is due to break tomorrow - hoorah!!!!! I can't wait for cooler weather!
Oh, I did get a belly picture tonight! But it's on the camera and I haven't had time to upload it. I'll try to do that tomorrow, and post it then.
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