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2009-04-12 - 10:33 p.m.��previous entry��next entry
27 weeks, 4 days - hello 3rd trimester!!!
Another gap that's longer than I would have liked to leave it, tsk. But here I am anyway! It's Easter and the boys are out for a walk. The atmosphere is horrible and heavy and it's making all of us feel heavy and exhausted and sleepy and irritable and restless. Urgh. I really don't like it when the weather is like this! It's not the WEATHER as such, just some sort of weird "air" - pressure maybe? I don't know. Anyway, it's horrible and this is the second day running (today is worse though). I hope it changes soon!
I have reached my final trimester of pregnancy!!!!! How in the wiiiide world?!?!?! It just amazes me that I'm here, at this stage. I can't fathom being actually near to my due date. But there are less than 8 weeks to go until the time I gave birth to Nathan, and less than 10 weeks till I reach full-term. Just under 13 weeks to go till my DUE DATE! Amazing. I know that time will fly by, and then I will actually go ahead and really and truly have another baby! *boggle*
Baby Tiny is now around the 2lb mark, and measures 14.5 inches from head to heel!! He's getting so big. Talking of which, he's getting so big!!! Seriously. This weather thing is not helping, but just this week I have plopped right into 3rd trimester mode, and suddenly feel heavy, exhausted and breathless practically all the time. It was a lovely 4-day week this week (in terms of Neil at work) because of Good Friday, but 3 of those 4 days, I was absolutely forced to lie on the sofa by 2pm (same time each day, pretty much) because I honestly could not keep my eyes open. All the email pregnancy updates and books MOCK me, saying how I need to make sure I have a nap every afternoon from this stage of pregnancy onwards, because I will probably be noticing how my body needs it, etc, etc. How badly does that mock the mother of many small children, who has no choice but to stay awake while the kids who don't nap stay awake too, however desperately and achingly and tearfully she needs it! It kind of makes it more frustrating that the mother of many small children who CAN'T nap actually needs to nap during pregnancy way more than the first-time pregnant mama to whom the advice is referring (who still needs to nap, but I'm just saying!)! Tsk.
So, I'm really feeling exhausted and overwhelmed this past week. I'm not dealing with run-of-the-mill stuff at all well, like the boys' behaviour (see other blog - not even going to post a link because it's a bit too shameful even!), stuff not happening when I want it to, and incessantly crying/whining little ones. Even with Neil home this long weekend (and thus his huuuuge support when the boys are being difficult), I am losing it easily. In the week I just would get angry at the boys more. Now I am still feeling angry, but also despairing, which is a new degree of hormonal helplessness! ;) This weekend was I think the first time the boys have been difficult (read: horrible) and I have just cried and sobbed right in front of them, because I had absolutely nothing else left and was suddenly OVERWHELMED with emotion and could not for the life of me have waited till I was upstairs somewhere more private, or stemmed the flow even a little bit. Even when all was resolved and calm again (some time later) I was still going, and had to make considerable effort to pull myself together otherwise I think I would have kept on crying and sobbing for a good hour or two. I kid you not! I just feel so fragile emotionally and weighed down hormonally right now. I'm sure it's just pregnancy, but it's not any fun right now! Hopefully it'll balance out again soon.
I had an unexpected midwife appointment this week, which I totally meant to write about at the time, but just haven't had time to unless I'd have stayed up crazy late to do so. I think it must have been the day after my last entry here or something - it was last Sunday, so I was 26 weeks and 4 days. I had a really bad headache all day that wouldn't go away. I took 3 rounds of painkillers (as in, every 4 hours, 3 times), none of which even touched it. I also felt a bit dizzy and wanted to blink more than usual (sounds weird I know), but can't say that I had any visual trouble as such. During the afternoon, I felt like I was really retaining water more than usual in my face, and wondered if that was the cause of my headache - just fluid retention in my head or something? My face felt tight around my eyes when I blinked, and just puffy in general. Neil really noticed it and commented on it several times, saying how suddenly it had come up. I googled and discovered that water retention in the FACE is not a good thing, especially presenting with other symptoms like headaches. So around 5pm I thought maybe I should take my blood pressure in case my headache was b/p-related. It was 135/75 which worried me a little bit because that's on the high side for me (I'm usually 100/60, give or take 10 points or so) even though it still falls in the normal range as far as blood pressure goes. I took it on the other arm (arms are always different!) and it was 125/65 - not so bad. Then I used on of my urinalysis sticks and tested my urine. It contained no sugar, but one plus of protein, and a trace of blood. I haven't been spotting at ALL so I didn't think it was contamination.
Because of the bad headache, swelling in my face, and protein in my urine, I decided to call my midwife team. They suggested I come in to the hospital where one of them could check me. I asked them if it was urgent or if I could do dinner and bedtime for the boys first. I thought it would not go so well for them if I disappeared at that particular point in the day! I know I might not always be able to guarantee this, but Mummy is ALWAYS here for dinner and bedtime, every single day. Always. The only exception being the time I was having Nathan in the hospital, but that's IT, since we had little ones at all! I would much rather keep this going if it's okay that I go in later to be checked, so I asked, and they said that was okay.
So we had dinner, and then the boys were HORRIBLY difficult to get to bed. Necessary discipline went on for EVER to sort out the whole palava, and so their bedtime was later than usual. Nathan went to bed on time, but the other two weren't in bed till 8.30, and even then they weren't asleep. I came downstairs to get my notes and get going to the hospital, but I sat down for a moment and just did not want to go, at all. I felt exhausted and my head hurt so much. I didn't want to be driving off for who-knows-how-long in the hospital, and it was getting late - I didn't want to increase the risk of being kept in overnight. I didn't want to put myself or the baby at risk (if there was one), but I also just wanted to rest at home with my headache. So I phoned my midwife team again, and told them this. They agreed to let me stay home that evening, but made me an appointment at the antenatal clinic for the next day. They said if anything got any worse or I just didn't feel right, I had to call them straight back and go in. So, phew, that was okay. Nothing got worse. My face started to feel less tight and puffy somewhere around 11pm, but my headache stayed.
In the morning it was still there, but not so bad as it had been. Neil came home at lunchtime (it was a 1pm appt) and watched the boys so that I didn't raise my blood pressure hauling them to the appointment! Which was so helpful. He ended up staying home for the afternoon and working from home that evening, because we didn't know if they'd want me to go to the Day Assessment Unit after the appointment, and I know from last pregnancy that it takes HOURS to get out of there!
But, the appointment went fine! Yay! My blood pressure was 116/60, thankfully! And the midwife wasn't concerned about any swelling at that time. I did a fresh urine sample which had NO protein, but it did have one plus of blood, a little more than the trace my test had shown the night before. Hmmm. She asked if I'd been spotting, and said it was likely just contamination, but I said I had not been spotting. She said if the blood continues to be present then they will probably add a kidney function test to my battery of blood tests coming up at the 28-week appointment, just to be on the safe side. So, everything seemed fine with the blood pressure and she just said if painkillers weren't touching my headaches, I might talk to my GP and ask for something stronger that's safe during pregnancy. I don't think I will bother though, unless they get frequent or debilitating. I'd rather not take any medication if I can help it.
So I had an appointment at 27 weeks! :) That was nice, especially since I will go back only one week later for my routine 28 week appointment! I like that little extra visit there! My 28 week appointment is this Wednesday. Oh! I just realised that I forgot to ask if they could do it at home. Oh well. I am not looking forward to taking the little ones with me at all, but it's a Sure Start centre so there's a huge playgroup play area with the midwife's office right off it, and she said the boys can play there while I'm being seen. I don't know if they'll all be happy to though, or at least not without regularly barging in and interrupting the appointment while I'm on the table, on display to the rest of the playgroup area! Nathan will definitely not want to be out of my sight, and that's okay. He'll also cry when the midwives look at him even. He's at that stage.
The midwife also checked my tummy, and I was measuring 26 weeks, and baby boy is finally HEAD DOWN - wheeee! I'm so very excited about that because, even though I know he could happily flip all over the place still for some time yet, he really hasn't been head down at all so far. He has been transverse, breech and oblique all the time, and I was starting to get nervous! So it was great to hear he was head down at last! Even more wonderfully, he hasn't moved out of the head-down position since my appointment!! Yay! He is head down all the time now, and I'm glad, except for the extra weight and pressure feeling in my pelvis all the time - which is probably compounded by just how fast this boy is GROWING lately! Yikes!
His heartrate was good (no number) and strong, and it was hard to get a good reading because he was so active in there, wiggling and flumping and shifting, and thumping the doppler constantly!
I am getting a GBS (Group B Strep) test at 36 weeks - as the midwife put it, "Presuming you haven't already given birth by then!"!!!! I hope this baby stays put till the expected arrival time! It was a bit nerve-wracking last time when Nathan arrived early, and I think I would rather it all go according to plan this time! ;) Although, it did last time, of course. It was utterly God's plan that he was born that very day, and had been from the dawn of time :) I just had no idea, that's all, hehe! If my waters don't unexpectedly break, then I am looking at delivering after my due date (fun, fun) because that's just what I do. Usually! ;) Anyway, I'm eager to know whether I still have the GBS this time. I easily could. But I hope I don't. I'd just rather not get the bags and bags of IV antibiotics, and have the option of birthing at home - though I am really not sure if that's what I want right now. If I am GBS+ again, she said they would advise me to go into hospital for IV antibiotics during labour, as before. Last time I was all up to fight that, until the unexpected early delivery. This time, I really don't mind. Where I am when I give birth and whether or not I get IV stuff matters far less to me this time compared with, "How the HECK will I get through it?!?!" urrrrgh. I'm really somewhat dreading it. It's so fast and painful and completely (no really, I can't actually put it into words) unbearable. The sloooooowwww slowness with Arthur was actually more bearable than the bulleting baby thing I have had going on since my first baby! And I'm not sure how to brace myself and bear it again this time. But anyway, there's time to think about that yet (says the midwife). Time seems to be disappearing fast, if you ask me! Eeep.
But I can't WAIT to meet him! And find out his name! I just don't know what it will beee! I think Benjamin for now, but without any sort of firm decisiveness. I still think Noah some of the time, and regularly rub my belly and ask the little one within if he's a Noah or a Benjamin. He doesn't signal either way, so I'm still in the dark! ;) I did a poll recently on a Baby Names board, and got about 100 votes - 60/40 split in favour of Benjamin. Most of the commenters (about 11 or 12 I think) said they preferred Noah though. Hey ho, we'll eventually know! :)
Baby boy has been extremely active lately, way more than I was prepared for! He's kicking me hard now, and even when I'm up and walking about, a swift thud from my tiny boy's foot actually jars me a little as I walk, if it's out to my front or sides (which it usually is now that he's head down all the time). He also pokes very sharp parts of himself out at times and those actually HURT my skin! He thumps my bladder and cervix with his hands and that is not comfortable, but I love alllll of it! It's just the best best BEST thing to have a little tiny person busily exercising little limbs inside your very own body! So amazing. I could never get tired of it, and it's as fresh and wonderful every pregnancy as the first time I felt it.
He is practising breathing a LOT at the moment. Sometimes I see my belly doing a little quick panting movement where his back is - updown, updown, updown updown - my heart goes to MUSH when I see that, just like it always did with my other babies! So sweet! He is getting hiccups a lot more now that he's practising his breathing so very much - usually 4 or so times a day at the moment. The last two days he has had hiccups 5 or 6 times each day! He sometimes really gets agitated when he gets hiccups, and thrashes around wildly, like he's annoyed about it or trying to escape the hiccups or something! Arthur was exactly like that in the womb, and he used to get hiccups 5+ times a day as a norm.
All the boys have felt him kick and wiggle about now, and Arthur felt his hiccups today! The hiccups are really clear and easy to feel now, and today I could clearly see my belly "hiccuping" just by laying on the sofa and watching it! It was blipping away gently :)
I haven't had any bothersome headaches since that bad one, and that one itself cleared up later in the day after my midwife appointment. I am definitely retaining water more than I was at 26 weeks, but that's the way it goes with pregnancy (or me, anyway!) from this stage onwards. I think I recall looking really puffy in the face at 34 weeks compared with before then, and it stays unfortunately :( My wedding ring still fits but it can be tight at times now, and I've noticed my fingers and toes looking slightly sausagey if I get too warm in the evenings sometimes. What fun June and July will be if there's a heatwave this summer!! I just really can't wait!! (sarcasm fully intended)
I'm trying to think if there's anything else, but my head has gone empty. Oh well. I'm sure there is! But I'll write more next time I update, if I remember by then. I will be 28 weeks (TWENTY-EIGHT WEEKS!!!!!) on Wednesday, and I'll update about the midwife appointment. I have a lot of blood drawn at that appointment, and I'm refusing the usual Anti-D injection, as per last pregnancy and the discovery of a rhesus negative husband! ;)
Oh, I did get a belly picture for 26 weeks, though it was taken at 26 weeks and a few days, but I didn't post it till just now. It was on the camera and I hadn't had chance to upload it till tonight. Anyway, it's in the belly gallery now. I can't believe I need to take another one in just 3 days!
And I nearly forgot to say - my comment about the twin girls next time last entry... it wasn't just a weird thing that popped in my head. I can't even remember if I've mentioned it before actually. I'll check my older entries and be back in a minute. Nope, I never did! I browsed old diary entries for aaaages (ahhh, sweet, misty-eyed memory lane! *sigh*), and the boys came home so I'm now continuing this in the evening with the boys in bed for the night.
Okay I never said it before in my diary because it just seemed tooooo crazy to the point of daftness. I remember I did not even mention the fact that I prayed about future babies when Nathan was 3 weeks old, until several weeks later, for the same reason. That time, I was holding Nathan in my arms upstairs in the bedroom. He was sleeping, and I was ADORING him and praising God for such a sweet and wonderful blessing! It was such a precious moment. Without even planning or meaning to, my words of thanksgiving to God began to be prayers for future blessings - praying for the next baby, that God would be pleased to bless me with more children! I started to ask God if he would be pleased to bless me with a baby girl, and to tell him that I would rejoice over another baby boy if that was his will - and then right at that moment, I literally felt/heard an almost audible voice (you guys have read about this before, I think I've posted about it 2 or 3 times now, in some way or another) that said, "The next baby is Benjamin". Just like that. Followed by absolute silence - "stunned" silence, on my part, hehe! I was so amazed to hear such a clear and unexpected statement, and I believed it to be God's voice. So, from that moment, I KNEW we would be having a baby boy next, and felt confident that his name would be Benjamin. Hmmm, re-living that moment is a real reminder that this baby really SHOULD be named Benjamin, I think! I mean, for that very reason, we WILL be using the name Benjamin, either as his first or middle name. But maybe it was so clear and obvious - no matter the hurdles about the name Benjamin for this baby, maybe God has just SAID. That IS to be his name. Hmmm. I need to think and pray some more, and talk it through with Neil. But I do like Noah Benjamin as well :) Noah means "rest" and "comfort" and although he was very very laid-back at the nuchal scan and I didn't even feel his movements for much longer than the other boys, he is now very much NOT a restful baby! ;) So, the name meaning fits less now. Well, we'll see.
ANYWAY, my point was this: I mentioned the prayer time when Nathan was 3 weeks old a few times here before, to point out the whole Benjamin thing. I NEVER mentioned the bit where I felt like after Nathan might come twin girls, because - how nuts?! How unlikely?! And how quick I am to doubt or question when I feel like God MIGHT have revealed something to me that I couldn't possibly know (like when Nathan was a boy, at 8 weeks pregnant, or when this baby was going to be Benjamin, 8 months before he was even conceived! I doubted after those times too. *sigh*). There are no twins in my family. We don't DO girls, hehe! It wasn't a real fanfare voice from God thing like the moment before that when I heard him tell me about Benjamin. So right then and there, I quickly put it down to my mind wandering, or wishful thinking. Although, I have never wished for twins! I'm scared silly of having twins, on all counts - pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum bit where I have enough small children to make my head spin a bit! ;) Even if twins were my FIRST pregnancy, I would be scared as to how in the wide world to handle two newborn babies, or two colicky babies, or two newly mobile babies, or two tantrumming babies, or two - you get the picture?! Let alone all of the above AS WELL AS 4 little boys! So no, I have not been wishing! But it was so random, and I wondered. Then I put it aside as just something weird from my own head. Until I told Neil about the prayer time later that day, about the next baby being Benjamin. He said that he wondered if we'd have twin girls after Benjamin, and I did feel a little hot/cold when he said that! I told him that weirdly enough, that's the thought that popped into my head. We have mentioned it briefly maybe 3 or 4 times over the year that followed.
These last two months, for some reason I know not, the whole "twin girls after this one" thing has resurfaced in my mind a few times. I find myself daydreaming about it sometimes, and quickly try to shake myself and go back to what I was doing when I notice I'm doing it! I put it down to not having a daughter yet, and the fact that I would like one - I'm NOT desperate to have a baby girl. I would LOVE to have one! But I would happily be mama to boys only if that's the way it goes. I won't "try for a girl", because I just want babies of any gender that God sees fit to bless us with. And, let's face it, I LOVE having boys! :) They're all so cute and cuddly, and it's what I know.
So, yesterday Arthur was snuggling up on the sofa next to me and my large bump :) Wiggly boy was wiggling and Arthur was feeling him move about for a while. We had a long talk, because he wanted to hear about how babies are born again (he knows it well, but likes to hear it from time to time). He wants me to give birth HERE in the living room, not in the hospital. He will go and stand over by the kitchen doorway and say, "This is where Matthew and I will stand to watch!" hehe! I always remind him that there will be a) mess (he doesn't like mess, so I need to remind him that's what he'll see!) and b) a lot of noise that Mummy makes. He lately wants me to make a lot of noise as if I'm having the baby, so that we can all play "the new baby is coming!", bless his heart! He's so excited. But I don't know how to make him understand the NOISE that Mummy will make! I tell him that I don't want to scare him or the little boys, with my noise, but it's a LOT of noise and it seems like Mummy is scared or hurting a LOT when she makes all that noise, so they might not like it! We talked a lot about pain in labour, and why it's there. He didn't look happy about it, but I made light of it and told him it's just the way it is, even the Bible says that's how it is, and Mummy doesn't mind because she is just so happy to have her babies in her arms at the end of it! It was so worth it every time. That's what I tell him. He seems happier about it then.
But anyway. After this long discussion, he came back and sat next to me on the sofa again, quiet for a moment. Then he gasped and said, "What if it's TWIN babies in your tummy!" I reminded him that our baby is only ONE baby, and we know that for sure - one boy baby. He said, "But next time, what if it's twin babies! How will they get out?!" I did not want to go into C-sections and all that jazz, so I just told him that they often come out the same way one baby does, just one at a time - they take turns! ;) He thought about this, and then sat back and said, "I think we should have twin babies next!" He paused and then leapt up again with another "I've had a thought!" type of gasp, and said, "We'll have five babies if this baby is twin babies!" (I reminded him again that this baby is ONE BOY BABY! But he continued...) "Matthew, that's one.... Arthur, that's two.... Nathan, that's three.... The first twin, that's four.... and the second twin, that's FIVE babies!!" He sat back looking stunned and contemplative for a few seconds, then shook his head knowingly, "We'll need five grown-ups." Hehe! I said, "But Arthur, there's only Mummy. And Daddy, when he's not at work." He paused again, thoughtfully, and shook his head in the same worldly wise manner, and said, "Well, I'll have to do start doing a lot of work then!" ;) I told him that it WOULD be a lot of work if we had twins with all the boys we already have, and that I would be ever so glad of his help. But did he realise that twins would be very very hard work? I reminded him that he finds it frustrating when a baby messes up his games, or when they cry all the time when they're tiny, needing Mummy a lot. Or when Mummy spends ages upstairs settling a baby for naps. And so on. I told him that with twins, there are TWO babies doing this all the time! He nodded, thoughtfully. And then I said that if Mummy had twin babies in her tummy, she might need to lie down a LOT of the time, and she might be extra tired and perhaps not feel so well, because it would be very hard work to grow and carry two babies at once! So that might not be easy for him either. He nodded again and then spent a while quiet by my side. I figured the conversation was over and he had some food for thought.
After a couple of minutes, he piped up confidently, "I think we should have twin babies next time!" I felt so taken aback that I didn't know how to answer him! I just said that if he really wanted twin babies he ought to ask God about it. Arthur never prays. He gets shy and doesn't want to, and we never make him. But instantly he scrunched his eyes closed, and said out loud, "God.... I just want you to make twin babies for Mummy's tummy.... God.... I would like twin babies please. Amen." Then he opened his eyes and smiled with such confidence! He said, "I will pray for girl twins." I sort of stammered a question along the lines of, "But I thought you liked just having brothers?" and he said we didn't have any girl babies yet. He did express a bit of concern about his decision though, saying that girl babies might not do what he wanted them to, haha! I said that was true of boy babies too, and it didn't make a difference whether it was girl babies or boy babies on that sort of thing!
So I wanted to make note of that rather scary conversation, lol! I told Neil about Arthur's prayer later and he sort of visibly paled (hehe!) and immediately referred to how it's something we have felt might happen too. However, Arthur has said things about babies and such in the past that seemed kind of prophetic and goose-bumply at the time but which have not come to light (Beth-nee coming after Nay-fan, for example!), but it's the first time he has honestly prayed to God about it. And I for one know that God tends to answer the heartfelt prayers of little children! I have actually been praying about it since, that if that's God's wonderful plan for us, he would enable me physically, and equip me for the 6-children-in-6-years type of situation (WONDERFUL, but aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!), and just prepare me to be emotionally ready and not afraid. With twins, I'm afraid of how my body will manage the pregnancy, and moreover for the actual babies - there are so many more risks for twins, especially identical twins. And the idea of newborn twins maybe 18 months after this baby is born, with the little boys I already have.... right now it's SCARY and overwhelming! It may very likely not remotely happen at all! God may be completing our family with Benjamin (or Noah?!), Neil may say NO MORE and I will have to honour that, or we may have a big age gap next, or just our usual one with yet another sweet boy, hehe! But I want to be ready, if God chooses to bless our socks off with twins. So, I did mention it last entry very casually, but there's more behind it than I let on, and I thought I would spill about it this time! ;)
Now I've spent half the day writing this, and I need a glass of water anyway, so I will stop for now! Back soon! :)
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