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2007-06-11 - 1.18am��previous entry��next entry
5 weeks pregnant!! :)
Yay! I'm 5 weeks pregnant! :) I am ridiculously excited about it, for some reason! Four weeks felt so PREGNANT to me, since I would get my period before getting to 4 weeks pregnant normally. But FIVE weeks is just eeeeven more so! And it's exciting! :)
I wish I'd had time/energy to update these last few days. Oh wait! I should be updating this in WORD, not in this darn Diaryland box. I know this one will be long, and I will be toooo upset if I lose it all at some insane hour of the night (it's late already). Okay, transferring this to Word...
Done! Now I can breathe easy while I update, hehe!
Well it�s already 11.22pm and I have a tendency to write these diary entries for at least 2 hours before I am purged (!) so hmmm, that�s not good. But maybe I�ll try to cover things briefly or something? Stop laughing.
So I�m 5 weeeeeks pregnant!!! I�m at the end of Day 21 after ovulation. Something indescribably amazing is happening, possibly right at this minute, because it occurs between Day 21 and Day 22 post ovulation. Which is now! Beanlet has been working on muscle cells lately. Today, even as I�ve bumbled about the house and got on with ordinary stuff, not even thinking about the intricate, amazing details of what is taking place inside my body, Beanlet�s early muscle cells have fused to form an �S� shaped tube. Between 21 and 22DPO, this rudimentary heart muscle begins to beat. I know I say the same thing every pregnancy. Go back to the entry from 5 weeks with my other two pregnancies and you�ll see it again. But it NEVER gets old. I NEVER get any sort of a �been there, done that� feeling about any aspect of pregnancy. Well, maybe some symptoms and stuff, that feel familiar now so I�m like, �Oh here we go with this again!� But as far as the miracle of the developing baby inside me � that can never get old. So you are pretty much just going to have to put up with hearing all the same stuff about embryonic development for the 3rd time running (if you�ve been here that long!)! It just boggles my brain and fills me with awe completely afresh, just as much as it did with my very first little Bean.
There are only 3� weeks to go (amazingly!) until I plan to start trying to find Beanlet�s heartbeat with my Doppler. That seems crazy soon, considering how early I still am in my pregnancy! But that will make me 8� weeks. I found Matthew clear as day at 9 weeks exactly. I will try from a few days before that this time. I found Arthur at 9w3d, when the Doppler arrived, and 8� weeks is when I would have started looking last time, so it�s not that I�m going for it earlier and earlier each time! I would have thought it was impossible that early, except for the fact that only 3 days later I have heard one of my babies� hearts kerplonking away merrily! I�m so excited to get to that stage! I can�t wait to hear the little heart beating. If I�m not morning sick then it will become a stage that I�m desperate to reach, for (hopefully) some reassurance. If something is wrong then I want a heads-up. I am scared to be like my SIL has just been � 11/12 weeks pregnant and suddenly bleeding at home, having no concept that anything was up. I would hope that long before that stage, I would either have found a heartbeat, or insisted on some sort of investigation as to why I hadn�t.
I�m feeling quite weepy these days. Nothing in particular (or anything, for that matter!) makes me feel like doing some big-shuddery-sob type crying. If Arthur says, �No!� for the millionth time when I ask him to do such-and-such, I just want to sit down on the floor right there and then, and cry! I haven�t yet, though ;) TV programmes, pretty much the entire church service on Sunday, seeing anybody�s photos of their babies/children (which is like, every TWO seconds on the FF boards!), other people announcing their pregnancies, and the realisation that my Beanlet�s heart is beginning to beat, this very day. Everything seems to WOW my emotions, I feel in awe of every little thing � everything seems blown out of proportion, like it�s exceptionally wonderful or amazing, or incredibly impossible to handle. And wanting to cry and cry till my chest aches seems to be the end result of ALL of the above emotions! I know it�s hormonal. *sigh*
Ooh, there�s something else exciting about having reached 5 weeks! I am always amazed when I get to 5 weeks and see that that�s the day I put my first belly pic in the new gallery!! It feels so WEIRD to have got as far as belly pics already! I always take one at 5 weeks, but the next isn�t till 10 weeks. Then it�s 14, and then every other week till 36 weeks. That�s just the way I like to do it! :) Sooo, I made a new belly gallery for Beanlet�s pregnancy (the link is over there on the left, under Matthew�s stuff), and tonight Neil took a picture of my flat non-pregnant-looking tummy for the very first belly pic!!! Wheee! I wore out the pair of pyjama bottoms that I wore for the belly pics in the first half of Matthew�s pregnancy (!) so I can�t wear the same ones this time. I need something that will show whether my tummy is growing each time, and also something which is generous enough to allow me to still fit in it when I�m 16-18 weeks pregnant! Before 20 weeks, my belly pics are faceless. From 20 weeks on, they include my smiling face, hehe! ;) Anyway so I chose another pair of pyjama bottoms. I hope they�ll see me to 18 weeks but I�m not too confident! They are less stretchy than the pink penguins pair I wore last time (which are now stretched RIGHT out of use, haha!). Anyway. Excuse the RED! I like red :) Nothing to see yet, of course. But I like a photo to compare 10 weeks onwards with.
I reckon I have six days to go before certain continual seasickness. Now that I�m 5 weeks, that �5 weeks, 6 days� mark is looming ever closer and I�m soooo not looking forward to it! On the other hand, if I happen to not get morning sickness this time, I know I am going to get soooo scared for Beanlet. Morning sickness will be a comfort, that everything is going well with Beanlet in there. But ugh, it�s soooo hideous. And it will be ever so hard with two little boys aged 2 and under to care for!
I am continuing to stock up on food that might help me out if/when I get horribly nauseated. In my freezer, I now have a portion of macaroni cheese, 3 portions of my pasta sauce (with pasta too), 1 portion of shepherd�s pie, and the remains of our roast chicken, carved into slices for quick sandwiches. I was thinking about making sandwiches and THEN freezing them, but I never froze sandwiches before so I don�t know if they freeze well. And also, then I would just have to hang around waiting for them to thaw. The key thing seems to be INSTANT food, on a whim. So I have to be prepared for a variety of whims! ;) I�d still have to thaw the sliced chicken, but maybe I can pre-empt it and make sandwiches the night before the next queasy day, so that they�re ready in the fridge. I am determined to get through morning sickness this time as smoothly as I possibly can. I really haven�t got much choice. I have two very little kids and we are about to move house/relocate our lives! I have to have ways to manage the nausea as best I can, and more importantly, keep those calories going in. I�m making a huge lamb casserole the day after tomorrow, for the �family meal� (which we eat when Neil gets home so the boys can eat with us), and I plan to put at least 2 individual portions away in the freezer for myself, for when I really need it. Next time I make spaghetti bolognese I�ll do double portions (well, treble � I always make double so that we have another meal frozen for next week) and put some of that away too. I have cottage cheese and boxes of crackers, trail mix and banana chips, chocolate-covered raisins and bags and bags of salt-and-vinegar crisps. And some plain crisps too :) And Dairylea spread. And mini Babybel cheeses. Oh! I know what I need! Pickles! And I should buy in some apple juice in case the nausea gets bad enough so that I need to fall back on crunching on apple juice ice cubes to get it to ease up enough for me to try solid foods. Ugh. I am not looking forward to it! But I think, this time, I am as prepared as I could possibly be! Which is a great thing, and I�m proud of myself! :) Hopefully it won�t be too awful, and it will pass quickly. The key thing is you just have to keep eating. That is all it boils down to really. But it�s the hardest thing, ugh.
Anyway! Morning sickness is not here yet, so I will not dwell on it any more this entry! I have been feeling somewhat queasy today though, especially when I was making chicken stock today. It wasn�t food smells or anything SPECIFIC, but I just felt yeurghy around that time and have noticed some barely-there queasiness much of the day since then. With Matthew, I wrote here that it �crept up on me� over the week leading up to 5w6d (when it really kicked in) because I felt really quite queasy that week. But with Arthur, I felt wonderful till the HOUR it all started at 5w6d.
Oh, something I�m SO happy about!!!! When I bought my last batch of cheapy internet pregnancy tests, I also bought a home kit for testing a person�s blood type. I did it so that I could test Neil�s blood once and for all, and find out his blood type and rhesus factor. He doesn�t know it, and the NHS refuse to test him without a good reason (like impending surgery) and he�s ultra squeamish about giving blood. Heck, it was hard enough getting the teeny tiny blood sample from him for this test! But I�m rhesus negative (O negative) and so I have endured huge needles and painful anti-D injections throughout both my previous pregnancies. Both of those pregnancies resulted in rhesus negative babies, so after they told me Matthew was rh negative, I began to be suspicious that Neil might be rh negative too. I phoned his sister and asked her blood type, for some idea. She told me she�s A positive, so that was disappointing, as it did make it more likely that Neil might well be rh positive. It still seemed a bit uncanny that the boys are both rh negative though, so I was really excited to find these tests online!
Anyway, FINALLY I got around to poking Neil�s finger with one of those lancet things, and doing a carefully laid-out and rather fiddly procedure to test his blood type. Here he is being all co-operative (he�ll hate that I�ve posted this here, haha!), on the one side being a MAN and flicking through the TV channels with the remote, but on the other side, his to-be-stabbed hand is soaking in warm water to make it a better bleeder for the insistent wife�s project, hahaha! ;)
And here is his result card after I finished! It�s slightly gross maybe, and I do apologise if it makes you all squeamish, but don�t worry, the photo is larger than life size, and the blood was diluted with water so although it looks like I�ve taken like a PINT for testing purposes (!) it was really just a few drops :)
Anyway, see � his blood coagulated with the anti-A, so his blood type is A. None of the other fields coagulated, and most wonderfully the anti-D panel on the bottom left didn�t coagulate, which shows that Neil is rhesus negative!!! Yippeeeee!! So I will henceforth refuse any further Anti-D injections during any of my pregnancies! I WISH I had known about it before my first baby, because I could have spared myself all those painful jabs. I never felt all that thrilled about the idea that they�re a blood product either, but they are so worth having if there IS a risk. But now I know there isn�t any, none at all!!! Yay! I know they (doctors/midwives, etc) don�t take a mother�s word for it that her partner is rh negative, because they don�t have the proof, and in any case they play it safe with the Anti-D because sometimes a mother is wrong about the father of her baby. I am expecting to have to argue my case when I refuse the anti-D, but with the test I did on Neil, they provide a cover sheet (like sticky-back plastic) to seal the test once it has dried, and then you can KEEP it for proof and reference purposes. So I�ve done just that. I will take it with me to antenatal appointments, and if they suggest that it�s the done thing to give all rh negative mothers Anti-D anyway (as they insisted on with my own mother, who definitely had a rh negative husband *sigh*) because sometimes a woman is wrong about the father of her baby, I will simply inform them that I have only ever had parsnips with one man. So, um. Pretty sure about it really!
Anyway I�m THRILLED to be released from Anti-D injections forever more!!! Yaaaay! :)
What else can I write about � I know there was sooooo much I originally wanted to say, and now it really is getting too late to write any more.
Oh, I know! I have told a few people that I�m pregnant! I LOVE the telling part :) It�s early to tell, yes, yes, I know. And I�m not going out of my way to tell people yet. But I�m not someone who is much able to hold it in. A lady on my new due dates board said the other day that she was TTC for 2 years for her first baby, and she�s telling the WORLD about it, such is her joy! One of her friends told her that it was too early to be risking telling people and getting too excited about it. She told her friend that she had waited 2 years to conceive this baby, and even if she miscarried this week, she feels she would prefer to celebrate her baby�s life for as long as it is there to celebrate, rather than hide it away anxiously. I LOVE that. It�s exactly how I feel. I totally understand why many people wait to tell others that they are expecting. But I�m not someone who does that. I would rather celebrate, and have others celebrate with me. Then if I miscarry, at least I celebrated the baby while it was with me, and at least people KNEW of its existence, rather than it being like nobody ever even knew it was alive. And then people already know so that they can help me grieve. People are more sensitive and understanding if they have been on the joyful part of the ride with you. If they never even knew, I know some can be a bit insensitive when you say that you were pregnant but you�ve had a miscarriage. It�s all new to them, all done and dusted already. They don�t have the emotional involvement and can say crap things like, �Oh well, you don�t want to be having another so soon anyway! Now you�ll have more time for the boys!�
So, I am only telling people if they ask me a question, the answer to which might possibly be vaguely connectable to the fact that I�m pregnant ;) So, if someone says, �Hi, how are you?!� then I will sit on my news and say, �Fine thanks!� If they then say, �You�re looking a bit tired�� then before they�ve even finished forming their lips around the last word in their sentence, I�m blurting out, �I�m pregnant!!!� hehe! I�m daft. I just looooove telling people! So far the people I�ve told have mainly been people at church, as a result of the following questions (okay the first one wasn�t even a question!): �Wow, moving and a new job! It�s all happening for you guys, isn�t it?!� � absolutely couldn�t resist that one! ;) And also during the service when we got into pairs to pray together � �Is there anything you particularly want me to pray about, for you?� Umm�!!
Everyone I have told is SO excited for us. Oh, except Sue. Who is always the voice of negativity. That IS a little cruel, she is a good friend and has been a great source of comfort to me when I have needed someone in the past. But I always expect the negativity, because that�s just part of who she is, it seems. She was pleased, excited, even. But I didn�t half get an earful about breastfeeding during pregnancy. *sigh* She said (negative tone, head all doubtfully tipped to one side), �Are you still breastfeeding the little one?...� I am getting much more assertive these days, I�m pleased to be able to say! So I smiled and held myself confidently and said, �Actually they�re BOTH still breastfeeding!� I still got a huge-o lecture and had to say how I am HAPPY to be breastfeeding them both, and plan to let them both self-wean. I don�t think she believed me when I told her that if you LET a child self-wean, the average age is 2. She reacted like she didn�t believe me, anyway. But I stood my ground. I cheerfully said we�ll see how we go, and that I was very happy to be breastfeeding them both for now, and I had absolutely noooo troubles breastfeeding throughout pregnancy before. Go new assertive me! :)
Oh, I told my grandparents at last. They got back from their holiday two days ago. I wanted to tell them on the phone, not in person, because when I told them about being pregnant with Matthew, I arranged to tell them in person and got all hopeful and excited about telling them and then it was a HUGE let-down as they didn�t seem happy about it at all at first. So this time I fully intended to tell them quickly on the phone, and let it sink in for a while before I saw them in person! Granny was rather negative with me after I told her I had a chemical pregnancy a couple of months ago. Hence the example of an insensitive comment further up this entry. So, Grandoug answered the phone and I had decided to tell them I was pregnant FIRST, and follow it straight away with the news of Neil�s job and thus our moving house. I said I had lots of news, and he said, �Go on then!� so I said, �I�m pregnant!� and he said, �Oh, Al� in just the most crushingly �I�m SO disappointed in you� tone I ever heard him use. Ugh. I said, �Actually, it was planned and we�re very happy!� Tsk. He said, �I know, but have you really thought it through?� If I could be bothered, and if I could get myself to overlook his age and thus difficult personality these days, I would be so so hurt and angry about his reaction. But I just feel mildly annoyed instead. It was made somewhat better by the fact that I then said, �Actually yes � Neil has a new job in ____ and we�ll be able to afford a bigger house and it will be fine� THEN he was fine. He�s ever so into finances. I hope I NEVER let money be a reason that I restrict the number of children that God blesses our lives and our home (whatever the size!) with. I trust God to provide, and I don�t believe that money is such a high priority in the decision over how many children you have. I just don�t. I�d rather have plenty of children and struggle financially (stressful though that must be), than live comfortably and only have a couple of kids. Personally, anyway. I know he�d think that�s a crazy way to be. But hey ho.
So then after all that he said he was �delighted� with ALL our news, he had just been worried about how we�d manage, etc. I�m a big girl now, you know! Tsk. When I spoke to Granny, I told her everything pretty much in one sentence, to avoid the potential of more negativity if I paused after my favourite bit of news :) She was great, actually, and it�s nice to have told everyone in my family now. Neil has told his mum, but not his siblings. I guess we�ll tell his brother and youngest sister soon, but Rosemary just had a miscarriage so we have no idea what to do about telling her. I know she is still having difficult days and is just focusing on doing the normal thing during the day with Ella. So I think it would be insensitive to tell her we�re expecting a baby again. What do you guys think? Anyone with experience of this? I would really appreciate advice, because I don�t know what to do about telling her. Surely it�s going to be raw for her even if we wait till halfway through my pregnancy or something. Poor Rosemary. I feel so bad for her with what she�s been through.
Well, let�s see, anything else? I want to eat a lot of calcium based things at the moment. I don�t have any cravings as such, but I seem to just gravitate towards dairy constantly. I happened to read back some stuff from Matthew�s pregnancy at this stage, and the same thing happened then too! I had written more about why that might be, and so I was interested to read it this time around. Beanlet is working on muscles and the beginnings of organs (like the heart) and apparently building those things uses a lot of calcium. Also, part of it may be unique to breastfeeding during pregnancy. All the calcium I have lost from my bones during breastfeeding (which starts to come back after 12 months whether you wean then or not) is being hurriedly replaced at an incredible rate, because I have become pregnant again. My body is literally trying to dump calcium into my bones as fast as it can! So that would explain the constant dairy eating! I drink a ton of milk, and eat cheese and cottage cheese, and macaroni cheese, and then, when I am next feeling peckish, I�ll be amazed to realise that I fancy a yoghurt or perhaps a piece of cheese (again?!) or some cereal with milk. I am taking in so much dairy right now that it has started to feel like it can�t be right. But reading that has made everything make perfect sense. Clever body! It knows what it�s doing! :)
Okay, it�s crazy late. My parents are in England at the moment, because a) they have a new grandchild to visit a lot, and b) Somebody has a birthday this week! ;)
I have just realised. I have never had a child of mine reach their first birthday without me already being pregnant again! Is that not crazy?! I LOVE it though! :) Right now, I honestly can�t fathom how I�ll ever NOT do it. :)
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