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2007-06-13 - 6.22pm��previous entry��next entry
5 weeks, 2 days - bit nervous....
Really just a quick entry this time, as I only have a tiny window to update.
I'm spotting a bit. Not very much, about as much as when I had a little spotting earlier, and it's brown. I seem to always spot at around this stage of my pregnancies, but oh it makes me SO nervous every time! Even though it seems "normal" for me. Ugh.
Of course I did BLEED (not spot!) pretty heavily with Arthur from 5w5d, and he was okay, but that was a different thing, and later I realised that actually things could easily have gone either way. I'm so thankful to God that he let me keep my Arthur-Boo.
Something that's making me more nervous is that I am really quite crampy. I'm pretty sure crampy and spotting is NOT a good thing, especially after 5 weeks. I wasn't crampy till about 20 mins after I discovered the spotting though. It's not like period cramps at all, just like a low burny type of ache through my front and back very low in the pit of my abdomen. I don't like it. It makes me nervous.
The boys have all gone to the supermarket (Neil off work from Wed to Fri this week, yay!) to get birthday party supplies for Matthew, and I'm supposed to be resting. I did just google "laptop safe pregnancy" because I had a sudden paranoia that my laptop use had killed Beanlet and now that's why I'm spotting. *sigh* But the google search revealed no risk to Beanlet from using my laptop, so phew.
At 23DPO, I was already busy revelling in the lovely thought that I most definitely have a teeny tiny baby person with a beating heart inside me now! All the time, while I do stuff with the boys or sleep at night, or make meals or change nappies, Beanlet's heart is just a-beating away! It's such a lovely thought. I feel so "WITH" Beanlet, so attached. It's so nice. I am kind of scared that it's going to be short-lived, or that Beanlet's heard never did start to beat, or that I let myself get too attached too soon, or something. I hope hope hope it doesn't all go wrong.
Most of all I hope I don't end up having a miscarriage on Matthew's birthday, which is tomorrow. We are having a little party over lunchtime with just the grandparents (and the greatgrandparents) - a tiny gathering will suit Matthew well, and it's easiest in our tiny cluttered house! And it would be so sad to forever associate that day with the day I lost a baby. I don't want to lose a baby!!!! I so hope I don't. And definitely not on my little love's special day. I don't want to cancel the party or be out of action during it.
I searched my older entries for reassurance (LOVE myself for the effort I put into keeping this diary updated in so much detail every time!), and found this, at 5 weeks and 4 days with Matthew:
"I am wondering if I might be spotting ever so lightly again. When the spotting stopped, I had nothing of any colour to report, but now I have some light staining which I think might be slight spotting. I am also ultra crampy today, and yesterday. It is on and off so I'm sure it's fine and just due to the womb stretching and tugging on ligaments, etc, but something in me is nervous. Tomorrow is the exact gestation I was with Arthur when I started bleeding heavily :( I am crazy nervous about tomorrow for that reason, even though that's silly because this is a whole different pregnancy. My doctor said if I had any further spotting or cramps that bothered me, etc, to go back to her, so I think maybe I might make an appt tomorrow, just for peace of mind. Not because I think there is something wrong. I just feel uneasy somewhere and if advice or reassurance is available then I'd gladly take some. We'll see."
So that is really reassuring!!! I think I will phone first thing in the morning and make an appt to see my GP, hopefully as soon as they open, so that I can get the reassurance I need (and possibly a scan referral, which is what happened last time - and that would be wonderfully reassuring), and so that it wouldn't interfere with the party a couple of hours later.
Please pray for me that everything will go okay, tomorrow especially, but also in general with Beanlet. Thank you!
In other news, I am not morning sick yet, but this morning I coughed just a couple of times and the second cough made me gag for no reason at all. And I have had horrible heartburn today and yesterday. I ate my first weird breakfast of pregnancy this morning - only Dairylea on cream crackers seemed edible to me. I am peeing a little more than usual, the same every day and sometimes once at night. I am tired out of my brains. Other than that I don't really have any pregnancy symptoms. I know it's early for me to have any, but I feel a bit nervous about everything so some symptoms would help that! I know I will be LESS thrilled about it once morning sickness actually kicks in! But yeah.
Okay, I had better go and lie down while I have a few more minutes. Will update soon, whatever happens. Thanks so much for the messages after my last entry!! xxx
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