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2004-06-04 - 10.49pm��previous entry��next entry
18 weeks!! And better - thank you!
Thank you all so so so so much for the lovely reassuring messages!! You guys are so wonderful. The things you said were just exactly what I needed to hear and I guess I have been feeling hormonal or something, what with thinking I�m a bad mummy, and also because reading your comments made me weepy. Thank you all so much, I am really encouraged by everything you�ve said!! xxx
I am feeling okay about things today. This morning I was lying in bed and Bean suddenly started kicking me, and it was a normal tender �awww� moment like before, so phew!! I was so glad to feel all tender about Bean�s kicks again.
I am 18 weeks pregnant!!! Yay!! I had a dream last night that I was giving birth and it all happened sooo fast and the second stage was over before I could even draw breath to push!! Hahaha! Slightly unrealistic methinks! But anyway, in the dream I was soooo disappointed because I had wanted to experience pushing my baby out, but it just shot out before I could push. Somehow that was really disappointing! The baby was a boy � my first baby dream where it was a boy! And I wanted to breastfeed straight away, but when I picked the baby up it was a cat, and it was struggling against being pushed into the cradled tummy-up position in my arms, it was really hard work! Then when it turned its head to latch onto the breast, it was a massive bird with a really huge beak! I remember thinking OW that�s gonna hurt, but it latched on perfect first time (somehow, even with a beak!) and I had lots of milk and it didn�t hurt at ALL. Weird dream.
Yesterday I went to Katie�s for lunch and that was really nice. I still felt down and stuff afterwards but it was still so nice to go out and see people, and especially to socialise with someone else who is pregnant. Katie is full-term on Saturday. Exciting!!! She liked my maternity outfit :) I wore my maternity jeans and a really nice pale blue maternity top which I got at eBay. Well obviously, since all my maternity clothes are from eBay. Except the top I�m wearing today which I bought from Old Navy when we went to New York 2 years ago!! :) I�m so glad I was obsessive back then and thought to buy maternity clothes waaaay ahead of time! They are coming in very handy now!
Gordon (Katie�s husband) is such a kid. He got on his knees and spoke to my bump (I have a bump, I have a bump!!! I�m so excited!!!!), telling the baby he is Uncle Gordon and he�s looking forward to meeting him/her! That was so corny but just about the sweetest thing for me at the time, given how I have been needing a little pick-me-up and also with how generally excited I am about being pregnant and starting to show! :) I didn�t have the heart to tell him the baby can�t hear yet. Heh. Oh thank you to Shelley for the info about babies hearing in the womb! I suddenly remembered I have this book (also suggested by Shelley! Thanks again! xx) called �What�s going on in there?� about the development of the brain in the first five years of life. It�s really interesting. Anyway it says they did all these clinical studies and basically babies can�t seem to hear external sounds before 23 weeks. At 23 weeks they can hear sounds from outside the womb, but only the lowest pitched sounds, and they have to be pretty loud. The range of pitch and the volume range increases week by week after that, but babies can�t hear high pitched sounds until the 3rd trimester. With the exception of the mother�s voice, which is heard earlier and clearer because it travels through the body to reach the baby�s ears. Apparantly babies hear male voices much sooner because of the low pitch. Sooo interesting. So I�m going to wait till 23 weeks before playing womb music.
Yesterday and today I have been soooooo uncomfortable, and yesterday it went right to pain during the afternoon. My whole womb and abdomen just hurts and hurts. I can�t get comfy lying down at all and when I wake in the night it still hurts. It has been really tender and sore along the sides of my womb for a couple of weeks and that�s still really bad, but this new hurting is central and just everywhere. It feels like a dragging ache that sometimes throbs and it can get so distractingly painful. When I get up from any position, even sitting, I feel like my womb weighs an absolute ton and it�s pulling and dragging out over my front instead of just weighing down onto my hips and pelvis. I did get kind of worried yesterday because it was so bothersome. When Bean had been quiet for a while I worried even more so I listened with the doppler (first time in ages) and that was reassuring. Bean�s heart rate was 150.
It also still hurts a lot when I pee, so this morning I went to the doctor. He tested my urine and found it perfectly normal � phew! That�s one thing less to worry about for another couple of weeks. I�m so glad when they always say there�s no sugar and no protein, that�s nice to hear when pregnant! I told him I was worried about the pain and aches in my tummy, so he examined my tummy and pressed around my womb which REALLY hurt. He said my womb feels fine and nothing else around there feels irritated. I told him that sometimes my bladder hurts such a lot, as if somebody is grinding into it. He said it is likely that someone IS grinding into it, hehe! I can put up with that so long as I am reassured there�s no infection causing the pain. If it�s just Bean then that�s okay.
Anyway he said that I should keep going back every couple of weeks to have my urine tested. He acknowledged that my IBS might be playing some part in the pain sometimes. But he said that this pain and achiness might just be pregnancy for me. He said some women find pregnancy quite painful, and he was all apologetic that there was nothing more to be done about it. He was so nice. He said hopefully it will ease in time, but it might not. I told him I can live with it so long as I know there�s nothing to actually worry about. Which is true. I don�t want to start moaning about it if I am going to be in pain during pregnancy. I know it won�t be exactly nice, but man pregnancy is so wonderful. I have read pregnancy journals where the updates seem to be opportunities to moan on and on and on. I always hated reading those (but was too fascinated by pregnancy to stop reading them!). I don�t want to get like that at ALL, so I plan to stay positive as much as I can if it�s painful, and honestly, there is SO much wonderful stuff to focus on. It�s all so worth it in the end. I have my eyes on the prize! :) But I�m loving pregnancy in any case.
Okay slight break in writing there, since Neil just turned up with pizza!!! Mmmm! And we watched old Friends videos :) I had a big salad with my pizza and about 50 gallons of water, don�t worry! Actually pizza has got to be quite good as meals go. Well, as fast food goes anyway! I mean, there�s tomato and mushrooms (on mine anyway!). And cheese, that�s calcium and protein. And carbs. Plus it�s yummy! :) I nearly lost my pizza laughing so hard at Friends. Seriously! I need to remember to do my pelvic floor exercises more. *sigh*
Anyway so here I am to finish my update. I am feeling so much happier since I started it earlier, partly because of pizza and Friends, but mostly because Bean was so so so active the whole time we were watching. We happened to be watching a whole lot of episodes from when Rachel was pregnant so those got me more excited about Bean again, which was lovely. Bean was kicking me so much � and in a nice high tummy place as well! :) Bean is head down this evening (phew!) and the kicks are all about an inch or so below my tummy button. It�s so nice to feel kicks that high. I feel so much more "genuinely" pregnant (?!!) with higher kicks. Like the real images of pregnant women that I have in my head � round and blooming with kicks in the middle of the abdomen. Ahhh that�s me now! I can�t believe it!!! It�s sooooooo great!!! :D
Bean did something new this evening while we were watching Friends. Well, I noticed it for the first time anyway. Bean was kicking in the same spot for a long time, not too regularly, but repeatedly anyway. I had my hand pressed on my tummy while we watched TV so I could feel all the kicks with my hand as they happened. Suddenly the little kicking part came out again, but it STAYED THERE!!! Wow it was so amazing! I was so excited, I stopped the video and said to Neil, �There�s a foot sticking out of my tummy!!� He jumped up and put his hand there, and we just marvelled over it for ages. It stayed out for maybe a couple of minutes. We got brave after a while and poked it and fiddled with it. Bean didn�t seem to mind at all. It�s only tiny and you couldn�t know it was a foot exactly, but I know it was because of how I had my hand there all that time feeling the kicks. It was soooo hard, such a solid little protruding thing, but so tiny, only maybe a cm squared. Rubbing it with one finger was the most lovely mushy thing I think I have ever done. Having Neil right there taking turns with me doing the same thing was wonderful too. I am so in love with my baby Bean.
And wow that feels wonderful after how I�ve been feeling lately. I knew I just needed some sort of connection with my baby, and see here I�ve had one, and it was just what I needed. Bean is so precious. I am so impatient to meet him/her and feel his/her little frame in my arms and caress the little feet between my thumb and finger actually in person. I mean, without my body between the baby and me! I can�t wait to marvel over every tiny detail of our baby when it is brand new to our eyes for the very first time. I just can�t wait. I feel like time will stand still at that moment and I will want it to last forever at the same time as wanting to explore the future with this little person. Ohhh I can�t wait to be an �active� mummy!!
I feel all mushy :) I feel so happy and pregnant in a mushy tender way. It�s so nice :)
What else can I say before heading off to bed? I am sooooo tired today. I keep lying down to nap but I can�t get comfy so I get up again. I�m just so sleeeepy! Hopefully that means I�ll sleep well tonight!
I made a nappy today!!!!! First one in a while � except I made one a couple of days ago, just one I found the pieces all cut out for. They�ve been lying around for ages so I decided to finally sew them together and add elastic. That one is a newborn nappy with pale green towelling on the outside (so to fasten with a nippa/snappi) and pale green (almost the same shade) microfleece on the inside. But today I made such a gorgeous nappy!!! I have this lime green gingham fabric with embroidered pink flowers and bugs and things on it. It�s really cute. Anyway I have a favourite microfleece colour at the moment � I have some beautiful lime green microfleece (not the pale green I used on the other nappy!). It matches the gingham perfectly. So I made a toddler-size AIO (all-in-one) nappy! I used a layer of PUL (waterproof) under the gingham and the lime microfleece on the inside. It should be pretty absorbent because it has a thick 3-layer burley knit terry soaker pad inside and a layer of flannel. Anyway it�s cute :) But I haven�t finished it yet because I need to use snaps to fasten it, and I haven�t got any lime green ones :( I have five shades of green snaps (!!) but no lime green. Ahhh I�m so picky! And I have dark green aplix (Velcro-stuff) but nothing pale enough. So I�ll have to order some and wait, and so will you have to wait for a photo! :)
Talking of photos, Neil took another belly picture for the gallery today, and I have added it, so gooooo and see!! I have a bump, I have a bump, I have a buuuuump!!! I am so excited, I really really look pregnant now, and I feel so proud of it. I can�t believe it�s really me with the bump, I�m really pregnant. I can�t believe it. It�s too amazing. I am so blessed.
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