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2006-08-05 - 9.08pm��previous entry��next entry
7 weeks old, and goodbye till next time!
It's time for the last entry (boo-hoo!!) but I'll write more about that at the end. First of all I have updatey stuff and photos, yay!
So Matthew is 7 and a half weeks old. On Wednesday, at exactly 7 weeks, he had his 6-8 week check with the doctor. It went really well. His fontanelles felt fine and his reflexes, eyes and chest sounds were all normal. His head circumference was 38cm (Arthur's was 39 at this age) which is on the 25th percentile, just as the last measurement was. He has his daddy's little "pin-head", hehehe! Arthur's head was always over the 50th percentile and even now it just seems HUGE on him! It's like my daddy's. They are just so different in so many ways.
Matthew was only weighed the Friday before (5 days before the appt) but that's because I took him to the clinic, forgetting that they would weigh him at the 6-8 week check - d'oh! Never mind. He weighed 10lbs 10oz on Friday and 10lbs 14.5oz on Wednesday, still right on the 50th percentile line. The doctor measured him but I am ignoring the measurement because she did it with all his clothes and nappy on, and didn't extend his leg fully, and the health visitor at the clinic told me they have to measure babies without anything on because the nappy makes a big difference to the measurement. Anyway the length she got puts him at the NINTH percentile, which is totally not accurate. He was at the 50th percentile for length last time, and he seems long to me anyway. He is wearing size 3-6 month sleepsuits and he fills the leg length - unlike Arthur who always had a few inches of foot hanging off his little stumpy legs that he inherited from me, hehe! So I know he isn't 56cm, which is what she got and which puts him at the 9th percentile. She didn't mention anything about it though, but I'll get him measured without anything on by the health visitors the next time I take him to the baby clinic to get weighed (probably in a couple of weeks).
So he is fine. He smiled and cooed CONSTANTLY at the doctor and she was pleased with him. She said he was gorgeous and perfect and she had no concerns :) Those are words a Mummy likes to hear! He was just in the BEST mood while we were there though. He even cooed all naked on the uncomfy scales!
The next thing for me is my check with the health visitor at 8 weeks. That's the one where I have to answer a questionnaire thingy to assess whether I am postnatally depressed or not, but I think I am fine. I am doing a lot better. The demands on me are HUGE and the stresses and strains are still there, but I am learning to adapt to them and to juggle my children's needs more efficiently. And also learning to accept that sometimes I CAN'T meet their needs. That sucks big time but it seems to be a reality. It takes some time to accept that and get on with it, but I'm getting there I think. I still have days where I'm not sure how I'll get through, and yesterday I just wanted to hand both of the boys to Neil the second he walked in from work and just RUN away, lock myself in the bathroom and soak in a bath for like 3 days straight, lol! But I am learning that this is what motherhood is like for mothers with two or more children, as I have had lots of them tell me recently. It's normal and that's reassuring. And I did hand the boys over to Neil for the most part on Friday evening. And after I put them both to bed (by 7.30pm, go us!!), I did soak in a deeeep bath with luxury bubbles for an HOUR. And that was bliss! So there are ways to ease the strain and that's good to know too.
Matthew has no further checks as such. I can take him to the baby clinic any time I want to ask the health visitors for advice on something, or to get him weighed and measured. They recommend at least once a month for weigh-ins for the next few months, and I generally like to know what my babies weigh about every couple of weeks, so we'll probably go quite frequently. I think the health visitor will weigh him (and I'll ask her to measure his length too) when she comes to my home to do my 8 week check, and then we'll go to the baby clinic a couple of weeks after that. Yesterday I got the reminder slip in the post to make an appointment for Matthew's first round of vaccinations :( My heart always gets a sinking feeling when I get those in the post! He is due his first round of the Hibb booster (six in one go, yikes!) at 2 months old, week commencing August 14th (our wedding anniversary as well as Matthew's 2-month birthday!). I am going to make the appt on Monday. The first one will be extra heart-wrenching because we have decided that Arthur will have his MMR on the same day, hopefully I can book them a double appt. I think I'll ask her to do Arthur first, as I don't think it would be any fun for him to see his beloved baby brother jabbed in both legs with needles and then be approached by a cheerful nurse with a needle for himself! I am DREADING the MMR but I think it's time. He'll be 21 months and mixing with kids at several different playgroups from September, and measles is at his highest level in this country for 20 years, so it's time he was protected from it. Once it's done and he's okay (I hope he will be), I'll be hugely relieved and glad he's vaccinated. Anyway, so that's to come soon. Matthew will have further Hibb boosters at 3 months and 4 months too, and then nothing more until his MMR is due at 13 months (but I am not sure when to get that done for him yet).
Matthew has come so far in the 7 weeks he's been out in the big wide world! He is smiling and uses ever so many different vocal sounds. He is exactly like Arthur in that when he tries to use a new vocal sound or combine several in one "sentence", he gets the hiccups from the effort :) Today he tried to laugh for the first time!!!! I am so delighted about that. I say TRIED because he barely got anything out before he got some violent hiccups that stopped him in his tracks, poor love! He was lying on the floor on a thick blanket and I was leaning over him, eating his hands (!!) to show him where they were (he's learning that his hands belong to him at the moment), and he gave me such a look of "what on EARTH are you doing?!" I took both his hands and jiggled them as I leaned in and said (all soppy), "WHAT'S your mummy doing?!" and he smiled sooooo wide, so I said it again, and he smiled even bigger, and when I said it again, he tipped his little chin back and let out the first "note" of a chuckle, but that's when the hiccups hit him. Arthur laughed like that for the first time at maybe 11 weeks? I can't remember exactly, I'll have to check. I hadn't really encouraged him to laugh before that time, and for Arthur it happened because I was doing something similar - leaning over him and holding both his hands, jiggling them to "Blame it on the Boogie" on the CD player and making a silly voice when I sang, "boogiiiieeee!" He laughed and laughed then till he got hiccups! So they are quite similar in what has caused them to laugh the first time.
Matthew's neck strength and head control is excellent. He naps in the day on his tummy, and when I come in to fetch him when he wakes and fusses, he is lying in his cot practically propped up on his elbows (!!) staring directly at the door just by lifting his head off the mattress and looking straight ahead. He can definitely lift and hold at 90 degrees now and his shoulders come right up with his head. He still drops his head easily but his strength seems to be improving all the time. He doesn't let his neck flop as I pick him up from his tummy any more either, he keeps his little head up to see where he's going! He is moving his limbs about almost constantly these days, and his movements are getting less jerky now. It's hard to take a photo of him on a playmat without a part of him being all blurry now! He just loves to wriggle about!
Matthew is sleeping much better than Arthur did already. We don't co-sleep at all any more. I was happy enough with the idea of him starting the night in his cot bed and then staying in with me after a night feed, but it just seems to have gradually phazed out. I think I had a few nights where I was so tired out and I wanted my space after a night feed, so I put him back in the cot bed instead, and he slept great. Now that's what happens every time, and it is working really well for both of us. Matthew likes his cot bed a lot. He prefers it to other places for sleep.
At the moment, his day naps are unpredictable still, as far as the timings go. I am just about beginning to be able to say that he will take a nap at around 10am for a good hour or two, which is an exciting thing for me to be able to say about one of my babies! That is only happening because I have put a lot of effort into getting him used to napping at that time, because Arthur needs a nap any time from 10.30am and it's simply impossible for him to get his nap if Matthew is still awake. So I've worked hard to get Matthew napping at that time, and he seems to be expecting it now, which is wonderful. Half the time now, their naps in the day co-incide without any difficulty and I get a break of maybe an hour if I'm lucky, to myself!
Matthew tends to wake up between 5 and 6am for a feed, and that used to be IT for the night until I discovered that if I put him back down in the cot bed on his TUMMY, he would go back to sleep for another 2 or 3 hours! I don't let him sleep on his tummy overnight, it makes me too anxious. And he seems perfectly accepting of back-sleeping at night, but not in the day. So now I put him back down and he sleeps till between 8 and 9am. By that time, I am up with Arthur and have had time to breastfeed Arthur downstairs on the sofa (it's always the first thing he wants when I come down), and maybe get some breakfast for myself. Then I bring Matthew down and breastfeed him, and divide myself between chatting and cooing with Matthew in his bouncy chair, and playing with Arthur. Matthew finds it hard to stay up for more than an hour (including feeding time) and I am finding it way easier these days to read his cues that he is telling me he needs to go to bed. If he has got up extra early, I will let him cat nap in the bouncy chair (by bouncing him for a while till he falls asleep) to keep him going till his big nap around 10am. Otherwise, if he wakes at say 9am, it's perfectly timed for him to go back to sleep in time for Arthur's nap. He will usually take at least an hour for that nap, and more and more it is becoming more like a 2-hour nap.
He takes another long nap at some point in the day, but only if I orchestrate it right and read his cues before he gets to meltdown point. The most effective way I have found to get him to sleep when he is fussing for sleep is to put him in the bouncy chair and bounce it with my hands or my foot till he's closing his eyes. Then I quickly take him upstairs and lay him down (awake but barely) on his tummy in the cot bed. I sometimes need to pat his bottom for 30 seconds or so, but other times I just lay him down and he settles down to sleep! I just leave the monitor on so I can hear him clearly downstairs, and go back down to Arthur! It's wonderful! He usually needs a little cat nap again as well, somewhere in the day. The only nap that is vaguely predictable yet is the 10am+ one.
He is still prone to being hugely fussy anywhere from 3pm and crying and crying and CRYING without there being anything I can do about it, but as much as I hate to say it, I am having to de-sensitize a little in order to not go completely crazy, and in order to continue to meet Arthur's needs during that time. I have learnt that there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to ease his crying so I may as well get on with the afternoon as normally as possible around his crying, rather than getting super-stressed and focusing on the crying baby instead of my needy toddler. On those occasions, I alternate between carrying him around in one arm for hours (BOY are my arms stronger than ever before!!) and playing with Arthur/getting his tea, etc, with the other arm, and putting him in the bouncy chair while he cries, while I sit in front of him rocking him with my feet while I play with Arthur with TWO free hands or breastfeed Arthur, etc. I hate to feel like I'm "leaving him" to cry, but I try to remind myself that I'm not doing that if I'm holding him or right there with him. I never walk away from him and leave him crying, except maybe if I HAVE to use both hands for making a part of Arthur's tea, or to go to the loo, and Matthew is just crying in the bouncy chair. He cries so hard these days when he gets like that. He goes crimson and you can see his veins on his forehead and he sobs for ages afterwards when I finally get him to calm down. It breaks my heart :( But I can't seem to do anything for him. I breastfeed him and that calms him, but he starts up again right after that, and I have another little one to look after so I can't keep him on the breast all afternoon. Also he gets too full and brings up crazy amounts of milk otherwise!
He pretty much goes to sleep for the night between 6 and 7pm, though it's not a predictable time and it varies hugely from 5.30 to 8pm. If it falls in that zone though, I treat it as "bedtime" sleep, and after that when he wakes, I will feed him and put him back down in his cot (on his back) and he always goes along with that fine and stays sleeping. I don't give him any "alert time" after he goes to sleep at that time, till the morning. I make his room as dark as possible, but if we have to use the computer for something then I'll leave the monitor screen on for some light. I don't like to use the computer now he's sleeping in that room properly for the night though.
He sleeps really well during the evening. It's now getting pretty predictable that once the boys are down at bedtime, they'll sleep through the entire evening and we won't get disturbed, which is just WONDERFUL!! Matthew used to wake after 3 hours for a feed, but he has recently started going longer and longer in the evening before waking for a feed. It's by far his longest stretch of sleep. He does start the night on his tummy though, when we put him down at bedtime. Bedtime needs to go smoothly in order for Arthur to go to sleep (still WAY harder to settle Arthur than Matthew, which seems crazy somehow!), so I guess we are taking the easy route by putting Matthew down on his tummy, because we can be pretty sure he'll settle well and leave us a good window to focus on getting Arthur to bed. If we put him on his back, he stirs and cries and fusses and wakes, and needs us to keep on going in and trying to settle him. Maybe when he's VERY predictable at night sleep, we'll start trying to get him back-sleeping from the start of it.
Anyway, I have been going to bed so late recently, like midnight (soooo tired, but also soooo stupid, tsk!) and I have been finding that I need to wake him to change him and feed him before I go to bed, because otherwise I just feel that he'll wake 30 minutes after I've fallen asleep and I would rather change and feed him before I go to bed so I can get a longer block of sleep before he wakes again. Last night I wondered what would happen if I DIDN'T wake him, and just see how long he would sleep. He was asleep for the night at 7.30pm and he woke just after 2am!!! His longest block of sleep yet! I think I will stop waking him before I go to bed, and just go to bed and see when he wakes. If I give it a few nights and he is waking pretty consistently a short while after I drop off, then maybe I'll go back to dream-feeding him and not changing him. Problem is, a fuzzi with 2 inserts will not see him through the night, and 3 inserts just seems way too bulky in the size small fuzzis. Plus we don't have enough inserts (still waiting for that faulty batch to be replaced) and never seem to have enough at bedtime! I need to try an absorbent nappy with a wool wrap like Jemma suggested, although I don't have any nappies remotely absorbent enough for Matthew, so I'll need to make or buy some. Actually what might work best is if I make him some night nappies like I ended up having to do for Arthur when Fuzzis stopped being effective enough at night for him. I made pocket nappies out of towelling (on the outside, so that I could use a nappy nippa (snappi) to fasten it) and microfleece (on the inside, to feel soft and to keep his skin dry). Then I could stuff it with as much absorbency as he needed (a LOT) and put a wrap over the whole thing to make sure it was waterproof. He is still wearing my homemade night nappies as they were so successful, and the only things that have worked for him at night. I think I will have to make some smaller sized ones for Matthew if I get the chance. Arthur is outgrowing standard Cuddlebuns so I am hoping to find time to sew him some XXL Cuddlebuns soon too.
Anyway but for now, he still needs changing at some point overnight or he gets soaked through. Hopefully I'll find a system that works so I don't need to do that any more. He is starting to poo much less now, all of a sudden. He doesn't poo overnight any more and I can almost predict that he will do a mega poo during the first feed in the morning. When he does poo, there is a LOT of it, but he is pooing less frequently now.
So anyway, then at night he will wake another time before his "up for the day but not if I put him back in his cot bed on his tummy" waking, say around 3 or 4am. He is doing great with his sleep, I think. I'm so glad we're adding a sense of structure to his sleep/wake routine, as I think it is making an ENORMOUS difference. Neil and I were saying just today how we wish we'd done it with Arthur. We may well have spared ourselves 20 months of sleep deprivation, which is just heart-wrenching to think about after all this! I'm sure he needed a sense of routine but we had no idea of such things the first time round and just tried to let him lead, which meant he fussed a LOT and clung to us for help over his sleep and didn't get the "help" he needed really, which was to help him find a pattern that he could predict and feel secure in. I think Arthur may well have responded well to it and slept predictably in the day, and through the night at night, after the first few months. But oh well! You live and learn! ;)
Anyway, it is going well. When Matthew is not crying in the day, he is alert and seems very calm and happy, and interested in so many new things. Since he is obviously going to stay in his cot bed as his place of sleep now, I have invested in a second-hand cot bed bedding set at eBay - a Mamas and Papas one with a bright coloured "snail" design! I have started to put him in Grobags at night now, but the bedding comes in handy for his day naps if it's cool enough. Part of the lot I won at eBay was a matching cot mobile, and Matthew LOVES it! It has four bright coloured snails dangling down and they go round and round when you wind up the music box, which plays tinkly music at the same time. He immediately picked a favourite snail - the one with red antennae and his eyes NEVER leave it as it goes round. He tracks it smoothly full-cycle and cooes and smiles at it the whole time it's going round and round. When it stops, he continues to "talk" to it and smile, etc! It's very sweet to watch :)
Here he is gazing at the snails the other day - not the best photo (and complicated by the bright toy on the side of his cot behind the mobile!) but it's the only one I've got so far:
He is getting SO interested in Arthur! Arthur NEVER keeps still, but I keep seeing Matthew lock onto him with his gaze for a few seconds, and he tries so hard to follow him with his eyes as he moves around, but Arthur darts about too fast and Matthew loses him a lot. He twists his head right up to see behind him if Arthur is there, and has started to just watch and watch him with an expression that I don't normally see on him - if I didn't know better I'd say the expression was one of amused fascination! He seems a little young to already have that kind of expression though, so I'm not sure! But it certainly looks like that anyway! But the moment Arthur gets too close, he is RIGHT in Matthew's face all loud and fast-moving, and Matthew immediately shies away from that (I don't blame him - I'd be terrified of Arthur if I was Matthew's size, hehe!). I happened to catch a moment just like that with my camera a few days ago (oh my GOSH, look at the horrible state of the house behind them!! Yeurgh!):
But when Arthur is being vaguely sane and calm-ish for a few moments, Matthew is very calm and looks very contented around him. I managed to take some lovely photos that I'm thrilled with yesterday, when I had put Matthew down on a blanket on the living room floor and Arthur lay down with him. He wanted to lie sooo close to Matthew that he nearly lay ON him in his effort to be near him! I had to help him lie down safely and then I took photos. Arthur kept rolling over to kiss Matthew a lot. When I saw the photos I got such a moment of sudden realisation that I now have TWO CHILDREN. It is beginning to feel like that, more than the feeling of having my familiar toddler and a tiny new baby. They each seem as familiar to me as the other, and when I see them both in a photo where they are BOTH looking at me so directly with understanding and their personalities shining through, it just makes me go, "Woah! Look, I really have TWO totally different little boys! They're both mine! I am sooooo happy and blessed!" So I love these photos :)
Aren't they lovely?!! I just love them both SOOOOOOOOOOO much. One of the lovely things about this stage is that Matthew's personality is showing through more and more each day. I notice new things about his little character all the time at the moment. The main things I am beginning to see emerge are that he seems to have a very calm and gentle air about him. One of the main things I can see of his personality so far is that he is a sensitive little person, which means he is likely to be prone to anxiety, but also he will be sensitive and compassionate towards others, like his daddy. It's his sensitive side that makes him fussy and easily upset at the moment, I think, and I can also see it in the way he is very flinchy at Arthur's noise and stuff. Arthur was never like that I don't think. But the other big thing about Matthew's personality is that when he is calm and relaxed, he gives off the most enormous vibe of a placid, gentle nature. I love that about him. You can see it in some of the above photos, the ones with Arthur in them. Especially the second one. He gives me that calm, steady gaze increasingly often now. The word I keep wanting to use to describe his nature is "gentle", I don't know why. Arthur has that calm steady look in his eyes too, but the gentleness that Matthew has is different to Arthur. Arthur was a baby who was calm with a spark of mischief! Matthew just seems wonderfully "gentle" in his look and the way he communicates vocally and stuff. I can't WAIT to watch him grow and develop further, and see more and more of his little self emerge!
I can't believe the time has already come for the LAST entry here! I have such mixed feelings about it. This diary is such a lovely place for me. I started it in January 2003, 6 months before we were planning to start TTC for our first baby. I had a million thoughts and ideas and I was too excited about getting to July 2003 NOT to have a diary in which to waffle about it all! But then July came and went, and so did plenty of other months, and this diary became a place for me to vent the frustration of not conceiving when we were trying so hard to. That turned out to be a moderate-sized chapter in the story, as it took 9 months to conceive Arthur. I then documented my whole pregnancy with Arthur and the first 6 months of his life here too. I started arthursmummy as a place to move to after I was done with the pregnancy diary, because I knew I wanted to come back to the same diary the next time I was pregnant. I remember it was weird and sad to move on from this diary last time too. But really, I was only gone for 3 months, haha! I came back to add the odd entry about "thoughts" about maybe TTC again soon, which felt very exciting and "official" since I was writing it in this diary! And then, surprise surprise, I found that I was pregnant after we'd only just started trying - in fact we didn't even TRY, and our timing was lousy for conception, but Matthew was definitely meant to be anyway!
So now I have had this diary as a place to write everything down about my pregnancy with my SECOND baby, Matthew, and now that he is 7 weeks old and we have both been signed off from the postnatal period by the doctor, it's time to say goodbye again. This diary is like an old friend to me - coming back when we were thinking about TTC a second baby was like the excitement of going back to a place you've been on holiday where you were never happier in your entire life, and the rush of all the feelings that go with that. Just like the end of a holiday at your favourite familiar location, I feel so sad to go, but I know I'll be back. I'm looking forward to it already, though I think the gap will be longer this time. If Diaryland makes this diary disappear because I haven't updated it in too long, I'll reactivate it or maybe add a brief entry to keep it open. I don't want to close it, I want it active and open still, for anyone to read.
I'm excited about the next stage of my life as a mummy, the one that comes after I leave this diary and go back to writing about everything at my arthursmummy diary. It's about watching my boys grow and change, and learn new things every 2 seconds, and grow in their relationship with each other. I can't wait to see that pan out! I feel like we're finally emerging from the tornado of the early weeks (and it really HAS been like a whirling storm!), and I'm ready to move on and embrace life with my two little boys! I don't want to let myself think too far ahead because I have so much RIGHT in front of me to cherish and make the most of, but if I let myself drift on a bit for a moment, I am just SO excited about "the next time". I know I will be so excited and thrilled when it's time to come back here and try for another baby. I love my boys SO much that I am eager to continue to add to the mix - more children to love, more children to love!! They are both so different, and I love their differences, they make them such unique and special little combinations of me and Neil. I am so excited about finding out what further combinations we can make! Imagining stopping at two children makes me feel like cold is clutching at my throat or something (!!), so I REALLY hope Neil is going to be happy with having more kids at some point! He seems open to having another in the future, but as difficult as I have found juggling my two little ones lately, I still DO long to have at least a couple more. I don't think Neil is going to say yes to 2+ more children though :( But we'll see! It's all I ever wanted to do and it seems WAY too soon to stop yet! In some ways, we've only just started.
Anyway, so I will be back! I can't imagine REALLY being back and thinking about (or pregnant with) my THIRD baby, but I know it's something that will come eventually! Yay! I LOVE having children! I love being pregnant and giving birth, and having a tiny snuffly newborn baby, and strong-willed, energetic, infectiously gorgeous toddlers! It's the HARDEST job in the world but it's the most rewarding, and I wouldn't change it for anything. So you can bet I'll be back all eager and excited before it even seems like much time has passed! I LOVE this diary and I'll miss it, but the chronicles of my life as "Arthur and Matthew's Mummy" continue over at my arthursmummy diary.
Before I go I need to thank God for everything he has blessed me with. God is my Provider and my Sustainer and just my EVERYTHING. He knows how long I have waited to have children and how much it means to me that they are here now. I just want to thank you Lord, for blessing me with my two lovely boys, for a safe and uneventful pregnancy, and a wonderful delivery that we'll never forget. For Matthew's safe arrival and that he is a healthy, happy baby boy. Thank you for making everything happen in your perfect timing, and for blessing Arthur with a heart full of love for his new baby brother. Thank you for this diary and for the wonderful friends I have made through it, and for the way you have blessed me through each and every one of them with their support and love. I want to pray that you'll bless every person who reads this diary, and I lift up to you anybody who is reading this and struggling with infertility in any way or grief over losing a baby. Please bring comfort and healing, and fill their lives with love and peace and joy again. Bless them with children in their lives and bring them joy. I need to ask you, Father, to help Neil and I to parent our boys well. We need your help to do it, because we don't know WHAT we're doing! Thank you for filling us with such overwhelming love for Arthur and Matthew. Help us do what is right for them all the time, and bring them up so that they will be secure and happy and feel loved. We love them so much! Thank you, thank you Father God!! Our hearts just overflow with gratitude for the blessings you have given us! I love you Lord.
Much love and hugs to everyone who has offered love and support to me here during my pregnancies and after my babies were born, even anyone who just signed my guestbook to say hi or emailed me with the same. I honestly cherished every single message, and your sweet words have meant so much to me over this time! Thank you for all the wise advice that you guys have given me too. I love you all!
Until next time, then....
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