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2003-03-28 - 8.35pm��previous entry��next entry
Trusting God and reading AP books
First of all, BIG congratulations to Anthea on the arrival of Michael Isaac!! Yay! So glad he's finally here and everything is okay! :)
Thank you so much to all of you who signed my guestbook about my conception wafflings!!! Your messages encouraged me so much and - d'oh! - I can't believe how much I started to lose sight of trusting God for the timing. Wow. I really can't believe that. The other thing that got me shocked was when I was doing a poll at Babycentre about how clued up I am for conception. Anyway, there were ten questions. The last one was a "bonus" question - Are you praying for a baby? Woah. That one bowled me right over, because it suddenly occurred to me that we are not praying for a baby. I am just sitting here, letting God in on allll the other things in my life, but utterly forgetting to involve him on the hugest thing in our future - a baby. I didn't even think to ask. How could I not think to ask? I guess I was so caught up in how this is all I've ever longed for and the timing feels so right. I feel crushed that I never stopped to involve my God. I love God. I can't believe I shut him out. Thanks guys because your messages reminded me. Today I spent a long time talking with God and telling him all my feelings about having a baby. I can't believe how different it feels now that I've asked God to be involved and actually asked him to bless us with a baby. It feels so good and so right! I am gonna carry on praying. It's so strange because I pray for other people to be blessed with a baby..... Well anyway, I am glad that is resolved now and I feel so much better about things.
We may or may not try to conceive in June - I would really like to conceive in July if everything went perfectly - but we are still gonna aim for June and count down till June. So I have my period today, and that means there are three more periods to go!!! I used that wonderful ovulation calculator at Babycentre, which I use every month to get a more accurate idea of when we might conceive in the summer, as it gets more accurate the closer we get. I typed in the first day of my period (yesterday) and my cycle length (28 days every time, with the odd 27 chucked in for good measure!), and I figured I would get a period around June 19th, and be fertile at the end of June/beginning of July. If we conceived, the computer gave us a due date of March 26th 2004. Which is exactly a year from now, the day before yesterday. That felt soooo weird!! But nice. And then I looked at the July cycle - the one I would like best of all. If I get pregnant that cycle, I would have a due date of April 23rd. I like that a lot. And this time next year I would be in week 37 of my pregnancy. Which is waaaay too much for my brain to comprehend! But nice to think about all the same :)
Anyway, so three months to go!
I have sorted out my prenatal supplements. I now take three pills instead of five (!!) - a high dose Vitamin C, a multi-vitamin and mineral with enough folic acid in it (yay!) and extra zinc. So that's good. Last week I walked a lot more and felt better for it (after the inevitable feeling tired and achy for it first!). Next week I might possibly be starting some office work, because I sent in all my details to the office temping agency today and they are gonna prioritise me for the first appropriate job that comes in - yay! I am trying to stuff down my feelings of not wanting to do it (!) because actually I really do want to get over the whole "I haven't worked for years and it's scary" deal, and we desperately need some extra money.
The lack of money hasn't really affected the baby-buying spree though because that's all coming from Grandmummy's gift of some money that she gave me a few months before she died. I am so happy to be spending it all on baby stuff, I think she would have liked that. Anyway, yesterday I worked out exactly how much I've spent on baby things. It's a lot. But we have an AWFUL lot for it, because of how I've been buying a lot second hand and stuff on eBay, etc. Also I make my own nappies/diapers, so a lot of nappies can be made out of great sheets of material. We are getting near the end of the money though so I need to bear that in mind pretty soon.
The other day I went into town and did a lot of baby shopping. I only bought one thing (a pack of two tiny baby (7.5lb) Humphrey's Corner sleepsuits from Mothercare) and the rest was all window shopping and "bearing things in mind", which is almost as fun now. There were some seriously hugely pregnant women in Mothercare. Seriously. I want to be that big. I'm sure I'll be complaining by then (!!) but honestly, I would give anything to be there now. Maybe that really will be me this time next year? Maybe. I hope, I hope.
So I have a list of specific stuff I've seen that we want/need for the baby that I will buy new if I have to nearer the time, but I made a list so that if I see anything in excellent condition at eBay or something, that's already on my list, I can buy it and save money. The little baby outfits and essentials are still arriving in the post in bits and pieces. This is all going so well that I will really not have to worry about clothing at all for much of the first year after the baby is born, but I'm allowing for gifts and stuff. Otherwise if we get no gifts (sob!) I'll need to buy a few more outfits. But everything so far has been bought for about 20% of retail price, some of it even less. Wow. Even sales in the shops aren't that cheap! But yeah, they've been worn before. But you'd never know it, and some of them had never been worn actually. I am so pleased!
I won a bid on a beautiful denim maternity dress that I saw a while ago for a LOT more money. It was on eBay and my size, and soooo cheap, and I won the bid!!!! I'm really pleased. That should arrive next weekish. So I now have all my maternity trousers, a long dress, long dungarees, two long-sleeved tops, and um, I think that's it so far. Not much left to get!! I need underwear but I'm buying that new thank you! And maybe a couple of pairs of stretchy leggings for bumming around in. And short sleeved tops. And a sweater or two. And maybe shorts, but that depends on what season I'll be huge in. But I don't think I'll need shorts. Hmmm. I love all this. LOVE it.
The Attachment Parenting books arrived in the post from Amazon, the ones by Dr. William Sears and his wife Martha. They are SO good. I cannot stress that enough!!! Obviously I haven't read them yet properly, but they look amazing and the bits I've read are excellent. I can tell I am not going to need any other books on parenting or breastfeeding, or birth or anything. The books I have so far (there are a few more they've written that I want) are: "Attachment Parenting", "The Breastfeeding Book", "The Discipline Book" and "The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Child Care"
Neil and I think they are so great - I showed them to him and we flicked through them. We are setting time aside each evening to read them together and we're starting with Attachment Parenting. It's the thinnest book (!) of the lot and it covers everything as a basic introduction, which the other books take on in a lot more detail. Last night we read together and it was just THE loveliest feeling in the world. Reading about learning to be parents. Reading about what is best for our baby. It made me feel like we were so close, and like it was just "us". And even better, that "us" is expanding to more than just two. Neil read the first section out loud, and then I read the next one out loud. I love this. It's even romantic. I just love how it's great in so many ways. And I love learning about becoming a mummy, along with the man who's going to become Daddy. I just want to cry with happiness and how right it feels when we do things like this. Neil is getting so involved and excited about having a baby, which is another wonderful feeling. I'm so blessed.
Well I don't know if I have more to say - I might have had, but writing about that kind of distracted me! And Neil is home from work now and we're going to watch some comedy on TV and maybe read some more a bit later. I love my husband. I love my life. I love God. I love how we're going to have a baby, and right now, for the first time, I am not a bit impatient. This stage feels too nice for that right now.
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