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2008-04-14 - 10.56pm��previous entry��next entry
Nathan's urologist appointment / The Return of Obsesso-Woman!! ;)
Another 2 part entry today! :)
Part One is, of course, about sweet lil Nathan! He had his appointment with the urologist today at the hospital, and he was such a nice doctor! It took him about 0.5 seconds to confirm what I had said, that Nathan does NOT have a hypospadias, or any other kind of -spadias, for that matter! He is perfectly normal. I told him that I knew hypospadias wasn't genetic, but I did still wonder because my brother and my first cousin have a hypospadias. He just said, "Well, it IS genetic actually." My mum was told absolutely that it was NOT, when she and her sister both had a son with it! Tsk. I guess they discover new things all the time, and thus I could still have a baby boy with a hypospadias yet.
Anyway, so it was a super quick appointment and a great result! Yay!
Just today, Nathan has officially discovered his hands! He has been chewing his fist all day long. ALL day long. Not randomly, or accidently smacking himself in the face with it because of jerky reflexes, noooo. He is deciding to chew on his fist, and then smoothly sending it to his mouth, whereupon he chews it for as long as he wants to, without it jerking away! That just happened overnight, it seems. He is drooling like CRAZY today. He has been drooling a lot more recently, but today it's dripping heavily off his chin (and down us as we're holding him). This coupled with the fist-chewing is making me wonder if the joyous teething years are already upon my sweet boy? It's about the right time for my babies - Arthur and Matthew were about 10/11 weeks old, so Nathan is 13 weeks and was a few weeks early - just about spot on for starting his miseries. We have already started giving him the teething powders.
Last night he slept in his cot all evening!!!! That's a first, since that first cold he had a month or so ago. Every evening since then, he has slept on a little bed made up on the sofa next to me. He has been very fussy during the early part of the evening every single day, so it helped to have him downstairs for that too. We weren't having to pop upstairs every time we got to the bottom of the stairs from the LAST time we resettled him, and he wasn't waking the boys so much down here. We're still following that 90 minute rule for naps, and it's making a big difference! Yesterday his 90 minutes were up (less actually, since he seemed tired before then) at about 6pm, so I put him down for a late nap, hoping he'd sleep long enough so that we could get the boys ready for bed together (it's much easier when there's two of us, and when one of us isn't tending to Nathan at bedtime). He fussed quite a bit and then needed another nappy change, and eventually went to sleep in his cot at about 6.45pm.
There he slept till 11.30pm!! That's his longest stretch so far! 4 hours and 45 minutes! When he woke, I brought him downstairs to feed him (he was HUNGRY, hehe!), and change him, and then he lay on the sofa kicking his legs and cooing at the family photos on the wall, very quietly, while Neil watched him and I got ready for bed. Then I took him to bed and he went to sleep next to me somewhere around 12.30am. It took me a while longer to fall asleep (see part two!), but then he next woke at about 3.45am - another good block! I didn't change his nappy that time, just rolled him towards me and breastfed him, and we both fell asleep again. He woke at about 6am next!! Yay! I had to change him and he was really restless after that (as is his norm now), waking at 7am and then 7.30 and 8am before I got up with him. I think that was our best night so far, since he was born!
Tonight he is in his cot again, and has been there since about 7pm. He has stirred a lot at first, for maybe the first 45 minutes. He drops his dummy and then if he's still in light sleep he comes round and fusses loads, so we put it back in. He is also making efforts to push up onto his side when lying on his tummy, as if to try and roll over. Only when he's cross and fussing though! So, I'm wondering if he'll sleep through the evening again, and then have a couple of good blocks at night? I feel like I really miss him all evening while he's up there all detached in a dark bedroom! I miss being close to my sweet boo! I keep wanting to check he's still breathing and an okay temperature, etc. It's hard not to keep thinking about him. I feel like something's missing downstairs now :( But, it's GOOD that he's settling a bit!
Okay, here's the line :)
Part two: Here is a great quote from Meg: "You wouldn't be Alice without a little TTC-style obsessing!" Hehe! And with that, I bring you....
Oh yeah baby! Somebody design me a cape with an appropriate symbol on it, hehehe!
So, now here's the thing. Look at the likelihood, will you? There IS NONE! Really. And yet, today (putting myself out into the potential egg-on-face arena) I actually do feel pregnant. Really, I do. But I don't understand HOW, because again I say - "Look at the likelihood, people!" It's not like the "unlikely" situation when I got pregnant the last two times - at least then I was obviously ovulating and that. This time it really is SILLY of me to be even considering the possibility of pregnancy, let alone obsessing over symptoms (which I am now doing!) and feeling pregnant! *sigh*
I have a million things going through my head, and a million symptoms. I will probably implode if I don't vent them, so I'll waffle away about it here for a while. I have made some notes at Fertility Friend too, for my own reference, so that'll help me not to forget anything here now.
I will have to bullet-point though. Otherwise I will lose track of myself! I also forget what I've already said, symptom-wise, in the last two diary entries, so forgive me if I repeat myself.
* I am so-diddly-oh CRAMPY! I have been charting "mild cramps" for the past 5 days or so now, since that's what they were. They also have been the same mild cramps today, but ALSO I have had some moments where the crampiness has been much more bothersome and has distracted me whilst driving, dealing with little boys, and in the midst of hospital appointments. So that's weird. Even if I can't be pregnant, it's weird. It's just as unlikely for me to be getting a period at this stage, as it is for me to be pregnant.
* Today I have felt so crampy and also kind of "goopy" that I have been to check my underwear a few times, I guess for my period (which is weird anyway, see above!). I don't know what the goopy feeling is because there's nothing there at all when I check.
* The type of cramping I feel is varied. Sometimes I feel a general warm yucky crampiness over the whole low low low abdominal area, and further down into my groin even. That is the most persistant type of mild cramping that I have been experiencing, and charting. But also I get one-sided stuff. On my left side, sometimes I get a "boring" type of cramp that goes right through into the small of my back. Which, incidentally, feels fairly crampy itself today and yesterday. Countless times I have said to Neil, "Maybe it's just IBS?" because I do have some IBS right now and I'm bloated a lot more than usual. I can't be sure I'm not confusing the discomfort types, since the regions of discomfort aren't that far apart. And then tonight when I had another moment of boring-front-to-back cramps, I said to Neil that perhaps I had pulled a muscle or something? I don't know. Well then tonight I decided to check my pregnancy diary in the two weeks after ovulation with Matthew's and Nathan's pregnancies, and I'll be darned if I wasn't wondering the same exact things about the cramping I was experiencing then! I also described very similar cramps.
* Hot. The night before last was when I first noted it - I felt internally hot, almost burny, though I am not feverish. Two nights ago my eyes felt slightly burny like I had a fever, but not quite that bad, sort of. I felt hot in the night and when I woke in the morning - not just like I got too warm under my covers. Yesterday on the way to church (and back) I complained that it was too hot in the car, when it wasn't TOO hot, just warm. And today I've complained that our house is too warm. I probably complain too much, hehe! And last night when Nathan went to sleep at 12.30-ish-am, I lay awake feeling too hot on my insides, and really really crampy. My lower back was burny crampy, and so was the left side of my lower abdomen. I was thinking, "Even if I imagined all the rest of it, THIS just can't be denied, surely?!" I was so crampy. It's so on-and-off, the crampiness, just like the times I have been pregnant before.
* Last night marked the fifth night in a row where I have had exceptionally vivid dreams - something I have made note of in past pregnancies, as a possible sign that I'm pregnant (and I always was). I have been fobbing that off as something I was getting due to being excessively tired or something. But now I wonder.
* That light-tan spotting again today, just one patch of it this morning and nothing since, like the other days. Well, one of the other days, I had two patches, but normal CM in between them. There's very little of it, and maybe I'm wrong about it even being spotting at all, but I'm charting it just in case.
* Still kind of clumsy, and EVER SO forgetful and scatty. I can't remember the name of things, and I keep going in the kitchen and standing still for a moment and then saying to Neil, "What was I doing here?" and stuff like that. Now, I do that a lot since having kids, pregnant or not, hehe! But it's markedly more so just recently. Neil gives me a nervous look when I say stuff like that! ;) Again, my pregnancy diary has that as an unusual symptom before I knew I was pregnant with Matthew (I think it was him anyway).
* Queasy today, and I have charted increased appetite for the first time. I felt headachy and slightly yeurghy in my tummy when I was awake with Nathan in the night, and I had a headache yesterday evening too. It has hung around today, but not a bad one. Anyway, I had to eat breakfast before taking Nathan to his appt this morning otherwise I would have had a huuuuge sugar crash and come over all shaky and giddy and so on. But I felt gross and really didn't want to eat. I forced down some cereal which made me feel yucky. That was around 8.30am. Then we got home at 10.30 and I was PAINFULLY hungry. I put lunch in the oven and it was all I could do to wait for it! I ate that around 11am. I took Arthur to HIS hospital appt at 3pm and by the time we got home I was hurting with hunger and feeling shaky, again. But when we had dinner an hour or so later, I felt gross and didn't enjoy eating it at all. I didn't finish it. I just felt full before I would normally feel full. It's 10pm now and I still feel slightly yeurghy and gross. I'm a bit heartburny this evening too. It's how I felt around test-time with my other pregnancies too. Hmmm!
* Slightly tender breasts today. Kind of stabby/achy round the side and underneath on my left one, and just a bit achy on the right one. Very mild, but a bit unusual, so I charted it.
* Then there are other little weirdnesses which bear no actual what's-the-word? on whether I'm pregnant or not, but they strike me as slightly freaky or uncanny all the same!
Yesterday at church, I was in the creche breastfeeding Nathan, and two other ladies who were pregnant with me this last time were there breastfeeding their babies too. They were chatting to each other and then right out of the blue, one of them turned to me and said, "You're not pregnant, are you Alice?" I was so thrown by her question, as it was so close to home at the time, and I really didn't want to give that away at all! I answered without thinking, "I hope not!" and INSTANTLY regretted it. Because it's not true! And what an awful thing to say! Straight away I added, "Oh! I shouldn't say that!" but they were already chuckling over it :(
For the record, I DON'T hope I'm not pregnant! I'm actually weirdly excited about the (slim and remote!) possibility! I'm figuring out ways to manage a couple of things, if it does happen. I'm already excited for another little one to join our family! But trying NOT to let my thoughts get away from reality too much, you know ;) I hope I NEVER feel (or say, again) that I hope I'm not pregnant. I want to always be excited and thankful every time God blesses us with another precious little life to nurture, no matter the circumstances.
Anyway. The reason this lady asked me if I'm pregnant was just a light-hearted thing (to her!), because she told me that there is another "batch" of babies on the way at church. Our church only seems to do babies in batches, for some reason! It's really uncanny that it happens that way! Usually four or five babies in the space of a couple of months, and then nothing for the best part of a year or two. Batches have so far been about 18 months apart, and she pointed out that I have been part of the last THREE batches of babies at church! The only one to be part of all the last three in a row. She just found out that there is a new batch (sooner than usual), due at the end of this year, as a couple of ladies have just announced their new pregnancies, and she jokingly asked if I am pregnant because "Alice never misses a batch!". Yikes!
Yesterday I asked somebody online about the possibility of REALLY getting pregnant this early after having another baby, and breastfeeding. She surprised me by saying that she has a family member that had once had a baby at the beginning of a year, and then TWINS at the other end of the year! THEN I asked at FF about it, and one of the replies was from a lady whose aunt had a baby in February, and TWINS in December of the same year. I know, I know, biiiig coincidence, but the kind of coincidence that makes me break out in a cold cold sweat! ;) It immediately made me flash back to that time last week (or the week before?) where Arthur was talking about buying a big house in case God gives us lots of babies, and he stopped in the middle of what he was saying and suddenly looked sharply at my tummy, saying (suspiciously!), "Are there lots of babies in your tummy right now?" I said not as far as I knew, but it WAS after the parsnips. *gulp* And today when we got home from his hospital appointment, Neil was holding the front door open for us. Arthur wasn't moving so I couldn't get in the house, and we looked at him to see what was up, and he was just looking at me strangely. Then he said, in a really confused-sounding tone, "Is Nathan still in your tummy?" Neil and I exchanged an anxious glance, and quickly ushered him into the house!
* Both the boys are behaving atrociously at the moment, urgh! They are so hard to manage, and it's so extreme even for them - and both at the same time too. I noted in my diary entries somewhere that they both behaved like that (it was unusual enough to note) and I wondered if it could be hormone-related or something, as they were still breastfeeding, if I was getting my period or pregnant (I was pregnant with Nathan, but didn't know it yet!). They DO have patches like this, however, so it might have nothing to do with anything.
I think that's it. I can't think of anything else. I feel better for writing it all down! I am going to get a good chuckle out of this 9 months down the line when my periods have only just returned and I'm WANTING to get pregnant and not managing to, or something - that I even thought I was pregnant at 3 months postpartum, hahaha!
So today it has been 13 days since the parsnips. If I AM miraculously pregnant (which IS how it will be, if so), then I don't know how to pinpoint dates. At least we have only had the one parsnip, which restricts it to about a 5-day window. If I go by Parsnip Day (WHY am I finding this stuff out?!?! Somebody stop me!), I get a due date of Dec 23rd! Christmas! Which is, ironically, exactly when we had thought we'd start TTC again! Weird.
Because of feeling hot, and also the fact that I'm feeling pregnant (!!!!), I have decided to temp tomorrow morning, and maybe for the next couple of mornings too. I haven't got any temps to compare, BUT it will give me an idea. I know what my normal range is for no-way-I've-ovulated-yet and bun-possibly-in-the-oven, so just one temp will give me a clue about that. I could get a better idea with a few temps in a row, so I think I'll do that. If those temps are obviously LOW then I will put this down to a weird hormonal glitch and try to wipe the egg off my face ;) If they're HIGH then I will test. I have one test and plan to use it 18 days after the parsnips, if I get that far without proving myself not to be pregnant before then. So that's the plan! I will most definitely keep this diary updated about it all! :)
P.S. Was just about to post this entry when Nathan woke (11pm!) and I had to run up and breastfeed him, and while I was doing that I was sooooo crampy that I just felt kind of tearful. And THEN I thought that I hadn't considered the possibility of a urine infection! That could make me crampy, queasy, feeling overly hot (even feverish), etc! It doesn't hurt to pee at all, and my pee looks fine, but still, it's surely more likely than pregnancy, right?! I think I will still temp in the morning and depending on that temp I will figure out what to do next. Will keep you guys posted :)
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