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2004-09-01 - 2.23pm��previous entry��next entry
Just a necessary guestbook response
I wrote an entry a few hours ago and this isn�t a proper entry, but it seems I have bothered a few people with my personal thoughts on breastfeeding, so I thought I should write another entry so that I don�t have to address all that stuff the next time I just feel like writing about Arthur or my pregnancy here.
From time to time I forget the golden rule � that I should never bother expressing an opinion on anything if I feel strongly enough about it, because there will always be people who think differently (entirely valid opinions and totally up to them of course), and who feel it�s necessary to be stroppy about it with me either in my guestbook or via email. I hate debates and disagreements, and if any of you know me from my normal diary then you�ll probably remember that I decided to try and avoid ranting in diaries about things I feel strongly about, because I always get bashed for it by someone. Or more than one someone usually. This is my personal diary and I use it to express my ideas and thoughts and feelings about things, which I�m perfectly entitled to do, whether or not they�re likely to be agreed with by the rest of the world wide web. It�s always a shame when I feel I have to stifle things like that in my own diary, because I hate stroppy comments and debates. And I hate offending people. It upsets me.
If you DO feel inclined to be stroppy in my guestbook, please at least give yourself a name. It�s kind of pathetic not to. I mean, what am I going to do to you if you do?! Refer to you by name? (ooh what a dreadful thought!) ;) It just makes it a bit of an attack if you�re all stroppy and anonymous, which I don�t like. If you want to be stroppy and remain anonymous, I�m sorry to say I�d appreciate it all the more if you�d be as anonymous as possible, ie. not bother leaving a message at all. Anonymous messages are still someone�s valid opinion which I appreciate, but yeah, it bugs me.
I�m sorry my last entry got you �a bit annoyed�. Your message got me �a bit annoyed� too, so I guess we�re even. But that was probably the intention, whereas I had no intention of upsetting anyone, honestly. You asked how I could say what I said about breastfeeding. Well, um, because they are my thoughts and opinions and I�m entitled to them, and also entitled to say what I think in my own diary. Feel free not to read it if you feel that strongly about it after this, I don�t mind if people read me or not. You also suggested that I think next time before I say �things like that� � well firstly things like what?! Like my opinion?! Secondly, I can�t think why it wasn�t apparent that I had put a lot of thought into what I wrote before I wrote it. And thirdly, um, nope, I shouldn�t have to think before I say how I feel or what I think � it�s my personal diary and I can write what I want. I don�t write openly offensive stuff like I suppose some people might in a personal diary. I shouldn�t have to censor my thoughts or views in my own diary. I realise I have readers and that people are different and everyone has different takes on life and different views on things, which I am FINE with. But I don�t like when people tell me not to express mine � in my own diary no less! � and tell me that I�m wrong or bad for even having those views. That sucks. I would not be so closed-minded with anyone as that, so I don�t appreciate it when someone else is with me.
But I MUST point out that I don�t seem to have made myself clear over something I wrote, because people have been saying ohh there are lots of reasons why some women CAN�T breastfeed. Well I obviously didn�t make myself clear enough � I KNOW there are genuine reasons that some women cannot breastfeed their babies. If I happen to have one of them, then as gutted as I will be, I will have to bottle feed Arthur. But I'm so far not expecting or anticipating any of those reasons. I thought I made it clear that I was referring to women who want to breastfeed, have no reason why they can�t, struggle to establish it, and then either someone tells them they are incapable because �you don�t have enough milk� or �you aren�t giving your baby what she/he needs� or �baby seems to prefer the bottle� (ie you must be doing it all wrong) - that kind of thing, or they are left unsupported and come to that conclusion themselves and give up. I really thought I made that clear. But obviously not. Clearly there are medical reasons occasionally why a woman can�t breastfeed � like Sam�s case of being on medication that would be passed to the baby if she breastfed (thank you for that Sam!). This is not remotely what I was referring to in my last entry. And I also want to say please do not feel you have something to �make up� to the baby if you don�t breastfeed!! My goodness, they are getting food, they are no different from any other baby! You don�t need to give them enough love to (hopefully) overcome the lack of breastfeeding! Sam, big hugs to you because this was obviously hard for you to deal with at the time. I don�t think you had anything to overcome with love or anything else. You did the right thing in your situation. Your daughters got food. And love! Lucky girls :)
I also hope I did not give the impression (I did try to mention this so as to avoid it coming across that way) that I am anti-bottle feeding. In fact I�m sure I said this already. But anyway, I am NOT. If someone chooses to bottle feed �just because� from the first feed, I am not going to give them a funny look or think badly of them! Who am I to do that?! It�s every mother�s choice how she feeds her baby. Like I Keep. On. Saying. I was simply referring to my anger over women who are put down over their breastfeeding efforts, or not helped when they need help, or who are basically told or given the impression that there is such a thing as not being capable of breastfeeding their baby. Which of course refers to a normal healthy mother with a normal healthy baby with no complications. I was also just expressing my sadness and anger over the fact that it seems commonplace these days for first time expectant mothers to think that they might not be �able� to breastfeed their baby. Like, EVERY other woman in my due date group except for me. Seriously. That can�t be a reflection of the few genuine cases where breastfeeding can�t be done. But they think it�s that likely that they won�t be capable of doing it. Which annoys me, since they�re somehow being painted a picture of utter bull, and who by? I don�t know if it�s health care providers (which REALLY angers me!) or whether it�s relatives or friends who got told that by THEIR health care providers and are simply passing on the bull and making women unnecessarily anxious about a naturally occurring thing like making milk and feeding it to your baby. Okay? Have I made that more clear? I don�t see a cause for anyone to find this offensive now. It�s a valid opinion that I have every right to express in my diary, and which comes from a completely open-minded stance towards women�s CHOICES over how they feed their babies. Clear now?
Good :)
And thank you Valerie! *hugs*
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