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2006-05-24 - 11.14pm��previous entry��next entry
38 weeks pregnant!! Nearly ready...
38 weeeeks!!! It is just sooo surreal to be this pregnant! So weird that everywhere I go, I get at least 2 strangers asking me when I'm due, and I hear my own voice say, "Just a couple of weeks now"!!! I get stares, questions, smiles with all sorts of meanings behind them, everything, even just stepping out of the house! I know I just look like I am ready to give birth now - I certainly feel that way too!
Neil took the 38 week belly pic this evening and it's in the gallery. I think it looks about the same as 36 weeks but I know I'm bigger, because I have lost the 2cm space between my bump and the steering wheel in the car that was there 2 weeks ago! I am beginning to feel kind of uncomfortable with how much weightier I look now, especially in my face, urgh. I am feeling kind of self-conscious about it, and I just keep thinking how people who know me but haven't seen me for a while must be thinking (like their first impression even), "Oh my gosh, she has put on SO much weight!" Not that it's relevant what anybody else thinks, and not that there's actually anything WRONG with my weight gain. But somehow I feel a bit sensitive and self-conscious about it now.
I was going to weigh myself tomorrow morning to compare with the exact same gestation that I weighed myself last pregnancy, but I did hop on the scales at the wrong end of the day, having just eaten a huge meal and with heavy clothing on, and saw TWELVE stone on my scales for the first time in my life! Twelve stone exactly. But I know that I weighed more like 11 stone 9 the day before at a more reasonable time of day with less food in my stomach! So I will try to remember to check properly tomorrow morning, before breakfast. I usually forget though. At 38w1d last pregnancy, I had gained a total of 45lbs (still 9 to gain before the end though!), and I'm wondering if I'm starting to catch that up now. But I was a fair bit heavier to start with on this pregnancy, well, not LOADS, but I think I had lost all but 12lbs of my pregnancy weight from Arthur before getting pregnant with Matthew. I wanted to keep at least 10lbs, as it seemed to leave me at more of an ideal weight for my frame than I used to be before having any children, so I was happy with the 12lbs I still had left over! Anyway. It will come off again. I NEED it to breastfeed. I'm SUPPOSED to be seriously heavy at 38 weeks pregnant! I should not even be thinking about it, but I just hate having a round chubsome face all the same. It doesn't feel like it flatters me at all.
Anyway, onto other things!
Tomorrow I was meant to have a 38 week midwife appt at home, with the slightly crap midwife, but tomorrow morning is Fellowship Group at my friend Katie's house (the one who is due the day or so after me) and I sooooo want/need to go. I have to wait at home all morning for whenever the midwife gets to me, and I'm sure it will end up with me and Arthur missing all of Fellowship Group, only to have my bump mis-measured again and things that annoy me written in my notes! So I cancelled the appt this morning. Pat had said last week that she feels I don't really need an appt this week, as everything is looking so good with me and Matthew at the moment. Next week I know she will be doing my appt, so I'm happy about that! She is coming on Wednesday, the day I turn 39 weeks - a week today, yikes!
This afternoon, the student midwife phoned to see if I had an appt tomorrow, and I told her I had double booked myself and cancelled it, so she asked me if I'd mind if she came round in the afternoon tomorrow to see how I'm doing! How nice! I don't know if, as a student, she's allowed to perform unsupervised checks on me and stuff, but I guess she might ask if she can feel my tummy and stuff, and of course I will say yes :) Otherwise I am thinking she might have a bunch of questions to ask me for her case study, which is fine with me too! So I'm looking forward to that, and also it means we get to go to Fellowship Group and still see her later on.
We have made lots of progress this week in getting things ready for having Matthew. We have a new computer desk which frees up some space in the spare bedroom, in case it is needed later on. Still LOADS to do in there to make more space though, but there's a Bank Holiday weekend coming up this weekend, and I think Neil is trying to get Tuesday off work as well so that it will make a 4-day weekend, as we REALLY need the time to make one last effort at getting everything done. This weekend could well be the last one, and even if it's not, we want to treat it as such, because the one after that will be nearest to my due date and my parents will be here by then, etc. We just don't want to be going too crazy right on top of my due date! I will be too stressy about things that STILL aren't done if there are only days to go till I'm due, so it needs to be done before then, or as done as it's ever going to be. Boy am I thankful for the timing of the Bank Holiday weekend!
I finally finished packing my hospital bags! Yay! Well, almost. All the little baby clothes are now sorted and put away, and I spent a LOVELY evening this week choosing clothes for Matthew to go in the hospital bag :) Teeny tiny little vests and sleepsuits, and the all-important going home outfit! Of course I don't expect him to actually wear it since I plan for him to BE at home when he's born, not needing to travel in an outfit to get there! But I'm glad to have it all ready for in case we end up in hospital. I finally pre-washed all the newborn nappies and baby clothes from the hospital bag - the last lot are in the dryer right at this moment. The only things that aren't packed yet are the remains of some snacky food for Neil and my mum (and me if I feel like it, I guess), and one more nightie which is in the dryer, and a change of clothes for Neil (which I keep nagging him to choose and pack, but he still hasn't!). And things that SHOULD be in the bag but aren't, like my hairbrush and the camera, etc. I should put them in there and only take them out when I need them, and put them straight back again. Everything else is packed though. There are two big bagfuls! One for labour and the other for postnatal. I am glad that it's all there within easy reach and easy access for when it all happens here at home too. No rummaging around the house for what we want, as it's all there in the bags.
I have been getting rather nervous that I hadn't collected ANY of the things on the list of stuff I'm meant to provide for the homebirth though! Leaving it rather late!! But today I finally did that. I know we have everything, so I wasn't worried about that, but I did start to stress about the idea that I could go into labour at any time, say while Arthur was sleeping peacefully at night, and then have to rummage noisily around in the deep cupboard in the bedroom for plastic sheets and stuff that I had no idea if we'd stored them in there or not! Arthur would wake and it would not be good! So today Arthur and I turned that cupboard out and found pretty much everything in there :) I have five plastic shower curtains, LOTS of old sheets, two pillows to cover with bin bags, and even two old pillowcases to go over the bin bags! I found the changing mat that we haven't used since Arthur was tiny, because it's so much easier to just lay him down on the living room carpet and change his nappy there! We never made use of our changing table, and the padded mat sort of seemed a bit pointless after he was mobile. We don't plan to use the changing station this time either - maybe we should just sell it? It was rather a wasted purchase, but oh well, it was cheap from eBay :)
Anyway, but the changing mat is on the homebirth list, to be lined with soft old towels and stuff if Matthew needs laying on it to be resuscitated or something horrible. So I found it and also found the 5 slip-on soft flannel covers that I sewed for it :) I found several soft terries in various colours and a soft hooded towel that I don't mind getting mucky, and put those all together in a linen bag for the changing mat. I also happened upon all the bedlinen for the Moses basket - yay! I dumped everything in a big pile for now, inside the bedroom door (which is the most "out of the way" place that I can find in the house at the moment, whilst still being accessible!) - that way if I go into labour or my waters break or something, Neil can just grab the whole pile without waking Arthur, and we'll set it up downstairs. Everything else for the homebirth is in my hospital bags, except for the angle poise lamp which is downstairs, and a portable heater, which, um... we don't have! Whoops! Must get one of those, or borrow one fast or something! We have the other little things on the list in the kitchen, the things like, small plate for laying out a syringe on (!), tray for midwives stuff, small hand towel for midwives, etc. It's so exciting!!!!
As for me, I am doing fine. I am so so so so so very tired out, all. the. time. No matter if I get a good night's sleep or not, which I never do anyway. Six (very) broken hours is a fabulous night's sleep at the moment, and though it's nowhere near enough for me when I'm NOT pregnant, I am happy enough with it for now, because it's such a huge improvement on what Arthur USED to allow me! He settles well with Neil at night now, and I never go to him after I have gone to bed. But I wake every time he does, which can still be several times in the night, or sometimes he sleeps right through like last night. Even when he sleeps through, he makes waking sounds once or twice that I wake to, but doesn't actually wake right up. I also need to pee at least twice between midnight and 6am, and the thing that wakes me the most at the moment just seems to be restless discomfort. I wake feeling restless for apparently no reason, and then need to turn over to my other side, and when I go to move, someone appears to have applied a giant pair of nutcrackers (is it a pair?) to my crotch (!!) and the pain is just not even describable throughout my hips and the back of my pelvis, and through my pubic bone, as I get myself onto my back and then gradually over onto my other side! But I have to because the longer I stay on that side, the worse the pain is when I try to move. Frequent turning makes it a little easier when I DO turn, but yeah, that rather bothers my sleep in general!
Soooo I'm tired tired tired. I am managing the days with Arthur rather badly now. I have no energy to do a thing with him, and I feel so bad for him :( I wanted to increase quality time with him before Matthew came, not DEcrease it, but I just feel tired like I can't describe and can't get up sometimes for feeling breathless and weak and stuff. Going up the stairs to do a wee is SO exhausting, and I see stars by the time I'm at the top if I am tired enough and breathless. By the time I'm back down, Arthur is doing something dangerous like climbing OVER the new stair gate (yep, already), or basically ANYTHING involving climbing, and I just end up getting cross with him and telling him off all the time. And then not even brightening things up by doing something with him to interest and divert him, poor love. I just flake back out on the sofa and have to tell him Mummy is too tired. I feel sooooooo bad. I really need to not be pregnant any more, for Arthur's sake. But then I'm kind of scared of what comes after, as far as Arthur is concerned, because it could be like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, being just as (or more) tired, visibly tied-up with another little person, from Arthur's point of view, and STILL not doing enough with him and telling him off for climbing due to my tired snappiness, etc :(
People have always gone on and one at me about how hard it's going to be once I have two children this close together in age, but at least then I would smile and nod - to some degree - and think that yes they are probably right, but there will also be some great benefits to the timing, somewhere along the way! But now, all I can hear is everyone telling me how hard it will be and I can't see or hear anything else in my mind anymore. I wonder if I'll even cope! Arthur is currently so demanding - not in a bad way, but he's 18-months-old, and that is a normal thing! He doesn't sleep through the night, he is very clingy to me at the moment, he drives me CRAZY doing everything he shouldn't do when I tell him not to, especially things that are actually dangerous and which I can't seem to prevent. And I'm about to throw a new baby into the mix! I'm actually scared now. I just need some optimism and support, I think, and for people to realise that when someone is the mummy of an energetic, mischievous 18-month-old and also 38 weeks pregnant, it is NOT a sensitive or helpful time to remind her how HARD it's going to be after the new baby is born!!!! However true it might be, it's the last thing I need to hear right now. I hear it constantly in my own head. Yeurgh. I hope it's going to be okay....
I took Arthur shopping in town this week to get some last minute things done. We were in the lift in Marks and Spencers and another lady came in pushing a pushchair. I recognised her face straight away, but I couldn't place where from. Then I saw that her little boy looked exactly the same age as Arthur, and the more I thought about it, the more I think I know her from the antenatal classes we went to during my pregnancy with Arthur! She smiled at me like she knew me but couldn't place me too and looked and looked at my bump! After a while she asked, "When are you due?" and I told her in a couple of weeks. She said, "I was going to say - it looks like you could go any time now!" and wished me good luck. Then the lift stopped and we got out and went our seperate ways. I had this weird feeling of how STRANGE it felt to see someone from my first pregnancy, with our little boys the same age, looking SO much more like babies than little boys to me all of a sudden. And it seemed suddenly so SENSIBLE that she had no bump on her front with such a little toddler! And yet here was I with another baby about to be born already! It just felt weird. Nice weird, but also WHAT-THE-HECK-AM-I-DOING?!!! weird! ;)
That reminded me too, I haven't missed antenatal classes in the LEAST this pregnancy. I didn't even notice that I hadn't been to any, until I read that I had been to such-and-such a class this time last pregnancy! I just haven't missed them at all. We decided not to go to any, at the beginning of my pregnancy, because there didn't seem any point really. I know there are classes for parents who already have children, but we have done this SO recently that it is all still fresh in our minds really! Anyway I forgot all about antenatal classes way back then and honestly haven't given them another thought till now. I haven't missed them. They're great for first-time mothers, but I'm glad not to have been to them this time. It has saved us some free evenings :)
Anyway, back to the shopping! I went and got fitted for a nursing bra at John Lewis. Which was a waste of time. They kept me waiting ages and then I didn't trust the sales lady to know what she was talking about, as she didn't really seem that knowledgeable. Plus not that polite either. Tsk. Anyway, she fitted me as, uhm, a cup size LOWER than what I am currently wearing!!!! For AFTER my milk comes in! Um, HELLO?!!! Duh. Obviously not something I'm going to rely on, so I ended up finding the number for my local NCT bra fitting service, which is a lady who lives near me and I'm going to her house on Friday to be fitted for an NCT bra (which are award-winning anyways so I'm not too worried about getting a crappy type of bra). I just want to know an accurate bra size to buy for when my milk comes in. I'm sure it CAN'T be the same as last time because I'm snug in those now and my milk isn't even here yet! They say to allow a cup size for the milk, but I know I have more than the average volume of milk and increase in size more than average, so I will be at least a cup size bigger than what I'm currently wearing. I hope this NCT fitter is good. Otherwise I think I will just have to ignore everyone and fit myself, and just buy a bra and return it if it doesn't fit, or something. Urgh. I neeeeed some new nursing bras, or else I will literally be braless when my milk arrives, not having anything I can squeeze into! Which will NEVER do. I leak like crazy when I have milk so I need a bra, if for no other reason than to hold the breast pads! And obviously my breasts off my knees as well, hehe ;)
I still haven't done any more sewing lately! I am going to run out of time, I just know it. I think I might not bother making any more cloth postnatal pads, as I have 9 or 10 heavy duty ones and 7 lighter ones already. I have a couple of packs of disposable ones, and I reckon that will see me through if I can't get time to sew any more. I have tried a couple of my lighter-weight ones out already to see if they are comfortable and stay in place, etc, and they are lovely! Well, as lovely as pads go anyway - I'm not a big fan of them in general!
I am still waiting for my Hotsling to arrive from the States, but hopefully it should arrive any day now. I'm going to put it in my hospital bag, because the car seat we have for Matthew is a permanent fixed one, not one we can carry him out of the hospital in. So if we were in hospital, I would pop him in the Hotsling and wear him out to the car instead.
I need to make a list of people to send birth announcements to. I love this task though, it's one of the most fun things! :) We are getting our birth announcements from somebody who sells some lovely cards on eBay, personalised with photos of your baby, etc. It will cost us less than �1 per card which is better than the faff of making our own, and they get delivered to us free. I want them delivered here anyway because I like to see them, and one of my favourite parts of sending exciting mail like announcements and stuff, is addressing the envelopes myself and putting the cards in and posting them, and being excited at the idea of the person addressed on the envelope getting it in the post :) So I'm excited about that! But I need to make a list so I know how many to order when we finally get them done.
I have a baby shower - sort of - on June 3rd, which is a Saturday. It was originally a joint baby shower for four of us who were due between mid-May and mid-July at church. But three of us have had babies before and the girl who is due mid-July is the only one who is having her first, and she also happens to be the person who has put so much into arranging every single baby shower that the church has thrown so far! So we all felt she really deserves to have this baby shower for her own, and that we don't really need things for our babies anyway, as we've pretty much got everything from last time. So, the new arrangement is that it's a "ladies' social event", mainly as an official baby shower for Michelle, but also to celebrate the recent arrival of Catherine's baby boy (who is a couple of weeks old now) and the impending arrival of mine and Katie's babies :) I like that balance. A lovely lady with a REALLY huge house is hosting, and I hear it's going to be a dessert party, yaaaaaay! :D It's from 2-4pm on the 3rd. I hope I'm not busy giving birth at the time, and that I'll be able to go!
On the other hand, I have recently been thinking about the most ideal time to have Matthew, like if someone told me I could choose or something (!), and I think it would be that weekend. My parents are coming next Thursday morning (wow, next week already!!!) so they will have been here 3 days by then. Perfect amount of time to spend some time together, for Arthur to get thoroughly used to their company (it takes him much less time, like an hour or so, to warm up to someone and trust them, but several days would really make him feel like they were part of his normal day), and for Mummy to help me with the last few things around the house that need doing. Then if I had Matthew at that point, they would still be here for another week and a half!! Which would be WONDERFUL. Last time they were here for a 2-week window as well, and Arthur came 4 days before they went home. It worked out well, as they were here for everything, but it meant a lot of thumb-twiddling for most of their stay and then suddenly no time at all before they disappeared back to France and I'd barely come out of hospital.
If only I could choose and have it happen, I would choose to attend the baby shower on the Saturday and give birth on Sunday 4th, 3 days before my due date :) If I was going to get even more picky about it (all in the ideal world, of course!), I would also choose to have all the niggly pre-labour throughout the day on Sunday, and then for strong labour to kick in mid-afternoon or somewhere thereafter. I would also (ideally!) hope for my labour to be.... I don't know... maybe 6+ hours long? Obviously there's no way to know, but last time it was only reeeeally drawn out because Arthur turned posterior during TRANSITION (can you believe it?!) and then labour stalled overnight. This time, statistically that should totally NOT happen. Second time around, stalling is way less common and the posterior thing at the last minute was unusual enough the first time! Without that complication, my labour was actually progressing faster than the average for a first baby, as I dilated 1.5 to 8cm in 6 hours and they expected me to deliver (before the whole posterior thing!) within an hour or so after discovering I was 8cm. Average first labours are apparently 12-14 hours, so I know I was going to be faster than that. If the same holds true this time - without complications - I could be faster than the average for a second labour (which is 8-10 hours from what I've read, but obviously an average made up of much longer and MUCH shorter labours!). So I kind of HOPE I am looking at a 6 hour labour. I don't want a really short labour at all. Those aren't easy on mother or baby and I would rather progress more gradually, but 6 hours would be GREAT!! Of course there is no way to know, and I can't really have any expectations at all, but I can't help thinking about it and wondering now things are this close.
Anyway, so IF I did get a 6 hour labour with some pre-labour thrown in earlier on my "ideal day" - Sunday 4th, if that kicked in mid-afternoon, then Arthur would be easier to manage, so to speak, at that time of day. I mean, he would need tea, bath, to go out for a walk or something, and then bed. All but bedtime are things that anyone can do with him, not just me. Bedtime could be interesting if I am unable to take any part in it, but I think he might settle with Neil eventually. He might cry a lot in the mean time, but with that in mind, we are evvver so gently getting him a little more used to Neil being RIGHT there to settle him at bedtime, even with me breastfeeding him. Neil lies right next to him and pats his back while I breastfeed. Yesterday for the first time EVER, when I had to go out of the room before he had gone to sleep, he just reached for me, gave me a big cuddle around my neck and a kiss, and then didn't cry one tiny bit while Neil patted him for a while till he fell asleep! We were amazed, and it's great because hopefully it will go that smoothly if Neil has to be the one putting him to bed when I'm in labour.
Anyway so if labour all happened at my ideal timing, Arthur would go to bed after a few hours of it, and then I would have the evening to zone in on my labour and give birth, without it resulting in being up all night long. Anyway, that would be the perfect scenario :) So much so that I have decided to pray for it. I know that God knows the BEST timing for my labour and the birth of my baby, but I don't know it, and all I can think of is things that will make it easier on me at the time, and on Arthur too. So I am going to pray about it from that point of view. God hears and answers my prayers, I know he does, and so I will either get some awesome answers to prayer and deliver smoothly on the evening of Sunday 4th June, haha! ;) Or else I will give birth at a different time, and no matter what challenges that brings, I know it will be the RIGHT time because God has his hand on every part of my labour and the birth of my Matthew. I don't think I mentioned it here before, but I LOVE that Matthew means "gift of God" :) We love the name, but we hold the meaning very close to our hearts. God is involved in everything to do with Matthew's existance and will be involved with everything that's to do with bringing him safely into the world. I know I should relax in that knowledge, but urgh, I'm too much of a control freak to do so! Tsk! I need to try. But I DO hope the timing of everything works out just wonderful and perfect. And I hope I don't get all crabby and disappointed and pouty with God if Sunday the 4th passes without a hint of labour! I don't plan to do that, but yeah, I know myself too well.
Matthew has hiccups! They are soooo strong! I can feel them blipping my buttocks against the chair I'm sitting in, haha! He is really low down now, but then I have carried him low all along really.
Okay it's late and I need to go to bed. I plan to update before 39 weeks, if I can possibly get time/energy to sit and write an entry, but I will be sure to post SOMETHING if anything happens before I would normally update again! Even just a line or two so that you guys know what is going on. I really like the idea of keeping my diary updated as long as I can during labour, like last time, and then of course as soon as I'm able to post after Matthew is born, I will! :)
Edited to add: I knew I forgot something I meant to write! I forgot last week too - Matthew's stats! At 38 weeks he should now be about 19.6 inches long! That's like 0.4 inches shorter than the average newborn length - basically zero difference now! Arthur was 20.5 inches, so Matthew really is basically fully cooked now! Not to mention the fact that my tiny boy is now past the 7.5lb mark, if he's still measuring 2 weeks ahead!!! Wow. He has already outgrown the baby clothes I have for him in size tiny baby! Of course we may get a surprise and he'll be smaller than we expect, but somehow I don't think so! I can't believe I have such a totally READY TO BE BORN person in my belly now! 7.5lbs and nearly 20 inches long. He's really coming, isn't he. This is really going to happen. Yikes!
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