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2006-05-10 - 10.30pm��previous entry��next entry
36 weeks pregnant! - packing and buying and being hormonal!
Yay, 36 weeks pregnant!!!! Oh my gosh, I am soooooooo pregnant now, hehe! I can't believe there are only 4 weeks until my due date. That's 28 days. Less than 30!! And exactly 7 days until I reach term and can have a homebirth if I happen to go into labour that night! :)
BUT - only four weeks left of being pregnant :( I LOVE being pregnant. I will be sad in a way to complete and put behind me another pregnancy already. It is getting much harder to cherish every moment and enjoy it now though! I am dealing MUCH less well with being pregnant now I'm this far along, and this week has been uncomfortable, emotional and just.... toooo pregnant! But I'll never say I don't love it all the same! :) It's such a precious blessing, warts and all!
At this very moment I am waiting for the midwife to come round for my 36 week antenatal appointment. She is bringing the homebirth supplies, and I'm excited!! Arthur is napping, and I don't know when she'll turn up - she said some time during the morning when she does her postnatal home visits. It's 11am now so I guess sometime soon. Oh Arthur is awake already! Oh well, I'll finish this later when I have appt news to write :)
Okay, I convinced Arthur to take another nap as he only had 25 minutes earlier, and it's 3.15pm now. My general vibe about the midwife being kind of vague last week seems to have been accurate. She didn't turn up, so I phoned the community midwives and spoke to a REALLY lovely midwife, who told me that my midwife is on a day off today!!! But I KNOW she scheduled me for a home visit today. She even wrote "next Wednesday at 36 weeks" in my notes, so I'm sure it was supposed to be today. I was not exactly pleased, as it's a lovely day outside and Arthur and I had to wait in all morning, and he REALLY wanted to go out for a walk. Anyway this midwife I spoke to was so helpful and phoned me back once she'd spoken to somebody else about it. She booked me in for a home visit this Friday (the day after tomorrow), and apologised profusely on the other midwife's behalf. She said Friday is the first day that my midwife is back at work, but that if she couldn't make it, another midwife would visit me for sure. Phew! I started praying today about NOT having this midwife in attendance when I give birth! She is on the community midwives team and I am less and less confident about having her around during the birth, even though she is really nice. I am really praying for some excellent midwives at the birth, especially ones who seem really competent and experienced and just make me feel at ease. And whose personalities match mine nicely :) That would just be ideal, so that's what I'm praying for.
Anyway, so that's that.
I am starting to get a bit more organised this week in preparation for the birth and that. I have finally started actually packing my hospital bag. Well, actually I kind of prefer to call it my "labour" bag because I definitely intend to be using the contents of it at home, not in the hospital! I'll have a postnatal bag too, just in case a transfer is necessary and I'm in hospital for a bit after Matthew is born.
So far I have packed my new TENS machine, which arrived in the post (and it looks fab!), my hand-held spray fan thingy that also arrived from eBay this week, and things like slipper socks and hair clasps, etc. I packed an old nightie to wear during labour/birth, though if I was home I doubt I'd be wearing anything, like last time. The nightie I packed is the same one I was wearing when I gave birth to Arthur :) I packed it with that in mind actually! I feel quite attached to the old thing now! For ages it had a faint stain of birth fluids across the chest area where Arthur was placed on me immediately that he was born, and for some reason I am so so so sad that it has washed out after quite a few washes! I know it sounds gross but I liked that little reminder of his birth on my nightie!
I bought 3 boxes of breastpads, plus I had half a box left over from when I was leaky with Arthur (not actually all that long ago!). I leak like CRAZY when I make milk, so I know I will go through literally hundreds of the things. It's a shame I leak so much milk that washable breastpads don't seem to work for me. I tried two different brands of those when I was leaking with Arthur and just soaked right through them and allll over my T-shirts within an hour, or with one single let-down of milk. The disposable ones worked really well for me all the time, so I guess I'll be sticking with those. But I'll need LOTS! I think I leaked quite heavily with Arthur until only a month or so before I was pregnant with Matthew!
I also packed some disposable knickers and lip balm and bottled water. Just bits and bobs off my list so far. I can't wait to pack the postnatal bag - that's where I get to choose all the tiny clothes to take to put on Matthew when he's really actually HERE in the flesh! This week I have been sorting the newborn baby clothes from the boxes that have been sitting around for a couple of weeks. I have another box to sort, but most of them are done and put away in Matthew's side of the boys' double chest of drawers. I loved doing that, but I found it exhausting for some reason. Matthew has WAY too many clothes. Just as Arthur did! Even when I've taken out all the fleecy wintery stuff, there are just waaaay too many clothes for the couple of weeks he'll fit them! But oh well. They are all so nice that I can't bear to put any away. I like them all in the drawers to choose from anyway!
Matthew also has crazy amounts of tiny baby clothes, a size that he'll probably completely bypass which is a shame! They fit up to 7.5lbs, though Arthur was still in some of them around 8lbs. He was only in them for his first week though, when the newborn clothes seemed to swamp him. And then he was growing out of newborn clothes only a week or so after that! He put on weight mighty fast, as I recall! I guess Matthew will be the same, but you never know, so all the clothes are there just in case. I still need to sort the 0-3 month clothes (there are lots) but the drawers are full so I'm not sure where to put them for now.
We bought Matthew's car seat!!! It's EXACTLY the same as Arthur's! We had originally thought it would be nice to get different colourways/designs in the same car seat for each of our boys, but I did a quick search on eBay to find out what the latest options are (there are soooo many different designs for Concord Ultimax car seats!), and happened to find someone selling a car seat identical to Arthur's, brand new with tags on but obviously put away for a while, since Arthur's design isn't made any more. It was so much cheaper than the brand new ones, and had the option of making a "best offer" on it rather than paying the Buy It Now price. So I made an offer lower than the BIN price, and it was accepted! To make it even better, I found that the seller only lives 2 miles away so I'm going to pick it up and save �15 on postage, either tomorrow or the next day! Yay! So we have the car seat at last, and we're happy with it! It's a permanent fixed car seat, so we won't have a little bucket thingy to carry Matthew out of the car in, but that's fine. I like to hold my babies anyways :)
I also won two teeny tiny cute little sun hats for Matthew at eBay, and they arrived this week too :) I LOVE the postman's visits this week! Some days he doesn't bring anything and I feel disappointed, but then an hour later a Royal Mail van arrives and a man gets out with ARMFULS of packages for me, hehe! Today he was piled up to his chin and there were seven big packages! :) I love mail!
One of the things I got today was another pair of maternity jeans from eBay. I have almost completely outgrown my entire selection of maternity clothes - and I have a crazy amount of them, so that's really saying something! My legs and bum are pretty much stretching out the size 12 stuff now, and I started at a size 10. I bought a bit of size 12 stuff at the end of last pregnancy when I had gained so much weight, but if I still fit any of them now, my bump doesn't. There's only one pair of jeans that fits my legs and bum where the bump panel doesn't hurt my bump from being too tight at maximum stretch! So I need more really. I know I've only got 4 weeks left, but I can't live in one pair of jeans for that long. Plus I probably can't wear jeans that much any more if it's going to get warmer. I have two pairs of shorts that fit my bump though. So anyway, I bid on a pair of lightweight maternity jeans in size 12, hoping they'd be a generous 12! They arrived today and I LOVE them, they're the nicest jeans I have yet! But they are a little bit tight on my thighs, urgh. GREAT on my bump though, so that's a plus. I am bidding on some 3/4 length jeans and a pair of shorts too, so hopefully I'll win those. I just want a bit more variety of things to wear in my last uncomfortable weeks! I was surprised to find when I dug out my shorts and short dungarees, that I have already outgrown most of them in the bum or bump! Yikes! I have plenty of summery tops that fit though, so that's good.
I got 2 breastfeeding tops in the post today as well! They are summery so they'll be great for using to breastfeed my little ones in the first couple of months without having to basically take my whole top off while we have visitors, etc! It was fine when Arthur was tiny and breastfeeding to just lift my top up when people were visiting, but if he wants to nurse when Matthew does now, I'll be pretty exposed! I don't care about that when it's just us or close family, but I am glad to have some more discrete nursing tops to use as well. I'm bidding on some more of those at eBay too. I think I should get a few as I'm sure they'll get used a lot.
I also got my mirror for seeing Matthew in his rear-facing position in the back of the car. I had one for Arthur but it was a bit naff - very tiny and it just suctioned onto the window and came off easily. This one is much larger and attaches securely to the head rest on the back passenger seat. I can't bear not being able to see my little ones at a glance when I'm driving!
We have SO much to do to get the house ready for Matthew's arrival. Just for starters, we need to seriously clean and declutter, just for the homebirth alone! That is no small task as the house is REALLY yucky and untidy. Neil did lots of cleaning in the kitchen yesterday evening (such a star!) because of the midwife coming today, so that's a start. I am praying for nesting to kick in, as it's my only hope for some energy to clean and tidy before the birth! I did have a little more energy 2 days ago though, and tidied a few things and did a LOT of laundry, but yesterday and today I am just exhausted. This week I feel a lot of the time as though I have taken a sleeping pill. I feel so drowsy and heavy and if I close my eyes I have to jerk awake, which isn't like me at all. I just feel deliciously sleepy at all times, and every little sound or sensation that is the slightest bit relaxing makes my eyes start to roll closed! It's soooo weird of me, I am not like that at all with sleep usually. I am wiped out by the time Arthur is in bed, but there's too much to do in the evenings to go to bed early. Also I just NEED some non-"Arthur's Mummy" time in the 24-hour period, more than ever at the moment, so that's the evening really.
I need to set myself a communications day, to try and get some long-overdue emails replied to before it's too late and I never have a moment to do them again!
I haven't had a chance to sew this week, but I hope to get back to that soon. What else? I have been so sensitive and hormonal this week - quite noticably different from a couple of weeks ago. Neil says I seem more sensitive and that everything seems "important" to me, which is his VERY kind way of saying that I'm basically seriously over-reacting about the slightest little thing and making mountains out of molehills! Which is true, it has to be said ;) Tiiiny things that aren't really important are driving me CRAZY if they aren't done right when I want them to be. I get super stressed out and upset about them otherwise.
Arthur is awake, so I'll finish this after he's in bed for the night, this evening. It's another belly photo day (yay, I love those!) so hopefully if Neil can take a photo this evening I'll add it when I finish this entry. Okay, I can hear him getting up. I'll be back later!
Back again to hopefully finish this entry off and post it! It's 9pm and dinner won't be long so I need to hurry up!
Where was I? Oh yes, being sensitive. I got over-tired and stressy about some DIY shopping at the weekend and ended up just crying and crying like it was the end of the world. And not tolerating Arthur's insistent noise and stuff like I normally do. It just sometimes makes me want to pull my own ears/skin off!
Yesterday Arthur and I went to the supermarket, which I was nervous about because I just had SO little physical energy, and I was worried that I wouldn't make it round the supermarket even! In the end I decided we'd go to the one down the road, even though we don't actually like most of their stuff and we never shop there. I just got essentials too. We were almost out of milk so I bought some. That evening, Neil gently pointed out that I had bought TEN pints of whole milk, and no semi-skimmed. We usually need to get 8 pints of semi-skimmed (for us) each time we go food shopping, and 2 pints of whole milk for Arthur. I could have SWORN I got semi-skimmed, in fact I remember actually making sure I reached into the right section and saw the right labels on the cartons and everything. I got all stroppy about it and then went to check in the fridge, and sure enough - all whole milk. Ten pints of whole milk when I already weigh nearly what an elephant does (or something!). So I cried. Because I bought whole milk when I was sure I hadn't, and because I felt all over-sensitive that Neil had pointed out my mistake. I am soooo crazy sensitive at the moment! It must be hormones. All yesterday evening I DID have this physical feeling that my insides ached with tiredness so much that it made me want to cry, almost like it was hard NOT to cry because something was pulling on my achy insides. Weird. So I guess the slightest thing tips me over the edge at the moment! Thank goodness Neil is being so wonderful and understanding!
I have no idea what I weigh at the moment because I haven't weighed myself this week. I guess I'll do that again soon, but it doesn't really matter at this stage, what the scales say. My stretch marks on my hips are itching still, but look unchanged. They aren't even stretched out to their maximum from last time yet. The lighter stretch marks on my bump are different though - so maybe my shape is different to last time at this stage? Maybe it's down to Matthew's position, or the amount of weight I've gained compared with last time, or something? Anyway, my bump stretch marks are beginning to look to me as though they are stretching beyond their previous stretch. It bums me out so much because any more stretching and they'll be all red and raw probably. So far they are bluish-purple, but they are reeeeally taut now, across the entire of my bump from the belly button down. And a tiny bit above my belly button. Poo. My bump is so huge. I still need to get Neil to take my belly pic tonight - I'll do that in a minute.
I had another weird vivid dream a few days ago - another one about getting married! This one and the last one I had about getting married are unique in that they have both stuck SO clearly in my head, and I've always found in the past that dreams that stick that clearly usually mean something significant. Also, isn't dreaming about getting married supposed to be more to do with having children?! I think I read that somewhere. Maybe not. Anyway, this time the dream was still about getting RE-married to Neil and I was pregnant with Matthew and had Arthur already, but the main feature that was so emotional in this particular dream was how nobody seemed to be around to help me with important stuff on my wedding day. Also the church was double booked several times over, so we seemed to be having a joint wedding with seven other couples and a ton of everyone's guests packed into the same service! Everyone seemed to think this was a great solution, but I was so upset and disappointed because it was supposed to be special and the focus was meant to be on US that day, not lots of different people. And I felt hurt that nobody seemed to see that I felt that way or think it was important. And when it was time to get in my wedding dress and stuff, nobody was there. My mum was somewhere else and my bridesmaids seemed to be busy doing something-or-other at the church. I just felt let down and unhappy the whole dream :( I don't know what it's about. I guess the wedding thing is a big life-change, and it's obviously about something I've already done once (being a re-marriage dream), which would definitely relate to having a second baby. But I don't know what the focus is representing - maybe a fear that I won't get the help I am anxious about getting with two little ones in the early days/weeks/months? Actually, I AM super anxious about coping in those early months at the moment. I DO feel like nobody is really going to be around to support me. Neil will be back at work and can only do so much, and we have NO family around here at all. Well, my grandparents. But they are very elderly and not on our doorstep either. And my brother and his Sarah are always so busy with work and stuff.
We visited them at the weekend - they lent me the angle-poise lamp again for the homebirth! :) Anyway, Sarah said we must ask if there's anything we can think of that they could help with. She said if we don't ask then they won't know what to offer, but they'd like to help. I still feel kind of funny about asking since I KNOW they are always so snowed under with work and don't get much chance to spend time together, etc. But one thing did occur to me. If I go into labour before May 31st (ie before 39 weeks, which is what I will be on May 31st!), Mummy will still be in France and it will just be Neil and I in the house with Arthur for the birth! I am getting scared about that possibility, because I am sure we wouldn't manage it all without a third adult there to help support me or look after Arthur. So we are wondering about asking Sarah if she could step in if that happens. I am actually not that crazy about having ANYONE with me during labour other than Neil and my mum, but I will go insane with worry over it if I don't have a back-up in my head, just in case. And I can't think of anyone else. We just don't have any close friends or family at all around here. Arthur doesn't know any other adults well enough anyway. Neil would be doing most of his care during my labour if Sarah was with us, but at least I would have someone to support me. It would be FAR from ideal, but I need the security of having that "Plan B". It would be even worse if we had to go into hospital for the birth, as we'd have to leave Arthur with someone, and there is absolutely and totally NO-ONE that we would consider leaving Arthur with. He has never been without us, and we don't intend him to be without us and upset about it for the first time as his baby brother is born! I hope and pray that won't happen, because I'm only just realising how devastating that could be to Arthur and how long lasting the effects might be. I also have NO idea who we could call on to watch him. None whatsoever. I really NEED to have my homebirth, and to hang in there till somewhere between 39 and 41 weeks, since that's when Mummy will be here! I feel all stressy that she's only coming for 2 weeks when we are absolutely buggered without her and birth could happen at any time over pretty much a 4-week window, but there we go. I guess I am lucky she's coming for that long at all, given that she will have to be staying with family and living out of a suitcase! But it stresses me out. Maybe that really does explain my dream?!
Anyway, we are thinking on it a little more, but we think perhaps I will ask Sarah if she'd mind standing in - maybe when I reach 37 weeks. Then there will only be 2 weeks to go till Mummy arrives. Three weeks from today. It can't come fast enough for me! I'll only feel truly settled and ready to give birth once I know she's in the country! I hope I don't go too far past my due date as she'll go home again or something! But I do neeeed to wait till June.
I can't think of what else I wanted to say this entry. My brain has gone full of soup, so I think I'll stop and TRY to update sooner than next Wednesday this time! I totally mean to update much more frequently than every time I reach a new week of pregnancy, but the time just goes. This is the first week in a while that has felt a bit more slow though. Every time I think, "what day of week 35 am I on today?!" it's only one day since I last wondered that. Up until now, every time I thought that, a few days would have passed. I hope it won't slow down any more than this! It's just getting rather uncomfy so normal speed would be good! Okay I'm going to get Neil to take my belly pic and then I'll get this entry posted.
Ohhh but I almost forgot Matthew's stats for 36 weeks!!! He is now over 18.5 inches long - just two inches shorter than Arthur was at birth! And according to Babycenter's chart for two weeks ahead (since that's what I reckon he'll be as I'm measuring that far ahead all the time and Arthur was 2 weeks ahead, weight-wise too), he should now weight 6lbs 10oz!! Wow. I had no idea last pregnancy that this is what Arthur weighed at this stage! I thought he would be on the small side of average, since I am little and Neil and I were both 5lbs something at birth. Little did I know he was already heading for 7lbs at 36 weeks! He was born weighing almost exactly 2 weeks ahead on the Babycenter chart too - 8lbs 1.5oz :) I'm sure Matthew won't be lighter than that.
Matthew is really active still. He hurts me with the strength and SIZE of his movements sometimes! When he really pushes his limbs about, it's so strong and forceful and there is no room in there so his movements force my tummy into scary shapes, and it's reeeally uncomfortable! He hates to be pressed on in any way and squirms a lot then. He gets hiccups many times a day, just like Arthur did - sometimes 5 times or more, other times I only notice 3 or so, but never less than that. His hiccups feel like very strong jerks now, rather than cute little blips! My Braxton Hicks contractions continue to be strong and occur pretty frequently. I can't bear anything against my bump when I get one, and even sometimes feel like pushing Arthur away from me when I get one, which I don't like the feeling of, but it's just toooo uncomfy if he's leaning on my bump or using it as an aid to push himself to standing! Some of my Braxton Hicks are painful enough to breathe through, but mainly just the extreme tightness of them rather than actual cramping pain.
Oh, and I can't remember if I said I had bought a Kozy carrier? I bought one second hand from thebabywearer.com! Then this week, after a ton of research, I decided to look for a Hotsling in size 3 - I HOPE I have sized myself correctly! And I found one quickly at thebabywearer.com again, as new and in a soft sage coloured lightweight fabric with slight stretch - exactly the one I would have picked out new at the Hotsling site! So it's coming from the States soon :) I hope it will be a good fit, because I really want to use it in the early weeks to cradle-hold and breastfeed Matthew hands-free while I play with Arthur or go out for walks with him as normally as possible. I was going to sew a similar style sling, and I have fabric for that so maybe I still will, but I'm glad to have all the slings I want for now, all the same! Yay!
Okay Neil just took my belly pic. My bump is definitely filling out more upwards these days - it certainly can't stretch FORWARDS any more, my skin won't do it! It seems to me that my bump looks neater than it feels. I feel absolutely filled to capacity with baby now! I'll post it in the belly gallery right after I post this entry.
Thanks so much for the lovely guestbook messages and notes again! I always love to read them and I really appreciate everyone's love and support here at my diary! xx
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