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2006-06-29 - 11.45pm��previous entry��next entry
15 days old - colic and growing and things!
Getting so behind here! Five days since my last entry - that's a whole third of Matthew's life so far! It's late evening and I really should not be on the computer at all, but I just had to quickly update on a few things before it gets to be old news and I miss a whole chunk of my tiny boy's newborn-ness in my "records"!
First of all, I absolutely have to say thank you SO much to Meg for sending a very exciting package addressed to Arthur and Matthew!! Their first joint mail! :) I should thank you in an email, Meg, but me and emails at the moment... ugh! Neil went back to work today and somehow I don't see myself getting to emails any time soon! But thank you so so much for the train! Arthur plays with it such a lot already:
I know Matthew will love it too! Their cousin, Ella, visted yesterday (the one who shares a birthday with Matthew - born exactly one year before him!), and she was very taken with the train too :)
Okay, what news here?
Matthew has colic. Reeeal colic, nothing like Arthur had. Arthur was fussy sometimes of an evening, but it was variable and even though it was sometimes hard, I never called it colic, as I read that real colic was really obvious! Matthew's colic started fairly suddenly at about 9 or 10 days old. It has been really hard to cope with sometimes, physically and emotionally. It also eats up any time left in the 24 hour period that isn't already used by breastfeeding, sleeping and looking after tiny people! Eating is not always easy to fit in, but I am still managing a good intake somehow. Things are a bit better at the moment anyway.
Right from the start of it, I could tell that Matthew's colic was not "fussy" colic. I knew he was in pain - actually it was really obvious. He spent every evening screaming in pain for 3 hours straight, and there was absolutely NOTHING we could do about it. We tried every way of holding him possible, the vibratey thing on his chair, breastfeeding (lots of breastfeeding = LOTS of emptying of overfilled tummy all over everything). We danced, shhed, rocked, jiggled, walked. We bought dummies (pacifiers) and he sucked our fingers. He hasn't taken to dummies except once when he seemed soothed by it for a while - which I'm quite glad about in a way because I didn't want to use them. But the worst part of it wasn't the crying so much as seeing him in obvious pain (and no small amount, by his body language) and not being able to make it better for him at all :( It just broke my heart. He only stopped crying after 3 hours or so because he was thoroughly exhausted. He looked just like a little old man at those times and even had big bags under his eyes. My poor lovey.
He started having colicky episodes outside of the evenings as well, daytimes and worst of all, a patch from midnight to 2.30am which was just exhausting for Neil and I. We always both took part in trying to soothe Matthew when he was colicky like that. It was just so awful to have to watch him :(
Anyway, after a couple of days, he started getting green mucousy poo, especially right after several hours of painful crying. He still had normal yellow breastmilk poo at other times though. A day after that we noticed a "red ring" rash on his bottom. To me it looked VERY obvious that he was reacting to something I was eating. I researched online and in my Dr. Sears books and found a list of foods that are the most common culprits. Top on the list was cow's milk. Dairy was high on the list too, but cow's milk specifically topped the list. So I stopped drinking it 3 days ago and Matthew stopped having colic about 48 hours ago. I am just SO glad to have got onto that so quickly and to have found the culprit so fast as well! It's SUCH a relief to see him relaxed and alert as normal or sleeping peacefully during the times when he had been previously screaming in pain for hours. I love milk and I'll miss it like crazy, but I am absolutely willing to do without it if it means my sweet tiny man gets to be pain-free. I am still eating cheese and yoghurt so I'm getting calcium. The health visitor is worried I'm not getting ENOUGH calcium, especially since I'm breastfeeding two, so I'm taking my prenatal vitamins too. Maybe I should take extra calcium on top of that? I'm not sure. Anyway.
The only thing is, Matthew has seemed a little colicky this evening, and his body language has told me he is hurting, but he hasn't cried so painfully or so inconsolably for so long as before I gave up milk. He still has a rash on his bottom but no more green mucousy poos, so I'm not sure what to make of it. I ate chocolate today, and two glasses of fruit juice, so maybe it's one of those as well as milk? I HOPE it's not chocolate! I don't know how I'll cope without that! But I'd do it a thousand times over if it was necessary. I love my tiny boy so much!!! His gut should mature at around 4 months old so I can try milk again at that time and hopefully he'll be fine.
Sooo the last 5 or 6 days have felt like a LONG time and have been quite difficult. Thank goodness Neil has been off work during that time, and that we figured out the main problem in time for Neil to go back to work!
Neil's first day back at work was today. I was really anxious about being on my own with my two little boys under two! I just felt scared to run out of energy and feel dreadful and not be able to look after them at all. Or else that they would both desperately need me for things at the same time and I wouldn't be able to give them what they needed and they'd be scarred for life or something! ;) I was really dreading it anyway, and more anxious than I had expected to be over it. I am not getting much sleep at night so I didn't know how on earth I could possibly have the energy to get through the day, even WITHOUT having any children to look after!
But it went much better than I expected. Neil took Arthur for a short walk before he went to work, and again when he got home from work - just around the local streets. I knew I wouldn't be able to go out with them today as I'm just so knackered and haven't mastered the juggling act that is necessary for going out with my two little ones yet! I only went out for the first time since before having Matthew the day before yesterday! We went out as a family for the first time, to Joshua's 2nd birthday party. It was at the park and a really lovely afternoon. Arthur ran and ran and RAN till he was out of breath and then ran some more! He went on the swings and the slide and seemed so excited to show me everything, as he's been there lots of times before with Neil, but never with me before. He seemed so delighted that I was there, bless him! It was lovely to see our sweet friends Gordon and Katie (Joshua's parents) and their tiny new baby girl! She is sooo much smaller than Matthew, though she was due just after him and born two weeks before him! Gordon embarrassed us to pieces by making an annoucement in front of all the parents there (most of whom we had never met before), introducing us and announcing that Neil delivered our baby! Everyone made appropriate noises and Neil was very modest, but I was glad that lots of the other mums came and chatted to me about my labour and stuff, rather than wowing about Neil doing the delivery!
I wore Matthew in my new Hotsling and he was asleep within seconds of me putting him in it and starting to walk. He stayed asleep the entire time we were out, only waking INCREDIBLY dopey as I took him out to put him in the car seat to come home. So I think he slept in there for maybe 2 or 3 hours. He was very cosy and I found it pretty comfortable. I definitely have the right size, which is a relief. When I tried him in the Hotsling the first time, he didn't seem to fit in it right and seemed uncomfy in there, but I got some great advice about how he might just be too tiny for it right now, and people suggested folding a terry towel at the bottom before putting him in on top, and that worked a treat! Gordon took a photo of us as a family (the first one ever!) and he said he'll email it to me so I'll post it when he does.
I was surprised to find that I could barely walk back to the car at the end of the afternoon though. It wasn't all that far, but I just could barely stand, I just felt so physically exhausted. My pelvis started to hurt more and more with each step I took, right in the middle, back and front - my tailbone and my pubic bone. I had to keep stopping to rest, and every step became a conscious effort. That evening I felt really quite ill, the way you do when you are unfit and you seriously overdo it at the gym or something. I guess I am still recovering from the birth or something. Or maybe I am anaemic? I don't know. I tire very easily, that's all, and physically I can't manage very much in the way of exercise. So I am not up to going out for walks with Arthur yet, but some short walks would do me good pretty soon I think. So Neil walked with Arthur before and after work today, because Arthur goes stir crazy if he doesn't get out of the house and burn off a little energy at least twice a day! He is so energetic.
So today went okay. The boys' sleep happened to work out well, which was a relief, but it could quite easily NOT work out well another day, and I'm not sure what I'll do with them then! Arthur is FULLY dependent on me to go to sleep for his nap. If I can't help him go to sleep, he won't be able to nap. In hindsight, I wish I had worked on this with him long before Matthew came along, but on the other hand, I'm really happy that he is still being breastfed to sleep for his naps and doesn't know any different. He's ONLY 19 months old - still a baby in many ways. But gosh it does make it a harder job for me now!
Anyway, thankfully I nursed Matthew and burped him and changed him and nursed him and so on until he happened to be sleepy and contented in his bouncy chair at around 10.45am - perfect timing for Arthur's nap. The moment I could see that Matthew was happy to sit in his bouncy chair for a few minutes, I grabbed Arthur and dashed upstairs with him (literally!), and breastfed him in his bed till he fell asleep. He was tired and went off within about 5 or 10 minutes, and then I came back downstairs to Matthew who wasn't quite so contented any longer, and spent about 30 minutes walking him and rocking him and so on till he fell asleep. Arthur ended up sleeping just over an hour (very good for him!) and so I had a tiny window where I felt victorious about the fact that I was on my own and both my little ones were asleep with my help, at the right time! :)
Matthew slept two blocks of about 3 hours in his bouncy chair today, so that enabled me to give Arthur both his lunch and his tea without Matthew needing me during those times. It will be harder to do when Matthew is awake during Arthur's meal times. When Matthew is awake, he pretty much needs me completely until he's asleep again, so I think it would be very hard to manage if he didn't sleep so much right now! I know he'll gradually sleep less during the day, but at least he will also get more alert and interested in things during his awake times, and I can let him play with things while I deal with Arthur.
I did get to eat my own lunch, but I had to prepare it with Matthew screaming in the Baby Bjorn on my front, and eat it rather haphazardly at an awkward angle, whilst breastfeeding Matthew on the sofa! But at least I ate, and at lunchtime too! I have managed to drink a fairly okayish quantity of fluids, so that's something.
I have changed what feels like 50 thousand nappies today, hehe! I lost count of the amount of pooey ones there were too! Arthur did two... Matthew did lots. I did a load of laundry and Arthur and I sorted the tumble drying load. I did playdough and drawing with Arthur while Matthew was asleep. I feel like I have been breastfeeding MOST of the day, just switching from one lil man to the other! The only incident was when I was changing Matthew's nappy on the changing mat on the floor, and Arthur was on his car (it's a sit-on car that you push along with your feet). I hate that car. It's cheap and nasty and not even all that safe, considering it's a child's toy! He stopped near the changing mat with me going on and on about how he must be careful around Matthew, etc, and leaned back in the seat. The stupid car tipped back and he thumped down on his back and then he and the car fell sideways ONTO Matthew on the changing mat. My absolute instinct was one of protection towards Matthew, not Arthur. I knew Arthur was hurt too, and they were both crying. Matthew had a red mark on his arm where the car landed on him, and I think Arthur bumped him on the head as he fell on him, but I couldn't see any marks or swellings there. I felt so bad for Arthur. My overwhelming, uncontrollable instinct was to physically shove Arthur and the car out of the way of my newborn baby, and then sweep my tiny one up in my arms to comfort him and check him over for injuries. The rest of my brain knew that Arthur needed me, and heard him crying and asking me to comfort him too, but - I hate even writing this - I just said no, until I knew Matthew was okay. I just made him wait. In the end Matthew calmed down and I put him in the bouncy chair to tend to Arthur, but I felt so sad that by then, Arthur had already had to get over his pain and crying by himself and was already starting to play with his toy cars on his own :( He still had tears all over his face and I felt so terrible that my little 19-month-old had been literally shoved aside when he needed Mummy, never mind the reason why, it's just awful for him :( Anyway I offered him cuddles and Mummy milk, and he stopped playing straight away and came over. While he was breastfeeding I talked to him about what happened and told him I was sorry he got hurt and that Mummy didn't cuddle him straight away. But I feel so bad. Initially I had even felt angry with him for hurting Matthew, and I think I even told him he had hurt Matthew :( Even though it was an accident. Poor poor Arthur. It's so hard having such a fierce protective instinct towards TWO children, because such a fierce emotion can only focus on one child at a time, even when both of them need you. Urgh.
But anyway. The rest of the day went fine, which was a relief! Arthur was asleep by 7.30pm and Matthew is asleep in the cot bed behind me - see?...
It's hot, that's why he's only in a vest and nappy. Isn't he getting big?! He's growing so wonderfully. The midwife came today and discharged us after a very short visit! She felt my tummy and checked my stitches and pronounced both to be doing great. Matthew was asleep at the time, and she didn't want to disturb him, but she checked that he had regained his birthweight from the records the midwives have made over the last two weeks. He is doing so well! The health visitor came two days ago (13 days old) and weighed Matthew, and he was 8lbs 8.5oz!!!! She was SO impressed, as she told me that lots of the babies she visits at that age are just above or just below their birth weight. He had previously been weighed a week before, so he has gained another 10.5oz in that week! She measured him and he is 3cm longer than he was at birth, so he's growing really well. She had forgotten her tape measure for doing his head circumference, so she'll do that next time she visits (in a couple of weeks).
When I told the midwife what he weighed when the health visitor came round, she was really pleased. She asked me how often he was feeding and I said I didn't know because I was demand feeding. She asked roughly how many times he fed in 24 hours and I still had no idea but I guessed maybe 10 times or something like that. She said that was wonderful and that I was a good mum :) It was a lovely appointment!
Matthew is still quite red but his colour has started to change - the redness seems a bit less now. His eyes are lightening up a little bit and are soooo blue! I am really happy about that! Not that I especially wanted children with specific eye colours, but I just like the variety with Arthur's being brown. Matthew has no other colours, no greys, no rings, no patches, like Arthur's do. Just clear blue. They started out dark like newborn's eyes do, and I expect they'll stay dark blue for a while, but I'm happy to see the colour getting a little lighter already. I still can't WAIT to see what his hair colour will be!
What else before I fall into bed? Matthew has a tiny sacral dimple, at the bottom of his spine. The health visitor says it's so tiny that it's nothing to worry about, but we just needed to know it's there so that we can keep it clean. It's hard to clean properly but I'm glad it's nothing worrisome. He is so strong already! While the health visitor was chatting to Neil and I about something, Matthew lifted his head and she stopped mid-sentence saying, "EXCUSE me, but look at that boy lifting his head like that!" hehe! She was really impressed with his strong neck :) If I lay him tummy down on my front (lying back on the sofa), he lifts his head and shoulders and the top half of his chest to look around. He is also regularly turning onto his side from his back in the night, while he's asleep. Last night he turned from his back to his TUMMY, which, hmmm... not sure I feel happy about that one! He slept on his tummy for about an hour last night because that's where he turned himself to while we were asleep, yikes! He just rolls up onto his side and then rolls forward onto his tummy. He likes being on his tummy and sleeps really peacefully there, but I get scared about it so I wish he wouldn't!
He also found his thumb while the health visitor was here. He lay in my arms sucking it contentedly! I think it must have been a fluke because he isn't old enough to have the co-ordination to find his thumb yet. I think it must have just happened to find its way into his mouth! He does love to suck for comfort, like Arthur did, and roots a lot even when he's full of milk. He gets a bit frantic and anxious when he isn't sucking something. Yesterday he was in his bouncy chair and I heard this squelchy noise and looked over at him, and he was sucking his thumb again, but with his hand upside down :) He wasn't happy when he lost it and couldn't find it again! Here he is sucking his thumb in the bouncy chair yesterday:
I can't believe he's two weeks old already! Time is just going to pass way too fast, I can tell. I already miss pregnancy and in the back of my mind I am already looking forward to the exciting time of being pregnant again and having the experience of giving birth again and getting to know another precious brand new little person like I am so blessed to be doing with Matthew right now. I think Arthur was 4 weeks old when I started missing pregnancy and looking forward to doing it again, so I guess I'm even earlier this time, lol! I just love having babies. If only I could cope with the actual RAISING of the children a bit better (!!) then I don't know how I'd ever stop having them. Actually, I really DON'T know how I'll ever stop having children! I love it so much. I can't imagine thinking that this is my last pregnancy and that I'll never have this experience again, it would just break me up inside. Anyway, I will try to put it out of my mind for a GOOD while now! I am sure that with tandem feeding, my periods won't return for ages. With Arthur, even though I was exclusively breastfeeding till he was 8 months old, I got my periods back (including ovulation) at 5 months postpartum, so anything is possible I suppose. I love that my children are spaced by real natural family planning! The first cycle that I had that was capable of supporting a pregnancy is the one that Matthew was conceived on. I think I gave it a nudge with the Vitamin B6 supplements though ;) But anyway!
Okay it's late and I'm definitely starting to waffle. Tomorrow Neil has taken the afternoon off so we can all go to the Registry Office and register Matthew's birth. I'm excited! I never registered a home birth before. I can't wait to see what it says for Place of Birth on his birth certificate :) I mean, obviously I guess it will just have our address, but I feel excited about seeing that all the same! Plus, yay - only half a day to manage on my own, and then it's WEEKEND!!!! Hideously hot and humid weekend, but weekend all the same :)
I will try to update again soon and take more photos to post too. I ordered the birth announcements and I'm waiting for them to arrive in the post - very exciting! I'll try and post the proof here next entry so you can see it. Okay, back soon I hope!
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